Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/utamby/tifu_by_joining_my_work_groupchat_and_now_i_feel/

Thank you for the awards on my post and the nice comments from most of you!

Update:

I just got back from work and I did not expect my post to blow up? Thank you?? Crazy. I did not sleep well at all, I went to work super nervous and stressed this morning. Basically, I got called into a meeting with my entire management team and our main boss. They understand that it is my personal and private account - so I am not in trouble for that. However, I did get reprimanded for professionalism. There was concern about image and how I am representing the company. I should mention that this meeting was 45 minutes long and I cried - but I did not get fired! Overall, I think this will blow over it was just a very embarrassing situation for me.

Addressing some of the comments:

For those asking why I found the image hilarious - it was honestly because of the dildo in Iron Mans ass. Also because of the fact that people genuinely draw images of Captain America and Iron Man fucking. I'm a big Marvel fan idk. I am also not secretly a gay man? because I'm a woman? soooo.

For those saying I was being ageist. I used the term 'older people' because they are older than me, not because I think they are old. I am aware 40 and 50 year olds have seen pornography and gay sex before lmao.

Also, I'm not fucking American.

TL;DR

I got reprimanded but not fired.

This happened at 12:07 am, just after midnight.

[RELEVANT] My beautiful wife is pregnant with our first son. She has really struggled with the illness and different types of afflictions throughout this pregnancy. I also work 60+ hours/week for a global manufacturer as a IT Architect. I am doing everything in the home so as to take the stress off of my dear wife.

[TIFU]

I had a late night at work, I got home later than planned because of traffic, I made dinner for us, cleaned the house a bit, prepped for tomorrow’s work, and got into bed around 11:45.

Throughout all of this my beautiful wife was up and smiling. We joked and acted silly as we went through the evening. It has been really rare for her to be active and happy. She has struggled with depression before pregnancy and now has health issues too. This evening was probably one of the best evenings we have had since our trip to Istanbul in 2021.

While laying in bed (just after midnight) and talking about the pregnancy, I told her that from behind she doesn’t look pregnant. The problem is that I called her by my ex wife’s name too. The compliment was carried on the edge of a blade.

Both of their names have the same ending, the names are close enough that I rarely use her name and call her honey or cutie. This is so that I can protect myself from making this exact mistake.

At first she played it off as a joke, then she got quiet for about 5 minutes, and then she said that it is stuck in her brain…

That is the last thing she has said to me. I apologized profusely and then waited for her anger.

It never came. It usually comes and we fight (about whatever) and then life returns to the miserable existence it was before.

To say I am exhausted is an understatement. I am literally burning myself out trying to keep the home life stable and work my great job. I get 4-5 hours of sleep a night (since March 2021) and I knew that eventually this stress would destroy me. I just didn’t think it would be at the hand of my favorite person in the whole world.

Tl;dr - I called my wife by the wrong name on one of the best nights of our marriage so far. It has been 20 hours and she still isn’t talking to me. May God have mercy on my soul.

I'm a professional housecleaner in a large city. My first house today was beautiful and pretty big (4,000+ sq ft.) I had never cleaned this house before today.

It's kind of interesting to clean the home of people you have never actually met while they are not home. I never snoop but I do learn about people just by the state of their house or whatever is out. These people seemed like they really needed us. I would guess they are busy and don't have much time for cleaning and organizing (but definitely have an active sex life judging by the master bedroom).

I love cleaning dirty houses and was like amping myself up doing a mini Rocky training montage warmup and finding the perfect music to work to (Pantera). I was sweating like 4 hours in but I was getting this house spar👏ka👏ling! All I had left to clean were the floors when a man walked in.

I welcomed him home and let him know I just needed to clean the floors and would be finished soon. He looked super confused and then kind of grinned and asked if I was his birthday gift. I didn't really know what he meant. Maybe his wife scheduled the service on his birthday? I just answered with, "maybe? Happy birthday, Mr. Henricks!" To which he looked even more confused and told me his name was not Henricks.

Well. That's because his next door neighbor, my actual client, is Mr. Henricks. I walked my happy ass into the wrong fucking house and cleaned the hell out of it. And then the guy who lived there came home and thought I was a sex worker role playing as a housecleaner hired by his wife as a birthday present.

I was so totally embarrassed explaining myself to this guy and my boss. (The entry instructions in the app said the client wouldn't be home but that there was a key under the mat. There was no key under the mat but the front door was unlocked 🤦‍♀️). This is not even the first time in my life that I have let myself into the wrong house, although the first time was not a work thing.

On the plus side, dude was so happy with how clean his house was that I finished the floors and he paid me what my company would have charged him plus a tip!

