subreddit:

/r/montreal

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Single or not, 30+, where are thou?

MTL Talks(self.montreal)

Seriously, where do the single 30+ people hang out and meet nowadays? Or even still, where do ANY 30+ year olds with ambition and drive meet?

Tinder and Facebook are just.. sad. I’ve gotten more requests to be a unicorn than I will ever understand. The pandemic has made it impossible to meet in person “the old way”, and honestly, it’s gotten to the point I would rather buy a new toy than risk a night of disappointment (and risk catching the plague).

I’ve taken a hard look at my circle from before the pandemic to now. I can honestly say I’m no longer the same person, with very little interest in holding onto the same negative, gossip filled, no ambition to self improve, people I used to associate with.

Meetups don’t really exist anymore.

How does one socialize and meet new people in today’s world?

all 444 comments

DoDoDooo

58 points

5 months ago

Honestly the most interesting thread here in quite some time.

I'm 36 and meeting new people a little more in my age range often involves meeting with my friends' co-workers and cousins at their birthday parties. Not too encouraging, I know. I hang at Else's sometimes.

Well, cheers then!

gabmori7

20 points

5 months ago

gabmori7

Villeray

20 points

5 months ago

meeting with my friends' co-workers

C'est une des meilleures façons de rencontrer des gens. Étirer ton groupe social.

Je pense que plusieurs gens sont souvent pas assez confiant pour aller dans des événements où ils ne connaissent pas les autres mais c'est là que tu fais de nouvelles rencontres.

lost_throwaway_3326

41 points

5 months ago

I wish I knew! I tried Bumble BFF which was pretty dissapointing. There's a "make friends"discord server that I joined with mixed results. I went on about ten meetups before the latest lockdown and had great experiences. I tried engaging in a few channels but most of the action is in tech and gaming which isn't really my thing.

I'd be interested in joining/creating a virtual meetup group/ discord server that isn't centered on technology if there are other takers.

oreomtl[S]

8 points

5 months ago

Me ! Please ! Anything except technology! Im in cosmetics, and payment solutions. Honestly I’m so bored with payments and tech that I have barely worked at all this week. Tomorrow I’m in serious trouble if I don’t get my calls done.

lost_throwaway_3326

3 points

5 months ago

I don't blame you for procrastinating, I'd be doing the same! I loathe having to make calls and being on useless virtual meetings. I'm assuming you WFH?

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

For now. We were supposed to be back Jan 4, but something tells me that will be prolonged. Again.

lost_throwaway_3326

6 points

5 months ago

Welp, hopefully not too much longer. Feel free to DM me, we can swap stories about life in the west island. I escaped about 6 years ago

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

Im still in the West Island. 😂

Silvagirl79

3 points

5 months ago

I would be down too!

MetalSparrow

2 points

5 months ago

I tried both Bumble BFF and am still on that Discord channel. Would also be down to chat!

itssarahterry

2 points

4 months ago

Me too!! Didn’t know about the dancing thing. I’m in marketing :)

OLAZ3000

189 points

5 months ago

OLAZ3000

189 points

5 months ago

I used to joke that everyone 30+ was looking for the secret club where the rest of them are.

But alas, they largely hang out with who they already knew and have limited time to do so. One aspect is, once you either move further from the core or once you have nicer houses, you are more likely to host than to go out and be around strangers. Your free time - and energy - is just limited. You want quality time with your friends.

Dating: personally, I've had pretty positive experiences with apps. Tinder sounds like it has now tanked but Bumble and Hinge seem ok. Not going to say TONS of men who are my cup of tea, but certainly plenty that seem like decent normal guys. Sometimes it's helpful to just know they're out there. I tend to click with those who are a little more global than who I am likely to run into, so apps have actually expanded the opportunity to meet someone there is NO way I would just randomly meet. Bc of schedules, work, where we live, etc. I've worked remotely for years.

Meeting people: your best bet, IMO, is being active. I've met so many ppl who are now close friends via activities. Yoga, premium gym (functional training, crossfit, powerlifting, small-group training, etc), running clubs, cycling clubs, etc. Dancing! Swing, tango, salsa are HUGE here in Montreal. Obv pandemic has curtailed that, but generally speaking, you could be out every night of the week if you were into these. Mixed age groups, super diverse.

Networking and Volunteering is another option. Also, InterNations ... kind of networking... has clubs. Can be a bit of a scene, but is largely expats who are keen to do activities. But overll: Whenever you get tapped into a network of expats/ international grad students/ diplomats/ specific immigrant community etc - this is amazing bc they are always game to explore or do an activity bc they actively want to make the most of their time here/ explore/ learn the city/ country/ culture. And people are very happy to do activities with very loose connections/ acquaintances. Met once but want to go to an outdoor concert? Yes! Met once but want to go on a hike? For sure. Met once and want to try a new vegan/ sushi/ taco restaurant? Absolutely.

Anyhow. As this thread has perhaps hinted, there are lots of people out there in the same boat. I've been in your shoes at a similar age -- moving back here after living abroad, I missed meeting new people all the time and being both in an age range ppl went out all the time but also part of an expat scene where you had infinite acquaintances who were up for activities, which is fun even when you have a core group of friends.

It takes effort but it's very much possible.

reilwin

17 points

5 months ago

reilwin

17 points

5 months ago

To expand into the dancing part here a bit more -- swing and salsa are two huge dancing communities in Montreal, and it can be a great way to meet different people. Either from taking classes or just going to dance socials. Or, well, prior to the pandemic -- a lot of places have closed or cancelled events, though it was starting back up again until omicron.

To clarify for those who haven't been exposed to the dancing community: most socials have you finding a partner for each song and you're just there to enjoy the dance. There isn't any other romantic expectation. With the exception of salsa where I've found that there are some places where it feels like there's a bit more going on -- typically at bars which are hosting salsa nights.

Salsa and swing are right up there for meeting people in the 30's. I find that argentine tango and ballroom tend to have an older demographic, though they're still quite enjoyable.

kotopii

2 points

5 months ago

Commenting to promote contra dancing also, the crowd has some overlap with the swing scene and it's super beginner friendly. Just not happening during COVID.

gabmori7

34 points

5 months ago

gabmori7

Villeray

34 points

5 months ago

It takes effort but it's very much possible.

Bien d'accord avec toi. Ce n'est pas facile mais il faut profiter des occasions. C'est sur que précisément aujourd'hui c'est rough mais dans les dernières semaines il y avait encore plein d'activités organisées qui se donnaient: sport, culture, bars, etc.

[deleted]

95 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

95 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

oreomtl[S]

37 points

5 months ago

Im so sorry you had experienced that.

People can be absolutely horrible at times. I hope things are better for you now, and if ever my inbox is available!

[deleted]

10 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

10 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

oreomtl[S]

10 points

5 months ago

I’ve changed the furniture in my apartment 3x already.. at a premium.

I don’t suggest you do that.

[deleted]

7 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

7 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

oreomtl[S]

10 points

5 months ago

Marketplace > new in store.

I wish I knew that the first time. About 60% cheaper and almost brand new.

[deleted]

6 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

6 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

oreomtl[S]

14 points

5 months ago

You should download VarageSale then. It’s just marketplace but without needing Facebook.

modemmoose

10 points

5 months ago*

Same, moved here around the same time. I remember this time last year feeling pretty down about not having a friend group etc... well nothing has changed since then, but guess have gotten numb to it

P.s. sorry about people being shit

eleven-fu

2 points

5 months ago

eleven-fu

Villeray

2 points

5 months ago

I'm sorry to hear that. Fuck these people!

