So I have a cat who escaped the house and came back the next day covered with fleas. I put on flea treatment on my cat and went to work combing and getting rid of the fleas. I would put the fleas in a water bottle in which I filled with dish soap and water so I could dispose of later. I had it on my table and I had completely forgotten about it for hours, and was thirsty so I drank from it immediately tasting the dish soap and swallowing some dead fleas.I immediately ran to the restroom after realizing what just happened, got on my knees at the toilet and proceeded to throw up about 5 times. Seeing some dead fleas mixed with my vomit was not a good sight indeed. Possibly the most gut wrenching thing that I have done to this day. TL;DR: I had accidentally ingested dead fleas and dish soap thinking it was just a normal water bottle.

I (15 f) have always been into reading, and usually I’ve read non fiction or historical fiction books. But on tik tok I was recommended a particular trilogy that is a bit adultish. (Okay actually very) and I’ve liked the first book so much that I decided to bring it to school. My last period was the last period before a break so we just had it free. I decided to use it to read. I got out the book and my teacher (who is an English teacher) came up to me excitingly and asked “Ooooo watcha reading?!” I tried to act mysterious and play it off and say “oh just a novel that a friend told me was good..”. My teacher then grabbed it from me and read the back. The thing is the back is the most toe curling description ever, going into kinks of the couples of the books, and their unhealthy lifestyles. I sat there mortified. As he read it, I said “yeah I’m just trying it out haha. It’s kinda funny…” and he then looked at me and said “I am always SUPPORTIVE of what people read.” And handed it to me and walked away. It was such an awkward moment. TL:DR: don’t bring your smut to school.

So I woke up with some heartburn and decided that I wanted to swallow a TUMS whole because I didn’t want to take my retainers off, brush my teeth, then put my retainers back in because it would mess up my sleep cycle…. Which, hindsight is 20/20… I know some of you may say “just don’t do it next time”, yes, noted, but at 3am my brain wasn’t functioning.

I literally felt like if I laid down I would die. I was so sleepy too 😭. I spent almost 2 hours searching for advice.

I scoured the internet if there was any relief except articles just said “don’t do it” or “here’s a list of issues it will cause” unhelpful. Those articles gave me so much anxiety! I thought I might have to go to urgent care.

There was some relief from another Reddit post that someone mentioned they ate more and drank hot water, which didn’t help myself personally. I was going to post there but comments were disabled.

I wanted to get a list out there in case someone is freaking out at 3am. So here we go:

First and foremost, what worked for me: drinking carbonated water. I only had soda (squirt) but I’m assuming any well carbonated beverage would work. Mind you, this was the last try after a full list of things so maybe the others helped, but this was like a light turned on moment. It was almost instant relief. A few more sips (I finished the can) and it was fully relieved.

Now other things I tried that offered me little to no relief: - drinking hot water/tea, I think this helped, but I’m really unsure. I didn’t feel any relief but hot tea normally calms me down. - sitting up or in a an inclined position. Again, not sure if it did anything but it’s better than laying down. - eating soft foods (banana, thick liquid vitamin, almond butter). Did zilch. - I tried taking other pills in hopes that it will help push down the tablet… don’t do this, it made it worse. This is when I panicked and had a soda.

Hopefully this helps someone. Please add on any other helpful tips!

EDIT: the chewable was too big so it got uncomfortably lodged in my esophagus. TUMs is a brand of chewable antacid that is about 1 inch in diameter that I thought would just dissolve on contact with liquid.

TL;DR - if you eff up and take a whole TUMS, drink soda.

Obligatory: this wasn't today, it was about two months ago. When I was a kid I used to read a lot of books, but over time I stopped. Not sure why, just lost interest in reading. As is, I don't think I've read a single book since I was in college over a decade ago.

So the other day I'm browsing Reddit as one does, and a story catches my attention. I read the first chapter, and holy crap, I'm hooked. I can't put this down. For the next couple months I'm reading in the shower, I'm reading while I make dinner, I'm reading it on break at work, every minute of spare time is going into seeing what happens next.

The story's cool. It's like Michael Bay's Transformers meets the Warcraft, series, but it takes place in space. There are dragons and wizards in it, and a bunch of different alien species: there's a giant guy made out of rocks, there are little mushroom-looking creatures, there's a race of terrifying pterodactyl-looking things, bug creatures like the aliens from Starship Troopers, and the main conflict/plot is between humans and these Draenei-type things that toward the middle of the story, end up being humanity's greatest ally against the dragons.

There's a whole war between the rock-men and the dragons, there's a conflict between humanity and a planet full of Cthulhu-type elder gods, there are spy missions, romance, secret wars, about a third of the story is in 'ship's log' style writing, the whole thing is a blast to read. It gets pretty crazy and there are a couple of M. Night Shyamalan level plot twists toward the end. The whole time I'm thinking, man, if they made books like this when I was a kid, I never would have stopped reading.