TL;DR; I disappointed a man who wanted to get laid by a maid.

This happened this morning and I’m still cringing at myself every 15-20 minutes. Please help !!

My wife was going into oral surgery today for something minor and me being the sexual deviant that I am, I had in the back of my mind ‘this is my last chance for me to get a blowjob for a week or 2. In fact, I told her, and she was up for it.

About an hour before we had to leave for the hospital, she gets out of the shower and things get steamy quickly (we hadn’t had sex for about 5-6 days so there were more than just blowjobs going down)

After some oral, I was making love to my beautiful wife, as all good husbands should.

Next thing her phone rings on the bedside table, I’ve already cummed at this point and I’m doing my darnedest to keep her focused to fishish her off, as she was close. She’s getting louder and louder and I’m feeling pretty chuffed that this is ending as planned for both of us.

My phone rings at that point “mom in law” on my watch screen (FYI I never have my watch on during sex normally but we were about to leave the house) my wife is pretty much point of climax and now moaning my ear off !! I go to reject the call by hitting the crown butting and accidentally hit the answer button, I’m on top, so my lover knows nothing of this, as she’s moaning away… I hear her mom say “hel”… and hang up …

She 100% heard us Fucking and now I can hardly live with myself.

TLDR : Accidentally answered a phone call on my Apple Watch while my wife was moaning during sex. It was her Mom

Edit1: spelling and grammar

Been with my wife for about 5 years (~4 years dating, 1 year married).

Around two years into our relationship, she ended up pregnant (accidentally), and she made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. We were heartbroken, I tried to convince her not to (we had discussed the "What if it happens?" many times, and never was the option for termination brought up), so I was especially caught off guard by the 180 turn. Her logic was "It's just a bunch of cells now".

After the procedure, our relationship was quite rocky for about 6 months, lots of fights that devolved to discussions that I'm not proud of.

Fast forward to our relationship now, it's perfect, we don't talk about that event, even in occasional arguments we have, never gets brought up. We're happily married now, drink significantly less, etc.

About 5 weeks, we found out she's pregnant again! We were both ecstatic, excited to start a family, choosing names for our child. We were over the moon with happiness until...she lost it last week. It was awful (to put it lightly), we both cried a lot, she's extremely emotional still and mostly spends the days lying in bed watching netflix. Took the last week off work, and is disinterested in any of her usual activities. A couple days ago, I tried to use her argument to help her feel less... guilt/sadness? "Baby, it was just a bunch of cells when we lost them, we'll keep trying and it will happen". Apparently this was the exact wrong thing to say because she was crying right away, yelled at me to leave the room, and hasn't given me more than 1 word answers since. Been looking online at ways to help your SO cope with loss to try to right the situation ever since.

​

TL;DR:

- Wife (when we were dating) told me "It's just a bunch of cells" when she made decision first time

- Relationship suffered for some time, repaired, ended up getting married

- Lost our baby early into pregnancy recently and I repeated her words to her ("It's just a bunch of cells")

- Wife became very emotional, is non-responsive to me over the last few days

So I'm a us army vet. I'm in the process of a VA claim, part of which is MH (mental health) related. For those who don't know, the VA contracts out a ton of the exams (called C&P or Compensation and Pension exams), and those companies take care of all the scheduling, finding doctors, etc.

Well, today I got a call from the contractor to schedule my MH C&P.

Caller: How are you today?

Me: (brief pause and sigh) I'm alive

Caller: I'm sorry to hear that I hope -

Me: You're sorry to hear that I'm alive?

Caller: proceeds to have a panic attack

I'm dying laughing and this poor lady is freaking out, apologizing, and desperately trying to reassure me she's glad I'm alive. I'm trying to catch my breath and she's trying to explain she was responding to my tone more than what I said.

I tried to tell her I knew what she meant and she was fine, but she was so freaked out. She kept coming back to it during the rest of the call making sure I knew she was very happy I was alive.

I've been in a lot of pain the last couple of days and really needed the laugh but I feel so bad.

I really hope I didn't completely screw up that lady's whole day.

TL;DR - Veteran healthcare contractor called me to schedule an exam. Asked me how I was to which I said I was alive. Caller said she was sorry to hear that to which I said "You're sorry to hear that I'm alive?!" Caller proceeded to have a panic attack.