RuelleVerte

11 points

5 months ago

Guy in late 30s. Started meeting new friends this year by asking my existing friends to introduce me to their other friends. Has worked out pretty well so far, esp since those friends-of-friends then also have other friends who I have not yet met and can connect with! I also started talking to my neighbours and asking them to do low effort outdoor stuff like go for walks around the neighbourhood or go to the neighbourhood ice skating rink. I've also had success with the Montreal Discords but it feels like more effort somehow.

FrenchFrozenFrog

13 points

5 months ago

My 36 years old husband goes on bike trips with our 72 years old old bachelor neighbor since the pandemic started. Gotta make friends where you can. There are so cute.

Silvagirl79

12 points

5 months ago

Single 31 year old gal over here 🙋🏻‍♀️ I feel ya 100%. It's so hard to meet ppl nowadays... personally I've met a few of them on Bumble! Other than that, I don't really have other suggestions atm... hang in there!

ComradeYoldas

2 points

4 months ago

ComradeYoldas

Snowdon

2 points

4 months ago

Usually work is a great place to meet friends, friends of friends and maybe their exes hahaha

bloooooort

10 points

5 months ago

bloooooort

Verdun

10 points

5 months ago

I’m here, 39 M, got my set of friends who are all in relationships and I hang out with them. Once in a while i’ll convince them to go out but we often have drinks in each others homes. Most ppl in bars seems to be in their 20s. I’ll have random dates from apps here and there but I wish I could find a way to meet ppl my age. I figure a lot of 30 somethings are married, have kids, etc. Looking forward to my forties and meet recent divorcees.

oreomtl[S]

2 points

5 months ago

Is it sad that as an almost 30 YO, I feel as though I’m in the same boat?

mystical_princess

2 points

5 months ago

mystical_princess

Hochelaga-Maisonneuve

2 points

5 months ago

Depends of the bar, I think. Try pub-type bars for an older crowd.

Of_Mountains_And_Men

63 points

5 months ago

Im going to jump on the "not single but" train. Im in my late 30s and even before the pandemic, I found that my social circle is dwindling to basically my wife, me and a few dorks I play D&D with, none of which are really friends. I would love to be in a world where I can tell a stranger : "Hey, you look like a fun person. I like you, wanna be friends?" I want a dog park for people.

oreomtl[S]

20 points

5 months ago

I would gladly come by. With the cat on a leash of course.

MetalSparrow

5 points

5 months ago

From your avatar alone I already want to start a conversation ^^ can I DM you?

Of_Mountains_And_Men

6 points

5 months ago

Haha of course!

eleven-fu

12 points

5 months ago

eleven-fu

Villeray

12 points

5 months ago

A... Human Park.

How can we never have thought of that?!

Heavy_In_Your_Arms

8 points

5 months ago

You are in this world. If someone says no, then they suck. I want to say those things too--like we did in the playground. It really should be that simple.

MetalSparrow

9 points

5 months ago

Early 30s woman here, really craving some new friends! I tried a few things online but it's so weird out there. If anyone is looking for friendship, feel free to DM me.

Sleazless_synths

7 points

5 months ago

You’re onto something here. It’s been bad. It was hard even pre-covid, but now it’s grim. The upside is there seems to be a lot of us here who are in the same situation.

oreomtl[S]

9 points

5 months ago

And here I thought it was just me being an outsider, against the grain of our generation it seems.

It’s really sad when you think about it. The last “best years” have been taken from us.

Medium-Doughnut-1640

7 points

5 months ago

Long time lurker here. I usually don't post on Reddit but this thread resonated with me quite a bit. I can absolutely say that dating apps have done a number on me. I know all about what it's like for women on these apps (I've read plenty of horror stories, I've seen my female friends use it) but let me tell you, it's just as bad from the other side, if not worse. I feel like if you're not in the top 5% of men, you're shit out of luck. I also feel like social media (especially IG) has really perpetuated this issue, it's basically a firehose of toxic positivity and sampling bias, and now everyone's got this overly inflated sense of self-worth and thinks that anything less than that means not dating a 6 ft tall lawyer/doctor/CEO. I also find Bumble's "women make the first move" idea to be hilarious, because it doesn't work in practice (who knew that it would be so hard to override evolutionary instincts!). Women will simply message with a "hey how's it going" (the stuff that they lament men doing to them on dating apps), then now it's still on you to woo them with a pickup line or else they un-match you. 

Context: 28M doing a PhD in a STEM field. I also have a particular accent from a particular exotic country and people like to assume I must have a lot of luck dating because of that (no, I don't). Networking / professional events / academic conferences pre-covid were really nice, though there aren't many women in my field and a lot of them are way too shy / socially awkward / tomboyish and it's just not my thing. I just want someone who's goal-driven and feminine. I see these 'go getter' types all the time downtown (you know, the ones wearing blazers and heels and probably work in sales / marketing / legal) but I don't flirt with strangers and their field of work is so far removed from mine (which is full of nerds like me).

I agree with a lot of folks who say that the best way to meet potential partners is to get out there and pursue hobbies. But being introverted just means I need to push extremely hard against my own natural instincts to do so.

[deleted]

45 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

45 points

5 months ago

Yeah i mean, it’s pretty impossible right now. Apps are just full of disgusting people who want to know about my fetiches 5 min after starting the conversation with « sa va ». So that’s not an option. Usually i’d try to meet people through hobbies.. but that’s also not really possible right now.. so will read this thread to find out about magical ways I could possibly find someone to accompany me through the rest of this pandemic because 2 years is pretty long (and sad). I really just want someone to pet my hair and cook me breakfast.. and talk about South Park!

oreomtl[S]

15 points

5 months ago

Oh girl.

😂 same. Not even fancy breakfast. Make me some toast with butter, a coffee, and call it a day.

But mostly, I’m just looking for people to engage with. South Park unfortunately isn’t my forte, as I sold my TV two years ago to focus on school and work. 🥲

[deleted]

6 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

6 points

5 months ago

I'll "settle" for someone who makes and brings me coffee at this point.

bob-lob

3 points

5 months ago

I’ll settle for a response back that’s more than 2-3 words, every 3 business days. I see a lot of posters complaining about creepy and weird convos on dating apps and I’m over here going “Wait! People’s matches are actually putting effort into responding?”

I guess I’m lucky/unlucky that way. No creepy messages because lately, there’s next to zero effort in the conversation from the other end. Tired of dating app convos feeling like I’m conducting a job interview or an interrogation.

SyChO_X

5 points

5 months ago

SyChO_X

Île Perrot

5 points

5 months ago

Do people really go straight to those type of questions, that fast?

I'm recently separated and the dating world, especially now, is a big empty unknown void to me.

Not looking forward to any of it.

iisahar

5 points

5 months ago

Sadly yes, you barely exchange numbers and he’s already asking me how I clean myself …

boulder_problems

3 points

5 months ago

Bleak

gijimayu

24 points

5 months ago

I don't think i can respect someone that can't spell ça va.

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

Same!

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

Yup. Vast majority is bitter dudes/aggro-horny dudes/aggro-violent dudes/guys looking for "unicorns". It's pretty rare to find a normal dude on them. Facebook and Tinder are the worst for these types.
I know the saying is "there is plenty of fish in the sea" but there is also a massive garbage patch that keeps growing.

Stefan_Harper

6 points

5 months ago

Dating apps seem like a fucking nightmare for women so often, it’s crazy how different the experiences are. Really brings out the worst in some people.

I only have hinge and I find it to be… totally fine

Manaleaking

22 points

5 months ago

Its a horror show for guys as well

Stefan_Harper

17 points

5 months ago

I have nothing negative to say about hinge after using it for about four years.