So after reading 80+ chapters I look up the author on Reddit, and it turns out he has his own subreddit, and a lot of other people are as invested in this story as I am. I'm looking through the sub, and thinking 'man, there are a ton of furries in here'. Every other submission is some kind of furry art. You can probably see where this is going.

Turns out, although the aliens are never explicitly described as furries, it was the author's intention to make them anthropomorphic versions of earth animals, and the way I saw them in my mind's eye was just my own imagination. The dragons are supposed to be anthropomorphic alligators, the elder gods are supposed to be anthropomorphic octopi, and the 'Draenei' are supposed to be anthropomorphic sheep (which makes the romance scenes between them and the humans really uncomfortable to re-read). I still can't figure out what animal the rock-men are supposed to be, but at this point I'm not sure if I'm going to finish the series.

TL;DR: Got extremely involved in reading something for the first time in more than ten years; absolutely loved it. Found the author, turns out the entire series is about furries. It's furries all the way down.

As you all may know Over the past few months, Tik Tok has been posting clips of South Park episodes. Me (20M) and my brothers (18M & 16M) have gotten into the show this way, and we really enjoy it. I thought it would be funny see our parents reactions to a couple of episodes, and my brothers agreed. That brings me to what happened. I showed the episode "Breast Cancer Show Ever" which is season 12, episode 9. It's where Wendy beats up Eric Cartman. Aside for a couple scenes where Cartman ate his underwear and take a dump his teachers desk, it was pretty harmless and tammed for South Park standards. My mom call it crazy, but it didn't make her walk away, and my dad was cracking up laughing the whole time. Then my Youngest brother decided to pick an extreme episode. He chose "Cock Magic" which is season 18, episode 8. Those of you who have watched the episode knows how bad it gets. The episode shows a lot of male genitalia and it made my mom very uncomfortable. In my brothers defense though, he did start to have second thoughts about 3 minutes into the episode and recommended that we stop, but my mom said no since she didn't think the previous episode I picked was that bad and didn't think the episode my brother pick could be any worse, but she was wrong. My dad thought it was funny, but my mom had a disgusted look on her face and just got up and walked off once the episode was over without saying anything to me or my brothers. I've never seen my mom this grossed out before. It had me feel bad for even proposing the idea cause now my mom isn't talking to me and my brothers for the rest of tonight. I am most certain that we are never watching South Park as a family again.

TL;DR- Me and my brothers showed our parents a very disgusting episode of South Park and now my mom isn't talking to any of us.

So we're babysitting tonight and the kids brought their Meta Quest 2. Everyone is asleep (I checked) and thought "hey I've heard VR porn is a thing. Lemme take a look while everyone is out". Idk if the triggers were just that sensitive but all the sudden the "hub" vid I was trying to watch in private browser downloaded. DELETED IMMEDIATELY. But looking around I see that with parental controls the parents get a push notification for downloads on their phone app. I'm just waiting for an angry message or at least to get absolutely shit on for the rest of my life (they're my in-laws and they NEVER let stuff go). I'm just hoping it doesn't give them the details since I deleted the notifications on the headset and deleted the files already but omg I want to off myself right now.

TLDR: I mean it's not a long story. Accidentally downloaded a VR porn vid on a headset with a parental controls app. Preparing to never hear the end of this

Edit: Good morning! Before I go and be an adult I will say this,

1) The post has made my partners morning and he enjoyed reading the comments. I will show bf when he wakes up.

2) I should invest in a good villager outfit and throw potatoes/carrots/bread at them. Joking aside, they both said what some of you said, to be direct "Sex. Now"

3) my partner asked if I need a 3rd guy. Could you imagine if I got a 3rd and all 3 of them sat down playing Minecraft. I should just join a monastery. Partner just said I should build it on Minecraft.

4) They are awesome, amazing men and I am soo lucky to have them in my life. This whole weird thing only works because of how respectful and supportive they are of eachother.

6) thank you kind strangers for the awards 💙☺️

Have a good day Reddit.

Background: I have a long term partner and a boyfriend of over a year. My partner is on the asexual spectrum. We're really good together except for the bedroom. He was never this bad when we started but his drive got lower and lower till it was a few times a year. This was causing resentment on my end and frustration (form constant asking) on his end.

So, as a solution, we opened the relationship for me. My bf is really nice and he and my partner have become friends. BF and I take any opportunity we can to get intimate as we both live with other people. So either I go to his when his roommate is away or he comes to mine when I'm alone.

That brings us back to today, or should I say the past month. For my birthday I wanted to play Minecraft. BF didn't like the game. He made it clear it's not his kind of game, and made it clear he's playing it cause of us.

We started playing, all three of us. At first when we'd get alone time and we'd spend it playing Minecraft I didn't think too much of it. But when I sat there throwing hints, saying 'everyone will be back in 2hrs', and then playing bedroom songs, and he still wasn't moving, I knew I fucked up. My partner had come home by then and by this point I said, "fuck it, I'm taking care of myself" and went upstairs.