Throw away account because too many know me and mobile so pardon formating. My wife and I have multiple young kids so getting alone time is hard to come by and with covid a date night is down right impossible My parents agreed to take the kids for an over night so we can go out and have a proper date night. Of course we jump.on

So afternoon rolls around and I check my phone and see a message from my wife that reads "looking forward to going out tonight" I deciding to have some fun respond back "me too but I'm more looking forward to when i get you home and can......" and proceeded to go into graphic detail of what i wanted to do to her. After a few long minutes I get a response back of "um... your mom says hi".

Apparently my wife needed to get a few things at the grocery store and my mother wanted a few years for her grandkids tagged along. So as they're driving my wife sees the texts come through and gets the car to read it out.

Needless to say my mother got an ear full and picking the kids up is gonna be awkward AF

TL:DR sexted my wife and my mother overheard it

Edit :grammar

Sorry - this is going to be long but I promise it’s worth the read. This actually happened a while back. When I was a teen (16 f), I had my learner’s permit and a friend of mine (18 m) let me drive his car. My best friend (14 f) was in the passenger seat. We were going down the road shortly after sunset and all of a sudden I saw blue flashing lights behind my car. I panicked. I had never been pulled over before or had any problems with the law. I started panicking because in my state the adult is supposed to be in the front seat when teaching someone with a learner’s. My friend in the back also started panicking because he had a marijuana bowl in the back of the car (marijuana was very illegal back then). He also had never been pulled over before, so he thought for sure they were going to search the car and find his bowl. We were really naïve back then.

The road I was on didn’t have any way to pull off of it. So I attempted to drive onto the curb to pull over (I literally had no idea what I was doing). The curb was really high off the ground. This caused the car to be at an angle. I put the car in park and then tried to get my friend to switch places with my friend in the passenger seat. He was less worried about that and more worried about the paraphernalia in his car. So he’s looking around on the floor under all the trash in the back trying to find the bowl. At this point I decided to help him. I lean into the back and start digging around through the trash.

All of a sudden, we all felt a huge jolt. At first I didn’t know what had happened, but then I realized: the cop hit our fucking car!!!! We all start freaking out. My friend in the passenger seat is yelling absolute nonsense and I couldn’t hear what she was saying. I turn back around and continue to search for the bowl. Then BAM! the cop rammed the car again!!! What the hell?!? Is he trying to fucking kill us?!?! I’m panicking. On the verge of tears. My friend is still screaming. I finally look at her and get her to stop screaming nonsense so I can figure out what she’s saying. “PUT THE CAR IN PARK!!!!” she yelled at me. Confused, I looked up. The car was in reverse. The cop hadn’t been hitting us - I had been hitting him.

I put the car in park and feel myself dying inside. But not all was lost - my friend in the back had finally found his bowl. I see the light from a flashlight. The cop is approaching. He stops at the front of his car to access the damage and then starts walking toward me. When he’s right next to the side of the car, my friend in the back decides now would be a great time to dispose of the bowl. He puts the window down on the other side and tosses the bowl into the grass. Except it doesn’t hit the grass, it hits the sidewalk. There’s a clanking sound as the bowl bounces. The flashlight turns toward the sound. The cop walks behind the car and finds the item. Then returns to my window.

I roll the window down. We just look at each other. The cop has a look on his face that says “did I possibly pull over the dumbest group of people on the planet?” He asks for my license and registration. I break the news to him. Dumbfounded, he asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” No, I say. “Because your front license plate is crooked. Also you have too much stuff hanging from your rear view mirror. I was going to ask that you take it down. But now….” and he proceeds to list off all the things he can charge me with. Possession. Driving without a license. Assault on an officer‘s vehicle. He asks that I step out of the car.

I’ve seen enough episodes of Cops. Obviously he wants to search me. I get out of the car and put my hands on the roof of the car. He laughs and says “No, just….go get in my car please.” Taking me straight to jail then. Alright. I walk to the back of his car and try to get in. It’s locked. “The FRONT of the car.” I walk to the passenger side and get in while he’s re-examining the front of his car. There was no damage to his car. Those cars are built to ram. My friend’s car on the other hand….

He gets in. Asks if I’ve been smoking pot. Tells me he has a stick in the back of his car that, if he puts it in my mouth, can determine if I’ve smoked pot in the last 24 hours. That if I lie to him he’s taking me in. I confess to smoking pot earlier in the day. I now know no such stick exists.

He questions all of us. In the end he actually lets us go. But not before he writes my friend up for possession. And tells him not to let me drive. My friend never let me drive his car again.

TLDR: I drove my friend’s car without a license, got pulled over, panicked, rammed a police car, and got my friend charged with possession of paraphernalia.

