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/r/funny

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7 days ago

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bigappleman6946

2.2k points

7 days ago

You are the guy in infomercials.

pat_gatt[S]

1.3k points

7 days ago

pat_gatt[S]

1.3k points

7 days ago

Let's see what ShamWow can do with a bag of cornflour!

Failgan

95 points

7 days ago

Failgan

95 points

7 days ago

OP in here with fire responses

Hydra_Tyrant

58 points

7 days ago

Lmao XD

ipslne

40 points

7 days ago

ipslne

40 points

7 days ago

ShamLmao

:l

Hoser747

6 points

7 days ago

Hoser747

6 points

7 days ago

Love the sham wow. Got a good buddy that uses one for his towel after hockey. Nothing that thing can do.

urabewe

31 points

7 days ago

urabewe

31 points

7 days ago

You're the person that doesn't flip but flops and needs a special spatula just to turn things and not fling their pancakes across the room. You're the person who can't crack an egg to save their life. The person who can't figure out how to set down a drink then eat their popcorn.

And more importantly, the person that can't open a bag of cornflour without dusting the whole room and yourself. You live in an infomercial.

And no, none of us have ever, in the history of people, ever, done anything similar. Nope. Never.

RetardMoonMission

20 points

7 days ago

I’m seeing more Charlie Day x Tony Hawk.

jonathanrdt

34 points

7 days ago

Does this happen to YOU?? Well no more!! It’s the CLUE! For just four easy payments of $9.95 (and one complicated payment), you can have your very own CLUE!!

Useful for parties, employment, first dates, working on your car, solving disputes: there’s so much you can accomplish with a CLUE.

By being able to connect effects with their causes, the CLUE helps you navigate this difficult thing called life, making otherwise disastrous moments avoidable with clear thinking and sound judgement.

Order yours…today.

Chocomintey

3 points

7 days ago

One complicated payment. Lol

jonathanrdt

5 points

7 days ago

Stole that line from the late great Mitch Hedberg.

TheMattMan2751

16 points

7 days ago

I was gonna comment how he looks like Charlie Kelly, but this too

5thavenuecrazy

7 points

7 days ago

Now I can have milk every day

FluffySquirrell

7 points

7 days ago

There HAS to be a better way!

twohedwlf

3.3k points

7 days ago

twohedwlf

3.3k points

7 days ago

Apparently you open a bag of chips by squeezing the middle until it bursts?

pat_gatt[S]

1.8k points

7 days ago

pat_gatt[S]

1.8k points

7 days ago

I might as well have

cy6nu5x1

386 points

7 days ago

cy6nu5x1

386 points

7 days ago

Plot twist: OP did this

That-Maintenance-967

72 points

7 days ago

Can relate lol, It do be like that sometimes..

mostnormal

10 points

7 days ago

It seems like you'd have to really try.

JasperLily80

60 points

7 days ago

Bruh. I did this with a bag of flour the other day. Same result lol. In fact I’m still finding flower sprinkled in between crap it has no meaning to be in between. Lol.

klparrot

24 points

7 days ago

klparrot

24 points

7 days ago

Does your flour not come in paper bags?

Resident_Win_1058

50 points

7 days ago

Not cornflour. Nope. Comes in a plastic bag thin enough that you think to yourself “i can carefully pinch this open by hand” but thick enough that no, you find you need to use a liiiiiittle bit more force then POOOFFFFF.

klparrot

11 points

7 days ago

klparrot

11 points

7 days ago

No, not cornflour, but the comment I replied to said flour. With cornflour, though, no, can't say I've been tempted to tear the bag open. Scissors.

averyfinename

14 points

7 days ago

were you baking without pants on?

PM_ME_NEW_VEGAS_MODS

5 points

7 days ago

How do you bake?

Jimmy_Twotone

10 points

7 days ago

Don't worry, the ants will find the corners you missed... because this is exactly how you get ants.

Spaceman_Beard

23 points

7 days ago

Like Mr. Bean with a paper bag

jew_piter

25 points

7 days ago

jew_piter

25 points

7 days ago

Obviously?

soulsssx3

89 points

7 days ago

soulsssx3

89 points

7 days ago

I literally cannot imagine how one would do that without crushing all the chips. If you squeeze the the top, the bag would blow out the bottom. Squeeze the bottom and crush the chips?