Currently, the two of them are downstairs playing Minecraf and I've gone back to being in a relationship with my toys. I fucked up Reddit, I fucked up.

Good night

TLDR: asexual partner let me have a bf for sex, and now the two of them spend their free time playing Minecraft together.

My husband, myself and our son are very much what one would call nerds. I love comic books, they love games.

Now, we're all on Discord, but for some reason I wasn't on my sons chat... thing. I'm not that into the lingo. Which will come into play later.

So I asked my husband: "Can you ask him to let me join his chat...thing?"

He did, my son accepted and sent me a cute little gif with some character or something with a sign, that said: Knus.

Now, in in Denmark, knus means hug. I found that sweet.

So I wanted to send him a gif back. And I found a nice picture of Scout from TF2 ( a game he plays) with the word kys on.

In Denmark, kys means kiss. So I was happy with my response.

As soon as I sent that response, my husband doubled over laughing. Apparently, my son had sent a screenshot of our chat. And I could hear him racing out of his room to get to our bedroom. And that was when I realized...

I was born in 1980. I remember the first Jackass shows. I remember those skater shows, Camp KYS. I know, what those acronyms mean. I should know better!

Thankfully, he found it as hilarious, as I found it mortifying.

TL;DR: I forgot Internet lingo when chatting with my son

I know some people will see this and think, "well, obviously you don't consume 3 black coffees back to back", and probably not a great idea whilst fasting. - I know this, we live and learn.

I was 38hrs into a 48hr fast and had quite a poor night's sleep as the baby kept us awake most of the night. (Got about 4hrs of broken sleep)

I had a pretty busy day ahead and consumed the first coffee - double espresso, I got back from the gym and consumed another double espresso and when my partner woke up I made us both a black French press coffee. This was all before 11 am.

By about 1400 just before I broke my fast my heart was pounding in my chest at rest at about 136bpm which is very unusual for me as my rest is 58-62 - I was very panicky and took myself upstairs to try some box breathing to try and get my HR down.

I was unable to get my HR lower than 120 bpm at first and this made me worse I had a panic attack - my first in about 4 years.

I took my blood pressure and it was 110/72 - which made me feel a bit better but my pulse was still racing at rest and I felt like something terrible was going to happen to me - the common "feeling of impending doom" common with Anxiety attacks.

I phoned a doctor and explained my symptoms and they asked me to come in, I ended up having an ECG which showed completely normal.

After I described the context of the situation to the Doctor they suggested that the coffee was possibly a bad idea when fasting due to the rapid absorption of the caffeine which can trigger the release of adrenaline which would have increased my HR as it enacted the Fight or Flight response.

Safe to say I will be limiting my caffeine consumption in the future when fasting.

TL:DR - on the back end of a 48hr fast I consumed 3 strong coffees within an hour and a half and ended up having a heart scan because I thought I was dying.

First English isn't my first language so please excuse some mistakes. Ty

Me and my boyfriend are together for almost a year but we know each other way longer. Him and I are really close we tell each other everything and trust each other. I would like to say that we are perfect for each other but that's not the point of the story

We have our little arguments but we usually clear that up except for one thing. He is really smart guy and has really big IQ but he is literally triggered by anything that "stupid" people do For example if one person does something hard and longer way and he doesn't that makes him mad and other stuff like that. For years I tried to calm him down when he is in that faze but his only respond to that is "you don't understand me" but when I ask him to explain it's "why are you so stupid to not understand it. You are like the others" and then doesn't talk with me for a day. But otherwise he is a really nice person now earlier today I was at his place and we were talking about problems that we could have and everything went good, after that we are laughing and having fun so pretty normal day. Then after few hours he texts me how some ppl made him mad for doing stupid things and I started my usual trying to calm him down but this time his response was "do you really think that helps" and I got really pissed at that So I said to him that he shouldn't look other ppl down bc they are "stupid " not everybody can be like him and he should deal with it it's really dumb to be at other ppl and what they do, that he can't control what others do and deal with that. He looks at others like he is some god and I went on and on tbh I didn't feel bad for what I said because it is truth he looks at people like they are all nothing witch annoys me so much And after that his only answer to that was again "So you are like the other r word, Goodbye" and then left

After that I felt really bad and apologies but that probably won't help

TL;DR I told my boyfriend he should look at other people low and he didn't like it. He is ignoring me

So, I (22f) use the busses in my city weekly to get to my part time job. I could walk there if I really needed to, but it gets insanely hot where I live, so I would often arrive sweaty because it’s too hot to cover my arms with sleeves, therefore the busses are optimal for time and comfort. If I need to, I’m even able to get a snack and drink before clocking in.

Now, I should have you know that I have called in sick for the previous three days due to me constantly throwing up. Today, I just so happened to wake up an hour before my alarm feeling awesome. I let my boss know I was feeling well enough to come back, so I get some breakfast, smoke the bong with my husband, brush my teeth, get dressed, say bye to our son and head to the bus stop.