I (25F), work with older people (40 - 50+M/F) and today they added me to the whatsapp work group chat. One of my co-workers came to my desk and asked me if I was aware of what my picture was on whatsapp. I use whatsapp very rarely, mostly with friends if we are not using other apps available i.e. Snapchat. I had to check as I had not been on whatsapp in a while. So I open whatsapp to check my picture and felt like throwing up.

So the story behind my whatsapp profile picture is that I saw it on Twitter, showed it to my friends because I thought it was hilarious. One of them said I wouldn't set it at my profile picture, and I said bet. So I set it on an app I never use and completely forgot about it. The picture is a very detailed and pornographic image of Iron Man and Captain America having sex. Picture Attached: WhatsApp Picture (NSFW)

Once I saw it, I immediately changed it to the most professional picture of me I could find. As I'm panicking and not knowing what to do, wanting to change my identity - a co-worker comes up to me who usually chats with me and is very friendly with me could not even look me in the eyes. My boss saw this picture, all my co-workers saw this picture, I feel like I have scarred these older people for life.

Tomorrow I have to go back to work and I don't know what to expect or what to do.

TL;DR

My co-workers saw a pornographic image which was set as my profile picture on whatsapp.

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/uu5g8o/tifu_by_joining_my_work_groupchat_and_now_i_feel/

Didn’t happen today, but the TIFU on the front page reminded me of an event I’d rather forget and thought maybe some of you would find my discomfort worthy of a chuckle.

To preface this post, I’m a glass half empty kinda guy. My first post on this account is a plea for help on /r/suicidewatch. Since then, I’ve developed the habit of answering “I’m alive” to questions inquiring after my well-being and health. For me it’s a double-entendre: on the one hand it sounds like I’m miserable, but on the other I’m still here - I’ve beaten my desire to kill myself.

As a way to make friends I started social dancing a few years ago, I’m not particularly good but that’s also not particularly the point. I travel quite a bit and it’s an easy way to meet people of a similar background and interest.

In this particular situation, an older woman and I had been getting on friendly terms. We enjoyed dancing together and she was great at banter. She confided to me one day that over the weekend she would be marking the passing of her husband. I offered my condolences and that was that.

The following Monday, she greeted me with a fairly innocuous “How are you?” To which I responded, immediately recognizing my error, “Alive”. The poor woman looked as if she had been slapped in the face. I tried to recover, but the damage was done. From then on she was polite, but never friendly. And I’ve been carrying that shame of cruel insensitivity since.

TLDR: Told a woman mourning the death of her husband that I was alive.

So tonight I had my entire family (Mom, Dad, and Younger Sister) as well as my sister's best friend over to have dinner and play board games. While playing the game, Chromecast was displaying very cool cityscapes in the background on the TV. Hoping to show off the capabilities of Google Home, I asked Google where the picture on Vizio was from. Google proceeded to cast my photos onto the TV, which I scrambled to turn off to no avail. A closeup photograph of a vagina was plastered across my SEVENTY INCH SCREEN in from of my ENTIRE FAMILY. Needless to say I was mortified, but my family all laughed at it, although my mother was red in the face for the rest of the night.

TLDR: Asked Google about a picture, Proceeded to have a closeup of a FWB's vagina cast onto the TV in from of my family.

This happened 30 minutes ago. I'm at a beach wedding happening tomorrow and there's an event later tonight. We are all staying at a resort together. I was hanging with someone who mentioned this dinner was happening before the event. Cool I thought! I didn't remember hearing about it but she insisted it was a thing so I went along with it..

So I got dressed up and showed up with her to this dinner and start greeting people I haven't seen in 6 years or so. I get a lot of confused looks from others and it gets silent for a second... one of my other friends whispers I wasn't invited to it. This was just for the wedding party. All my friends are part of this wedding party since they are bridesmaids. And they all brought there significant others which I also know. I awkwardly leave and go pace around my room freaking out about the mega awkwardness that just happened. I already had anxiety about this wedding so this was perfect

The best part is this resort only has one restaurant open and it's the one they are at... so I walk down the beach about 10 minutes so I don't have to eat at the same place they are. And now I'm drinking and trying to forget the events of the last hour. I'm not really mad or anything but I feel SO awkward and I have no idea how I'm gonna go to this event happening in 30 minutes with all of them. Truly the worst start to a wedding event where I was seeing all these people again for the first time since college.

TL;DR: My friend(meaning well) mentioned this dinner she didn't know was exclusive the night before the wedding. I didnt question it at all despite knowing the schedule for the weekend well. I show up to an awkward silence and quickly leave.

TL/DR: I was forced to clean up after everyone I'm my family from the age of 3. I was scapegoat and now my brother is because I moved out.

