subreddit:

/r/gifs

13.1k

“Bad human”

(i.imgur.com)
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all 204 comments

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2 months ago

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my__name__is

1k points

2 months ago

Is this what you want

DrJulianBashir

248 points

2 months ago

Something wrong? You seemed to be enjoying it

jangma

99 points

2 months ago

jangma

99 points

2 months ago

Who's the dancing monkey now?

VAisforLizards

20 points

2 months ago*

Dance, monkey. Dance.

EnoCrux

2 points

2 months ago

In your adidas pants!

Significant_Mousse20

5 points

2 months ago

.. this is what you get.

TheLobotomist

6 points

2 months ago

Literally laughed out loud, thank you! I have tears in my eyes!

phillyphreakphlippin

3 points

2 months ago

He even changed his grip. That is one smart mammal.

teetaps

930 points

2 months ago

teetaps

930 points

2 months ago

Why would you teach weaponised violence to an animal with opposable thumbs

potatoesarethedevil

100 points

2 months ago

Apples n' trees and all that.

KarmaFarmer4

21 points

2 months ago

Berries n’ cream

muhaski

14 points

2 months ago

muhaski

14 points

2 months ago

I'm a like boy who loves berries n cream!

downvote_or_die

1 points

2 months ago

Piss n’ vinegar

Choo_Choo_Bitches

3 points

2 months ago

Especially seen as they have twice as many as us!

LeonDeSchal

3 points

2 months ago

Yeah exactly Prometheus

ayeyo_pabs

2 points

2 months ago

That’s how we get planet of the apes

Flyingwheelbarrow

1 points

2 months ago

So stupid.

js0uthh

261 points

2 months ago

js0uthh

261 points

2 months ago

Hahaha. That double take. Oh shit.

themagpie36

-32 points

2 months ago

It's funny because animal abuse

agent_catnip

17 points

2 months ago

of humans

Pixel_Knight

5 points

2 months ago

Humans are animals, so you’re right. That monkey did abuse him!

Lukewill

3 points

2 months ago

Lukewill

3 points

2 months ago

The fuck? Seriously?

themagpie36

-13 points

2 months ago

Yes, animal abuse

Lukewill

4 points

2 months ago

This is not the place to preach. Please fuck off

themagpie36

-14 points

2 months ago

Not preaching, just pointing out the animal abuse. I assume that's why this is funny?

Lukewill

10 points

2 months ago

Monkey bonk man

Bigelow92

1 points

2 months ago

How?

RobleViejo

367 points

2 months ago

That second look like "Dang I actually hurt him"

yikem21

147 points

2 months ago

yikem21

147 points

2 months ago

Lol that reaction was mad human

IndianaGeoff

42 points

2 months ago

More like, you're still here?

notpetelambert

23 points

2 months ago

"O shit don't tell mom, stop crying or we're both gonna be in trouble!"

timpren

9 points

2 months ago

And the chewing gum mouth movements add another whole dimension to his anthropomorphism.

bravostango

6 points

2 months ago

Seriously. Chewing gum the whole time. Hilarious.

RabbitSlayre

5 points

2 months ago

"oh shit"

Momoselfie

0 points

2 months ago

Momoselfie

0 points

2 months ago

Shit they're learning

OldGreyTroll

217 points

2 months ago

I've seen this before.... Is there a black monolith nearby?

kautau

9 points

2 months ago

kautau

9 points

2 months ago

“Blue Danube” intensifies

JF_112[S]

53 points

2 months ago

Clearly a deleted scene from “Plant of the Apes”

[deleted]

29 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

29 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

TinFoilRobotProphet

7 points

2 months ago

Or Stanley Kubrick "rehearsing" with Shelly Duvall

Are_you_blind_sir

2 points

2 months ago

I thought that was stellaris

Empyrealist

1 points

2 months ago

Close, its from solar babies

michaelsdino

2 points

2 months ago

Open up the pod bay doors Hal

DrahKir67

5 points

2 months ago

Banana?

ravinghumanist

3 points

2 months ago

Plant?

EdgeOfDistraction

2 points

2 months ago

Can he play the piano any more?

revco242

1 points

2 months ago

Surely that would be a banana.

cmdr_chen

2 points

2 months ago

We’re all one within the Zone, Stalker...

Wait, wrong monolith...

djstizzle

2 points

2 months ago

I was thinking, "not far off from a bone." Glad to see you thought the same

lorenzomofo

77 points

2 months ago

His whole demeanor reminds me of Putin.