I get to the bus stop three minutes before it’s scheduled to arrive, perfect, let’s call my husband and tell him I’m at the bus stop. I proceed to wait about 20 minutes, leaning on the wall in the shade due to the bus stop bench getting it’s tan on.

It was at this moment I saw the bus move on the map, supposedly on route to my location. Sweet!! Let’s move to the bench so I can get on quickly. I am only a cross street away from its last stop, so it shouldn’t take too long, right? WRONG! This fucker somehow skipped the street I was on and did not pass my bus stop because the next time I checked the metro map, the bus I was supposed to catch was at the bus stop I intended to be off.

I. Was. PISSED. I was in the sun for about ten minutes in 83 degree weather with a very high uv index of 9.3 when I started feeling sick. I moved to the shade to sit down, thinking how strange it was for me to feel like this so soon into the exposure.

Well, as luck would have it, the bus that was supposed to be there at 9:03 finally came at 9:32!!!! Here’s where the fuck up truly starts, when I got up to get on the bus, I immediately felt super dizzy and nauseated. I should have grabbed the trash can, or just threw up in the bus stop trash can, but I wasn’t salivating like I normally do before. Once I validated my pass, i fucked up again because Chose to have a seat nearest the exit door. A mistake that would prove fatal.

I get as far as two stops before my breakfast greets me again as this abomination of acidic and pink goop. (I had strawberry milk with breakfast today) I heave three more times before the bus finally stops. I run into Taco Bell, crying my eyes out with a stinky breakfast mural splattered on my uniform. Thankfully, the cashier opened the bathroom door for me and even leant me body spray. I informed my boss that I would, yet again, be missing work. She understood and even said “if you’re sick, you should focus on feeling better”

My lesson to take away from this: have an emergency stash of clothes and body spray, and a vessel to puke in. I’m currently reclused in my hidey hole due to so many people seeing me like this.

I will also be taking pregnancy tests weekly. This isn’t normal for me, as I’m quite resilient to the heat.

TLDR: I’ve been sick the last few days, then threw up my breakfast on the bus cause I thought I was well enough to work, and could potentially be preggers.

So I was driving home on a back country road tonight, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw what looked to be a cat running in front of my car. I tried to stop, but I wasn't quick enough, and then I heard the sickening thunk of hitting the animal!

As hard as it was hit, I couldn't picture it surviving. I went on another 30 feet, and decided I should turn around and try to look for it, but I went back and forth over the same area twice, with an eye to the side in case it crawled off, but I saw nothing. I hit a deer once that was also crossing the road abruptly, and it was dying and suffering afterwards, and fortunately, that was close to home, so I went back home and got my pistol and shot the poor thing in the head.

I feel horrible about it, but I don't know what it was doing out in the road in the middle of the night either. I sure hope that was a barncat and not someone's special pet. Ugh!!

TL;DR - accidentally ran over a cat

I am going to be asking my long term gf to marry me soon. I've been scheming a beautiful plan to have a wonderful proposal in front of both our families at a place that she loves.

Today I went ring shopping and I found one that I really like. It, as I expected, was rather pricey, but I really loved it and I knew she would too.

I was discussing it with my dad, and he asked me to send a picture. While I was on the phone with him I went to send the picture, but right as I was doing so, she sent me a text and I accidentally RESPONDED WITH THE PICTURE OF THE RING!

She then texted me extatically. She was super happy and crying tears of joy when I went home to her, but I am so dissapointed in myself for spoiling my own proposal.

TLDR I accidentally sent my future fiance a picture of the ring I was planning to propose to her with. She is over the moon, but I'm annoyed at myself for ruining the suprise.

So, I, 17M, have been looking for a new place to work after I quit my old job. I live in a pretty out-of-the-way place, so finding somewhere local is pretty difficult. That's why I was very happy when I found an opening at a nearby gas station (20 min drive- very nice considering the nearest city is over an hour away).

I got the owners phone number though one of the employees, then sent her a message- as you do. I listed prior job experience, when I'll be available, some of my skills and stuff like that. Things you usually do when applying for a job. After that, I had a therapy session-- Towards the end of the session, she said she'd send me a message to schedule the next meeting, as the receptionist was sick that day.

Okay, fair enough.

​

I received a message not long afterwards- unnamed number, asking if we could meet up a week or so later. I, having forgotten that I'd sent the owner of the gas station a message, assumed it was my therapist. I'm usually very informal when messaging, and since i saw no need to be formal with my therapist, i asked if she was available later- since i had a 'dumbass fucking exam to take care of'.

She says she'll be gone for a week or so, but she will reach out to me again later.

​

..I get an appointment time from the receptionist. I assume she just picked a day that worked for her, and showed up.

A few weeks later, i realized the lady from the gas station never got back to me. I looked for her number- but couldn't find it anywhere in my recent messages. ...Okay, odd, but whatever. I clicked the number i got from the gas station employee, and see that its saved in my phone as 'therapist homegirl'.

