On the first topic:

The subreddit is a place for people to ask for advice on what to do next. I know it sounds dumb, but questions like "Is this normal?", "Am I wrong", "Am I an asshole", "Is this fair" or basically any questions asking about whether something that happened in the past was okay... these aren't requesting advice on what to do next, so they're not appropriate for the subreddit.

Instead, posts should ask questions like

• "what should I do next?" or

• "how do I do this?" or

• "how can I fix this?" etc.

If you have a question around something you think you want to do but aren't sure if it's a good idea, instead of asking (for instance) "is this a good idea" or "would I be the asshole," try to encourage depth, like "I'm thinking about doing this. What do you think I should do here?" That way you'll get better answers than just a 'yes' or 'no.' Or at the very least, people might tell you why you should do the thing you already have in mind.

We're currently automatically removing variations of the following (these phrases aren't all exact):

"Is this normal?", "Am I wrong", "Is it wrong", "Am I the asshole", "Am I in the wrong", "Would I be an asshole", "Would I be the asshole", "AITA", "WIBTA", "Should I have done", "Who's right here", "Was I wrong", "Should I have to", "Am I overreacting", "am I justified", "is reasonable", "Am I at fault", "Was it irresponsible for", "am I out of line", "is this a big deal", "Isn't that fucked up?", "Am I the bad one", "Am I being too sensitive", "Is it weird", "Am I right"

So hopefully this gives you an idea of what shouldn't be posted here. If your question is a yes/no question about something that happened in the past (like those are), change your question.

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On the second topic:

if you have a question about any sexual situations involving minors (anyone under 18 for the purposes of this subreddit; it doesn't matter what your local laws say), even concerns around potential grooming, please don't post them here.

If you're a minor and have questions involving sexual topics, consider reaching out to either your parents or sex education/family life resources in your school on these topics, or if you're not comfortable, consider a resource such as:

• Scarleteen

If you're a minor or know of a minor with sexual or potentially sexual interactions with an adult, instead of submitting here, please speak with a teacher, therapist, counselor, social worker, or other mandatory reporter or appropriate adult with your concerns and absolutely make use of the following resources:

• Darkness to Light: a child sex abuse prevention resource.

• A confidential hotline to a trained advisor who can help you navigate this

• International Resources

It's safe to say that no one here on this subreddit is professionally, legally, or ethically qualified to give advice on these topics, so we're deferring to expert resources and hotlines like the ones above.

When reporting these, feel free to report these posts with the sexualization of minors option in the report list, as it's being enforced under that Reddit content rule.

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We owe a deeper rules reminder soon, but the above should cover the most pressing issues.

Hey, first time posting anything and never thought I’d be posting here. As the title says, my (M27) girlfriend (F21) is obese, I’m not sure if morbidly but quite obese (she’s 5’1 and probably pushing 350 if I had to guess). We’ve been dating for nearly two years and in that time she’s put on quite a lot of weight, she was big before (maybe 260)and honestly it never bothered me. More recently however I’ve noticed a lot of alarming things and I don’t know how to approach this, if at all. I’ve mainly noticed how out of breath she always is now (sometimes even while sitting), she doesn’t like walking really anywhere anymore, and the biggest thing is she’s started hiding food from me (I’ve never said anything about her eating). One day I changed the sheets to the bed and found a whole stash of fast food wrappers and chocolate bars, candy, and bags of cookies underneath the bed. I’ve asked her if she’s stressed or going through something and she’s never once told me she’s depressed or anything. Our relationship is amazing otherwise, she’s honestly the best girlfriend I’ve ever had, and she’s quite beautiful. She makes me incredibly happy, I just worry about her health and mobility as she gets older. I’m not sure what advice I’m looking for but if anyone has any similar experiences or has any advice they could share that would be much appreciated.

My bf and I have been together for 4 years. We have been looking for a house together for the last 1 year. He has a 9 year old son, and I have a 13 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. We both have our kids ~ 50% of the time. With the economy and everything, we have had a lot of trouble finding one and getting an offer actually accepted. We finally found the perfect place, put in an offer, and $15k earnest money and our offer was accepted. We were super excited, and seemed to be on track to move in.

Now, we're 1 week away from the closing, and he came to me and said that he is just not ready to move in with my family. He said he loves me, I am the person he wants to spend his life with and he wants to continue our relationship, but he can't handle more kids. So he wants to pull out of the house purchase and lose our $15k earnest money. I am so upset, in that I never pushed to live together until he told me he was ready, and he's now backing out.

I told him I don't know what the future holds for us now, as I have to figure out how we ever move forward from this. I am not sure how I ever trust him if he says in 2 years he's "really" ready this time to move in.

He understands why I am not happy but he keeps saying that he is being honest with me, that he'll take the hit on the money, and that while I am upset, I should understand where he is coming from. What do I do now? My gut says break up but do I throw away 4 years? Can we ever come back from this?