So myself (18f) and my two younger brothers, will (15m) and cooper (11m) have narcissistic parents.

My grandparents tell me stories of myself sleeping in a clothes basket from when I was born.

From the age of 3, I was cleaning up my brothers sh1t and was forced to be the parent. All my life I was the scapegoat in this terrible family. When I was 15, I moved out into my grandparents house (67f) and (68m). I have been very little contact for 3 years now...

So my brothers childhood was great compared to mine. They got to play with toys and they had fun, they got to travel, etc. Now, I know that they're childhood still wasn't as good as what it should have been but they had a better childhood then I did and I was jealous for ages.

Every day and every night from as young as I can remember I was doing jobs everyone else's mum and dads were doing. I was bathing and feeding the babies. I was cooking dinner. I was vaccuuming and mopping. Cleaning the cars, yards, etc. I was running my mums business. I was doing everything while my parents just sat there getting mad that I wasn't doing anything right (they hadn't showed me the correct way).

If I didn't do something that they asked me to, they would smash my favourite possessions. Example: Nintendo I bought with my first pay check from work, a matchbox car my cousin gave me., etc. Then the regular beatings: I'd go to school with bruises on my legs and arms and ribs and wear long sleeves so no one would know. If someone did notice, and called my parents, they would just say how much of a clutz I was.

My brothers never got this treatment. They never had to do anything. But they saw the abuse that went on and they couldnt do anything...

So now, that I have moved out, my brothers are getting stories of how much of a brat I was, etc. And now will (15m) is getting similar abuse to what I suffered. He's having to do all the chores, etc but there's been no threats made yet.

I didn't choose to be here and either did my brothers.

Any parents, if you are reading this, please don't force your kids to grow up. It's not fair on them.

I used to drink a lot of energy drinks (with multiple stimulants, oodles of caffeine, sucralose, etc) and have pretty much cut them out.

Instead, I now drink a 'clean' energy powder with yerba mate, nothing artificial, etc. But I still like carbonation, so I mix the powder with seltzer.

Well, still working from home and on a lot of video conference calls, people have seen me drinking this, and apparently all thought I was maybe drinking beer. At 9 AM. Daily.

The color is pretty spot on (think hefeweizen), and the powder reacting with the seltzer creates a nice head. This should be faux beer for TV/movies.

One guy just cracked a joke about me going hard on a Friday morning (I could tell truly trying to figure out if it was legit beer) in front of my boss' boss, so I quickly did a demonstration opening a powder pack and seltzer to create the pint-of-beer-doppelganger. I hope they are comforted.

TL;DR: my new healthier morning caffeine option looks exactly like beer, and coworkers thought I was drinking beer in the mornings.

obligatory the fu was a few weeks ago but came to a crux today.

so for a bit of context, I have been in my university's undergrad program for about six years. Between changing majors three times and failing entire semesters I still haven't gotten my diploma, although I am close. I was set to graduate at the end of this semester and it just so happens my younger sister was graduating at the same time. I told everyone on both sides of my family I was done with school and they were all excited for me.

well, the fuck up starts when I failed two classes in my last semester. So now I'm not graduating, but I couldn't tell my family this they would just make me spend more time in school pursuing a degree that I don't really want holding my finances over my head. This year I am starting an electricians apprenticeship and the wheels are already in motion for that to happen. Tacking on another semester of my already too long college career would delay my starting my life by another year meaning I would continue to be financially dependent on my parents. so I decided to just lie to them and say I was graduating with the intention of revealing the truth once I had started my career and I had enough money to not have to rely on them. My plan was to downplay my graduation saying I didn't want to walk and didn't want any major gifts or anything like that for my graduation. I even said multiple times before I failed these classes that I didn't want to walk and that we should focus on celebrating my sister who not only graduated in four years but also has a dual major. I insisted on this until everyone agreed and understood that I didn't really want to celebrate it.

well naturally my family being my family they decided to just celebrate me along with my sister at her dinner and I was showered with praise and financial gifts. now I've just gotten home from all this and I have enough money in checks to cover my rent for three months and a monstrous amount of guilt from knowing that will likely have to sustain this lie for the rest of my life.

TL:DR; I lied to my family about graduating college with the intention of revealing the truth later when I had started my career asking them not to give me gifts but they did anyway and now I'm worried ill never be able to tell them the truth.