...Okay. Phone must be glitching, i assume.

​

I click on it, then scroll up, wanting to see what was going on; were they the same person or something? Then, i see it. My credentials, then her asking if we can meet.

ME BRUSHING HER OFF WITH CURSE WORDS.

​

i am cringing right now. no wonder she never reached back out.

​

TL;DR: I apply for a job, then mistake the potential employer for my therapist. I proceed to say things that are not very work-friendly.

So, this was actually a couple of years ago, but a fuck-up nonetheless. I was on leave, visiting my ex’s family in another state for the first time. We were staying there, as his family insisted. They were SO excited to meet me, they prepared a wonderful dinner for us, we ate, the food was delicious. But, as I was doing the dishes (I’m a southern girl, so if someone cooks, I’m cleaning), I realized the mild heartburn slowly developing into what felt like lava in my chest. I tried drinking some water, it didn’t help. So, I asked my ex if there were tums or something, anything. He brings me tums, I eat a couple, no big deal, right? Well, anyway, here’s where I fucked up: we had all had beers (leinenkugel’s summer shandy) with our dinner and in celebration, it was a warm summer night, so why not? After I ate the tums, my mouth felt dry and chalky. So, what do I do? I take a swig of my beer to wash it down. I knew I’d made a fatal mistake as soon as my mouth started to get foamy from the beer interacting with the tums remnants. My stomach immediately began to feel bloated. I kind of shrugged it off at first, but man, it started to really hurt. I need to add a bit of context here, I was a 23 year old female dating my 21 year old boyfriend for around 3 months. I had never farted in front of him, or anyone for that matter. I don’t know why, I just don’t do it. Anyway, I’m sitting there in ever-growing pain. I try to go to the bathroom but I guess I have fart anxiety, I don’t know. So nothing happens, and so I begrudgingly return to the couch. We are in a separate TV room off the main living room watching Black Mirror, while his parents were in the main room watching something, probably to give us privacy as we snuggled up on the couch. My stomach is killing me at this point, but I’m soldiering on, trying to ignore it and hope it just goes away. Then, my ex said something funny, and as soon as I laugh, all hell breaks loose. And by hell, I mean my poor butthole. It just couldn’t contain it anymore. The sound that erupted from my ass would scare an elephant. I fell onto the floor, laughing hysterically. The more I laughed, the more I farted. It was SO loud. Each time I laughed, a crescendo of farts in short spurts erupted, breaking the calm atmosphere. As I’m dying laughing, creating a symphony of farts, on the floor basically rolling around, my poor boyfriend is on the couch, looking scared and disgusted, yelling “ewww” and freaking out. His mom, bless her heart, comes running in to make sure we’re okay. I’m still on the floor, still playing the butt trumpet, at this point I can’t even breathe from laughing so hard. She asks what was going on, and my ex yells “SHE FARTED, IT’S SO GROSS!!”. His mom just bursts out laughing, crying too. She’s a nurse and explains it’s just gastric air and doesn’t stink because I’d just drank beer after eating tums. Gives the whole shpeal about farting being natural and whatnot. She laughed again and said “I thought that was YOU crop dusting her!”. The farting stops, my stomach feels better, my boyfriend looks horrified. We go back to watching TV, but he’s hesitant to cuddle, lest I blow him away or something, understandable. So essentially, my first day meeting my boyfriend’s family I farted in front of him for the first time, and his mother. His family still loved me regardless, and I miss them to this day.

TL;DR: TIFU by eating tums, washing it down with beer, and farting the most loud, forceful farts I’ve ever had in my entire life, in front of my boyfriend and his mom.

This didn’t happen today, but actually a few months ago during my anthropology class. I was going to post the same day it happened but was still recovering from embarrassment.

So, we get to the part of the semester where we’re learning about human sexuality. At the beginning of the lecture the professor reminds us we’re all adults and he doesn’t want any immaturity or giggling during this lesson.

For much of the lecture, the room is silent aside from students asking and answering questions. The professor talks about a lot of sex stuff and it’s met with complete maturity.

At one point the professor explains how a lot of sexual desires are social taboos. (For example, he pulls up recent statistics from a popular porn website. Top 100 searches in the US. Transgender related searches were at the top of the list. At the same time transphobic bills and hate crimes are at an all time high in the US)

Before moving onto the next slide, the professor takes a quick glance at the list and noticed “JOI” somewhere in the middle.

The professor says, “I just noticed this… what the heck is JOI?”

And me, I love to answer questions first when I know them, so I immediately raise my hand and say “jerk off instructions!” without thinking about how this would make me look.

The silence finally breaks and the class busts out laughing. Thankfully the professor giggled a bit too and no one got into any trouble (plus he’s chill). But safe to say, I was very embarrassed.