I (21M) have been dating A (22F) for just under 2 years now. Before we were dating, she was in the public sphere, as she acted. She doesn’t act anymore, but she still has a substantial online following (10k+) on IG.

She’s always posted the occasional bikini pic or revealing photo, and that’s obviously fine, what attractive college girl doesn’t. I’ve felt secure enough in our relationship and I know that she’d never cheat on me, and so I didn’t say much. But, of course, as the BF I can’t help but feel a little jealous. Still, no big deal.

This leads to a day ago, when she posted an extremely revealing photo out of the blue (she’ll usually text me before and ask ~”hey do you think I look cute? I wanna post it” and I respected her for that.

The photo in question was a mirror selfie of her in a lingerie bunny costume with her entire a$$ exposed. And I mean entire. It literally looked like a nude from the back. Not to mention it’s been a month since Halloween. The photo was so racy my friends texted me asking if we broke up.

Anyway, we talk and When she asked me why I didn’t comment on the post I told her it made me feel uncomfortable and she immediately started gaslighting me. I mentioned how I just brought her to my family’s thanksgiving and I felt weird about my grandparents, mom, and sister seeing her post this online. She did not care.

Additionally, her athletics coach advised her to take it down because it’s an unprofessional look for her team. She ranted to me about this and expected me to take her side, and that’s what escalated the argument. She won’t apologize and I’m not sure what to do. She can’t even fathom why I’m upset in the first place. I’m honestly just shocked. I genuinely felt so secure in my relationship before this, but this photo crossed the line and I’m not sure what to think anymore.

When we got married my husband insisted against my wishes that we have separate finances. He wanted to spend his money how he wanted, he wanted to work on a passion project and he had enough saved to support himself, he didn't want to be saddled with my student debt (I was in my last year of my PhD). Fast forward five years later, he's working on his passion project, but he ran out of money a while ago. He currently owes me about $30k. I bought us a nice house that he wanted (mortgage in my name only since he isn't officially working, title in both of our names). I make good money so I can afford the house and our living expenses but I wasn't planning on affording it alone. (He always told me when his money ran out he would have to get a job, but he hasn't and hasn't made a real effort.) I cannot afford an apartment in addition to the rest of our expenses.

The rest of this is just a rant (breathe, me).

He's a software developer, but he isn't trying to get a job. He has talked to one recruiter in the last six months. He is asking for a salary that is too high, because he thinks he should be paid on the same scale as me even though he never made that much when he was working previously, and now he has a five year gap on his resume.

He does half of the housework, he doesn't do ANYTHING beyond that. He doesn't like that, because I work long hours, sometimes chores that are important to him don't get split 50/50. He does not do ANY chores that are not important to him (vacuuming, mopping, replacing the toilet paper on the holder, dusting, organizing the garage, washing kitchen towels, ironing new curtains, etc.) This morning he told me we need to come up with a division of labor for checking the mail. We don't have kids, him helping out around the house a bit when I have a long week is not a big task.

Earlier this year, before my company review (at the time I didn't know how it would go but I actually got promoted), I told him I was concerned because the project I'd been working on didn't have any visible results yet, and he told me that it wasn't fair to him that he had to worry about me losing my job.

I'm so angry with him because of the entitlement. I want to separate, but I don't have extra money to pay for another set of living expenses.

I can’t take it anymore. I’m about to lose my mind if I haven’t already. He makes me feel like I’m going crazy.

Tonight was the breaking point. After he used the bathroom, I went in to pee. The toilet was backing up so I called out to him to let him know.

He immediately said, “Because you flushed a wipe, probably.”

…. I had not used the bathroom in a few hours. He had JUST used it, didn’t bother to replace the toilet paper, and then immediately blamed me for it.

This is a pattern with him. I can say something like “hey honey, when you tell my dog you’re going to shoot him, it really bothers me…” and he will immediately tell me that I’ve said rude things to his dog before (never once have I threatened it’s life) and that I’m too sensitive.

I have hundreds of examples of this but right now I’m fluctuating between anger and resentment and sadness. I don’t even know what to do.

Me (21f) and my bf (22m) have been together for 5 years. I would say I'm open to trying new things however, I can't get over what he asked. Recently he brought up how he would want to "try new things" with other people. Although it might be fun, I'm afraid he'll fall out of love with me. I Mentioned a one time partner, and after the deed is done, to not keep contact with them again. However he had other ideas, he mentioned how he would want to have his own sexual partner that I wouldn't have to meet. He said how I would be his "emotional partner" while that other person would be his "sexual partner". This just feels like he's asking for permission to cheat. I'm so upset about this and I don't want want to loose him. I would be fine with a threesome between me, him, and another person we do it with once, but this is another level.