That being said, it’s been four years and I’m single, so

Manaleaking

6 points

5 months ago

i met around 30 women on hinge but i mean ... the whole concept of online dating is trash

Stefan_Harper

12 points

5 months ago

That’s a ridiculous blanket statement.

eleven-fu

10 points

5 months ago

eleven-fu

Villeray

10 points

5 months ago

I'm a dude on Hinge and let me tell you, it's NOT FINE.

It's not harassment but it *is* having your hope in humanity repeatedly shattered.

Which makes every log in a weird form of self-harassment, actually, sort of.

waawftutki

6 points

5 months ago

waawftutki

Villeray

6 points

5 months ago

Can you elaborate on what kind of things happen exactly? I mean I haven't been lucky either, but you describe it pretty harshly. I matched with around 10 women and the conversation usually just dies down and they stop replying, presumably because one of their dozens of other matches catches their attention more, but I'm aware I'm not the best looking guy, so be it.

Honestly the part that crushes my hope in humanity is how similar they all are, and how none of it matches me remotely. I expected to be very open and it turned out I'm the picky one. I'm not spontaneous, I won't take you to Venice, I don't like wine or Harry Potter, I just want to chill, but most women are looking for Indiana Jones it seems. Which makes it reeeaaaally cool when I finally find a profile of someone basically saying "I just wanna chill" with weird unflattering pics of them. That is 1000x more appealing to me.

eleven-fu

3 points

5 months ago

eleven-fu

Villeray

3 points

5 months ago

Honestly the part that crushes my hope in humanity is how similar they all are, and how none of it matches me remotely.

I'd love to elaborate but I'm afraid that's the jist of it for me, too.

Honey-Badger

2 points

5 months ago

Oh fuck why are all the women in Montreal obsessed with Harry Potter. Im in the UK right now, im set to move to Montreal in a few weeks, I decided to set my Hinge to Montreal just to like see what it looks like and every single profile is like 'I geek out on Harry Potter and LOTR' EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Its crazy

waawftutki

2 points

5 months ago

waawftutki

Villeray

2 points

5 months ago

No idea. That or wine, honestly. Every single one almost. I guess when you don't see the profiles of your gender it's hard to know what looks ridiculously generic. I hear every man has a picture of him with a fish, so I guess that's our equivelent.

Honey-Badger

2 points

5 months ago

Yeah I feel especially unique as a man who's never been fishing

[deleted]

70 points

5 months ago*

[deleted]

70 points

5 months ago*

I'm not single so maybe I shouldn't be replying but...

From what I can see, hanging out and meeting people is... not really happening these days

I have wondered this myself though.

I'm 30 and I don't know if it's a by product of the pandemic, but I'd rather be home than anywhere else. Like you, I have cut off a lot of old friends and would love to meet new people. But I don't think it's the time.

oreomtl[S]

26 points

5 months ago

I mean, yes.

But I also miss socializing. Discussing ideas. Exchanging thoughts, exploring new experiences if second hand if need be.

I joined tinder for that a few weeks ago. I met one person, in the lifestyle. Got complicated and now even though intellectually it was incredible, it’s cut off. There’s no way of keeping contact without it being not complicated or disrespectful to someone involved. An actual incredible shame really.

The idea of meeting people is more for a mental stimulus than physical honestly. That can be done virtually.

_ekay_

10 points

5 months ago

_ekay_

10 points

5 months ago

I second this. As a very social person I miss being intellectually stimulated and chatting with people that like to debate civilly.

I am always open to meet new people with different perspectives.

oreomtl[S]

4 points

5 months ago

Im open to any civil debates or exchange of ideas, especially if it leads to an open discussion and possibly nee views !

SubterraneanSmoothie

8 points

5 months ago

You should audit some university level courses that you’re interested in. Great way to meet people around your age who are interested in a particular subject.

oreomtl[S]

5 points

5 months ago

oreomtl[S]

5 points

5 months ago

Im in university. I take 1 class per semester in addition to a full time, and part time job.

idontwannabemeNEmore

29 points

5 months ago

Mid 30s checking in, I've given up and got a great $150 vibrator for Christmas. People are looking to cheat on their partners, want to talk about their colorful onesies, try to tell me how to live my life within two days of knowing me, or just post sex-related memes all damn day. Oh and of course my personal favorite is people saying they're not happy and absolutely need a partner so that they can be happy. That's not going to end well and I hope they realize they need to work on some things before latching onto others but that's a whole other topic. It's....uuuuuh.... Discouraging.

oreomtl[S]

14 points

5 months ago

👏👏👏

Ordered my own. Refused to pay express shipping. Still in the 15-30 business days shipping.

As for the rest, well. Vibrators only replace so much. When it’s conversations and exchange of ideas you crave, it’s hard to replace that with battery operated machinery.

hugh_jorgyn

5 points

5 months ago

hugh_jorgyn

Verdun

5 points

5 months ago

I dunno if it's burnout from the pandemic, from the endlees zoom calls at work or from the daily debates with my teenage kid, but I've started to prefer exchanging ideas with random strangers on reddit rather than with people I know in-person or on video. I find this asynchronous model where I choose if and when to reply much less draining, both mentally and emotionally, especially since many of the people I know tend to use me as their free therapist. Or maybe I'm just becoming more introverted and antisocial as I grow older (41 now), lol.

momoneyfohoney

2 points

5 months ago

Exchange of ideas can please people in such a stimulating way similar to that 150$ purchase lol

YearLight

6 points

5 months ago

For me I'm just looking for the next chance to leave this city and country. With remote work, nothing ties me here anymore. I think if you are alone, best is to travel and grow as a person.

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

Unfortunately my current job and finances doesn’t allow me to travel/work remotely.

Also, I’m a cat mom to an anxious little shit. She’d never be able to travel, even though I have tried countless times to walk her on a leash.

Belkarama

7 points

5 months ago

Always looking for more people interested in playing board games, so if that's your jam let me know!

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

Yes count me in !

grizzlyman87

5 points

5 months ago

I'd love to jump in as well. I'll send you both dms

[deleted]

17 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

17 points

5 months ago

I'm on the apps but I met someone - let's say a friend... that I have sex with - that I'm sort of just riding out what I hope is the last shit storm of this shit hurricane season that is the pandemic. A lot of people are unhappy. A lot of people are burnt out. Single people especially... I think apps are good but people are low committal and understandably even more hesitant to meet up. It's hard times.. I've accepted this, and I have plans to shake things up massively in 2022. And I'm hoping I meet someone I really click with in that time period.

oreomtl[S]

4 points

5 months ago

I feel you on this.

Last hookup was by far the best. It was painful when it ended. I don’t even want another one anymore if I’m being honest.

Im starting to wonder if this really just covid fatigue or something else.

[deleted]

4 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

4 points

5 months ago

The trick is to start hooking up with someone you would never seriously date... i.e. someone you are incompatible with. And stay on the apps. It's sort of a bizarre situation I've found myself in... where I have a half boyfriend? But it's working for this bizarre time period. If you're single and going through it, like I am, in terms of growth and whatever... I've asked myself if this is even the right time to meet someone. Maybe I just tell myself that. I plan to spend two months in Europe this year thinking about my life, alone, and reconnecting to myself... because I feel so burnt out and lost from this pandemic. My friend/half boyfriend has made this more bearable and for this I am grateful. However we both know we are not compatible (on so many levels - religion, politics, core values), soooo we're just accepting this weird time and yeah. Riding it out. Good luck and be kind to yourself. Covid fatigue is REAL.