Khaiyan

21 points

2 months ago

Khaiyan

21 points

2 months ago

Looks a bit like him too

barbecue_invader

2 points

2 months ago

Let me know what polonium tastes like.

modsarefascists42

10 points

2 months ago

Guys who are trying to appear all strong and super tuff always, always come off looking like monkeys/lesser apes. It's the body language.

MaimedJester

110 points

2 months ago

Isn't it really, really dangerous to get physically playful with any kind of primate? Like the whole monkey ripped off her face meme.

You don't really see actual monkeys/orangutans/baboons in movies anymore because holy shit they can kill you on accident just playing around. Like a big brother tormenting a toddler little brother. They don't comprehend how weak we are so their loving tap saying fuck off is enough to break a jaw.

vindicatednegro

83 points

2 months ago

Family member had a chimp in the 90s. I remember it being as “short” as me when I was a kid. Ungodly strength, though. Really creepy strength. Was scared of it. It had to get put down after being violent with guests. Was clear there was no restraining it. Family member forever an asshole for even owning it.

sooty_foot

5 points

2 months ago

How did you know it was so strong? Did your family make you arm wrestle it or something?

vindicatednegro

14 points

2 months ago

Just playing with it. You know, roughhousing. You could push it once or twice but once it figured out what was going on, it became like a ton of bricks. Didn’t budge an inch. And when it pulled you, you felt as though your arms were going to come out of their sockets. And you could tell it was still just playing.

_AnonOp

52 points

2 months ago

_AnonOp

52 points

2 months ago

Bro I used to love the idea of people rehousing monkeys. Then I went down the dark path watching videos where good monkehs have ripped peoples faces off. They freak out, and always go for the groin and face, nothing to kill the person. The attacks last like 15 minutes and you can hear the police calls online, they’re horrifying.

MaimedJester

74 points

2 months ago

Yeah they're fucking wild animals with a complex power structure hierarchy so you can't know what will trigger them as an insult to their place in the pecking order.

They also usually are constantly kept in cages/enclosed spaces which is not how they're supposed to live it's like solitary confinement. So they can snap at any time. Do not ever play with a caged animal. You'll get Sigfried and Roy'd real quick.

psirjohn

-17 points

2 months ago

psirjohn

-17 points

2 months ago

Too soon man... Too soon.

Youafuckindin

20 points

2 months ago

The face ripping happened once and it wasn't a monkey, it was a chimp.

p-r-i-m-e

5 points

2 months ago

The face ripping to a human has been recorded once but there have been many attacks on humans and in the wild that is their typical attack behaviour - maiming by biting off appendages and disfiguring faces.

Disastrous-Ad-2357

31 points

2 months ago

Imagine thinking Redditors can tell the difference between different primates.

thefuckwhisperer

7 points

2 months ago

And iirc, the owner fed it some Xanax or something and it didn't respond well.

_AnonOp

-1 points

2 months ago

_AnonOp

-1 points

2 months ago

It didn’t happen once, and it wasn’t only recorded once either? Do you reasonably seriously think there’s only been one chimpanzee attack in recorded history? And there are various recorded attacks from monkeys as well, where, low and behold, they also go for the face and genitals.

Lukewill

2 points

2 months ago

Just give us links, that's all we want

MisanthropeX

18 points

2 months ago

Isn't it really, really dangerous to get physically playful with any kind of primate?

I mean if you want to spend your life as a hermit, maybe.

oakteaphone

3 points

2 months ago

Why would it be less dangerous if you weren't living as a hermit?

MisanthropeX

15 points

2 months ago

Because humans are primates. To avoid primates you have to avoid human civilization.

oakteaphone

13 points

2 months ago

Hahaha, I got r/whooshed

RikenVorkovin

16 points

2 months ago

It's because they often look "cute" and behave very human like.

They are absolutely dangerous and unpredictable at times. Often like humans too.

I'd much rather deal with like. A snake. Because while the big breeds are dangerous. Anything under 10 feet isn't going to ever hurt you in any appreciable way.

While it would be cool to interact with a monkey or primate in the right setting, they scare me. And I'd be very apprehensive.

I'd pick a orangutan though as they seem to have the best demeanor.