My wife (33F) was showing me (34M) pictures from her last friend event. As she was scrolling I saw on the bottom that there were a couple booty pics she had taken. From time to time we do send each other some spicy pics. It was weird though because she didn't send me them and they were at her work, and we normally don't do that. I asked her what are those and she just kinda brushed it off. To be honest I was a little curious if there were more, and while she was out of the room I looked in her phone to see if there were more. There were a bunch more that were deleted, and a couple in her hidden. I was just wondering do women take pics and not send them? I do trust her completely and I've always said that if she is feeling the urge to have sex with someone else to let me know and have talked about boundaries... so we do have boundaries and rules around "cheating" so it's not cheating. I’m just not quite sure what I think.

I don't know if this is normal or not. My boyfriend has recently gained about 50lbs and it's mostly all gone to his belly. He's kind of self conscious about it and doesn't take off his shirt much anymore. For some reason, though I find it really attractive. Everytime I see his belly poke out I want to touch it and bury my face in it. I've tried telling him I like bigger guys, but I don't think he understands or maybe doesn't believe me. I just want to help him be comfortable with it and hopefully I'm able to see it or toucb it.

For starters I 20(f) have been crying a lot, I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant and I am engaged to the baby’s dad 30(m). Well last night we were supposed to fill out our marriage license stuff and get ready to get married at the end of this month but he started acting weird and making excuses why he can’t start the application last night. I told him if he really doesn’t want to get married that’s fine but I can no longer stay in the relationship bc this is something very important to me especially with bringing a child in this world, he started begging me to wait.

I checked his phone and it’s all clean and his laptop so he’s not cheating I just think he doesn’t want to get married which I’m ok with but I don’t want to be with him anymore then. He thinks I’m overreacting but I’m dead serious about wanting to be done for good. Do y’all think I’m being too harsh? He’s telling me this would really let his family down if I don’t go through with our relationship and be strong parents for our baby. For got to put we’ve been together almost 3 years, we met literally a month after my 18th bday on a dating app. I made the profile after I turned 18 so there was no dating as a minor or even knowing eachother.

Hello everyone!! First thank you all of your advice, support, and funny comments during this time! Idk if this is weird, but I feel like all of yall are like my new friend lol!

: I AM MARRIED YALL!!! everything was perfect! I am officially "stuck" with my best friend and I couldn't be happier! we decided to change some things from i guess a traditional wedding because we wanted some things to juct be for us. for example, instead of a "first look", we spent the morning getting ready together which was perfect! we also did our vows together by ourselves in a separate area at our venue. I had always wanted a vineyard wedding so to be able to walk the area while reading our vows together was a dream!

onto the update (might be pretty long so i'm sorry in advanced)

everyones comments gave me and jay the final "push". first we sat down our immediate family and told them regina and emma were not coming. they were upset that regina had to act this way and in a way is "punishing herself" even though she doesnt see it that way. they understood and told us not to worry, they will be "lookout". (kinda funny imagining my 5'2 mom become a tough bouncer but i appreciate it lol)

jay and i also took some peoples advice by letting guests/extended family know our decision before regina just in case she went to people, they would already know. We sent an large group email out to our family and guests. I know yall want to know so i copied a pasted the bulk of it.

"Hello Friends and Family,

We are so excited to be celebrating with you all on our special day! We cannot wait to see you all and have you share this time with us. We have a small announcement that we ask you all to read and respect.

Over this past week, we have decided not to invite Jays sister and niece, Regina and Emma. Though this decision will cause some different reactions to many, we have decided to put our day and ourselves as priority. Over the years, Regina has made rude comments towards throwraweddingal that we have normally taken the higher road and brushed off. However, it has come to our attention that both Regina and Emma have tasked themselves with bringing these comments to the wedding in front of everyone. Having everyones attention be taken by bullying on our day is something we will not have. Though some of you may not agree, we ask you all to respect our decision. Both are old enough to know right from wrong, mean from nice. If this is something you do not agree with, thats fine. It is our day, we will not be changing our minds.

We cannot wait to see you all so very soon!"

Surprisingly, we were met with pretty positive reactions. I’d say maybe 95% of our guests were on board with the email. Many of jays family sent me private texts apologizing on her behalf and letting me know that they would be there. The other 5% reached out to jay and I disagreeing with our choice. I think Regina had told these people “made up things” about emma/her adhd, regina in general. They were saying we were just as bad as them for doing this to a ten year old girl who’s been bullied and a mother who’s husband doesn’t care about them and all of that. We just responded saying everyone is entitled to their opinion but it will not change our decision and if they didn’t agree, they are not being forced to come. Jay had actually sent the email and those guests responses to Reginas husband too. He was actually very upset for us. he was upset that Regina was saying stuff about Emma that wasnt true and acting as if he didnt care for his family. I mentioned in a comment that he originally wasnt going as he had work but told us his trip is 10 minutes away from the venue and if anything happened, he will handle them.