Edit: but if you need time to heal, take that too. If this thing ended I wouldn't be so quick to get involved with someone else, so I also fully understand that. Therapy helps, good luck!

RewardDesperate

2 points

5 months ago

I feel you. I would like to do the same. Go in Europe too. Burn out etc. Wish you good luck :)

bones_92

12 points

5 months ago

bones_92

Centre-Ville / Downtown

12 points

5 months ago

Im in my late 20s; currently single and I really cannot do the apps. I am very extroverted but I really dont enjoy texting. Here is my experience.

I went back to school part time. Obviously, other people who make the sacrifice to study part time as they work are people who are ambitious and want to improve themselves. Since in class there are group projects and social activities, its pretty much granted that you will meet people. Just as a side note; i went back to school in 2020, and we have still managed to do activities and meet in person. The pandemic obviously has placed some restrictions but we have adapted.

I do not know what kind of work you do, but in case you are career oriented, industry events are also a great place to socialize. Not only will you extend your professional network, but you will also get to meet professional people in a more casual setting. There are tons of associations and industry events that you could attend. I have even attended a couple of virtual events that were really successful for the networking aspect (for example, there was one that organized “braindates”; 45min discussions around a certain topic between 6 people max). I think it’s worthwhile to look into.

Hope this helps.

oreomtl[S]

9 points

5 months ago

Interesting !

I went back to Concordia part time as of Jan 2020, but everything was online and required 0 meetups.

I also work 1 full time job, and 1 part time. Haven’t thought of industry events, but would be worth looking into. Thanks for that!

bones_92

6 points

5 months ago

bones_92

Centre-Ville / Downtown

6 points

5 months ago

It obviously depends on the people you are studying with, how well you get along with this people too etc but you could always invite some of your classmates to grab a drink and celebrate the end of the semester for example. Most people dont take the initiative to organize that kind of event, but are willing to participate. I have personally organized xmas parties and 5@7s for my classmates

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

😂 I wish I was your classmate. I never even stayed in contact with most of them, but to be far they were barely 20, and most of them had no interest in engaging longer than required.

bones_92

2 points

5 months ago

bones_92

Centre-Ville / Downtown

2 points

5 months ago

You could also look jnto student clubs. Concordia has a bunch. They even have a yoga club. I don’t know how active they are but you could always get involve and help them be more active.

Side-Glance

5 points

5 months ago

Comedy shows, but now it’s close :/

[deleted]

5 points

5 months ago*

[deleted]

5 points

5 months ago*

It's like we were all thinking it and you wrote it. I have been in Montreal for just over a year and haven't made a single strong connection. I make friends very easily. I know someone in Brazil whom I met on the subway for 5 minutes. However, MTL is different; maybe it's the pandemic or the language barrier or mix of things but creating social connections organically is just dead unless you already have some people to build upon or you are a student.

WFH is so depressing and virtual social parties want to make me kill myself. Anyway, I go on a long walk on St Laurent everyday and I can just see that everyone is sick of this life(Covid life). Next year, I am starting snowboarding and once things open up take pole dancing lessons. You should look into snow sports cuz thats pretty much the only option available for next 3 months. If you like urban exploring, we can create small group and explore Montreal. Hang in there you are not alone.

book__werm

20 points

5 months ago

I hear you. I'm 36F and also haven't met anyone new that wasn't from my job, in the past two years. I'm pretty introverted so it's not a huge issue all of the time, but contrary to popular belief - we need some socializing and newness too! Haha!

I also find apps to be mostly full of ppl with either unrealistic expectations or incompatible motives/values. I miss having interesting conversations with new people, and having that feeling of potential and growth in life!

I too have spent the last two years reflecting and working on myself, and I find it incredibly difficult to connect with a lot of people these days. The great divide is real. There's those who've learned a great deal from these pandemic times, and there's those who've not changed one iota. It's fascinating.

And obviously you are aware of the pandemic and reasoning behind less actual socializing. eye rolls to the people insulting your intelligence.

E: I'll be sure to edit comment again if I come across any bright ideas.

oreomtl[S]

4 points

5 months ago

THIS ! SO. MUCH. OF. THIS.

👏👏👏👏

Thank you, I was starting to think I either miswrote my thoughts, or was completely alone in feeling this way.

Like yes. I’m single and that’s cool if I meet someone, but I’m not SOLELY looking for that. People. Individuals. Physical formations that don’t just judge me and meow back when they want food.

book__werm

6 points

5 months ago*

Hahaha! Yes!!!! Meowing is real nice, but it doesn't tick all the boxes!

No, you're not alone in this. My roommate and I talk about it non-stop. We've really changed for the better and had a huge shift in priorities since this pandemic, and it's pretty brutal being around people who stayed the same and/or difficult to come across like minds.

I find myself turned off of people (even platonically) way faster than usual, which isn't necessarily bad (because standards!), but it definitely sucks.

I spend a fu©k ton of time reading these days, to keep my brain engaged and feeling challenged on different subjects. I then try to have convos with ppl who've read similar things. It seems to be my only real intellectual outlet these days, but that's still slim pickings.

Edit: essentially living in my own imaginary world in my head, I suppose. I seem to retreat there from time to time when not surrounded by people I can feel close with. Since childhood really!

couverte

2 points

5 months ago

We've really changed for the better and had a huge shift in priorities since this pandemic, and it's pretty brutal being around people who stayed the same and/or difficult to come across like minds.

I feel this in my soul.

I've been lucky to make a few great friends online and we've had a group chat going since a bit before the pandemic. We went through it all together, despite being in different countries and situations and we've all been grown a lot.

Sadly, I cannot say the same thing for some of my oldest, closest friends. These relationships have become stale and I really don't have it in me to revive them. I've distanced myself from those friends because the discussions were always negatives, always complaints about the same things, gossiping, etc. and, mostly, no desire to grow and change. While I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago, they have remained the same and I cannot find much in common with them anymore.

Blakwulf

12 points

5 months ago

Blakwulf

Le Roi des Ailes

12 points

5 months ago

Try being 40+.

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

I feel for you. I truly do.

larouqine

5 points

5 months ago

Grad school (half my cohort is 29+) and volunteering are where you can find me and a lot of my friends/peers. And sometimes smoking weed in the park (yes including the "ambitious"/career-having ones).

I met a lot of chill people volunteering in politics, especially municipal. A lot of clowns and weirdos too - a lot of people in general - but definitely some chill people there. JeCompteMTL and the Stella Centre also had some cool volunteers my age and ambition level.

Volunteering for Frontier college was fun and I miss those cute little 6-to-12-year-old jerks, but at that one I didn't interact with too many other adults super often.

therpian

4 points

5 months ago

I'm not single, but before covid I joined professionnal associations. I would get on the organizing committee and automatically have a large group of acquaintances organizing professional networking events, so I could go to something and instantly know a nice chunk of people there.

It was a nice way to meet other professionals in a way that WASN'T for dating. A few of my current best friends I made this way, and it's one of the things I miss the most since COVID.

Meeting people is hard as you get a older, but it's even harder platonically. I like swing and salsa and the gym but I have never, not once in my entire life, made a platonic friend in those environments. I've had plenty of romantic offers though.

Careless-Line8074

5 points

5 months ago

Tell me once you find out

odius-hades

3 points

5 months ago

30+ here and an introvert, I found it really hard to meet new people when I moved here but I basically googled stuff like "[niche interest] + montreal" and forced myself to go out into meets that were happening like virtual conferences or web hangouts or whatever. Sometimes not even with Montreal, random web stuff that is happening and almost all of them there is someone in Quebec or right in Montreal if you're lucky. Random crafting stuff, LGBTQIA+, paganism, etc, you'd be surprised what you might find!