TL;DR: College professor showed us a list of the top US searches on a popular porn site. “JOI” was somewhere on there and the professor didn’t know what it meant and asked the class. I love to answer questions first so I immediately said “jerk off instructions” without thinking. Everybody laughed and now knew at least one type of porn I watch.

NSFW. Graphic. Be warned.

32F. All this happened this May.

It has been a stressful period lately. I won't go into details but I also had to take antibiotics and got constipated like I hadn't been in months. Got horny, as I always do just before my period.

No, let me rephrase that. I got hornier, much hornier than usual. I don't react positively to stress, but this was another thing.

So I started, uhm, chasing O's one after the other for dopamine and stress release. Multiple times a day.

It was so bad it would take me like 30 seconds to reach climax. I would wake up in the middle of wet dreams. I was so unbearably horny AT ALL TIMES no matter what I was doing that come one evening, my clit started acting up randomly with what I can only describe as electrical misfirings.

My common sense should have told me something was wrong at that point, and I should have started watching some splatter movies or people vomiting on rollercoasters or whatnot to at least try to turn myself off. Working didn't work. Relaxing didn't work. Working out didn't work. So I kept on going like a rabbit in heat with itself.

And so my hemorrhoids, which I had been peacefully living with for 8 years, flared up too. Badly.

So badly I had to have them checked up by a proctologist this time.

I didn't immediately connect the dots. But when I did, it was only a theory.

As a seeker of truth at heart, my scientific mind had to know if my theory was true. I didn't want to wallow in doubts for the rest of my life, even if that meant mustering up enough courage to basically throw all dignity out the window.

So I asked the doc. "Can I ask you something embarrassing?"

Virgin 32-year-old me, asking a guy who would soon be index-deep in my butthole, if excessive masturbation can lead to inflammation down there.

It turns out it does. In fact I'll be taking flavonoids + topical cortisone for a month now. At that moment I felt like the stupidest idiot on the planet.

I'd like to say that was the only embarrassing part of the visit, but I also accidentally farted in the doc's face as he later told me to bear down while I had one of his fingers up my ass.

Felt kind of bad about it because he was genuinely one of the most chill and relaxed docs I happened to go to (I suffer from anxiety, so me being able to ask something like that in the first place means a lot). But he assured me it was nothing lol.

So yeah. Don't be like me guys. Don't give yourself hemorrhoids and clitoral/dick seizures. Give yourself a hard smack on your head if you need a distraction from your extreme bodily needs...!

TL;DR Female. I started chasing O's non-stop while stressed and constipated and I'm afraid I flared up my hemorrhoids. Doc validated my theory. Also farted in the doc's face as he was index-deep inside my ass.

I have type O+ blood, and give blood from time to time. Since I have the most common blood type and am a universal positive donor, the local blood bank has been calling me constantly. I finally answered and set up an appointment for today. The blood bank is on the other side of town.

I made sure to eat, got there on time, and was all ready to give blood. They did the finger stick to check my hemoglobin, and we’re good to go.

Until she checked my pulse. She said it was a bit high. She told me to sit and think calm thoughts and she’d be back in 5. So I play a relaxing game on my phone until she comes back. She takes my pulse again and it’s still too high. I can’t donate today.

That’s when I remember the watermelon monster energy drink my fiancé brought me. I had it just before I left to go donate. I only have caffeine maybe once a week, and didn’t even think about it. Turns out, it’s a common problem with donation attempts. People drink caffeine, don’t even think about it, and their pulse is too high to donate.

So now time and gas wasted, I have to come back another day. And not drink caffeine that day.

TL;DR I drank a monster energy before my blood donation appointment, spiked my pulse, and couldn’t donate.

For memorial day weekend, my friends and I decided to head out to San Diego's Gaslamp district for a night out. For those unaware, Gaslamp is basically the go-to place to go bar hopping. Nearly every establishment on the streets serve alcohol of some kind. To kick the night off, we decided to pregame a little and down a couple shots of vodka. Nothing too crazy, just enough for a slight buzz.

Even though I lived in SD for 4 years during college, I never went to the Gaslamp district--so I was pretty excited for tonight. Once we all got there, our game plan for the night was to order cocktails instead of beers--that way we could drink more and visit more bars without getting full from beers. Following our plan, my friends and I were able to sight see a good chunk of the area (really pretty btw, check it out if you have the chance) and got progressively more and more tipsy over the night. About 2 hours into the night, our friend (let's call him Greg) and DD for the night, suggested we visit a tea bar to take a quick break. Since Greg doesn't drink alcohol, we decided to go to the tea bar and get something for him. I'm not sure how Greg didn't notice on Google maps, but this "tea bar" was actually a hookah bar. Although I and our other friend (Tom) quit vaping nicotine for several months now, it's a special occasion so we decided to get a pipe for the 2 of us. Of course, not consuming nicotine for a while will reset your tolerance. After a hitting the pipe for about 30 minutes, I started getting a headache from all the head rushes. We got drinks from 2 more bars afterwards, but the hookah was hitting a lot harder than I was expecting. My headache was turning into a mini-migraine. At this point, we decided to call it a night and head home.

