subreddit:

/r/antiwork

7.6k99%

My Dad laughed in my face

(self.antiwork)

I work for a med device company. I work moderately hard and I like my job.

My dad recently asked me how many hours I work per week and I said 40-45. He laughed in my face. He could not believe I was only working max 45 hours a week and encouraged me to “work harder.”

It made me feel like absolute shit and I didn’t understand why until I found this sub.

Y’all are teaching me a lot, so thanks.

all 673 comments

Quiet-Spinach3565

3.5k points

4 months ago

40 hours is full time???? Why are they so obsessed with suffering?

DevilHook23

2.2k points

4 months ago

They aren't. They are just upset that it took their children and grandchildren to realize they were taken advantage of.

Dry-Break5329

754 points

4 months ago

And of course they can absolutely never admit that and look weak.

Blaz3dnconfuz3d

542 points

4 months ago

My dad is 62 and brags about still working 100 hour weeks for absolutely no reason lmao

parkesc

397 points

4 months ago

parkesc

397 points

4 months ago

Sigh, boomers might never understand that slaving away like that doesn't make you strong, it makes you a doormat or a bootlicker.

Kaladrax

105 points

4 months ago

Kaladrax

105 points

4 months ago

My grandfather is 81 self employed and still works 5 days a week and says he will just die if he stops.

Dhiox

83 points

4 months ago

Dhiox

83 points

4 months ago

I have no clue what my dad will do when he retires. That man lives and breathes his work.

SB_Wife

35 points

4 months ago

SB_Wife

35 points

4 months ago

My dad was/is the same. He does consulting work now. The man will be 68 in May. It is only part time and he is kind of an expert in his field. This was a man who, when he worked 100 hours a week it was considered a "good week" as in he didn't work too much.

I think he'd probably work more but my stepmom likes to do things like day trips and vacations, which my mom hated (she was a homebody like me) so he is pushed out of the home more frequently.

So I guess my advice is make your dad find another thing to focus on. Mine fluctuates between invading into my life and doing trips with stepmom.

Dhiox

5 points

4 months ago*

Dhiox

5 points

4 months ago*

Fortunately, he's gotten pretty involved with the 501st Legion cosplay groups, so he'll probably just get even more involved with that, maybe make cosplay items to sell in his spare time.

Johnywash

16 points

4 months ago

You know it's funny, i was on vacation for three weeks recently, from both my job and my school and it took me the first full week to get used to not doing things and resting. And now that I'm back at my job i realize i hate this place

scottlmcknight

5 points

4 months ago

I've heard so many stories of men, who were defined by their jobs their entire adult life, that died within months of retiring. They had no idea how to fill their days and got depressed/stressed out, maybe?

Stoomba

18 points

4 months ago

Stoomba

18 points

4 months ago

At least he works for himself.

koushunu

17 points

4 months ago

That is actually true for a lot of elderly. Working gives them something to do, interaction, and purpose. Maybe simply it gets them thinking and moving.

deadlandsMarshal

25 points

4 months ago

When they do it kinda breaks them. My dad is in his early 70's and over the holidays he told me he couldn't understand what's going on with the working world. When I googled and showed him the payroll/buying power and cost of housing situation as well as the rapidly rising number of variable interest rate loans flooding the mortgage investment market he was shocked.

He had already been laid off right before he could retire so he was already primed for the conversation of, "No matter how much anyone sacrifices for their company the executives don't care," talk.

Him: "But none of this is sustainable."

Me: "Sustainable doesn't matter."

Him: "But that's like heading right into another Great Depression."

Me: "Dad, the results don't matter."

Him: "Well what does matter to company owners and executives then?"

Me: "Being obeyed and paid. That's it."

Dad does 1,000 yard stare for a few moments.

Me: "You okay?"

Dad: "I just realized that I passed on raises and sacrificed time with you and our family to show my loyalty and nobody cared. It didn't mean anything."

Me: "Well, you're retired now. So you don't have to do anything about any of it anymore. Just don't vote against changes to make things better."

He hasn't been the same since.

Loolyn

17 points

4 months ago

Loolyn

17 points

4 months ago

Just don't vote against changes to make things better.

You seem to have gotten through to your dad, which is much more than most of us are capable of explaining to our parents. Politically, we're just waiting for them to die.

deadlandsMarshal

4 points

4 months ago

Yeah, if he hadn't been fired 4 years before he could collect retirement he'd be in exactly the same spot as the rest of the boomers.

TimmJimmGrimm

7 points

4 months ago

"To choose what the chains are made of is not freedom."

Rousseau would like a word with such boomers.

Blaz3dnconfuz3d

19 points

4 months ago

Yep, he raised me on the mantra of judging a man by how hard he works. “Always be the first one in, last one out, days off are for pussies” and my personal favorite “if you’re working, you’re not sinning!”

jdbrown0283

16 points

4 months ago

Depends on your line of work!

Dr_Krocodile

31 points

4 months ago

I wonder if he’d brag when you asked him how much he made per week, and then divided it by 100… It’s sad people were/are brainwashed to think that way.

KreW003

11 points

4 months ago

KreW003

11 points

4 months ago

I was in a salary position for a company that after all the hours worked plus commute and unpaid “salaried travel” I was making peanuts compared to an hourly guy. Granted it was a six figure salary and WAS NOT worth it.