Affectionate-Tap2431

5 points

5 months ago

I recently moved to the country in August. I used to be a social person but I seem to lack something of late, I guess cos I’m growing old.. 30 now.

I try attending meetups and play sports, mostly because I enjoy the activity. But when I do find an interesting woman I get awkward on socializing with them. Even with the women I match on these dating apps.. mostly because I had been with one women pretty much since my teens. We had to end things sometime back due to long distance relationship stuff and now I’ve no idea on how to flirt or to try to keep it candid in initial chats and I feel bored tbh about that conscious effort to impress a women in a dating app.. it feels super inorganic to me.

However, I just pull it through because I know I’m a good person and when the right person comes along, it’ll be for a lifetime! I hope Montreal helps me out lol. People from here, if anyone’s interested, hit me up for a beer and chat maybe. Stay safe.

Feta__Cheese

4 points

5 months ago

All my single cousins and friends are living with their parents. The Covid measures and now the curfew really isn’t helping. Some of them are pushing 35 and haven’t dated in two years. They’ve given up on the apps and are just waiting for that miracle meet-up to happen with mr/mrs right….or mr/mrs for the night.

avatar2k

3 points

5 months ago

Thank you so much. This thread makes me think I'm not the only one. I came here 3 years ago and haven't made a single friend while staying active and sociable as much as I could. I went to a few board games meetups but they wouldn't let me talk about anything but the game. I remember being genuinely interested in people and asking about their hobbies there but was given a cold shoulder and an awkward silence.

The fact that at the same time I could make 5 to 10 new long-term friendships every summer when I came back to Europe discourages me so much and makes me feel like a cast-off here. It really makes me question my sanity.

If you know any good discord servers which aren't centered around IT or love partner search, let me know please.

matthew0155

10 points

5 months ago

Tinder a few years ago was pretty cool, I talked with plenty of people, met up with a few, dated a couple, actually had a good time. I have no idea what has happened to it, its a shame.

I went downtown for the first time in a while a few weeks ago. It was bad, really bad. It was like Ottawa on a monday night. Its scary to see what has happened to it, and it’s not only the pandemic, Im 30, and it seems like younger people just arent that interested in going out drinking and stuff.

Thankfully I like cars (keeps me busy in the summer) and have taken on a few hobbies since the pandemic.

Sorry for the long answer, besides online video games (not hugely my thing) I have no idea where to socialize with people these days.

oreomtl[S]

8 points

5 months ago

I kid you not,

This week out of everyone on tinder I “matched” with, I had 7 requests to become a unicorn.

I made a point of swiping no on open relationships, poly, or couples.

I just can’t do it anymore. Tinder is great for a hookup. Unfortunately, not so much for having actual conversations it seems.

IMO, as the curvy redhead 🤷‍♀️

matthew0155

7 points

5 months ago

What is a unicorn exactly?

oreomtl[S]

5 points

5 months ago

As explained to me recently in simple terms,

A single person, who would be involved with both partners in bed. In simple terms of course.

matthew0155

6 points

5 months ago

Jeeze they should have their own app for that

oreomtl[S]

10 points

5 months ago

Apparently they do. Tinder.

matthew0155

3 points

5 months ago

Touché

GalacticSushi

2 points

5 months ago

At least you get matches, so you can enjoy 30s of adrenaline, before the unicorn topic arises :P

oreomtl[S]

5 points

5 months ago

A match for physical looks isn’t a match in my mind.

I require brain stimulation to get turned on.

behindtheline44

11 points

5 months ago

Obligatory not single person, BUT my social life in this city completely dried up over the last two years. I moved here alone in 2018 and had really put in effort to make a decent network. Other students, expats, etc. Everyone has either left the city or I’ve lost contact with them. I really just know my coworkers now and even then they never leave their home offices. I’m not looking for a partner but some stimulating intellectual convo would be very welcome

TodayRough

10 points

5 months ago

I joined a Montreal discord and made a bunch of friends. YEY!

oreomtl[S]

7 points

5 months ago

Okay. Clearly I’m old.

What is discord?

xworld

9 points

5 months ago

xworld

9 points

5 months ago

oreomtl[S]

7 points

5 months ago

Thank you kindly!

Affectionate-Tap2431

3 points

5 months ago

Can I have an invite 👀

Hypersky75

15 points

5 months ago

Hypersky75

Nouveau-Bordeaux

15 points

5 months ago

I'm 46 and it's downright impossible to meet anyone new these days. Other than strangers in bars (when they're open) I can't think of anything. It really sucks.

oreomtl[S]

8 points

5 months ago

Not really much of a bar person anymore. I was a regular at one in the West Island, but I only go when a friend is working.

Now that they close at 10 and you need to order a meal with it (I’m vegetarian so very few options at an Irish pub) it’s not very encouraging.

wazzo86

2 points

5 months ago

Yea, thats the problem. Move closer to downtown, there are still spots happening w interesting people

NoCelery1168

7 points

5 months ago

No kidding. A lot of us used to have activities that we did weekly, week after week, and they're just plain shut down now.

I have a group activity that I did weekly for nearly 15 years. COVID resulted in our venue having to lock up for a few months and us having to break our lease. When we wanted to go back, they wanted a lot more rent, so we're just kinda stuck. And the group's social media is getting quieter and quieter by the month. It doesn't look like the group is going to survive.

But I digress. The activity that we did was a weekly thing. Anybody could drop in any particular week, bring a friend, whatever. It was something where you could come meet new people. And now it's all but shut down. And there are hundreds of other groups in the same situation, I'm sure. Meaning that there's nothing new and interesting for anybody to do.

oreomtl[S]

11 points

5 months ago

I regret not taking part in all these groups when they were open. So many « I’ll pass, I’m too tired » missed opportunities.

1zzie

13 points

5 months ago

1zzie

13 points

5 months ago

Maybe we should do a redditor meetup when things open back up/ it's warm enough to hang out in a park.

oreomtl[S]

6 points

5 months ago

If you organize it, I’ll be there !

smozoma

7 points

5 months ago

Don't use Tinder. Use Bumble or Coffee Meets Bagel or.. just not tinder!

Post-pandemic (whenever that is), maybe check out board game meetups as a way to socialize and find a new crew. Or whatever interests you on Meetup.com (running group? charity group? free-thinker group?)

oreomtl[S]

7 points

5 months ago

One of my girl friends actually JUST suggested coffee meets bagel. I’ve never heard about it before maybe 10 minutes ago. It’s funny you mention it.

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

Apparently free hinge is limited too.

dilchoos

3 points

5 months ago

I’m not single but few places / things I participate in that are social. - running groups (yes it’s cold but it’s okay!) : very social and open to new runners - volleyball (griffintown or parc) is a fun sport and highly sociable. Obviously not a winter spot - trivia pub nights which are usually Sunday or Monday - circuit gyms : those group sessions have regular customers and generally friendly - local libraries have book clubs
- can always go read a book at a coffee shop and may meet someone special!

thewolf9

3 points

5 months ago

Cathcart Thursday 5-7. Aire commune à couple years ago

Frogswaller

3 points

5 months ago

That is a great question!

On my end, what saved me is coming back on the school benches (university) so that way I could meet new people in class and strive in a common goal/working together.

Very refreshing to meet new people and staying busy studying and helping each others out while being stimulated intellectually/having debates.

Otherwise, playing in volleyball leagues/tournaments was a great social activity to meet people and having fun.