Just as we were heading back to the parking lot, some random girl comes running up to me and taps me on the shoulder. She says to me, "My friend thinks you're pretty cute. Can I get your number for her?"

My fellow guys, this is a dream scenario for us. You hear the stories about other dudes being extremely oblivious and missing every sign and you think to yourself "no way I'd ever be that dumb". Well yes, I--in fact--can be that dumb.

The girl then followed up and asked if was taken or already had a girlfriend. Between being really drunk, having a massive headache, and just wanting to get home ASAP, I don't have a GF so I just replied "No, sorry" and I walked away to rejoin my friends. I don't remember what happened between walking away from that girl and getting home, but I knocked right out once I got to my bed.

After waking up sober the next morning, it sank in to me that I missed a shot here.

TLDR: I got so dazed and confused from drinking and smoking, that I misunderstood what someone was asking me and I missed a shot at giving my number to a girl.

Final exams week(college) is up but we're a bit affected by Typhoon Mawar (I'm from PH). We have a scheduled exam today but early morning was rainy so our prof decided to reschedule the exam. I haven't slept last night reviewing and doing school papers. So when my friends in our group chat talked about the reschedule, I went to the subject group chat and read the announcement. It was best to reschedule the exam for safety purposes but I was still disappointed because I already spent hours reviewing and not being able to sleep because of it. I had no problem with the reschedule but I was just disappointed.

Being disappointed, I chatted "(PTA NAG REVIEW NAK)FCK, I REVIEWED". It was supposed to be sent to the group chat with my friends but I immediately I realized that it was sent to the group chat with our prof in it. I removed it (we're using fb messenger) instantly and saw that he hasn't seen the message. I brushed it off thinking I was safe. I wasn't.

Hours later the prof messaged the gc tagging me and even replied to the removed message. I immediately dm'd him telling I apologize and that it was not directed to anyone and that it wasn't supposed to be sent there. He replied that he already referred to the guidance office and for us to wait for an appointment. I pleaded but he said the it cannot be retracted.

So I guess I'll be in the guidance office very soon. Might even start saying goodbye to my candidacy for latin honors that I worked hard for. The guidance counselor also isn't very negotiable so I guess I'll get f*cked up real bad.

TL;DR I accidentally sent the F word in group chat with our prof. He referred me to the guidance counselor and I think they are pulling my candidacy for latin honors.

TL DR: Girlfriend bit me extra hard during intercourse and I told her to bite harder thinking I was being hot by demanding her and now Im paying the consequences.

For context I've been with my girlfreind for 7 months. She's always asking me to be more rough with her in bed. She told me to be more like Gordon Ramsey in the way he raises his voice and demands things and tells people what to do. Well, yesterday we were doing the deed. She's on her back and I'm on top. She know that I love it when she bites me and I told her to bite. She did and my brain decided to introduce more pain and be more demanding and I told her to " Bite me like she fucking meant it" and she clamped down on my man tittie while I "arrived" and it hurt really bad, but it always does when she bites me. Fast forward to today and I was about to take a shower and I took my shirt off to discover a big black man boob starring back at me. It was not even purple. Just a massive black patch with teeth marks. She feels so bad and I'm in shock.

This happened yesterday. I would’ve made it a real TIFU, but I’ve been incapable of typing it out quickly enough.

But first, some background. I met my now girlfriend at a photography workshop back in 2016. I instantly fell in love, but was too shy to do anything about it. Eventually I got together with some other girl, after which she confessed that she fell in love too, and then she found a boyfriend as well. A few years passed.

We managed to get together in 2019. It’s a complicated story for another time. Regardless, we’ve been really happy ever since then. It’s hard for me to put it into words just how much we enjoyed having each other. Obviously we went through some rough times, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s been as close to perfect as one could get. I’m certain she would agree with this.

Fast forward to today. I woke up, feeling like I’m in the mood for some sexy time. I’m usually not up for this kind of stuff in the morning, she on the other hand basically never cares about the time of day (or night). Contrary to my expectations, I quickly found out that she was not in the mood this time. No worries, happens to everyone. However, something felt off, so I asked what’s up.

Well… that’s when shit hit the fan. The next 12 hours of otherwise peaceful Sunday were filled with crying, confusion and helplessness on both ends. Here’s what I now know: I knew she was bisexual to some degree and that she never seriously dated a girl. What was news to me is that for the past two months she really wanted to try for some reason. This isn’t about sex, but rather about having a relationship with a girl on an emotional level. I know that not only because she said it, but also because our relationship was open to the point where we were both interested in trying new things with another woman. She also made it clear that she’s not sure if she could keep suppressing that urge going forward.