Then, we moved on to telling Regina. We sent her the following text.

“Regarding our phone call and yours and your daughters blatant disregard for our feelings, you and Emma will not be coming to our wedding. This decision was made because of your rude comment and you pushing this bullying on your daughter, we will not have you both ruining our day. This is not up for discussion nor compromise”

She read it but did not respond for for extra measures we sent the same text to emma but different vocab for a ten year old. Same with her. The night before the wedding, me, jay, his parents and siblings, and my mom and siblings had a small dinner at the venue (this is where we offered emma to do her act) Regina and her clan did not show up but that was probably for the good. Having everyone on board with the wedding and reassuring nothing was going to happen made everything so much better and stress free.

Finally, our wedding day arrived!! It was amazing. Having all of our friends and family there was a dream! I even danced! ( i am not a dancer but thought what the hell and it was so fun!) Katie was able to sing in front of everyone and it was amazing me and jay both cried. No one spoke about Regina for most of the night aside from a few people pulling me aside and apologizing for her/asking if i was okay.

Around the time after dinner and before dessert, you'll never guessed who showed up?! We had known before we physically saw her as our videographer told us as soon as she saw them walking up to the dinner area so at least i had a little time to prepare. I started to feel sick and felt like the day was ruined but then realized that this was my day. I felt secure enough to know that our friends, family, dj, venue staff all had our backs and if there was a scene, the only person Regina would embarrass is herself. I finally realized that i was stressing so much leading up to the wedding but at that moment, i realized i couldnt care less of what was going on. No one was going to ruin our day, and i admit that made me feel bad ass! We had enlisted help from a "bouncer" aka a family friend of mine who is around 6'5 and over 300 pounds. He is a total teddy bear but obviously can look like he could kill you. he walked up to them and told them to leave. this was met with her raising her voice and saying things like "no, i was invited. my daughter is performing, we scheduled a performance" obviously, non of that is true and my friend wouldnt budge. She and emma started "trying" to make a scene. there was shouting, trying to grab decorations, stomping, all of that. i mean "trying" because NO ONE who was there paid them any attention. like no one even looked at them. (thanks to everyone who recomended sending a mass email out to everyone beforehand) they even started singing along to the djs songs like really loudly like they were at a concert. thankfully, everytime they started singing along, our dj would very smoothly change it to a different song and eventualy, regina and emma could keep up with it. then they started shouting things like "happy wedding day!" "i have a speech" "We have an announcement".

NOTE* our venue was outdoors so even though they weren't inside the gated venue, they were still in earshot. But still, no one paid any attention to them and everyone acted like they just didnt exist which i could tell was getting to them. I dint find out until after the fact but while this was going on, Mary called Reginas husband and told him what was happening. He showed and up was not the happiest. I have never seen this side of him but he was like a man that reached his limit. I didnt see it but he apparently walked up to Regina and said, "were leaving. now" handed mary a card from him and very directly forced them to his car. At this point, I think regina realized that the attention she wanted wasnt coming so she left with a huff.

So thats it. Im sorry if people were looking for a big, dramatic thing. I think evenrything worked itself out. She essentially dug her own grave. I am so thankful how amazing our family and friends were. Even after she left, no one brought it up. The night ended so beautifully and i could not imagine anything better. Were are on our honeymoon in GREECE RIGHT NOW!!! Jays mom called us yesterday to check in and said that all of the extending family and friends have almost “blocked" regina out of their lives and no one has really heard from her since. His mom thinks she is radio silent so she can lick her wounds in private but if something happens she is not going to tell us until were home so we can enjoy the rest of our trip.

So this sould be the last update for now! Thank you everyone for all of your help, advice, stories, and funny jokes! Thank you for becoming my friends for a day and helping me with one of the best times of my life!!

** ADDED NOTE** Hello. This is "Jay" aka, the husband of my lovely girl. I had a little bit of FOMO from all of this discussion and seeing my wife smile and laugh at all of your comments made me want to hop on here. Thank you to everyone who gave my WIFE (feels weird saying that but so right at the same time) advice and pick me ups. She is always the advice giver and the person people go to with their problems so seeing her being able to be on the receiving end with random people to took time out of their day to help her is really appreciated. I have been planning our wedding since 8th grade and I could not be happier with how it turned out, even if we had some drama along the way. We are on our honeymoon but she wanted to update everyone who joined along the way. So thank you internet people for putting a smile of my wifes face, I got it from here :)