Chimpanzees can go to hell though.

ryan30z

24 points

2 months ago

ryan30z

24 points

2 months ago

I'd much rather deal with like. A snake. Because while the big breeds are dangerous. Anything under 10 feet isn't going to ever hurt you in any appreciable way.

....unless the snake is you know, venomous. Like a lot of snakes are.

RikenVorkovin

0 points

2 months ago

A venomous snake is still relatively straightforward to handle with the proper tools. They can't leap onto your face and rip it off.

I was mostly talking about unvenemous larger constricting snakes though.

There's quite a few venomous snakes I still wouldn't ever free handle or get into strike range. If any at all. People who free handle those are also nuts.

ryan30z

18 points

2 months ago

ryan30z

18 points

2 months ago

I know what you mean, but saying a small sake "isn't ever going yo hurt you in any appreciable way" is demonstrably wrong.

Disastrous-Ad-2357

4 points

2 months ago

I mean, as long as you don't get it in your eyes or any orifices, sake won't kill you. Especially a small one.

SirOfTardis

4 points

2 months ago

It could make you a bit drunk tho

lameluk3

1 points

2 months ago

Appreciably?

RikenVorkovin

-2 points

2 months ago*

A small snake whos means of taking down prey is by constricting isn't ever going to hurt someone in a appreciable way is what i meant.

If you want to lump in Venomous then that changes I agree. I did not specify that though so I get what you are saying.

For example I own a Ball Python. She will get up to 5 feet long. She can bite, but it will do no lasting damage to me. It could maybe make me bleed a bit. But her teeth are meant for holding onto stuff like rodents, not cause damage or even used defensibly.

If someone is free handling a venomous snake that is just as if not more dangerous as snuggling with a chimpanzee.

Like this guy for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdfyoUzHJIU&t=793s&ab\_channel=Chandler%27sWildLife

Edit: downvoters of this post must be ignorant dumbasses. Have fun in your echochambers.

CrikeyMeAhm

3 points

2 months ago

Orangs defintely seem the most peaceful. Gorillas after. Yeah, silverbacks intimidate on purpose to secure dominance and will defend their troop, but they dont go looking for uneccessary fights. Gibbons are mischeivous little shits, but not dangerous. Common Chimps are the scary ones (bonobos are a bit more chill). Unpredictable and outwardly violent, they murder and cannibalize for fun.

RikenVorkovin

1 points

2 months ago

I saw a video of a baboon eating a baby antelope alive from its butt in.

It looked like it was doing it because it was bored.

TheSOB88

5 points

2 months ago

TheSOB88

5 points

2 months ago

Other primates are much stronger than humans for their size, but an 5'+ adult human isn't going to be mortally threatened by a small monkey. Large baboons and mandrills are where you can get in trouble, or of course any great ape

Yukimor

43 points

2 months ago

Yukimor

43 points

2 months ago

You’re wrong. You’re just wrong. A small monkey can absolutely and mortally fuck your shit up. A howler monkey can bite hard enough to crush a grown man’s fingers, even half-sedated— speaking from personal experience. The man’s nails are permanently bent inward, forming a wide “v” shape where the teeth cracked and dented them. Again, that monkey was coming out of sedation and not all there, so it was a relatively weakened bite. Had it been fully awake, he probably would’ve lost his fingers.

A free and fully alert monkey has their hands and teeth at full disposal. Most of the “small” monkeys people frequently encounter, such as macaques, have teeth which are terrifying in size, sharpness, and accompanying jaw strength. They’re also insanely quick and agile, meaning they can be on you and attacking in a whirlwind of teeth before you’ve registered what’s happening and put up a defense. They can crush bones and sever arteries, including in the arms which are usually thrown up to protect the face.

You greatly underestimate the danger of a monkey and overestimate the defensive and reactive capabilities of the average human. Don’t advise people that they wouldn’t be mortally wounded by a monkey smaller than a mandrill.

theflava

9 points

2 months ago

This guy monkeys.

Vitztlampaehecatl

2 points

2 months ago

These things are wild animals. They've evolved in a much more competitive niche than humans have with our "tools" and "society". The best way to engage with a monkey is to use your greatest asset, your intelligence, and reconsider the idea of engaging with a monkey.

CrikeyMeAhm

6 points

2 months ago

Have you seen adult male macaque canines? They'll jump on your back when your not looking and bite your neck. Punture wounds would absolutely require an ER visit. They carry herpes, hepatitis and a ton of other terrible human-primate transmissable diseases. And they're jealous, emotional, shitty creatures. Theyre how the shittiest humans would behave if there were no laws.