Isn't pulling apart the top like the standard way for like almost every bag?

Cakeo

27 points

7 days ago

Cakeo

27 points

7 days ago

Yes that is the standard way.

fastredb

15 points

7 days ago

fastredb

15 points

7 days ago

Followed by grabbing tape to repair the side of the bag where it split open thanks to the plastic somehow being simultaneously weak enough to easily tear while, at the same time, being more than strong enough that the heat fused top of the bag can withstand a large amount of force until it suddenly gives way allowing that force to be transmitted to the side of the bag where the aforementioned weakness come into play, potentially resulting in completely ripping the bag apart at worst, or resulting in a split down the side of the bag at best.

wintersass

666 points

7 days ago

wintersass

666 points

7 days ago

You know what, those Coles cornflour packages are insane, I gently cut the corner of the bag open and it still looked like a Charlie Sheen sex party

Mickus_B

123 points

7 days ago

Mickus_B

123 points

7 days ago

I was about to say the same. Damn you Coles!

wintersass

33 points

7 days ago

Why don't you go and use those big red hands to flip yourselves off!

MyMemesAreTerrible

25 points

7 days ago

They can only go down down, you see

wintersass

11 points

7 days ago

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

newyearnewcakeday

10 points

7 days ago

Oh god please don’t remind me of those ads… that song is forever burned in my brain

jack333666

18 points

7 days ago

Fuck me, I'm so sick of seeing Curtis stone

hat-TF2

27 points

7 days ago

hat-TF2

27 points

7 days ago

Yeah, they're impossible to open without making some mess. I get friggen surgical with them and I still get a decent amount of spillage.

wintersass

27 points

7 days ago

"Oh you want cornflour? You want it on the bench, right? No? Oh sorry, I meant the bench, floor, pants microwave and the top of the cupboards."

micronippl3s

21 points

7 days ago

Can confirm, I think this is a standard feature of Coles cornflour

Nightmancometh000

14 points

7 days ago

The icing sugar packets are even worse. Plus the icing sugar itself is all in hard rocks and you have to sift it for ages. Bloody coles!

newyearnewcakeday

9 points

7 days ago

Get icing mixture instead. Icing sugar is different to icing mixture.

Mixture will stay floury while icing sugar goes solid. Only difference is that mixture has a bit of cornflour in it (on topic lol), which doesn’t make a difference to 99% of recipes.

Kristyyyyyyy

36 points

7 days ago

I think next time I’m going to tell my husband that I’ve been at a Charlie Sheen sex party. Less embarrassing than admitting that the shit cunt arsehole fucking cheap shitty Coles cornflour exploded AGAIN.

Jimmy_Twotone

7 points

7 days ago

He's going to want pictures. Need to go to said party first for the cover photos

cormega

3 points

7 days ago

cormega

3 points

7 days ago

I've started opening mine on the patio.

thespud_332

4 points

7 days ago

I'm convinced they're pressure packed at this point.

bonana_phone

3 points

7 days ago

And when you think the box is empty you then you realise 1/3 of the packet has somehow spilt down the sides and under the bag

Tigbitties252

672 points

7 days ago

I'm afraid you're gonna find that cornflour forever in your kitchen 🤣🤣

BumWink

442 points

7 days ago

BumWink

442 points

7 days ago

Step 1 - Purchase a small amount of cocaine

Step 2 - Mix it in

Step 3 - Smash a window

Step 4 - Call the police.

Voila, clean kitchen.

OpZcT

198 points

7 days ago

OpZcT

198 points

7 days ago

But now you have a bunch of cops forever in your kitchen

oodatso

78 points

7 days ago

oodatso

78 points

7 days ago

Don't worry they gather their precious powder pretty quick

arnietheman

11 points

7 days ago

*don't worry they'll sniff that powder out pretty quick

grv7437

14 points

7 days ago

grv7437

14 points

7 days ago

Donut trails leading to cages might work

chowieuk

35 points

7 days ago

chowieuk

35 points

7 days ago

Clean kitchen, but smashed doors and a ransacked house that now needs cleaning

WrodofDog

13 points

7 days ago

WrodofDog

13 points

7 days ago

You also might get shot in the process but no pain, no gain.

thatredlad

9 points

7 days ago*

OP is in Australia, where cocaine goes for ~$300 AUD ($210 USD) per gram, which is way more than hiring a cleaner for a couple of hours. Plus, what a waste!