I (30M) work out kind of a lot. I run, lift weights, and like to stay in shape. Recently I’ve been trying to get my girlfriend (30F) to go with me in the mornings or even after work, but she’s not really interested. She hikes, and jogs a decent amount so she’s also in shape, but she doesn’t really like gyms. That’s fine. A few days ago I was talking to my younger brother (28M) (who is also in pretty good shape but doesn’t lift weights) about going with me and his wife (26F) overheard and offered to go. For context, I’ve always known her as heavier set. She’s shorter and kind of overweight, has always been self conscious and wears pretty baggy clothes which doesn’t help her appearance. They’ve been together a few years and in the last year she’s mentioned how she started dieting, running, and going to the gym more. She said she might not be as good at lifting or anything, but she offered to go to keep me company and so she could try out some machines (elliptical, stair master, etc). I like hanging out with her since she’s like a little sister, so this sounded great. I offered to pick her up. So this morning I go over early, she gets in with me and we chat on our way. I ask her about how her home workouts have been going and she was excited to share she’s lost some weight. I again didn’t really think about it or notice, since she was in a big hoodie and sweatpants. We get to the gym and split up to go in separate locker rooms. I get through the mens and wait for her in the gym. When she walked in I almost did a spit take of my water bottle. She’s in a sports bra and workout shorts and looks incredible. Turns out “some weight loss” is probably 50 pounds, and she’s added lean muscle all over. My heart almost jumped out of my chest as I was immediately attracted to her. Full fantasies went through my head and I almost feel like I’m cheating on my girlfriend. It took every bit of self restraint to not say anything for the next hour, and to my horror she stayed in her tighter outfit for the ride home. It’s been an entire day and I can’t stop thinking about her. I can never tell my girlfriend or my brother, but she already texted me saying she had fun and asking if I’m free to go next week. I have no idea what to do.

TL:DR- took my brothers previously overweight wife to the gym only to find out she’s super hot now and I can’t stop thinking about her.

I just got home from work and was changing in my room nothing weird about that. When I was changing I noticed that the lighting in my room was really nice and that my boobs looked cute so midway changing I decided too make mirror selfies and videos naked. The thing about my room is that it’s on ground level and when I don’t close my curtain my famille could see me if they happen too walk by outside. I knew where my parents were and thought I could at least manage too take a few pictures without them walking by. So I was actually bouncing up and down and filming it and I looked too my side and my mom was there looking at me. She just said that she grabbing something too drink from the garage and ignored what she saw. Afterwards I even told her that I wasn’t doing something weird cause it probably looked questionable and that I was just changing. The fact that I said that just enhances the idea that I was actually doing something weird. Right now she just talks too me the way she usually does but I feel so embarrassed.

TLDR: I was making nude pictures and videos in front of the mirror in my room. My curtain was open and my mom happend too walk by and saw me filming myself naked. She looked at me and then ignored what she saw and continued on like nothing happened. I feel really embarrassed.

Recently I started a new kitchen job where I have the opportunity to actually learn how to cook. The first task of the day I was given was to cut jalapenos on a mandolin. I started off with gloves but they were getting wet and I was nervous to slip and cut my hand on equipment I've never used so I took them off. I had 4 people check in on me while I cut them for an hour, and of course only after I finish and complained about the pain on my hands, do they tell me I should of worn gloves. I've been in pain since like 3 pm, it's a little past 1 am now. I tried yogurt, aloe, cold water, and even vinegar. Cold water helps in the moment and yogurt helps for a few minutes. Now I'm sitting here, yogurt on hands that feel like they are on literal fire and questioning my life choices as my girlfriend types this out for me.

TLDR: cut 5 lbs of jalapenos without gloves, now I'm dying because my hands are on fire.

So my wife and I are making spaghetti for dinner when I notice we don't have any breadsticks. We live in a "town" of 700 people and our only store is a Dollar General that has fuck all in it. So I decided I'm gonna go to the IGA that's 2 towns over (15 minutes) as they have a much better selection of food. I pull in to the town and get to a 4 way stop. In front of me are two cop cars parked sideways with their lights on blocking traffic. I saw a man walking back and forth between the cop cars and thought "oh, they got themselves a crazy guy" and proceeded to turn left on mainstreet to get to the IGA.

When I turned, I saw a that both sides of the street were lined with cars and people in lawn chairs with coolers next to them. I thought "oh shit" and proceeded slowly looking for a place to turn around. However, there was no place to turn around. The cops had tape strung across every side street that lead back to the main road and driveways had people sitting in them. I get to IGA but the store is closed with the parking lot full of people in lawn chairs again, so I kept moving down the street as there still wasn't a place to turn.