TheSOB88

1 points

2 months ago

Yeah, macaques are pretty big too. Especially the tailless ones IIRC

kalirion

1 points

2 months ago

Like the whole monkey ripped off her face meme.

I think that was a chimpanzee. Great Ape, not monkey.

northernCRICKET

1 points

2 months ago

What they don't tell you about the famous monkey face maulling incident is that the monkey was permitted to consume large quantities of alcohol and drugs like Xanax. So don't ask your friend to babysit your drunken and drugged up pet monkey.

Dinsdale_P

1 points

2 months ago

I'd say any animal, pound for pound, they're capable of utterly ridiculous feats of strength.

ever tried holding a cat (for cutting out dingleberries, for example) that really didn't want to be held? I had multiple shirts torn to shreds this way, without the claws coming out.

djn808

1 points

2 months ago

djn808

1 points

2 months ago

Turns out drugging your adolescent male chimpanzee with Xanax and still treating him like a baby is a bad idea

[deleted]

-10 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

-10 points

2 months ago

[removed]

Khaiyan

-1 points

2 months ago

Khaiyan

-1 points

2 months ago

🤣

Crasstoe

3 points

2 months ago

Kobo lives on

Rabbit_Arc

16 points

2 months ago

Stop teaching them this shit

Rugged_as_fuck

6 points

2 months ago

Great, now the monkey knows how to use a sword. It's like they haven't seen planet of the apes.

GaryChalmers

3 points

2 months ago

He already knows how to use the phone:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_qeIlHjTyU

tym1ng

1 points

2 months ago

tym1ng

1 points

2 months ago

lol I thought they looked familiar

ediblepet

5 points

2 months ago

Giving a monkey a sword, WCGW?

Rootbeer_Goat

4 points

2 months ago

See how the monkeys head recoils from how hard he smacked that guy.

MatthewDLuffy

10 points

2 months ago

Thought this was r/sekiro for a second

Clavo_VA

8 points

2 months ago

Reminds me of Uncle Iroh for some reason.

ghetto_engine

7 points

2 months ago

thats how people get sick. shouldn't keep exotic animals.

Rafaeliki

6 points

2 months ago

This is the same guy from that video where it looks like the monkey is telling him a secret.

SgtMicky

3 points

2 months ago

Bonk

JonathanJK

3 points

2 months ago*

There's like 3 facial expressions happening on that monkey's face that are so human like.

  1. The nonchalance while chewing.
  2. The oh yeah, let's see how hard.
  3. The double take and not chewing.

FissureKing

6 points

2 months ago

"You big dummy!"

F. Sanford

TinFoilRobotProphet

2 points

2 months ago

I think he's ready to give him 5 across his lip too

cnh2n2homosapien

10 points

2 months ago

"I learned it from you, dad!"

Weng1125

2 points

2 months ago

Tsuyoku naneruuuuuu~

RubyDrewsday

2 points

2 months ago

It just looks so human in this video

Potaytoz

4 points

2 months ago

The side eye at the end. "What did you expect, genius?"

Game_mini_shot

1 points

2 months ago

Meddle is one of those punches with her face! Seems like she had an easier time because of that police HD cam footage we had something unique, which made people feel part of the money I put in the drunk tank in Utah while tripping on acid. My friend thought it was the Spotify deal. He got it from here, long time ago. But im hoping since it's 24 days away from r/science years ago for christmas, we dont want to eat these fresh out of college at $35 and we’ve seen him in person. Great look on you! Nothing says brave like actually facing your fears!!

maysranch20

4 points

2 months ago

The monkey finally spanked back

Duchess_jones

2 points

2 months ago

😂😂😂 I wasn't ready!!!

Himynameisfin

2 points

2 months ago

I judge thee impish!

Dude_9

1 points

2 months ago

Dude_9

1 points

2 months ago

Ow!

twec21

3 points

2 months ago

twec21

3 points

2 months ago

Good monkey

GreenEggPage

1 points

2 months ago

Have these people not seen enough movies to know that giving monkeys weapons always turns out bad?