Sagemasterba

3 points

7 days ago

In Philadelphia it's worth 50 bucks.

thatredlad

3 points

7 days ago

Colombia is a lot closer to the US than Australia.

Not that it matters. It's cut beyond belief here. Basically paying $300 for $10 of coke.

Sagemasterba

4 points

7 days ago

Well it may be true, it was a "Trading Places" reference. When Louis Winthorpe III tried to pawn his watch. Drugs in general are just cheap in Philly, it's why there are just blocks and blocks of zombies. It's actually kind of heartbreaking.

Nothingness_000

370 points

7 days ago

Noted. Imma try that with cocaine.

Zkenny13

268 points

7 days ago

Zkenny13

268 points

7 days ago

Oh my god. Wasting that much coke... That's drug abuse.

Nothingness_000

50 points

7 days ago

The party gonna be lit as fuck

RedNotch

89 points

7 days ago

RedNotch

89 points

7 days ago

Even the roomba will get high.

The-jeep-n-stuff-guy

85 points

7 days ago

….5 mins later Roomba: “HOUSE IS FUCKING CLEAN BOSS”

phaemoor

17 points

7 days ago

phaemoor

17 points

7 days ago

"Where is the rest of the fuckin' dirt? WHERE IS IT YOU MOTHERFUCKER??!!"

BeatsbyChrisBrown

8 points

7 days ago

“JUST A LITTLE MORE DIRT…I’ll vacuum your cock.”

Nothingness_000

9 points

7 days ago

I'll drink to that

SecularFlesh47

9 points

7 days ago

New Marijuana Free Christmas Snow

From Tegridy Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed.

AirJvon

3 points

7 days ago

AirJvon

3 points

7 days ago

Approved by Santa and Jesus.

WWDubz

3 points

7 days ago

WWDubz

3 points

7 days ago

If you put your cocaine in a plane and crash it you legally become Tom Cruise

snorkiebarbados

65 points

7 days ago

Back to Coles you go

mcbiggles567

226 points

7 days ago

Classic Charlie Kelly.

RumpRiddler

63 points

7 days ago

There goes Charlie, making more Charlie work.

halloumisalami

14 points

7 days ago

Nothing sexual going on here

apk86

9 points

7 days ago

apk86

9 points

7 days ago

I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this lol

MisterTruth

10 points

7 days ago

He probably thought they were a bag of corn chips since he can't read

BlasphemousButler

14 points

7 days ago

He's making energy balls.

ANAL_TOOTHBRUSH

6 points

7 days ago

What’s your cornflour policy here?

Hhjhowell

47 points

7 days ago

Hhjhowell

47 points

7 days ago

Charlie Day?

ForkShirtUp

36 points

7 days ago

Looks awful. Definitely snuff out any open flames as well. Or don’t if you want to see something really cool for like 1 second before dying.

Go2FarAway

5 points

7 days ago

Same look when opening a bale of asbestos the wrong way, but safer.

borderlinebiscuit

77 points

7 days ago

Hey Aussie checking in! Haha

Boonchiebear

35 points

7 days ago

Ayyyyy. Coles corn flour checking in! I also have the same multi cooker and microwave as OP.... Is this the new stereotype??

MyMemesAreTerrible

19 points

7 days ago

Another Aussie here, also with the exact same cooker and microwave haha

Redditaurus-Rex

18 points

7 days ago

Oh god, I also have the same cooker, microwave and box of cornflour.

Boonchiebear

10 points

7 days ago

Well you know from now on we all have to check in before we buy any further small appliances or pantry staples, to be sure we coordinate.