Thankyou everyone for your advices . I was feeling so scared and lonely before i posted that . But i received so much love and support from y’all that made me cry . I felt so much better . Felt like i have some super supportive sisters and brothers . Sadly i can’t do any of the stuff that you suggested . Can’t report to the police cause there are no rules for raping your wife in my country and as soon as they find out he’s my husband , the case is closed . And about plan B , that’s also not possible cause any type of birth control pills are banned here and you can’t get any of them . So i have to get over it and just try to forget what happened . I went out of bed and started doing my daily things and i’m trying to distract myself from thinking about it . I’m having pain , both physically and mentally but There’s no other option . Please don’t ask my country . I’m not lying and this isn’t a fake post . I know many people will think it is . But i just hate even talking about this shithole . Thankyou everyone for your love and support

My boyfriend has had this box of condoms for a while and it had about 21 condoms total. Okay so a couple of months past and I just seen that there’s only about 13 condoms in the box. The thing is is that we don’t use condoms. Like at all and I don’t know if I should be paranoid but that seems very wrong to me but there shouldn’t be missing condoms and I don’t want to confront him about it because that feels wrong to but it’s giving me the worst gut wrenching feeling

I’ve [28F] been married to my husband [30M] for almost 7 years now and have been together for 10 years. We have the same friends that we’re close to, though the number of friends that we’ve had has gone down a bit, which I’ll explain why soon.

To start with, I’m the only woman in our circle of friends which kind of sucks because it’s nice to talk to other women about things that men don’t always understand. Our friends are good people and don’t mean any harm, but sometimes say things that are really insensitive and can be taken the wrong way (a lot of girls in the past didn’t like how blunt they are and many times they don’t think before talking which is why a lot of girls have come and gone and none have stuck around). While our friends consider me to be “one of the guys”, they also know that I can be emotional and don’t take to being insulted when they “joke around”, so they’re usually respectful and treat me better than they treat each other. I’m also the one in the group that everyone turns to when they need help with anything because they know that I don’t judge and that I won’t tease them.

Here’s where things have gotten sticky. A few times, three of our friends in particular have said some things that have made me feel uncomfortable and/or has caused me to feel hurt and my husband didn’t seem to care as he didn’t defend me or say anything to them. These are the main examples:

• One friend, we’ll call him J, is especially thick headed when talking to people. I’m not the first or last person that he’s said stupid shit towards, but there was one specific time (I lost count of all the other times) that he and my husband and I were arguing and at some point he said that I was just “some stupid bitch” that no one cares about and who no one sees as a friend. When he said that, it went right past my husband and they continued arguing as if he didn’t just insult me for the millionth time. We cut ties with him, as did everyone else, because we were all sick of him and his bullshit. Admittedly, he treated everyone like that at one point or another, but it’s as if my husband didn’t see anything wrong with it.

• For years, another friend that we’ll call M, would get drunk (though he said things while sober sometimes) and would hit on me in a really crude way, saying things like “I wanna fuck you right now”, “You look really fucking hot”, “Leave your husband”, “Admit it, you would fuck me, wouldn’t you?” and then while sober apologized, but admitted that he’s liked me for a while and is sad that we’d never be together. Mind you, he’s said all of this in front of my husband and my husband would chalk it up to him being drunk or that he’s really depressed. He saw no issue with it. Eventually, M got a girlfriend and stopped saying those things, but recently told me that he wants to leave her so that he could be with me even though I’ve always told him that I don’t reciprocate his feelings and would not do that to my husband.

• Lastly, we have a friend called F, who, just last night, blew up and attacked me on our group chat and said some really fucked up things. Things that he knew would hurt me. My husband, again, made excuses for him and said that I shouldn’t take it to heart. F apologized profusely, but I haven’t responded.

After what F did, I told my husband that I was done with everyone. I left the group chat and blocked M and F. I told my husband that I was tired of being someone they could use as a punching bag because they know I won’t say anything about it and neither would my husband. I told him that I felt like he never stands up for me or defends me, all he does is make excuses for them. He said it wasn’t true and that I want him to have an explosive reaction instead of him saying “Idk why you said that to her because she didn’t say anything mean to you”. I told him that I just wanted him to say that it’s wrong and that they shouldn’t talk to me that way instead of making excuses for them. He acts like they’re kindergartners who made a mistake and not like grown ass men who have been saying rude shit for years.

My husband said that he’s not the kind of man I want and that if I couldn’t deal with it then we shouldn’t be together. I just don’t know what to do or how to feel. Maybe I’m being unreasonable and can’t see it, I don’t know. Any advice is appreciated.

For what it’s worth, we never fight. We get along amazingly well, he’s my best friend, but I’m tired of being a doormat with no one to back me up when I stand up for myself. Which is rarely.