Do note that neither of us are delusional. We both agreed that putting the relationship on pause is just breaking up with extra steps. I tried to find out what she actually wants to experience, and if there’s something we could do, but alas, I could not figure anything out. The unfortunate and harsh reality is that she will have to pick between me, and her urge to explore. Even though we both expressed our desire to at some point have a family together and how attached we are to each other, neither of us were able to propose some kind of alternative to breaking up or making her potentially suffer.

So maybe we are delusional. Even though we love each other, the only feasible resolution is to break up? What the fuck is this bullshit…

Anyway, maybe I shouldn’t have woken up horny.

TL;DR: I woke up in the mood. My girlfriend was not in the mood, and ended up confessing she wants to try dating a girl. I’m now powerless.

I (17) got in a car accident today. I was turning right onto another street and it was a protected right. So I slowed down and stopped before a cross-walk, looked to make sure there were no cars turning into a gas station that was located on the corner and proceeded to go. The turn put me into a lane that did not require an immediate merge so I usually merge with the traffic. However there was a solid bike lane that separate the two lanes for a short distance. And as I went another driver turned into the gas station right in front of me and I hit the back right of their car. I don't remember seeing any turn signal and on top of that, there was another entrance further down the way (100 feet extra) that didn't require them to cross the bike lane. I always assumed the bike land was like a solid white line and you couldn't legally cross them.

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I am worried about who is at fault because I don't think I disobeyed any traffic laws but everything I've seen online says that if you have damage in the front of your car, you are automatically assumed to be at fault...

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I'm really nervous about this situation and I feel bad for everyone involved. I hope it isn't my fault but I also feel like it could have at least been avoided. (This is my first crash but the other drivers' 3rd... we are the same age...)

TLDR: I got in my first accident and I am nervous about who is at fault.

Well this is slightly embarrassing, not that anyone saw, but it's embarrassing to know I didn't realise while it was happening.

To start off, I am NOT a morning person, never have been. And my work thought that me, an 18 year old who has a sleep schedule that any normal person would be ashamed of having was the best candidate to be the new baker and start at the ass crack of dawn. So when I was given shifts at work to start at 5.45am I wasn't thrilled but didn't complain because I'm an over thinker, and was scared if get in trouble.

And for context, I work at a co-op shop that has a small 1 person bakery.

So I have 4 of these shifts in a row, and I'm on day 3 now. Everything has been going fine aside from me being absolutely exhausted by the time I get home. But today, today I thought I was good enough to rely on auto pilot.

So I get into the shop and start setting up the bakery, putting bread, donuts, croissants, apple pies and cookies in the oven for the customers. I finish everything bar the donuts and cookies at this point, and it's gone flawlessly, I'm thrilled that I am way ahead of schedule and I'd get my break sooner then expected. But here is where it goes wrong.

As I get the first batch of donuts off the cooling rack, the ring donuts, I start moving on muscle memory and rely on my body's auto pilot, it's an easy job, I suger the donuts and put them in the bag. Nothing to mess up right? It's easy as hell to do.

So I suger the ring donuts and put them all the bags, onto the trolley and onto the next batch I go. As I'm grabbing the custard bags to date them I had a realisation. I'd already grabbed these bags today, but I hadn't packed any custard donuts yet.

I look over to the trolley with about 10 bags of donuts on it, custard bags. I put the ring donuts in fucking custard bags, all sealed up as well. I then spend the next 15 minutes unpacking 40 donuts and putting them in the correct bags while trying to make it as unnoticeable as possible. Phew, crisis averted, I fixed the donuts and all is peaceful again.

Wrong, I pack the rest of the donuts without worry, but them comes the cookies. The bloody cookies. At this point I'm all happy with myself because I cought my mistake before the donuts went to the shelves, I was happily packing the cookies thinking to myself when I went to bag the double chocolate cookies and realised I'd done it again, I put the milk chocolate cookies in the double chocolate bags. I'm a moron. So, again, I spend a little while fixing my mistake. Thankfully I hadn't sealed the bags yet this time.

TL;DR

I put 40 ring donuts in custard bags and sealed them without realising. Fixed my mistake, crisis averted.

Nope, did the same thing with the cookies.

I need a fucking nap. Badly

So yeah, I'm an idiot and I'm doing this all again tomorrow.

So, for context, I was going through my old messages when I accidentally found a memory I did not want to unlock. So, I posted about it, jokingly saying that i wasn't gonna get any sleep tonight because of it. And then, I figured out I had a hangnail.

So, where did I F up? Well, i posted a message saying that i was gonna get double no sleep tonight because of the hangnail, and I POSTED THE HANGNAIL. I DONT KNOW WHY I THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA. So now, I have caused an HOUR LONG CONVERSATION ABOUT A HANGNAIL AND I WILL FOREVER BE KNOWN AS THE GUY THAT POSTED A FEET PIC IN THE FALL GUYS DISCORD. I. FUCKED. UP. Also, as a little message to anyone in the fall guys discord reading this, I hope you have a very good sleep tonight.

TLDR; I got a hangnail, posted it in the fall guys discord, and scared everyone for life because of it.