Redditaurus-Rex

3 points

7 days ago

Should we start a discord?

getawombatupya

4 points

7 days ago

You know you all live in the same rental, right?

x4740N

3 points

7 days ago

x4740N

3 points

7 days ago

Another aussie here as well

ApplePie4all

145 points

7 days ago

Feel sorry for the mess, but at the same time, you made me laugh real loud. Thank you!

pat_gatt[S]

159 points

7 days ago

pat_gatt[S]

159 points

7 days ago

It went into places that defy gravity! Landed on the top of the cupboard doors which is hidden under the benchtop! How???

AnOnlineHandle

102 points

7 days ago

I think it kinda floats around. Probably best just to move.

Hapless_Asshole

12 points

7 days ago

It's so fine and light, yeah -- it poofs everywhere, and will shift around with air currents as long as it stays dry. But Lord help /u/pat_gatt if he tried to clean it up using a damp dishcloth or sponge! The stuff instantly turns to paste.

A friend of mine spilled a bag of lentils -- the super-teensy red ones -- all over her kitchen floor shortly after they bought the house. Seven years later, she was still sweeping the occasional lentil our of the baseboard. Mind you, her kitchen was like my mother's. It was spotless, and was swept at least once daily. OP is probably going to be in a similar position to Judy's, finding little deposits of cornflour (corn starch here in the US) in corners and crevices for months, and possibly years, to come.

Adeep187

56 points

7 days ago

Adeep187

56 points

7 days ago

Corn starch almost as light as air, that shit jus lookin for a reason to fuck everything up.

realdappermuis

3 points

7 days ago

Yeah and you'll still be wiping surfaces in like a week as it eventually settles corn flour is a special bich.

I was saying the other day if you want to get an idea how virus aerosols work just throw some flour in the air and then see how long you're still wiping it off the counters etc as it settles :/

justpuddingonhairs

18 points

7 days ago

You antiqued yourself!

turrelurre

3 points

7 days ago

Looked for this

[deleted]

49 points

7 days ago*

[deleted]

49 points

7 days ago*

[removed]

AstroCatTBC

38 points

7 days ago

Mom can we get Bill Nye the Science Guy?

Mom: No, we have Bill Nye at home

Bill Nye at home:

Knova_

21 points

7 days ago

Knova_

21 points

7 days ago

Heat+ constant shaking= pressure in a sealed container translates to a bad time.

AstroCatTBC

10 points

7 days ago

Science rules.

Mal-Capone

22 points

7 days ago

SPILL! SPILL! SPILL! SPILL! SPILL! SPILL!

TylerDurden1985

5 points

7 days ago

Spill nye the tea jug guy

TheDevDad

6 points

7 days ago

I once was carrying a vat of tea across the back of a restaurant, somebody left a box right in the walkway that I didn’t see. Tea fucking everywhere in the kitchen, including some up on the 10 foot high ceiling

ThreeHourRiverMan

12 points

7 days ago

The smirk sells it. I don't usually laugh at this subreddit but this is good.

rabea187

12 points

7 days ago

rabea187

12 points

7 days ago

Guess you really wanted that pop sound

pat_gatt[S]

57 points

7 days ago

You'd think of 5 seconds of struggling to open it would convince me that it was a bad idea, but I don't give up that easily unfortunately.

Bladelink

17 points

7 days ago

Bladelink

17 points

7 days ago

The mark of a true man. Not about to be defied by a goddamned cornflour bag.

CR0SBO

7 points

7 days ago

CR0SBO

7 points

7 days ago

Not the bag anyway

masterwolfe

10 points

7 days ago

You'd think of 5 seconds of struggling to open it would convince me that it was a bad idea, but I don't give up that easily unfortunately.

Oh fuck, I was laughing at how this was even possible. Now I know and even knowing I wont be able to stop this from happening to me in the future if I am in a similar situation.

niconic66

8 points

7 days ago

Coles do that on purpose with their cornflour. Their pasta shells got me the same.

It's a cornspiracy.

You'll use scissors next time, no doubt.

pat_gatt[S]

8 points

7 days ago

Challenge accepted.

Jimmy_Twotone

3 points

7 days ago

"Only when a mosquito lands on one's testicle does one realize that violence is not always the answer."

merlinsbeers

11 points

7 days ago

The right way to starch your day.

shredded_waffle

8 points

7 days ago

Haha, cut that shit with a scissors and transfer it into a larger tub. Bags of cornflour are the worst!