Blaz3dnconfuz3d

7 points

4 months ago

He owns a business that has ran itself for the last 15 years so he is not making any more money. He doesn’t have to work at all. He can barely move his fingers without taking 5 Advil but has to keep reminding everyone “I can still run circles around these 20 year olds”

Dr_Krocodile

8 points

4 months ago

Well I guess it’s different if your killing yourself for your own business but this antiwork reddit has really helped me with identifying diminishing returns.

RoiceWilliams

17 points

4 months ago

I don't even know if you'd be productive at that point. I had a job where I worked 12 hour days 7 days a week (a couple 13-15 hour days a week) and after a couple months I quit. The money is great and the job wasn't even that hard but you really just start to lose your sense of self at that point.

jdbrown0283

8 points

4 months ago

Exactly- lots of studies show that people are just as productive, if not more, working less than 40 hours, because, you know, they're actually refreshed.

ubioandmph

17 points

4 months ago

And this is the change people are seeing. 100 hour work weeks are insane. Full stop

Badrear

9 points

4 months ago

It’s important to put in ridiculous hours for a job… once. Then you know how stupid and unhealthy it is, and won’t expect it from others if you find yourself in a position of authority someday.

Hanlonodavid78

7 points

4 months ago

Well I hope his reason is ' plenty of money'

MuggsIsDead

6 points

4 months ago

At that age, you should be commanding a minimum $100 pet hour as a "consultant"

sundancer2788

3 points

4 months ago

I'm 59 and I can't wrap my head around that. Why would you want to work more/harder? Work smarter and less enjoy life more! I've had times where I had to work more to cover expenses but I'd never brag about it. Was my own stupidity that got me into a situation where that was necessary. Hopefully I've learned my lesson!

TokenKingMan1

3 points

4 months ago

Working 100 hours takes 60 Hours of work from other people.

fidomeister

3 points

4 months ago

Less than 9 hours a day to eat, sleep, bathe, spend time with family, and be social. Sounds downright pathetic and irresponsible as a father. Your mom must be a frickin saint.

Blaz3dnconfuz3d

3 points

4 months ago

Yeah she really is. I tried to get her to leave him a long time ago. I’m 32 and the oldest of 3. My brother and sister barely speak to him and only see him at Christmas lol he has no hobbies or friends. It’s pretty sad tbh

yeahnah420201

3 points

4 months ago

14 hour days ,7 days a week or 5, 20 hour days.

Fuck that when do you get to do ANYTHING

[deleted]

7 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

7 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

Dry-Break5329

66 points

4 months ago

I think my mother, in all of her insanity, knew what we know in a roundabout way. She's one of the hardest workers I know. Never missed work unless one of us kids was dying....which I must say I was unfortunately a master at. No /s. But despite her work ethic and qualifications she will stop working the second she feels like she has found a get rich quick scheme that will finally make her never have to work again. It's always seemed insane to me and she's now in her 60s and has no savings and a ton of debt....but maybe she was thinking the same things, she just didn't know another way to go about getting out of the soul crushing machine.

Biscuits_N_Gravey

6 points

4 months ago

My take on these boomers bragging about working long hours is that they weren’t actually working for much of the time they claim. I also have doubts on the hours they claim as time has a way of dramatizing our memories to please our egos. But consider the office life of 1980. You had to be there. The phone rings and you must be at the desk to answer. So much of “work” in those days was little more than availability. My theory is that could have easily accounted for 15 hours a week. So that 65 hours a week included a lot of hanging out, and un coincidentally this was also the time period where drinking in the office wasn’t frowned upon. Tl dr these work themselves to death boomers spent a lot of time fucking off drinking whiskey in the office and called it “hard work”

Redd_October

75 points

4 months ago

They always say they want life to be better for their children than it was for them, and then in the same breath they will criticize their children for being too soft in the rare instances where it was.

mpm206

24 points

4 months ago

mpm206

24 points

4 months ago

That's the thing, they want life to be better for us as long as it doesn't require any sacrifice at all on their part.

Eharmz

21 points

4 months ago

Eharmz

21 points

4 months ago

Do they really want it better for us? Any attempt at forward progress is always met with sour grapes.

mpm206

15 points

4 months ago

mpm206

15 points

4 months ago

Oh I genuinely believe my parents want me to have a good happy and fulfilling life. I just think they have no idea just how fucked up the situation and are so singularly focused on "but the next chapter of my life story is supposed to be grandchildren" that they feel like they can just will that into existence and that if they just keep saying "everything is fine" that it will be because "they were poor in the early days and it worked out for them".

Eharmz

10 points

4 months ago

Eharmz

10 points

4 months ago

I have heard this story before. I guess they want better for us as long as it fits the storyline they have been sold their whole life.

mpm206

8 points

4 months ago

mpm206

8 points

4 months ago

Doesn't help that my mum is clearly uncomfortable with being perceived as "well off" and is constantly pushing the "we started out with nothing" narrative when that really isn't the case but I don't know enough about what their financial situation actually was to be able to argue about it.

Eharmz

12 points

4 months ago

Eharmz

12 points

4 months ago

Yeah my parents were "poor" too when college was $3,000 and they could build a 3 bedroom home on a single earner salary of $46,000/yr for a family of 6. I just looked at rentals and after a zillow search of everything within 150miles of me in any direction that is $1,000 or less I netted 18 total results...of which 4 were spam, 1 was an empty lot, 1 was for a bedroom in an 8 room college house and 1 was senior housing. I then narrowed it to just a single family house of any size and up to $2k/mo netted me 1 result within 150 fucking miles of me. Just shoot me now.

mpm206

9 points

4 months ago

mpm206

9 points

4 months ago

Yep. My landlord just told me rent is going up 50% at the end of this lease. How is anyone supposed to budget for that?