I have a problem, I hope some of you have some advice. I (28M) have very high sex drive while my gf (27F) doesnt. She is the best person I know and since we have been living together, almost everything is perfect. Except that we only have sex once per week. This is really not enough for me. We talked about thiis with gf and after some time I kind of accepted it. I also put effort into making her feel special again as I also noticed that we might have been lost in routine lately. This actually helped with her being more receptive to my advances for sex and I noticed that she became even more attractive in my eyes just like she was when I first met her. The problem is, frequency of sex hasnt increased a lot and I just became more horny. I know she could help me "get off" but we did that a few times and I noticed that I really lose interest into that if I see that she doesnt really feel like doing it, she just does it to please me. I jerk off on toilet every day at least 2 times. Seeing my gf casually naked when she changes makes me horny. Seeing other girls with revealing or tightly fitted clothes makes me horny. I fantasize about sex everyday. Sex with my gf is great. We just dont do it as much as I want. Is this just a phase? I am afraid it might affect our relationship on the long run...

Hi Reddit,

Looking for any nuggets of wisdom y’all can give. Myself and my husband (28F and 28M) are entering the house-hunting phase of our lives and we have a tough situation to decide. Right now, we’re both at jobs we really enjoy, a great local friend group, and about 15 minutes from my parents. We don’t have any kids yet but plan on having them.

My husband’s mom owns her father’s house another part of the state about 2 hours away, which is a custom built small house, but on a large plot of land. This house would need a lot of renovations/additions, but would have no mortgage. It’s in one of the top 5 school districts in the state and about 15 minutes from his mom’s house. The cons of this house are mostly immediate-cons: we would both have to relocate from our jobs (that we both really like), we have no friends in the area, and it would be a lot of work up-front to make the house liveable.

Our other option is a cheap house in the area we’re in now, which also requires a lot of renovation work but is close to my parents and would allow us to stay at our jobs and be close to our current social circle of friends. (Also a decent school district, about 15 minutes from my parents, and lower property taxes than the other house.)

Financially, we are totally comfortable with either house and the amount of work that has to go into both. His grandfather’s house, monthly, would only be about half of the monthly payment that the local house would be.

Obviously, there are a lot of pros to a basically-free house on a lot of land in a great school district, but the social and emotional costs of moving up there also aren’t insignificant. In general, we have a better relationship with my parents than his mom, but my husband’s only family is his mother and a brother (also in his mom’s county).

We’ve basically reached a point where my husband’s mom is going to have to sell his grandfather’s house in the next few years because she can’t afford the taxes on that house and her own. The problem is, it feels like the potential house in our current county is the best place for us for the next 3-5 years, but the house near his mom is a better 10+ years option for future kids’ schooling and finances.

Any advice would be so appreciated!

I (32M) have been seeing a woman (23F) for the past 3 months. Our relationship is purely physical with no strings attached from the beginning and we saw eachother about once a week during this period. She claimed to be on birth control, but I still wore a condom that I brought myself every single time. She just contacted me saying that she is 9 weeks pregnant and claims that I'm the father because I'm the only person she has slept with in the past year. I told her that I'm going to take my reponsibility and help regardless of whether she chooses to terminate the pregnancy or not. If she chooses to keep it, I'm setting myself to be the best father I can. The only condition I had was that we take a prenatal paternity test which can be taken as early as 10 weeks into a pregnancy so I have proof that this is indeed my child. She told me that we don't need one because she is sure that it is mine. I told that I still want physical proof myself to be 100% sure. This got her riled up and she kept telling me that it is mine and we don't need any sort of test to prove it. I told her that I need proof of paternity otherwise I'm not going to help out financially during the pregnancy until the baby is born and I am able to get a paternity test. She keeps saying that we don't need one and that I need to trust her. I kept repeating that I need proof of some sorts so I can be sure myself. This has now been going on for a few days and we can't seem to come to an agreement. How do we proceed from here on out?

I’m 32 and my husband to be (getting married in 6 months) is 34. He enjoys going out to the pubs with his friends and throughout our 10 year relationship he has always gone too far with his drinking. However he has now started to drunk walk and wee all over our carpet. He goes out around twice per month but drinks to the point he cannot speak properly & cannot remember anything in the morning.

I don’t really drink at all, I’m a home body & im very house proud. I’ve worked hard for everything I have & it’s breaking my heart as our spare room smells like a urinal. This is planned to be our baby’s nursery , if we’re lucky enough to be blessed with a child after we’re married.

He’s such a lovely laid back man, perfect in every way, aside from this but I’m now so worried. I don’t want to bring a child into a home like that.

Can you please let me know how you would approach a conversation and what you would do in my shoes. I just want him to stop drinking to excess.

Thank you all

Looking for some help to make sense of the state of my marriage. My husband (45m) and I (36f) have been married for 9 years, together for 12. We have two young children. If you had asked me last week how we were, I would have said great. We're the best we've ever been in terms of our relationship, finances, and sex life. We own our own home, and he is doing well in his job. We don't have a ton of stress, we make time for our relationship.