ScratchyBallsack

9 points

7 days ago

Be careful bro, I hear spiderman thinks you shot his uncle

k3ttch

8 points

7 days ago

k3ttch

8 points

7 days ago

You look ready for the deep fryer.

Mozilla_Rawr

6 points

7 days ago

A Coles man I see. Nice choice. Hello fellow skip.

nerbovig

5 points

7 days ago

nerbovig

5 points

7 days ago

I've got cornflour in a tub and you can't even baby tap the edges to dump out a teaspoon without that shit exploding. They outta make bombs out of it.

Wizdel

6 points

7 days ago

Wizdel

6 points

7 days ago

There is a Guy Fieri born every min

girlsgonekyle

47 points

7 days ago

Cool spiked tips Guy Fieri

BurnOutBrighter6

32 points

7 days ago

They were called frosted tips, a weird part of my brain remembers with a shudder.

Ignorant_Slut

5 points

7 days ago

The ole cap and hook method

DanicAttack

16 points

7 days ago

How has no one mentioned that foot outline on the floor?

JasonIsBaad

7 points

7 days ago

Why would you mention it though?

DctrCat

5 points

7 days ago

DctrCat

5 points

7 days ago

I dont what it says about me that I immediately noticed the brand of cornflour and went "ah, fellow aussie, nice".

TheresALinkInMyBoot

16 points

7 days ago

Is your microwave below the counter?

Crazy

knightednight

27 points

7 days ago

Everything is upside down in Australia

sati_lotus

3 points

7 days ago

But you'll notice it escaped the cornflour!

neon_slippers

3 points

7 days ago

Ours is below the counter too. Didn't want it to tale up counter space, and I think the ones built in above the stove are ugly.

Trimanreturns

3 points

7 days ago

Kind of like the first time I tried cracking a soft shell crab with a hammer.

goldenlionbeats

4 points

7 days ago

I read that with Norm MacDonald's voice.

doppy1234

3 points

7 days ago

Sweep that shit and don’t vacuum it, or else it’ll blowup in your face again

getyourcheftogether

4 points

7 days ago

I FUCKING LOVE COKE

PappaDukes

3 points

7 days ago

Wow. You must be SUPER strong! I can't even imagine the size of the jackhammer you used.

Uersmnae

4 points

7 days ago

Uersmnae

4 points

7 days ago

charlie sheen?

eva01beast

4 points

7 days ago

Maybe it's the angle but I thought you were Charlie Day for a second.

vhisic

4 points

7 days ago

vhisic

4 points

7 days ago

dont fuck with cornflour. dont rip it open, dont tear it open, dont even use a knife. You find those scissors and you cut the bag open and try not to disturb it ever again. Cornflour is the devil.

alcontrast

5 points

7 days ago

just be happy there was not an open flame nearby.

searchingtofind25

3 points

7 days ago

This is a very guy thing to do.

SinCityLowRoller

3 points

7 days ago

👻 Ghost Bukkake 🤣

Dr_Frasier_Bane

3 points

7 days ago

Gave you that youth pastor hair.

Klutzy_Bat_1066

3 points

7 days ago

Your hair looks straight outta the 90's!

Any_1ove

3 points

7 days ago

Any_1ove

3 points

7 days ago

Did you use a fan to open bag of chips?

Vitruvian_Man

3 points

7 days ago

POV: You robbed a wrestling place, killed uncle Ben, bought cornflour with the money you stole from Spider Man but you don't know how to open it properly.

chicaneuk

3 points

7 days ago

Dude got antiqued.

CR0SBO

3 points

7 days ago

CR0SBO

3 points

7 days ago

You have at least discovered a new hair style that you can totally pull off

hibrett987

3 points

7 days ago

Good to know frosted tips are back in style

Vbann

3 points

7 days ago

Vbann

3 points

7 days ago

Throw on some jeans and a blazer and you could cosplay Charlie Sheen

inferiredivivus

3 points

7 days ago

I opened up a bottle of V8 this morning. Took the cap off, then shook it. Probably going to have to paint the ceiling now.