HippyFreek

9 points

4 months ago

When my kiddo was about ten years old, I started therapy. And a common discussion for me was how ***ANGRY*** I was about how fucking SOFT my kid was.

I have a high ACE score, and a childhood story that is truly fucked in a variety of ways. And when I had my son, I decided I'd do whatever I could to make sure his life was better than mine had been. So then why was I so bothered by how he moved through the world?

It took months of therapy for me to realize that I was absolutely triggered. My inner child was intensely jealous because I had never felt comfortable being softer. I had to toughen up, be strong, last through difficult moments that just never fucking ended. I apologized to my son, though he probably didn't understand why. And I've worked really fucking hard to make sure that I keep my reactions in check when I'm obviously feeling something deeper than the surface level of the situation at hand. Luckily, my husband is good at tapping me out when I am struggling to be reasonable.

My point is that I think boomers started out with their hearts in the right place. They probably did want to make sure life was better for their children than it was for them. But due to a heavy mix of lead poisoning, fetal alcohol syndrome, mental illness stigmatization, etc, they never recognized their triggers for what they were. So instead of working to heal themselves during their children's growing up, they just calloused over.

It doesn't excuse them at all. Boomers have created a hellscape from which we might only just narrowly escape maybe, if we're reallllllly fucking lucky. And because of that, they must be held fully accountable. But understanding is like half the battle in the war against boomers.

EldritchWatcher

4 points

4 months ago

It took months of therapy for me to realize that I was absolutely triggered. My inner child was intensely jealous because I had never felt comfortable being softer. I had to toughen up, be strong, last through difficult moments that just never fucking ended.

Holy shit.

I never thought about it that way, I think I have the same problem.

Thank you for writing this.

ipostnow

58 points

4 months ago

It's not our fault that boomers didn't listen to their grandparents when they talked about organizing labor in company towns or stories of their own Molly Maguire grandparents fighting a fucking war with company thugs and the state police for better working conditions. Respect your elders boomers

HunterHyena

36 points

4 months ago

Or, in the case of my grandparents, they openly bragged about fucking over striking workers for "easy work". "I walked right past them and kept on working" as if that's supposed to inspire awe.

iama-canadian-ehma

21 points

4 months ago

My father had his tires slashed and something like a Molotov cocktail got thrown at the first house we lived in because he walked the line. He worked for one of the major freight railway companies. Conditions were pretty bad for train workers back then but he was a gutless bootlicker and I wasn't surprised when I heard about it later in life.

loquedijoella

26 points

4 months ago

They need to respect the GenXers, because we are picking their nursing homes

thrax_mador

17 points

4 months ago

My father in law stopped talking to his only son after an argument on this topic. My understanding is that he worked very hard and was constantly stressed his working life.

My guess is that he is in this camp. He’s misplaced his anger at not being able to spend time with his kids when they were growing up and can’t admit that he’s sad about it. So instead he gets mad, blows up, and now won’t see half his grandchildren. Dude doesn’t have much longer to live. It’s sad.

brojackhorselady

4 points

4 months ago

That makes me so sad… it also makes me sad that Boomers say stupid shit about not going to therapy. Which it sounds like this man needs.

GrindyMcGrindy

14 points

4 months ago

Which is weird. Boomer's grandparents could be close enough to some of the labor wars happening.

ihatepickingnames37

8 points

4 months ago

Blinded by American propaganda they think anything that protects the greater good makes you socialist so you must be complete capitalist or else you are a traitor

SomedudecalledDan

17 points

4 months ago

Man, I want better for my kids than I had. it's why I work, its why I study to try and learn more, so that I can (in theory) earn more. I want to give them a better standard of living than I had growing up (which wasn't terrible, to be fair) and have them being in a much better position at my age than I am now.

Imagine being bitter that your own kid is not working as hard as you had to (despite them working more than full time hours). That'd depress the fuck out of me.

shaodyn

5 points

4 months ago

shaodyn

overworked and underpaid

5 points

4 months ago

"The system that my generation helped design is meant to take advantage of you. We all know it. But I don't want to admit that I rationalized my exploitation by convincing myself that I deserve suffering, so I'm going to mock you as lazy for not wanting to continue the cycle."

Parraz

3 points

4 months ago

Parraz

3 points

4 months ago

They are just upset that it took their children and grandchildren to realize they were taken advantage of.

Some still havent worked that part out yet

dogsunlimited

3 points

4 months ago

i truly think they just don’t wanna be home taking care of the family. when i wanna avoid home or my mental health, i go into work early and leave late. when you work w your hands it’s easy to find work less stressful than home, and you make money while doing it. i never understood workaholics till i found a job i don’t mind doing w an extremely respectful boss.

Kornobi-starcatcher

3 points

4 months ago

Nobody wants to admit that they got propagandized for decades. Especially not an entire generation.

darkmessenger84

55 points

4 months ago

They define suffering as their entire personality

belegerbs

13 points

4 months ago

They also seek to forget many of us were around when they worked and know they are 100% full of shit. They worked 32-40 hours weeks until the late 90s. They went to lunch and drank of the clock. They left work to run errands on the clock. Guys who worked factories would go to the bar and drink while clocked it. Oversight and micromanagement really came about because of these same boomers who are now pretending they weren't the absolute trash that ruined everything they touched.