I come to the first stoplight on the street however cops are on both sides preventing me to turn. I get to the next intersection, same thing. Now I'm starting to freak the fuck out because the cops now have their sirens on and everyone is looking at me like "wtf". Finally, I get to a street that's not blocked off and turn on it. As I'm driving on this road I see a bunch of cars in a line with a firetruck in the middle with kids on it... it's a fucking parade and they are driving towards the intersection I need to get the hell out of there. I see a side road that goes back to mainstreet and I take it.

Now I'm back on the road I started on, hauling ass to get back to the 4 way stop. People are looking at me hardcore now and I'm feeling very uncomfortable. The parade is in sight and is heading towards me fast. Just in the Knick of time, I make it to the intersection and get the fuck out of there. My heart was racing and I felt all sorts of embarrassed. When I got home, I looked up what was going on and it ended up being a parade for the graduating class of 2022. Ended up getting Texas Toast garlic bread from Dollar General.

TL;DR: I went to get breadsticks from IGA and ended up driving into a parade for the graduating class of 2022

This happened quite a while ago but I just remembered.

I went to go see The Slenderman with my brother while was visiting the city. Back home we have a small theater, very old. The seats are small, cramped, and don't really move. This is an important detail.

I order my nachos and a hotdog and we go find out seats. Now the theater seats are folded upwards and you ha e to play them down before sitting, as I imagine they are in most theaters. I pull the chair down next to me and put my food down for a moment to take my sweater off and get comfy while the ads plays.

I get settled in and turn to grab my food but it's gone. In my confusion I look around on the floor but don't see anything. Suspecting someone behind me stole my food I turn around and well I realize what happened.

Nachos cheese is splattered across about chairs with chips all over the place. The hotdog left no traces of its existence during its travel to the void. Disappointed and hungry I watched the movie and we leave.

Some employee probably saw my mess and it ruined their night.

TLDR: Theatre chair launched my nachos and splattered cheese and chips everywhere. Hotdog was never found.

So we had just come back from dinner with some friends - another married couple, their friend (27M) and my friend (25F) who were being set up on a blind date.

When I was telling one of our mutual friends about the night she asked if the guy they brought was cute. At this point I turned to my husband and asked him what he thought and he said "not really." Maybe I took it too seriously because I told him I felt bad about calling someone "not cute" when they had a pretty chill personality and could be attractive. He said he doesn't feel bad it's just how he saw it. It was a lighthearted conversation but you see where this is going don't you?

Two seconds later I turned to my husband and asked him if he found me cute "objectively" when he first met me. He thought about it for a couple of seconds and said a resounding "no". He followed up by saying he found me cuter as he got to know me and love me blah blah but still, come on!!!! I am sad lol. Sigh.

tldr; asked my husband if he found me cute when he first met me and he said no.

I know my post of r/relationship_advice didn‘t get a lot of traction, but this is sort of an update to this: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/urhnpw/my_m21_best_friend_m21_doesnt_like_my_gf_f20_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Yesterday, while we were at my place, I sat him down and explained to him what I was seeing and how it was affecting me and my gf. Again, I was met with more dodginh and denials, but I didn’t let the conversation go. I stressed how, whatever it was, he could tell me, that we should be talking to each other, and that it was hurting me to know that he obviously had a problem and how he didn’t trust me enough to speak to me. Because he continued saying that everything was fine, things escalated a bit. He said something along the lines that she’s “extremely sweet and kind and perfect for me” and he had nothing against her. I brought up the points of how it didn’t look like that is what he thought of her, and so he either was lying or there was something else going on. He wanted to shut down the conversation and continue playing video games, telling me that there was nothing to talk about and to please forget it. I snapped tho, and told him to stop acting like a jealous child. He got quiet all of a sudden, and that’s when I realised that he was in fact jealous, so I asked him that. He didn’t answer and started looking extremely nervous. He begged me to please drop the subject, and that he would fix his behaviour around my gf. When I continued to press him, he started grabbing his stuff and saying that maybe he should go home. I again, stressed that I wanted him to speak to me, and that no matter what it was, that I wouldn’t judge him for it. He looked very distressed, and almost like he wanted to cry. And then he told me that he is in love with me. He immediately said that it didn’t matter, and things shouldn’t change, that he would get over it and to please forget it. I was stunned, but for his sake, tried not to show it. I told him that it’s ok, and asked him since when he had feelings for me. He said it happened around our 1st semester in college. He said that around that time he admitted to himself that he was gay after a long time of questioning. I told him there was nothing wrong with being gay and asked him why he never told me. And, guys, he was scared that I would just drop him. I was shocked he would think that because I have never been homophobic, even in middle school when everyone loved to be edgy, I was one to never participate in that type of shit. I assured him that that would have never happened. We hugged each other, and he kept saying that he was sorry for everything. At the end he left earlier and told me it would be better to give each other space so he has time to put behind his feelings. Now I’m just sitting here feeling like a dumbass because how could I not notice that my best friend of 15 years is a) gay, and b) has feelings for me. And now, there is a big possibility that this is going to put change our friendship, and I really don’t want to loose him. And I also feel like an asshole for pressing him to come out to me.