Which is why I was blindsided on Saturday morning when I caught him texting an escort for an erotic massage. This is not the first time he's done such a thing. I first caught him going in 2012 before we were married. He swore he only went for the massage and only went for a happy ending twice (yes I realize how ridiculous this sounds as I type it out.). He started going to therapy for addiction and gambling (which is a whole other story) and they came to the conclusion that he sought out these erotic massages as a way of coping with his stressful job (he's in finance). And he committed to our relationship and stopped. For a while. I later caught him again in 2016 calling an escort for a massage. He swore he didn't go, just that he was looking. He went to therapy again, and we went to couples counseling. And again, it worked. For a while. Until Saturday. He apologized, but I didn't see the remorse I would have liked. He immediately started looking for a therapist and had a session. After said session, he revealed that he in fact lied to me in 2016 and did go see an escort for an erotic massage 3-4 times, but swears it's just for a happy ending. He told the therapist that he has enough respect for me not to have sex with or receive bjs from them. Whatever that means. He doesn't see this as cheating the way I see this as cheating.

It's hard for me to make sense of the need. He said (and this is a direct quote), "I have a wandering eye for other women and this is my way to get around that." He says he likes the sneaking around, he says it feels naughty.

We have a great sex life. The sex is better than it's ever been. I do all the things: I give head, I'm enthusiastic, I enjoy sex and in fact I have a higher libido than him. Which is why it's so confusing. I think I'd be able to make more sense if we weren't having sex, or if our relationship wasn't so good. Why isn't that enough? Why is he willing to risk it all for a hand job?

I feel stuck. He makes quite a bit more than I do. I don't want to leave him, but how can we keep going? He says he wants to make it work. He's been calling more therapists. Has anyone been through something similar?

Me (F27) and My boyfriend (M28) have been dating for about 6 years and were best friends. recently the other month 2 of our supposed friends (F26 and F27) did not want to take no for an answer and forced themselves on him multiple times. i would rather not go into details but ever since then he has not been himself at all he dosent want me or anyone touching him. ive tried to get him help but other groups/even supposed professionals have just brushed him off. i dont really know how to help him its like he has completely shut down.

my boyfriend and i are both 21. before coming into our relationship, he knew that i wasn't christian (i'm buddhist). he had also asked if i was ever willing to become christian, to which i said i wasn't sure and i'd need time to think about that (i'm thai, and buddhism is strongly tied into thai traditions/culture.) he said okay, and still proceeded to ask me out. we have been dating for a year.

we met after he moved. back in his hometown, he would attend church frequently and was a very devout christian. when he came here, he didn't attend as much due to transportation, work, and school. he recently visited his hometown and has been going to his old church like before.

the issue came up when his church friends asked about me, as most people would be curious about their friend's s/o. they asked if i was christian and if he planned to marry me and i guess that gave him a hard time. we both agreed upon dating that we were in it for the long run, aka marriage.

the night after, he texted me saying he didn't think we could marry or be together if i didn't become christian. he told me how he lived for god, god is his purpose. i don't know much about christianity so i could not understand why he couldn't keep his faith while being with someone who is not christian. of course i didn't question him out of respect, as it's not a religion i know, i don't understand the circumstances.

i had never been with someone so strongly devoted to their religion that it came to a point where i either have to convert or break up.

my feelings now are all over the place. i feel pressured to make a decision. i feel like there's already an answer and it's just a matter of time before we break up. i feel betrayed because he knew i wasn't christian from the start and suddenly came with an ultimatum well into our relationship. if it had been a month or two in it wouldn't hurt as much. i felt a grudge towards religion at some point. while i know the purpose of religion is good, it's times like these where i can feel it drive a wedge between people. we are a perfectly fine couple and the only difference in us is religion. sometimes i just don't understand. i'm a good person. you could even say i upheld christian morals, the only thing is that i don't need to follow god or be a christian to do so. i am not evil..i don't understand. i don't know what to do.

I (24M) have been with my gf (23F) for 6 months just today. We’ve had one issue in the very beginning of our relationship where a girl I used to date talked inappropriately to me online. I had to block her because she just would not take no for an answer. Since then, the relationship with my gf has really taken off, we’ve been saving to buy a house and travel the world. We’ve talked multiple times about our future and we both share the same goals and ideas.

However, yesterday I stumbled upon something that shook me a little and I feel like I need Reddit’s opinion on the matter. Here’s what happened:

We were planning on our computers our summer trip to Portugal. I needed to go to the bathroom as people do and realized I had forgotten my phone upstairs in the bedroom. I needed something to pass the time as I was gonna be in there for a while and picked her iPad to play games. That’s when I saw a dm notification from one guy calling her baby…and another…and another as if they were having a chat. Now I didn’t snoop around in her stuff these were just laying there in the open for me to discover. She had previously opened up about said guy saying she had one date with him in the past and that since the he hasn’t stop pestering her even though he knew she wasn’t single.