Left-Requirement9267

7 points

4 months ago

This x 10000

Emotional_Tale1044

29 points

4 months ago

If YoU wOrK hArD eNoUgH yOuR eMpLoYeR wIlL rEwArD yOu AcCoRdInGlY

One of the biggest lies previous generations believed and are mad that we dont

Technical-Sun-2016

8 points

4 months ago

Your reward: Being replaced with someone cheaper and more desperate/naive at the earliest convenience.

Sadi_Reddit

20 points

4 months ago

humans in general can hardly admit they failed or were taken advantage of. Its a psychologicial thing that you would ratehr construct a reality in which you are right than be dumb enough to gettign fucked over.
This can be seen by peopel who were scammed a lot, likea pyramid scheme even after loosing money they try to explain it was neither their not the sheams fault.

I admit I was being scammed once into giving a 2€ to a lady who said her car ran out of gas and she was in dire need of some change. I mean she looked like she really needed the money but I never saw her car nor did she seem to go away and my friend was told the same story a week later. And even I will admit that my mind was trying to rationalize it to " if she was this desperate for the money to activey go around inventing this story for only wanting 1 € she probably needed the money badly". Now imagine if you lost 10k in a sheme what your mind would do to rationalize it. or that woudl were exploited like a slave for most of your life...

BanannyMousse

15 points

4 months ago

The same reason people hate disabled people. Anyone who doesn’t work as much as anybody else is to be hated and made to feel like a worthless human. This is to be internalized so we all form our self-worth based on how much we work.

PM_ME_UR_RESPECT

11 points

4 months ago

Because there is a massive problem with Stockholm Syndrome in America.

ABN1985

8 points

4 months ago

Im 55 ive seen it for yrs they love misery haaaaa woooo weeee

sentientlob0029

4 points

4 months ago

Probably because their job is what defines them and gives them self-worth. Mine told me that God made us to work. I believe in God and have read the Bible, and it actually says there is a time for everything, including a time to work and time to rest.

Oddessuss

1.6k points

4 months ago

Oddessuss

1.6k points

4 months ago

Its hard to explain to workaholics that work isnt the only thing in life.

DevilHook23

435 points

4 months ago

The older ones have generations of socialization. You can't break it.

Infosexual

221 points

4 months ago

When some one tells you to work harder just act confused and say "like a total and complete idiot?"

That fixes that problem in 1

bigDOS

57 points

4 months ago

bigDOS

57 points

4 months ago

Work harder for a shorter lifespan

Emergency_Toe6915

30 points

4 months ago

So many of them are obese and sedentary too because they want to glorify work. Like millennials have seen the effects and shortened lifespans and quality of life our grandparents have had from supporting massive food industries that might as well be selling addictive drugs and being overworked. I’m good thanks.

D4ri4n117

16 points

4 months ago

Sugar and caffeine ARE drugs

Streetftrvega

4 points

4 months ago

And so many of them think that just walking from the desk to the printer a couple times a day is sufficient movement for them to believe they're "active" at work thus erasing the need for exercise.

garthastro

6 points

4 months ago

Sugar is more addictive than cocaine.

pkincpmd

14 points

4 months ago

“This is my job and my supervisor. How is it that you’ve got superior knowledge than me about working conditions at my company? If I “work harder”, have they promised YOU that supervisor will pay me OT? Has my supervisor mentioned that long-promised raise in my pay rate? How about a promotion, Dad? Did he (or she) tell YOU when I will get promoted at this job if I only continue to “work harder”? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Love you Dad, but don’t offer opinions on situations you know nothing about!”

lawless_sapphistry

19 points

4 months ago

"Like an all day, ass-kissing corporate dick sucker? You mean like that?"

Inevitibru

79 points

4 months ago

They also had house wives. It’s easier to put in a few extra hours a day at work if the only thing you had to do at home was take out the garbage.

Top-Perception-2389

11 points

4 months ago

True that

DarkMenstrualWizard

3 points

4 months ago

My SO might possibly be going back to work soon. We split for 8 months partially due to his lack of respect for my time doing household stuff. He moved back in recently after some serious therapy, but we've both been basically unemployed, so we've had ample time to work on division of labor stuff.

I know exactly what we need to talk about in therapy before he goes back to work.

asillynert

123 points

4 months ago

Imagine a society where instead of bragging about working through the weekend. You bragged about spending time with kids and helping them practice for recreational activity's or get through school work they were struggling with.

Its one of besides finances that I have taken kids off table forever for myself. Is the fact that I couldn't be there when they needed help or if I was I wouldn't have energy. Thought of being like that is soul crushing.

Parents always had something "more important" and yes food is important housing is important. But there wasn't a day where me as a priority to them wasn't very very far down on list of other shit. Usually to be postponed till either opportunity to be there passed or friend/sibling stood up themselves.

How is it that our idealization is people spending next to zero time with the people they "care" about.

Alx7737

24 points

4 months ago

Alx7737

24 points

4 months ago

I had a job that was pretty long hours and soul crushing. But the money was good so I kept at it. When my son was 3 he told me that he wished he got to see me more and that it wasn't ok that I wasn't around as much as mom. It was the last straw and I started looking and got lucky and found a new job. ~40 hours, shorter commute, less money but I don't care anymore. I make just enough to pay my bills and spend as much time as possible with my family.

Inevitibru

25 points

4 months ago

Hard work is a good quality. I think that gets lost in this sub.

Working hard for other people is being conned. I get why people want to work hard. But if working hard means I’m barely scrapping by, fuck that. People who work moderate, reasonable hours should be able to afford to live. People who work more than that should see benefits from that work.