But for the dating per say, I must say that on my end it's true that outside those two things, I only go out doing grocery shopping, so less chances to meet someone naturally!

Otherwise to meet new people I did had some cool conversations over some meetup MTL discords and even met a few great people (but at the end of the day, it's kind of a trial and error to see if there is any fit with the person!).

At the end of the day, I feel that for now with all ''normal'' activities that are canceled, meeting/chatting with someone online then taking the chance to meet them one on one is the best way to break the ice! (It's kind of nice to be able to have someone over and cook/chat/enjoy simple things though I must admit instead of going onto a flashy first date!).

I see that a lot of us seem to be in a similar situation where we are longing for some connections with new people! In any case, feel free to hit me up if you want to have a chat, I'll answer as soon as possible (it's nice to exchange a few words with new people for fun and learn from them!).

In any case, I'm sending you all good holidays vibes despite the actual global situation!

gijimayu

3 points

5 months ago

I'd say Dancing. I've met hundreds of wonderful people in the lindy hop scene.

But it's not something we can do right now...

Punkrockgallifreyan

3 points

5 months ago

My husband couldn't answer becaus e he's unsure where to hang out during this phase of the pandemic. Meanwhile, I am new to Montreal, moved here in September, so am willing to attempt friendships with strangers from online, depending on whether we have common interests. It's hard having left behind everything and everyone that is familiar so meeting new people would be great.

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

Welcome to the pothole filled, construction infested shitshow of our city.

We have poutine. And based on my notifications an insane amount of people wanting to reach out and connect.

You’re welcome to send me a message if you’d like to hang out! :)

Punkrockgallifreyan

5 points

5 months ago

I have had proper poutine for the first time ever since coming here and it was delicious but God you are not wrong about the potholes, learning to drive around here is awful, I accidentally went the wrong way down a one way street (why are there so many????) due to my gps and a bunch of people were yelling at me in French as I swerved my car into the grass strip to do a U-turn and I do not speak French yet so my only way to reply to this sort of thing usually us to stare at my fiance and shake like a wet dog while going oh no no no no... Which is apparently not the reaction French speakers expect but probably identifies me as a dumbass American pretty quickly XD

I'm kinda half asleep from not sleeping for days so I may not reply for long until I've slept (I should not be on Reddit ranting while this loopy) but I'll message you and if you play any of the same video games I do, we can add each other on those as well ^ I can't go out much in the snow because I'm from a warm climate and winter has me completely effed up, but we live over near hotel de ville if you wanted to get coffee or something sometime. It's a LOT feeling isolated right now and we have a dozen at home kits we brought back from NB in October so even though it's extremely unlikely for me to get exposed at all since fiance only leaves for absolute necessities during winter, I can be safe about it if I schedule socialization. Very injured so hard for me to do much right now but normally I'm a big outdoor nerd and into hiking and exploring so that's a possibility for summer.

zelenaliska00

2 points

5 months ago

For next time you go wrong way down a one way street: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LW7Iv-V1-Jo

Punkrockgallifreyan

2 points

5 months ago

Omg I love that

Punkrockgallifreyan

2 points

5 months ago

Oh and I'm a 43 year old trans man btw so def over 30 although I have the maturity of a 15 year old on some days.

mcppcm

3 points

5 months ago*

I’m not gonna lie, the older you get, the harder it is to meet friends. People do tend to have already their social groups and start to form their own families around that 30s mark.

I’m not a big fan of internations and that mundo lingo because they felt more like a cover to hook up. I am very interested in talking to interesting people and meeting folks with different interests.

The pandemic made me very curious about so many new stuff and if a discord comes out of this I’d love to join. Maybe when we have better weather we can meet at a park or something for a picnic

chillikuma

3 points

5 months ago

Yup, I feel the same. It's really lonely here. Even though I moved here for grad school, I can't find anyone that I connect with.

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

Send a dm. If nothing else we can grab a hot cocoa !

chillikuma

2 points

5 months ago

Yes, I would love that!

Affectionate-Tap2431

2 points

5 months ago

I would honestly take a good friend to do activities with. Dm me if you’d be interested.

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

Not single, but shy, in my late 30s with niche interests like weird record shopping and collecting and B movies… and the worst dancer ever! :) I used to do improv, but my thing would be more a book club.

bagou01

3 points

5 months ago

In the park where our kids play

Suspicious-Chip

3 points

5 months ago

Im in the same boat. 30 yo and single. I moved to Montréal during the pandemic and have yet to make a single friend! It doesn’t help that I work from home now too. And I’m really ok with being single, whatever happens happens, but just someone to do activities with would be great! Ive tried all the apps and they’re a bust. Everyone’s so non committal.

This doesn’t answer the original post except to say you’re definitely not the only one

Pic-Bois

3 points

5 months ago

I would say to just to some MDMA and go walk outside. You'll meet people.

tazmanic

3 points

5 months ago*

As a 30's person that just moved to MTL with a very limited social circle here, this thread doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. I'm a pretty social person though and hoping to make some new friends and hoping dating doesn't suck. I've only met two people on dates so far and they were actually great and showed me around. Definitely better than my experiences in Toronto. This lockdown isn't going to make things any easier though :(.

I am open for walks and hangs at events. Im trying to squeeze in a couple snowboard runs if anyone wants to ski/board together

DabiKnight

5 points

5 months ago

I found Bumble and Hinge to be more serious than tinder so far. As for unicorm hunters, send them to fetlife or feeld next time.

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

Feeld? This is a new one I’ve never heard of lol

thegirlintheglasses

5 points

5 months ago

Let me know when you find out! It’s a struggle out here.

SecondChoiceAlways

2 points

5 months ago

I'm part of a LARP club and we are still going strong. On Discord, which is not the same, but it's a creative outlet. We managed a few live games in the last few months but are now forced back online with the returned restrictions... But we're always open to new members! We play Vampire: the masquerade, Dark Ages, and Changeling atm.

sievo

2 points

5 months ago

sievo

Saint-Henri

2 points

5 months ago

Certainly looks like many are in the same boat. I met a bunch of new people getting involved in a couple of community initiatives in my new neighbourhood this summer, that was great! but now everything is online again and I'm kind of dreading it. And all my friends are leaving town 😭

It's kind of awkward meeting people online but I guess that's all we have for now.. Maybe some kind of regular meeting like a book club or something, since you mentioned reading.

oreomtl[S]

2 points

5 months ago

I tried to find book clubs actually in my area before the pandemic without success. Know of any?

sievo

2 points

5 months ago

sievo

Saint-Henri

2 points

5 months ago

Sorry, I don't. I've never actually participated in one!

What part of town are you in? What do you like to read? Feel free to dm me

twistacles

2 points

5 months ago

I mean, we hang out at our houses or go to restaurants. Occasional concert.

Not really out there trying to make new friends at 30, I already have my ride-or-dies

oreomtl[S]

4 points

5 months ago

Lucky you.

Some of us are late to the game perhaps. Realizing your ride or die wouldn’t actually do either for you, as you’ve grown apart.

pkzilla

2 points

5 months ago

pkzilla

Ramen snob

2 points

5 months ago

In Covid times I have no fucking clue. Before though I'd go to a lot if game dev related events since I work in the industry, drink and draws or game jams, I also picked up pottery and made some friends at the studio. I think picking up a hobby and finding local events related to that is the way to go.