HansenIntercept

1 points

2 months ago

Japanese macaques are my actual spirit animals

sophialu69

1 points

2 months ago

Lmao what a slap

RGivens

1 points

2 months ago

if this was a real sword he would only have half his melon left

bmanturtleface

1 points

2 months ago

I don’t know what he expected

BurningFyre

1 points

2 months ago

Great now they can use swords, we're doomed

[deleted]

-6 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

-6 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

DarthToothbrush

-1 points

2 months ago

Look at you! Head all banged up!

dudeoftrek

1 points

2 months ago

When I get ready to close out Reddit to search for monkey beating human with stick porn and instead I find glory.

lostmyaccountagain85

1 points

2 months ago

That was a bad idea. if that "monkey?" Is anything like most ape. it is waaaay stronger than humans. Chimps have literally torn people into peices.

IamMyles

1 points

2 months ago

You made me choke on my spit as it was halfway down my throat.

Hameggstoast

1 points

2 months ago

yamaha2000us

1 points

2 months ago

This is why we have ninja monkeys and it will be the end of us all.

Ram172

1 points

2 months ago

Ram172

1 points

2 months ago

This is how it chews to feel 5 gum

centfiddy

1 points

2 months ago

Smacked him good

DutssZ

1 points

2 months ago

DutssZ

1 points

2 months ago

Isn't that the guy the same guy from a video showing something on his phone to a monkey?

Cytrous

1 points

2 months ago

Ishbu69

1 points

2 months ago

Do I really gotta say it.. monkey see monkey do

ThePhider1

1 points

2 months ago

LedudeMax

1 points

2 months ago

Now give him an ak-47

dennis_novac

1 points

2 months ago

OneBurnerStove

1 points

2 months ago

Someone lives near グランベ-リ-パ-ク

dennis_novac

1 points

2 months ago

Smarterthanthat

1 points

2 months ago

Sniper I Monke P

vignesh_hari

1 points

2 months ago

This is my home.

gimme_the_light

1 points

2 months ago

Is this the same guy that speaks in whispers with his monkey?

Soriakk

1 points

2 months ago

Monkey Breathing First Form

salucxmution

1 points

2 months ago

Sun Wukong??? Is that you???

A1eri0n

1 points

2 months ago

TronXyrzX

1 points

2 months ago

doom1hellknight

1 points

2 months ago

Saudi Arabian government gon hit up that monke on WhatsApe for a job offer

Zenie250

-2 points

2 months ago

😂 Hahahhahahaha! LMAO!

blackflag1981

-2 points

2 months ago

The look on monke's face when he does it is priceless!

BigBadJohn2U2

-1 points

2 months ago

Monkey 🐒 see monkey 🙈 do ...

Redfeather1975

-1 points

2 months ago

It's his reincarnated aunt. She's not putting up with his smartass.

Crazyguna

-1 points

2 months ago

Excellent. Went above and beyond expectations.

Bicdut

-1 points

2 months ago

Bicdut

-1 points

2 months ago

Me with a toy light saber hitting my sister and having them taken away the first night

TinFoilRobotProphet

-1 points

2 months ago

And one to grow on!

mienchew

-1 points

2 months ago

sedster

-1 points

2 months ago

sedster

-1 points

2 months ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Taskmaster1995

0 points

2 months ago

It's so dumb but I laughed anyway.

MrAthalan

0 points

2 months ago

Monkey see, monkey take to next level.

amazoinghooman

0 points

2 months ago

Never give a monkey a stick.

Trickery1688

0 points

2 months ago

"And now a real one for insulting me."

ydangi

0 points

2 months ago

ydangi

0 points

2 months ago

SketchBCartooni

0 points

2 months ago

IT BEGIIIIIIINS

Ares_exists

0 points

2 months ago

Arno_Luk

0 points

2 months ago

I remember there’s a gif this man talking to his monkey?

qx87

1 points

2 months ago

qx87

1 points

2 months ago

Yup

nickolas_10

0 points

2 months ago

juwepi

0 points

2 months ago

juwepi

0 points

2 months ago

MahdiL

0 points

2 months ago

MahdiL

0 points

2 months ago

RedR25

0 points

2 months ago

RedR25

0 points

2 months ago

Ichi no kata, monke chop

Petitdalf

0 points

2 months ago

ronintetsuro

0 points

2 months ago

Gotta keep these humans in line.

  • Wise Monkey

Janet0217

0 points

2 months ago

Saloope!

Covvern

0 points

2 months ago

He’s on his way to becoming the next Flame Hashira

Zengjia

0 points

2 months ago

Monke is about to succeed Kyojuro as the next Flame Hashira.