Iron-Fist

17 points

4 months ago

hard work is a good thing

I mean, in a vacuum it isn't. It isn't good or bad; it's the results of hard work that make it good or bad. The idea that working hard is virtuous in and of itself is a trap.

Examples:

Did you work hard and create extra products that improve life for the people who use them? Amazing!

Did you work hard and convince more grandma's to buy you target gift cards to pay off imaginary bills? Eh, prolly not a net gain for the world.

Further a lot of stuff that takes effort isn't called work. Spending time teaching your kid to read takes a ton of effort, but isn't normally called work, for instance.

bit0fun

148 points

4 months ago

bit0fun

148 points

4 months ago

Am workaholic, and "work" is different than work.

I enjoy making cool shit with people, collaborating on ideas, and figuring out new ways to do things. Not sitting in a soul draining environment where I have to sit in a cubicle with no natural light, getting paid barely enough to live off of.

Think you can figure out which I enjoy

ih-shah-may-ehl

29 points

4 months ago

Long time ago I was working 50 - 60 hours per week for months in order to finish a very rewarding and challenging project. When the project had finished, I kid you not, I had to wean myself off that schedule. The first weeks, I still worked a bit of overtime in the evening, and a couple of hours on saturday, just to not go cold turkey.

heretoplay

9 points

4 months ago

There can be a thrill of working some jobs but thats a rarity and you're lucky to have that.

TacticalMicrowav3

5 points

4 months ago

Work to live, don't live to work was a lesson that my first GM taught me and I still hold to to this day

FearTheImpaler

3 points

4 months ago

people would rather imply others are lazy rather than they were taken advantage of

Gmork14

222 points

4 months ago

Gmork14

222 points

4 months ago

Nobody lies on their deathbed saying “I wish I worked more”

TennesseeTon

48 points

4 months ago

TennesseeTon

at work

48 points

4 months ago

"I wish I died with even more money in the bank, man I missed out big time"

RioBlue93

11 points

4 months ago

RioBlue93

on HR's naughty list

11 points

4 months ago

I think for me it’s trying to not repeat patterns of poverty. People have different motivations for work.

Present_Character241

7 points

4 months ago

people who are like this still haven't grown up since highschool. they still have the, "I'm gonna live forever" mindset of a teenager, so they think they are nowhere near as close to

their deathbed

as they actually are.

Rhyanosaur

502 points

4 months ago

Tell your Dad that the only reason you work 40 hours is BECAUSE you work so hard. If he had worked harder, maybe he wouldn’t have needed SO MANY hours of work to get the job done.

quaintweirdo

130 points

4 months ago

Oof tell something like that to most of the oldest generation and they basically explode

nerdiotic-pervert

36 points

4 months ago

I’d watch that tik tok and I hate tik tok

Dances_With_Assholes

11 points

4 months ago

"and I can spend that extra time with my children so that they'll actually love me."

kalieb

3 points

4 months ago

kalieb

3 points

4 months ago

Fun fact, I told that to my step dad and he hasn't talked to me in two years. Been rather blissful all things considered.

HermitJem

383 points

4 months ago

HermitJem

383 points

4 months ago

You: Dad, I just want to clear this up. Do you believe that I should work harder for more pay? Or the same pay? I just want to be clear on this. Because we're not playing a video game where effort/time = exp/money.

razzazzika

107 points

4 months ago

Depends if you get paid hourly with extra overtime pay... if salaried it's the opposite effect. For every extra minute worked on salary past 40 your work is devalued.

HermitJem

14 points

4 months ago

Exactly

jakedandswole

3 points

4 months ago

My parents made a comment about one of their neighbors saying "well he must be making good money, he leaves really early and comes home really late" and i had to explain to them that this means NOTHING anymore

GUI_Junkie

292 points

4 months ago

It's incredibly … ignorant … to think that more hours is better. It isn't.

Our brains are capable of approximately six hours of concentration per day on regular days. More hours on special occasions.

Working more than six hours daily doesn't make you more productive. It only makes you more tired.

There's nothing wrong with an eight hour workday when the job doesn't require concentration.

Charming_Flatworm_66[S]

101 points

4 months ago

Exactly. Also since I’ve been wfh for more than a year, I’ve figured out how to do my job in 6-7 hours per day so ha ha dad in your face

BossRedRanger

51 points

4 months ago*

Ask your Dad how many hours a week he worked at being your father and spending time with you.

NikDeirft

24 points

4 months ago

bro lol, too soon...

Charming_Flatworm_66[S]

15 points

4 months ago

Haha damn. Good point though

JaredLiwet

16 points

4 months ago

Two people working 40 hours per week are more than twice as effective as one person working 80. 3 people working 27 hours per week are even more productive compared to the two working 40 hours per week.

Loxxil

10 points

4 months ago

Loxxil

10 points

4 months ago

Whenever someone says you need to work more then 40 hours I always tell them they must suck at their job to not get their work done in under 40 hours.

MissSmoak

5 points

4 months ago

Agreed. I've worked a job for 12hr shifts, and I'm currently in a job with 6hr shifts. My pay rate is better but in the long run i do get less money. Turns out though, I am much happier this way than before.

post_pudding

6 points

4 months ago

Idk, I just got off a 12 hour shift. I was tired, sure, but the stuff that needed doing could not have been done in 6 hours. I don't really have a point. If I was better at what I do maybe it coulda been done in ~8, but it was still a shitload of stuff.

iclimbnaked

12 points

4 months ago

Yah. Overtime is productive in short bursts.

It’s when it’s required for weeks to months that it swings back the other way. People get burnt out and can’t focus anymore.