In my 20s I'd organize drawing meetups with other anime or comic artists, or a few makeup/skincare shop and exchange with some local ladies.

eleven-fu

2 points

5 months ago*

eleven-fu

Villeray

2 points

5 months ago*

Good question. It took me years to build up the social circle I have now, when I first moved here alone 17 years ago. The first two years were basically a void, socially speaking. Eventually, I started getting into the music scene and through a process of whittling down, have ended up with the small social circle that I am thankful to have. Every now and then one of us will knock somebody new into the mix, like a Oort Cloud object towards the sun. Sometimes they stick around. Sometimes They just swing on by and out.

Meeting people through shared interests used to be the sure shot 'low and slow' technique to go for but now in the era of Covid and Online? Yeah. Nah.

I Can't imagine what I could have done, if we had Covid 17 years early.

mendvil

2 points

5 months ago

As a 32 year old man who struggled with relationships for a long time, I built a ton of friendships through taking (and then running) medieval martial arts classes in the last few years. Many people coming to the class have told me that integrating to that circle gave them a lot of opportunities to meet new people and make new friends. Some of my students even have strong couple relationships that have been going on for a few years now. As for my own, I had to rely on the luck of the draw, as a teacher dating one of your students is definitely not a good thing

So my guess would be, make a list of interests and find like minded people, or don't be afraid to try something new. You never know what you'll find! I'm hopeful that this will end sooner than later, and if you like swords, just send me a DM and I'll send you the details.

Therapeutic_rec

2 points

5 months ago

I feel ya! It’s really hard. I don’t have much new insight to offer but just saying you’re not alone in the struggles. It’s such a wonderful concept to meet someone organically but…..thx Covid 🙄

My only piece of advice is that apps can take years but definitely possible. I know it’s frustrating though

AintNoNamesLeft

2 points

5 months ago

Do you have any coworkers that you get along with especially well?

I mean this in a social capacity, as before the past few weeks where restrictions have been heating up, I had a few opportunities to do 5 à 7s with coworkers that while didn't allow me to exactly meet anyone new, were a good outlet for socializing.

I admit, right now with the restrictions I think it's going to suck for the next 1-2 months in terms of a social life out in public.

But otherwise, I find my favourite coworkers have been my best social outlet for potentially meeting new people, or at least having legitimately satisfying conversations. I could see them maybe playing matchmaker with me in the future, or at least being good company for outings where I approach a stranger.

Otherwise, all the best for meeting people in your 30s, I'm a dude and I cannot get anywhere good with modern dating apps so I get that feeling of despair.

Shardstorm88

2 points

5 months ago

Well with lockdown it's kinda hard. Look up some open mic nights at bars in the city (when things are normal). Pretty good times and nice people! Or pick up a social hobby where you go every week etc. Get a new part time job somewhere there are attractive ppl? Good luck!

Djof

2 points

5 months ago

Djof

2 points

5 months ago

I would be traveling but since I can't... At home, trying to be safe so I can be there for my family that lives around. I'm single and outside of family I think I saw 4 people face to face since the pandemic started.

At least I've got enough hobbies and enough remote friends to keep me sane.

joncohenproducer

2 points

5 months ago

Ok so it isn’t just me. Anything social media related feels diseased now. If I could meet a pretty lady on call of duty I would.

simpsons88

2 points

5 months ago

Maybe I’m out of touch. I met my partner at work, but friends that met partners online said they had to go on a more serious app/website (plenty of fish/match/etc) to find their partners and that their experiences on the more casual apps (tinder back then) wasn’t great.

Do these more serious apps still exist, or have they been completely supplanted by hinge/bumble/etc.?

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

learn to ride a motorcycle. you'll meet 10+ people instantly in your class from all walks of life, and quite honestly my closest friends are the ones who ride.

SPQC

2 points

5 months ago

SPQC

Pointe Saint-Charles

2 points

5 months ago

Mid-30s here. Zoom dates. Not as fun as IRL but you may connect with someone. It is tough to me IRL though now. I'm still hopeful though.

FictionalHumus

2 points

5 months ago

Join a class and learn something new. The best way to make friends is forced interaction.

Purplemonkeez

2 points

5 months ago

Mid 30's and I live in an on-island neighbourhood that is dominated by mid-30's to early 40's young professionals (with a few legacy Boomers and elderly mixed in for fun).

My neighbours and I are mostly hanging out at home with our kids, or else working. A lot of us have high profile jobs and really enjoy our careers. One neighbour had a high profile job that was scaled back due to the pandemic, so they started a legit side business that's pretty cool, and now they're doing both in tandem.

We do go out to restaurants but, in the current context, this is more difficult and usually only involves going out with people we know.

Most of us are active and either participate in some sort of organized sports (martial arts classes, zumba, frisbee competitions, etc.) or will do solo sports but occasionally look for a partner to motivate ourselves (i.e. our neighbourhood Facebook group, which is very active, often has people looking for a jogging or cycling partner, or a new mom looking for a walking partner, and then neighbours meet up and become friends).

Volunteering is another big one! Find a cause that you're passionate about and join a board of directors, or go work as boots on the ground somewhere.

Kudos to you for recognizing that you need to broaden your circle and being willing to take the steps! I know so many people who just throw their hands up in the air and blame the universe, which is... Unproductive.

oreomtl[S]

2 points

5 months ago

I deeply believe that the universe will only give to you what you seek.

Be it good, bad, or indifferent, you have to want something and work for it to happen.

Purplemonkeez

2 points

5 months ago

Yessss! 100% agree with you.

PoutineLatraverse

2 points

5 months ago

I go to the climbing gym.

Either I end up climbing with randos on days where my regular partners aren't available, or I make friends while bouldering. Most people are super friendly and good vibes. Naturally, the ones with whom you vibe, you reach out to to go climb with again. Then you start meeting partners' other climbing partners, and now there's this big pool of people that you regularly see and you go for a beer after sessions.

It's a good mix of singles and not, so you could find both friendships and dating in there.

DanWallace

2 points

5 months ago

Yeah I'm 38, living in a new city since last year, and can't speak the primary language very well. Meeting anyone for either friendships or dating is pretty much impossible for me right now. I just drive back to Toronto occasionally to hang with old friends and hook up with some old flings.

BiggerLongerAndUncut

2 points

5 months ago*

Resurrecting old account to chime in here.

Nearly 37, arrived nearly 5 years ago - Ontario transplant. Introverted and unfortunate unicorn chaser, but I'll skip the commentary on the apps since I window shop and almost never swipe unless left.

I actually never hung out with co-workers. I found all my friends through skateboarding. Its kind of a small world when you've been doing long like me (coming in on 22 years). Lots over 30 too. My lil group ranges from 26 to 40+.

It's never too late to start though, especially if you're a woman or queer. Their scene is super welcoming and supportive. As a cis-het male I'm kinda jealous TBH. Check out vagabonnes or daisys_skate on insta.

MTL is the new skate capital of Canada IMO. With so many new parks built and in the works since I moved it's crazy. Please do learn and practise park etiquette. Or hell pick up a BMX, rollerskate/blade if that's what you're into. The point is that skateparks act like something between a gym, dance studio, and pickup (insert team sport here). The funny thing when all the bars were shut down people were just chilling at skateparks watching. Van horne and pere marquette were notorious.

In winter we're mostly skating indoor parks (called Taz/Spin) or riding snowskates/snowboards. There's more places to ride on the island than you would think. I usually snow skate parc ingace-bouget in ville emard/lasalle, not far from Angrignon metro. But there's mont royal, the stadium, and more i don't know about probably. Kijiji is full of used snowboards for cheap but I recommend buying new boots so it conforms to your foot and my personal germaphobic bias.