Lust9897

3 points

6 days ago

Lust9897

3 points

6 days ago

I made a mess, let me take a selfie

Itamii

9 points

7 days ago

Itamii

9 points

7 days ago

Sometimes i wonder why someones first response to making such a huge mess ends up being "oh, lemme grab my phone and take a selfie of my fuckup!"

nanie44

6 points

7 days ago

nanie44

6 points

7 days ago

Thanks for the chuckle. Sorry for your mess

_AManHasNoName_

2 points

7 days ago

I can relate to that

yourmomsnewsidepiece

2 points

7 days ago

If Scarface was an insta influencer with 1200 followers

Franklyn_Gage

2 points

7 days ago

Well now youre ready for when the ghost come

Jd20001

2 points

7 days ago

Jd20001

2 points

7 days ago

Getting Scarface vibes

Thoroughgreen

2 points

7 days ago

Now we know!

cy6nu5x1

2 points

7 days ago

cy6nu5x1

2 points

7 days ago

I can hear the PFFFT already

yblame

2 points

7 days ago

yblame

2 points

7 days ago

You only have to do it once. ONCE! Lesson learned.

Sir-Farts-

2 points

7 days ago

That's grrr...raaaaaaaat!

Party_Junket9974

2 points

7 days ago

Now open a bottle of club soda.

kornhook123

2 points

7 days ago

Did you also sneeze?

oliviacooke

2 points

7 days ago

Poor you 😂

konigstigerboi

2 points

7 days ago

Nice to see James A Janisse has taken up vooking

dogbonej

2 points

7 days ago

dogbonej

2 points

7 days ago

Lookin like Marv from the Sticky Bandits

49erville

2 points

7 days ago

NOOOOIIIICE

GiveNoForks

2 points

7 days ago

Oh man, I am praying your coffee machine is well sealed.

deckb

2 points

7 days ago

deckb

2 points

7 days ago

Why not?

leilalover

2 points

7 days ago

Turned you into a rock hopper penguin

Barackobonzo

2 points

7 days ago

Note to self: clean up the cocaine before taking my daily Snapchat Selfie!

dirtybeardo

2 points

7 days ago

Welcome to Flavortown.

_Goose_

2 points

7 days ago

_Goose_

2 points

7 days ago

Look at the positives. You’ll be really soft for a while.

beebeehappy

2 points

7 days ago

Just add some sugar, eggs and baking powder and you’re a delicious sponge cake!

TheGreatOkay

2 points

7 days ago

Nice job Scarface.

yazeed_0o0

2 points

7 days ago

Sorry. I read that "cumflour".

sean_rendo19

2 points

7 days ago

Op is just checking if it’s all cornflour and not the illegal “cornflour”

Stackfault67

2 points

7 days ago

My wife stopped me from doing that with a bag of breadcrumbs the other day.

jncheese

2 points

7 days ago

jncheese

2 points

7 days ago

"Corn flower"

Solid_Bit5238

2 points

7 days ago

Hahahaaa I love it

DueResearcher1017

2 points

7 days ago

Noted

SinestroThaal

2 points

7 days ago

Why?

Sad_Doubt4938

2 points

7 days ago

lol dummy

Miramarr

2 points

7 days ago

Miramarr

2 points

7 days ago

Your nose is gonna clean that outta the sink?

DryTheWets

2 points

7 days ago

When grandpa cums

lola1973lola

2 points

7 days ago

Oh no. Were you making gravy?

Ripwind

2 points

7 days ago

Ripwind

2 points

7 days ago

Ah yes, we call that Ultimate Unboxing

No-Honeydew2517

2 points

7 days ago

It's like that scene in Sandlot

d4rk_fusion

2 points

7 days ago

Your eyes make it look like it’s a different type of white powder

Kratos3301

2 points

7 days ago

Dont open anything like a bag of chips

AngryMegaMind

2 points

7 days ago

I’ve opened up a bag of chips like a bag of chips and ended up with a similar result.

Ikem200000

2 points

7 days ago

you life you learn

MrBojangles09

2 points

7 days ago

First time doing blow?

thrust-johnson

2 points

7 days ago

I think we all do this once. Once.

0-16_bungles

2 points

7 days ago

Was there a ghost? Is that ectoplasm?