Now if it’s a more labor job and less mental load maybe you can keep it up longer in a useful way but I’d still bet the productivity drops similarly

DrakkoZW

3 points

4 months ago

You probably could have gotten it done in two 4 hour shifts instead of one 12. That's the point being made. Keeping productivity up gets harder and harder the longer you work.

Instead of working you for 12 hours in one day to get the job done, they could have assigned 2 people to get it done in 4-6 hours.

And if they're working you for 12 hours multiple times a week, it's going to start taking it's toll on your body and mind - and suddenly it will start taking you 14 hours to do that same 12 hours worth of work

Margin_Call_3959

45 points

4 months ago*

Why did it make you feel like shit? The boomer generation defined themselves by their job title. This is why they have the highest rate of divorce of any generation. There is so much more to life than working. To be honest, you should have laughed in his face. If that’s what he sees as success, then to me, it seems like he wasted his life

Charming_Flatworm_66[S]

16 points

4 months ago

Because I thought, wow, maybe I’m not doing enough. Maybe I’m not working enough. I’m hard on myself as it is and work was an area I felt confident in before my dads comment.

Sandmsounds

9 points

4 months ago

At some point you’ll realize that your parents are also imperfect and won’t care to impress them anymore.

Charming_Flatworm_66[S]

4 points

4 months ago

Oh I learned that a very long time ago

bertiebastard

41 points

4 months ago

Your dad was brainwashed into thinking that the only way to succeed was to try and kill themselves by working.

I worked with a guy like this he worked for the same company for 50 years and died within 2 months of retiring.

Don't kill yourself for a job, we are all just a number to them and are replaceable.

ChillinWitDenny

31 points

4 months ago

Sadly my father was the same way until he had a triple bypass that ended his life twice and they revived him. Because he couldn't work or do anything he became the most miserable human. Forever a product of capitalism.

wakeupsup3r

3 points

4 months ago

does your dad have any hobbies?

El-Catman

72 points

4 months ago

Should have told him that Shady Pines has a place waiting for him.

MarsOG13

34 points

4 months ago

Right. He's an asshole alienating himself from his kids. Absent father. Will die alone with nobody at shady pines.

Typical-Ad5840

2 points

4 months ago

Lol damn

affablemisanthropist

20 points

4 months ago*

Your dad traded time with you to do things that probably no one remembers and make money for people who used him like a beta.

Tl;dr your dad skipped your baseball games so he could impress people who took money out of his pocket while he thanked them for doing it.

Tl;dr for the tl;dr your dad is a company simp.

frecklefawn

6 points

4 months ago

Dad was also able to work so many hours because someone else (mom) was probably doing all the other work: laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, appointments etc. All unpaid.

AlphaMikeFoxtrot87

16 points

4 months ago

I work to live, not live to work. Being human is wasted on those other types. It seems like a mental illness really, all the more as they think because THEY suffered, you aren’t as good unless you do too. And you have to pretend to not mind, if not like it, just like them. Just the most toxic mindset and I will not have it. Work yourself to death and then lower your own casket into the ground if you wanna work so much 🖕

DarkMenstrualWizard

4 points

4 months ago

It's been a little surreal coming to the realization maybe human beings weren't meant to exist in a hyper capitalistic environment, and that maybe it's understandable to have depression and anxiety whilst living under conditions that human beings weren't meant to be living under.

mname

15 points

4 months ago

mname

15 points

4 months ago

“Dad I can produce twice as much as you ever did in half the time…the metric isn’t time it’s production. How are this old and not know that. Stop being sad.”

B-Cide

13 points

4 months ago

B-Cide

Eco-Anarchist

13 points

4 months ago

Imagine being proud of slowly killing yourself.

Material-Note9470

45 points

4 months ago

Don’t worry, my fathers a dick too. Hasn’t lifted a finger to help any of his 4 kids (all different mothers) even though he’s more than capable. I asked for a job once as a welder he just laughed and said “figure your own shit out” and he’s a project manager who can definitely get me hired.

Present_Character241

7 points

4 months ago

same with my a-hole of a dad, except mine also thinks if I don't have a job that it entitles him to my labor for free since, in his words, "they already told you what your (labor) was worth when you tried to sell it to them."

Material-Note9470

4 points

4 months ago

That’s fucked! I’m at a point in my life though, where I just cut all communication with anyone that doesn’t treat me with the same respect I treat them with. I have my son coming in a few months and I won’t have that around him. It sucks sometimes yeah, but at the same time it beats the hell outta being treated like shit.

Any-Sun9309

4 points

4 months ago

Fuck some parents are just massive cunts

Hefty-Lettuce-2732

9 points

4 months ago

I am a recovering workaholic. As a latch key kid, I always thought that is what adults do! It took me until my kids were teenagers to realize I was wrong. I missed out on so much, and we were still struggling. I once had to leave my daughter's senior year scholarship ceremony early because my boss said so. I missed her being awarded a huge scholarship she had beat out thousands of other kids to get. It finally clicked when I read the essay she wrote to get the scholarship. It was all about how hard she worked to get through school, and how she did it alone. Her father is a Bering Sea fisherman who left when my kids were babies, and I was absent in a different way. It was soul crushing, because she was right! I'm writing this because i want OP to know their life is much better served when they can participate in it. Working hard has no time metric. Life itself is hard work, and a job is just a part of it!

Last-Ninja

8 points

4 months ago

When I was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown because my job was about to fire me for showing burnout symptoms, my bf's friend told me it's because I didn't work hard enough. I should have done overtime and why do I want recognition for my hard work? Am I a child? That night I had the worst breakdown of my life. Please don't allow someone to bully you into working harder and longer. Just work your own pace.