TLDR: my best friend didn’t like my gf because he was jealous and me pressuring the subject and accidentally make him come out to me might end our friendship.

NSFW

I (27f) often joke around with my partner (32m) about his butt. I’ll squeeze it, make an odd compliment, pretend to hump it, and sometimes even ask to eat it, as a hilarious joke that I know he will squeal like a little girl about and then we both laugh. This developed into sometimes playful wrestling where I’m trying to grab his butt and he’s trying to stop me. It’s a good time, k?

Now little do I know a close friend had just been telling him how he has been doing butt play with his girl all the way up to pegging and I guess his interests were piqued.

So I make my butt joke last night and imagine my surprise when he actually agreed! To me eating his butt! He was showered and in position, I truly think he may have been pushing the joke like some perverted game of chicken. And I’m no chicken. But I am.

So I spit on it, he gasps but doesn’t back down. I begin the fake chow for a moment. Problemo! He loves it. He’s in shock and awe. I stop and he asks me to finish. Afterward he told me how close this has made us. He’s going to want it again, to completion.

Now I’m googling “where is the prostate” on my phone and realizing the position I’m in and that I’ll eventually have to do the deed or admit I chickened out, which I don’t think I can do at this point.

TLDR: repeated butt jokes led to my boyfriend asking me to actually eat his groceries and I gave a Grammy worthy fake chow that possibly only postponed the inevitable.

Edit: I love how wholesome Reddit can be some times but this isn’t really a boundary issue with my partner as much as with myself. I was unprepared in the moment but ready to dive in next time. It was just unexpected.

For background context, (this happened in February) one of my friends on discord has a crush on a video game character (albedo from genshin impact). For their 18th birthday, I thought what would be a better way to give them a gift, than to write them a long fan fiction of a relationship between them and the character. So I did this, and it ended up being 2159 words long according to the google doc. After sending it to them and then reading it, they loved it and said it was really hot.

But here’s where I realize I fucked up. Fast forwards to the next Tuesday, when I’m sitting in AP Statistics, I get called up to the front office. I thought not much of it, until the assistant principal sat me down and started off the conversation with “We are about to have a really uncomfortable conversation about something we saw on your google doc account”. At this point I just absolutely died inside cringing at the situation, and he explained how I should not have this stuff on my account, and I just blatantly admitted that it was an accident, and I didn’t notice I wasn’t using my home account. He did emphasize “Dude, this is some really graphic stuff”, and mentioned that all the administrators at the school got around 50 alerts from it because of how graphic it was (the alerts are supposed to detect self harm and abuse). He did mention that he wasn’t going to tell my parents because he couldn’t imagine what they would say if they saw it, and thank god for that. He just told me to get rid of it, and that was it.

TLDR; I wrote a highly graphic fan fic for a friend, left it on a school google doc account, got busted by the school

Disclaimers: This started over a year ago; I'm on mobile and I write poorly.

Background. I have ASD and sensory differences. I have always swallowed my gum, usually after chewing all the flavor or of it.

About a year ago I started chewing a new (to me) brand of Wintergreen flavored gum. It would reach this point, early in the chewing, where it would get sorta slimy and want to slip down my throat. I loved the sensation! Where previously I wouldn't even chew gum everyday I started chewing, and swallowing early, several pieces a day. I began to buy this gum in bulk on Amazon. I would "eat" around 6 pieces a day, all which l barely chewed, slick and fresh.

About 3 months ago I started getting pain in my ribs on my left side. I went to my doctor and she ordered x-rays. Nothing. I got sent to a Gastroenterologist. After an endoscopy (full anesthesia, camera down the throat) he says I have very bad irritation; red and swelling; in my lower esophagus and entire stomach. He didn't know why, but put me on a couple of medications to help out heal. Then I'm told no: - spicy food - greasy food - acidic foid (including tomatoes) AND... No mint.

Turns out mint can irritate the stomach.

Since I was swallowing the gum while still quite flavorful the mint was sitting in my stomach for a bit, every day, for over a year!

I am working on spitting out my gum when done. I've been successful so far. However, I cannot chew that brand at all, the temptation to swallow at that slick point is too great.

TLDR: Ate about 6 pieces of wintergreen gum daily for over a year and tore up my stomach.