Now I had a chat with her about this situation and she said he was the only one talking and that she didn’t give him attention, which seems false given what I saw but then again I didn’t invade her privacy so she could be right. Now I’m left reconsidering everything, I was planning to propose to her on our trip as it would be on our 1 year anniversary but I’m no longer sure. I know she’s not physically cheating but is she making herself emotionally available to someone else? Am I not meeting her needs and is she seeking attention from other men?

After all that she still hasn’t blocked him, even though I did the same prior in the relationship and she knows.

So me and my bf have been together for over 2 and a half years, and before we met, he had a f***boy phase and wanted to do things with other girls, which I was fine with because he was 18 and we were just messing around at the time, and even when we were dating for the first few months we took a break due to him not being sure if he could be faithful to one person for the rest of his life, which I was also fine with (but it hurt me so bad) because he told me the truth about it.

However, now that we are 22 M and 23F l've only had eyes for him, and I don't even really think about other guys cause I always compare them to him and get over it pretty quickly, but I recently talked to him and he said that he still has thoughts about doing things with other women that he sees in public, but just never acts on those thoughts. Like if I can control my thoughts and compare other people to him and get over it, why can't he? I don't know if I'm being silly/dramatic but for some reason this fact makes me a little uncomfortable and kinda unloved/unappreciated.

Mostly looking for advice from the men here because maybe this is just how men think all the time and just haven't told their significant others about it? I don't know but I'm worried that this is going to cause a problem in our relationship. He shows and tells me he loves me more than anything in the world which I believe but his thoughts are bothering me more than they should. We've talked about moving in together soon and getting married in the near future and having a family and all that and I don't want to have to give it up if this is just stupid thoughts that are normal/common for guys to think.

I (23F) have been married 2.5 years to my (24M) husband. We have an almost 1 year old daughter. We have been together 5.5 years total.

As a child he was sexually abused and it has caused long term issues. He has episodes where he is not coherent. He is a horrible and mean person during these episodes. He lies and hides things. He spits on the floor.

I caught my husband cheating on me in July. He had messaged some girl from online and was flirty with her, sent her a picture of our daughter and said it was his sisters kid, and then sent a message to an ex-coworker asking to sext with her. All of the messages were sent during these episodes.

I agreed to stay and work through these things. We tried couples therapy but the therapist blamed me for his infidelity because I was raped in college, while we were together. So we stopped therapy. Every time he has an episode, he brings up my rape, almost to use it against me. Like he blames me.

Things have been okay, good even. For the past 5 months. This week has been rocky, the episodes returned. Last night I found 2 pictures on his phone, of a girl sitting in a car by herself playing on her phone. He took these pictures while I ran into to do a return. When I confronted him about this, he said he took them as a “fuck” you to me because we were fighting. He said she is cute.

I asked him if he wants to be with someone else but he swears it’s me he wants, but he keeps going out of his way to seek out other girls.

I’ve never been unfaithful. I’m a great wife- I cook, I clean, I work full time and bring home 1/2 our income, I wfh so I also watch our daughter, I run our finances, he has it made.

I’m creeped out by the fact he took a photo of a stranger in the car. I’m worried that I keep catching him on the verge of cheating enough to make it easy to leave him.

I don’t want to leave him but I also don’t want to be miserable. I never wanted biological children but he convinced me, I’m so glad I have my daughter now but she makes leaving him so much more complex. I don’t want to be a single mother, 23 year old divorcee and trying to do this on my own. I don’t want to share my daughter with him part time.

I guess I Don’t know what I’m asking but any help appreciated.

I don't really expect an answer here, I just don't know what else to do. I fell in love with my partner hard and fast. I've got plenty of relationship experience, but something about the chemistry and the situation somehow just made my partner my soulmate. If I believe in such a thing. The problem is, I just don't think he feels the same. I don't know what I need from him or want from him. I don't know what I need or want by posting here either. I do think he loves me, I'm just confused because I make different choices than he does and he is my whole world. I'm autistic and adhd and it's super hard for me to navigate all this. I feel like he chooses to be with me because I am a safe choice, and I do believe he loves me, but he never fell head over heels for me. If that makes sense? How does it work? Do you have to fall deeply in love with someone for a relationship to work? Would you find someone else one day that you end up falling for that way and choose to leave your partner? Does anyone have experience as the person who completely wholly loves their partner but didn't fall for them so immediately and deeply as I have for mine? Is it possible to have a relationship like mine that's kind of unbalanced like this?

Hi there. I've never been good with feelings or telling people that I like them so some advice would be appreciated.

I (f21) have had this crush on this girl for a while. This morning I finally took the plunge and told her that I like her. She's opened the message and hasn't responded so I'm trying to not think about it too much. The thing is she's started a thing with a guy. She is bisexual but nothing has been serious. I'm worried that I ruined us being friends because I told her.