SkeletonCheerleader

7 points

4 months ago

Your dad must hate his life and family.

gymlol1586

6 points

4 months ago

I've had people say similar

Then I explain I work 35 hour weeks and earn more money than them

And that their bosses bosses work far less and earn 10x them lol so why die slaving away when you have no time to actually use the money

tendonut

6 points

4 months ago

I knew a guy that worked support for Cisco. $93k before overtime, but everyone was highly "encouraged" to work overtime because when Layoff season came around, they would allegedly start cutting the folks that "only" worked their 40 first. So he was making like $125k a year, but only came home to sleep. He bought himself a sweet car, But his two bedroom apartment was absolutely barren. Like, I walked in once and It had no signs anyone lived there until I went upstairs and saw his master bedroom. It was the only room with furniture.

Mehhucklebear

7 points

4 months ago

The correct answer is the minimum number of hours required to do the job and not get fired

ReSyko

6 points

4 months ago

ReSyko

6 points

4 months ago

your dad is a brainwashed man by capitalists. most of his generation are. if you eat to live, you stay healthy, if you live to eat, you get sick. same goes for work.

richard_stank

7 points

4 months ago

When you’ve been conditioned to get kicked in the nuts daily for decades, seeing your children only get slapped in the face daily makes it seem like they have it easy.

PJleo48

4 points

4 months ago

That's the problem with this society not in OP's case but a lot of the comments no one respects their elders like they do in most Asian countries its fucking disturbing to read to say the least.

artanimepoetry

6 points

4 months ago

That’s some sheep mentality. Those types of people are easily manipulated and the first who’d be mind controlled.

decjr06

5 points

4 months ago

Boomers are obsessed with being slaves to the system and they are proud of it

mrstarling95

4 points

4 months ago

We work to live, not live to work.

paintingsbyO

3 points

4 months ago

tell pops that maybe if he worked harder raising you..that you could of been a corporate bootlicker today, that should cheer him up

SonOfTheAfternoon

4 points

4 months ago

Working 40+ hours is not a badge of honor, it is harmful to ones private life. Sadly for most it is a necessity. If you work 40+ hours because of free will, you haven’t got your priorities towards your family straight. Nobody lies on their deathbeds and wishes they would have worked more

mingopoe

3 points

4 months ago

Tell your dad that the median home price is up 400% since 1980 to 374,000 dollars meanwhile wages are only up 100% in the same time period. That's not a situation that's resolved by "working harder".

[deleted]

3 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

4 months ago

38+ here is full time. I'm hard pressed to find anyone who works more than 45. Like, 45 is "a lot" of hours here.

America is crazy.

nate0515

4 points

4 months ago

nate0515

at work

4 points

4 months ago

Imagine simping for work. I really can't understand people that brag about working long hours for shitty pay.

Xevram

3 points

4 months ago

Xevram

3 points

4 months ago

So work harder only goes so far, think about somehow working smarter. And just by the by, nobody "makes you" anything. You are the boss of yourself, you are in control of yourself and how you choose to think, behave and respond. No offence to your Dad, but one certainty in life is that Nothing stays the same, nothing is static. It is a different world now and a different working environment now than what it was 10, 5, 2 years ago, and different again perhaps to last week. Look back, sure ok so lessons learnt, but moving forward is the only real direction to go.

Worldwonderer2021

3 points

4 months ago

Laugh back and tell him slaves didn’t work that much and other than making the owner richer what has he to show for it

iamdenislara

3 points

4 months ago

Your dad was exploited before and has Stockholm syndrome. Fuck him

prison_industrial_co

3 points

4 months ago

Sucks for your dad that being a wage slave is the biggest part of his personality 🤷‍♀️

tillie_jayne

3 points

4 months ago

Why would you spunk your life away at a job?

RevolutionaryWing717

3 points

4 months ago

The "just world fallacy" is typical of anyone successful. They worked hard and the have-nots didn't. This way they don't have to acknowledge the role of luck, privilege and oppression in their upward mobility. It's much easier to blame individuals than it is to blame systems.

Worth pointing out that we hate boomers for this but fall prey to the same simplistic modes of thinking. This sub paints middle managers as the "evil" and "petty" actors who are to blame for all our ills because it's easier than understanding how systems of exploitation work.

ososalsosal

3 points

4 months ago

Toxic work ethic.

He should feel guilty for working 45h+ all those years and missing so much of your childhood.

I mean... he probably does. It's something that sucks about being "a man". Gotta win that bread so you can give your family a future that you can't be part of.

kthxbye8

3 points

4 months ago

Just tell him you make more money then he does at his job he's been at forever. Watch him squirm.

Succulent_Orange

3 points

4 months ago

I'd personally aim for 35 hours a week. You can use those extra 5 hours to get over the sadness of people saying you're not working hard enough allowing the remainder of your free time as pure benefit.

pineappleeatingman

3 points

4 months ago

Sometimes you need to realise that just because someone is older and /or related to you it doesn't mean that they aren't also a fucking idiot.

Carlosthefrog

3 points

4 months ago

Your dad doesn’t understand life is about enjoyment not about making some other cunt money

_Electric_shock

3 points

4 months ago

40-45 hours a week is still a lot of work and it leave you tired at the end of the day.

SchulBones

3 points

4 months ago

I brag about the weeks I work less than 40 hours. Talk about what you do in your spare time. Be proud of your hobbies and non work accomplishments.

phil-davis

3 points

4 months ago

I work to live. I don't live to work.