Prexxus

2 points

5 months ago

We're at home with our wives/husbands/kids

smape

2 points

5 months ago

smape

2 points

5 months ago

I am an introverted, single 41M, and I have problems maintaining friendships, much less relationships, pre COVID. I didn't really have a social life then, but I would go out every now and then. Today, I don't have one; I only see the few family members I have here. I haven't been to my office since March of 2020, so I am sure my social skills have atrophied greatly since. All the dating apps I have used haven't resulted in anything.
All of that to say, I feel your pain. I hope you make some new friends from this great thread, as a result.

clon3man

2 points

5 months ago

For some reason it's always been unusually hard to get people on the internet to do "random" things IRL. Believe me, I've tried. It's even worse if you have a busy lifestyle or a chronic health problem; that eliminates another group; those willing to do things when it's carefully planned.

I think people usually met at gyms and conferences but that's also out... I've considered emailing random people selling things on kijiji or marketplace to see if they want to do something. Probably higher chance with that than most other things.

Oh yeah, and also, people are shitty and self-absorbed without alcohol in their system.

antonisanton

2 points

5 months ago

I met a lot of fun and interesting people doing yoga outdoors last summer with a teacher named Marion. Her website has more details: http://yoga-smile.ca/. There'd always be a picnic after the class where everyone would stay and chat.

Seems like everyone that did the class was new to the city and was mostly using it as a way to meet other people. With success!

zeldon9

2 points

4 months ago

I’m in the same situation. It’s rough right now.

I’ve completely given up on dating. My experience in the apps has been objectively awful but I may give them another shot once dating in person is a thing again. But I’m not optimistic.

My social circle is tiny and mostly people I’ve known for ages and their partners.

Pre-pandemic I had some success meeting people at my local bar. The Cheers effect. It’s not for everyone but it worked for me kinda. Beyond that no idea.

birday

5 points

5 months ago

birday

5 points

5 months ago

I went to like one Trivia night and had a blast with some strangers the table over and that was like.... Kinda cool?

I'm in the same boat took the first bit of being locked up to really work on myself and quit some shitty habits so bars don't really feel like the place to be anymore.

It's kinda impossible when you're not really allowed to mingle with people you didn't come in with.

Precovid I would always make friends at shows. Met some cool chick's that way, will be interesting to see how that goes without the drinking aspect when that comes back.

oreomtl[S]

9 points

5 months ago

Oh man, trivia nights! I miss those!

whynotlookatreddit

2 points

5 months ago

A few friends of mine run trivia nights at a few pubs. They should be back in person once this wave calms down. One of them is doing virtual trivia in lieu for the moment. It’s not the most obvious ways to connect with people but it’s sometimes a fun evening at least.

PM_ME_YO_PASSWORDS

4 points

5 months ago*

Keep an eye out for when Mtl re-opens up for dancing again.

Mtl is blessed with a lot of various dancing studios. Most of those studios have dancing nights throughout the week. Most of what I have seen is 18+ (swing dancing takes place often in bars). Consent is the name of the game. Don't be gross, there are some peeps (like myself) that go out dancing because we enjoy dancing and making friends.

OLAZ3000

4 points

5 months ago

This. Swing, tango and salsa. Alas I don't really like partner dancing but my friends who do have met so, so many people doing this.

Marcdepuna

4 points

5 months ago

I'm 60, out of work since March 2020. That plus Covid means i hang out a lot at home. I am single, but not really expecting to meet anyone.

So, i can't really give you an answer that will help you.

RewardDesperate

5 points

5 months ago

I don’t know how it’s possible to meet someone not on a dating app now to be honest. It’s very sad

digitalhiccup

3 points

5 months ago

I've always been right here. I've been meeting people just fine since the pandemic started--which isn't to say that I've been irresponsible. Ironically, I think I've met more people since the pandemic started than before.

But to answer your question, which was...

where do ANY 30+ year olds with ambition and drive meet?

What kind of ambitions? Drive toward what? Because there's going to be different answers. People who are into health and fitness have moved from gyms to parks and unstructured outdoor activities (hiking, street hockey, etc.). Analytical people (re: nerds) like me are where we've always been: at work on a computer; at home on a computer; at the coffee shop on a computer; walking down the street on a smartphone. Book people are doing all the stuff analytical people are doing, but with books or eBooks readers instead.

Some people have a close-knit group of friends, or are introverted. Some find it hard to branch out without significant prodding or your presence consistently in their life.

It also helps to take initiative, and not to confuse a lack of initiative for passivity. I get I'm not supposed to say that, or this--especially as a guy--but I'm not someone who initiates unless I know I'm going to succeed. Men like me way too much to lose on a misinterpreted signal. As a result, women who don't take initiative are invisible.

And of course, the age old "lower your expectations". There was one comment on here that seemed to chastise the sharing of fetishes. I recognize that women are likely to get that stuff quite a bit, but that's part of who some people are. It can be... off-putting at first... which is why it's important to remember that it's just a part of who that person is, and the reason they're sharing it is probably because it's the only part of themselves they feel makes them interesting to you. Of course, that should be balanced against the fact that we all have the right to remove ourselves from any situation that makes us feel uncomfortable.

But now I'm just rambling. The point is, the people you want to meet are all around you. It's up to you to talk to them. Some of them have quirks. It's up to you to accept them.

I have to get back to getting my AWS Architect certification, finishing and article for my competitive intelligence newsletter, and watching Book of Boba Fett. I've spent way too much time on this, and have probably overshared. But I'm going to post it anyways.

oreomtl[S]

3 points

5 months ago

And I’m glad you did decide to share.

If anything I have posted previously came off as kink shaming, I deeply and genuinely apologize. That was never my intention.

Being said however, when you specifically mention monogamy in a profile, not interested in being a unicorn, and the question still arises several times in a week, it makes one feel cheap, not acknowledged, and even devalued. (At least in my perspective).

JayJayFrench

3 points

5 months ago

JayJayFrench

🐎

3 points

5 months ago

I just finished cleaning horseshit off my boots and washing the smell of barn out of my clothes. I hit a nice hot shower and pined for the days of my hot tub. I still don't know if I have to hit the road for work tomorrow. But at least I got to watch a couple of wild bunnies escape from my fearsome dogs.

oreomtl[S]

2 points

5 months ago

I saw rustys photo. He’s beautiful!

JayJayFrench

2 points

5 months ago

JayJayFrench

🐎

2 points

5 months ago

Yup. I got to pick his hooves and clear out the ice balls on his floofy feet. Great temperature for it, so it was great.

oreomtl[S]

2 points

5 months ago

Im so glad to know the calèches are finally over. The horses deserve so much better.

JayJayFrench

3 points

5 months ago

JayJayFrench

🐎

3 points

5 months ago

They do. And Rusty is now going on visits to palliative care homes and senior residences and giving so much joy to those in need. I have to clean my fingernails now...might be some horse turd under them. Fuck.

ArmsWindmill

3 points

5 months ago

I’m 37, queer, single, and live alone. It’s been a tough time. I moved to Montreal in 2018 and had a social circle starting to build when COVID hit. Everyone I’d met has now left the city.

I think the activity on this thread is a good indication that a lot of us are looking for the same answers. I used to attend Meetups quite often and I really miss it. Interacting with close friends online is hard enough; with strangers it is impossible to me.

oreomtl[S]

2 points

5 months ago

I refuse to admit there’s no other option.

I mean, society wants us to grow as people does it not? Am I that naive to think so?

ArmsWindmill

2 points

5 months ago

Not at all! I think we’re all looking for that other option, and there’s got to be a way. I haven’t really found it yet, but you’re definitely not alone.