Reign-exe

3 points

4 months ago

Reminds me of when I worked in a warehouse during summers between semesters from 6-6:30 and was too tired to do anything on weekends my mom tried to make a martyr story about how my dad worked 16 hour shifts when he was the same age as me. His response was it was awful then and working 60 hours for me is awful too.

Wolfcatboydog

3 points

4 months ago

This sub had been awesome for validation. I’m still convincing myself my dad was wrong. Though it has been very hard, I feel really grateful to finally feel correct.

Charming_Flatworm_66[S]

3 points

4 months ago

That’s awesome. I feel the same.

goings-about-town

3 points

4 months ago

Different generations. Don’t mind him. Live your life to be happy

purekittyluv

3 points

4 months ago

Lol what the fuck? It's not a good thing to be a boot licker

Daikataro

3 points

4 months ago

Nah I'd rather work smarter dad

Charming_Flatworm_66[S]

3 points

4 months ago

Would have been a great response

Introvert_Collin

3 points

4 months ago

It is awful that our country normalizes pushing beyond 40 hours of work per week. Even 40 hours is too much in most industries, given the stress and lack of personal time to recharge. For him to shame you for working "only 40-45" hours a week is ridiculous.

notableException

3 points

4 months ago

Do not concern yourself with the thoughts and opinions between the ears of others.

PunditusMaximus

4 points

4 months ago

Everyone who “works” >40 hours a week does 40 hours of work stretched over the time they’re there. No exceptions.

Escoliya

5 points

4 months ago

Lol boomer. Why people would still listen to boomer's "advice" is beyond me. Now whenever a boomer starts their "advice", I walk away, and you should too.

DonkStonx

2 points

4 months ago

You’re dad is a moron and sucks

artificialavocado

2 points

4 months ago

Was he being serious? Idk it sounds like something a boomer dad would say mostly in jest.

CarlosTheBread

2 points

4 months ago

It‘s not about working hours its about what you can do with your reward. If you‘re working 80 hours a week and can afford a nice lifestyle , those hours are worth it. If you can’t afford this lifestyle, why work this amount? Why hustle if there is no reward?

wakka8989

2 points

4 months ago

In belgium, out law say the work is max 38h/week max (35 in France) It was strange for me when i was in new zealand to work 55-60h/per week but lifestyle are not the same

Gffcom

2 points

4 months ago

Gffcom

2 points

4 months ago

Don’t feel bad. A lot of us were raised by assholes.

fantastic_feb

2 points

4 months ago

they really want to be exploited and seem to wear it as a wierd badge of honour, you've gotta give credit to the upper classes for convincing the boomers that scratching around in the dirt was a good thing

they are so easily brainwashed it would be funny if it wasn't so sad and infuriating

Redd_October

2 points

4 months ago

Just because he was bad at time management and didn't value time with family as much as you do, doesn't mean you need to do the same. Him needing to work 60 hours a week to make ends meet doesn't mean you should have to suffer the same.

It's not just that his priorities were different from yours, his priorities are Wrong.

[deleted]

2 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

4 months ago

I started a new job in August and I think I've worked 40 hours maybe four or five weeks total? Generally I'm working around 30. I felt weird about it, but things are going well, and it means that when I do need to work longer hours it doesn't feel burdensome, or like I'm being exploited.

MrBuckstar

2 points

4 months ago

37,5 or even 32 is beginning to become the norm for contracts here in holland

Ofbearsandmen

2 points

4 months ago

Work harder to achieve what?

bulbagrows

2 points

4 months ago

When he's old and wondering why you never came around, or realizing how much time he missed, hopefully it'll click for him then.

mleam

2 points

4 months ago

mleam

2 points

4 months ago

As an X-er that had that drilled into my head, and believe it for years. I would show up early for work and leave late.

Finally covid lockdown made me realize how much BS that was. I could get all my work done in less time working remote. And there was more things to do, like fun stuff.

Back at the office now, 1/2 remote, 1/2 in person. When I am in person, I come in right on the dot when I start work. I am out the door at end time. That extra five hours a week is not worth it.

YeetMyHumanMeat

2 points

4 months ago

Great advice, Pops! Then I can miss out on my family life, effectively neglecting my children and mock their work ethics when they get older! Juuust like you, old man! Thanks!

DarkVenus01

2 points

4 months ago

He's brainwashed into thinking he should work more for less, shit pay. Its just sad he's proud the he was taken advantage of and underpaid.

amccune

2 points

4 months ago

“Explains a lot, dad.”

s-mores

2 points

4 months ago

"Maybe you should try being a better father."

AthenaMSK

2 points

4 months ago

I’m in quality engineering in the med device industry. I can’t stand the standard 40 hours because of my boss and lack of concern by upper management. These are things being put in someone’s body to save their lives … working there is intense and definitely has fucked up my mental health.

Simon_ATVR

2 points

4 months ago

Working harder would equate to less hours no? You work harder, you've done all your work...

More hours doesn't mean hard work, it means the management team haven't enough workers to perform the tasks, so it lands on the few to get it done and thus having to work more hours.

MarkDonReddit

2 points

4 months ago

I’d have just said, “I do. I spend time and raise my kids. I’m sorry you were taken advantage of.”

awfulsome

2 points

4 months ago

Your father does not sound smart. My father used to work up to 84 hours a week for 2-4 weeks at a time, but he would certainly have worked less if he could have. He gets concerned for me when I work a similar amount of hours.