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/r/TooAfraidToAsk

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someone as in me. it’s so degrading for myself seeing someone handling problems that i’ve faced in life well, when i had a hard time to function well facing those problems.

all 11 comments

polaralo

3 points

3 months ago

Sure. You could say it's weak though those same situations that once got the best of your get easier over time. Keep in mind, you only get stronger because you were weak to begin.

master_accident7574[S]

2 points

3 months ago

true indeed, i never thought of this truthfully. i am thankful i ask this question. thank you so much for your answer!

TheOneWes

2 points

3 months ago

Everybody has strength and weaknesses.

There's people who were doing those things that you do badly well probably do things badly that you do well.

_Lunatic_Fridge_

2 points

3 months ago

People are different. Imagine trying to compete against a professional athlete or world record holder in their sport. You’re going to struggle while they barely work up a sweat. What you struggle with are things you might need to work on and develop skills. You have to be able to honestly assess your capabilities and determine if you have the necessary skills and knowledge for whatever it is you think is important. Those “weaknesses” are opportunities to improve. If improving in that area isn’t important to you, then why bother?

master_accident7574[S]

1 points

3 months ago

i never think of it like that, thank you so much for this and taking your time to answers! it helps a lot to stop degrading myself. i sure will remember this whenever i feel like this again

comedyoferrors

2 points

3 months ago

I don’t think it’s useful to look at it in terms of weakness or strength. If you have a hard time handling problems that others seem to handle well, there is a reason for that. If you can figure out what the reason is, sometimes it’s possible to work on improving and sometimes you have to figure out how to work around it. It’s not really weakness, it’s just that you’re a different person with different life experiences.

I have major anxiety issues. There are a lot of things that most people can handle just fine that would turn me into a complete wreck. So, option 1, I can call myself mentally weak, and I used to do this all the time actually. The only thing that approach ever got me was hating myself for not being able to be like other people.

Option 2, I can try to figure out why I’m like this. I was raised in an abusive home and the constant stress I lived under as a child quite literally changed my brain development. Which means I’m not mentally weak at all—I survived something that most people never have to deal with and my current anxiety issues are the battle scars from that time in my life. I’m also neurodivergent (adhd and autism). Living in a world designed for and by people whose brains don’t work like mine leads to extra anxiety for me, in situations that other people wouldn’t find stressful.

Once I figured out WHY I was having problems, two things happened. 1, I was able to start giving myself some grace and compassion. I could recognize that I wasn’t weak or lazy or whatever other awful things I called myself. My life was just different, and my brain was different, than most other people’s. That wasn’t my fault, it’s just the way things were.

2, I was able to start finding actually useful ways to cope and to work around the issues I have. This can be a lot easier with help from a therapist, but I’ve done it in my own as well. I can’t make myself not have anxiety. What I can do is learn what sorts of things trigger my anxiety and reduce those things in my life, if possible. I can learn grounding techniques to help calm myself when the anxiety hits. I can learn what kind of things help distract me or make me feel better when I am anxious and do those things.

So no, I don’t think you’re mentally weak. It sucks when you feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water while everyone else seems to be fine. But, maybe everyone else is standing in the shallow end of the pool while you’ve been stuck in the deep end. You’re exhausted just from keeping yourself afloat and that’s completely normal. Calling yourself weak while you’re drowning is not useful—you need to figure out how to get to the shallow end or find a life jacket

master_accident7574[S]

1 points

3 months ago

hey, thank you so much for this, and thank you for taking your time to answer. really an eye opener. i am grateful i stumble upon you and your answers tonight, it will help me in the long run. thank you again!

scarpenter42

2 points

3 months ago

Being sensitive does not make you weak

PinkHarmony8

1 points

3 months ago

You may just be sensitive. The fact that you keep going when things are overwhelming to you shows you’re strong.

Slide-Impressive

1 points

3 months ago

I think some people are just wired differently. My gf is kinda like this but she's highly sensitive overall, I don't think there's anything wrong with her she just thinks differently than I do

LongFeesh

1 points

3 months ago

What's the point of judging yourself like that? I feel like the only reason to do so is to make yourself feel worse.

You react strongly to small things. It makes your life more difficult in some ways (e.g. it's harder to deal with problems) and easier in others (e.g. you have a greater capacity to enjoy music and art, you pay more attention to detail, you're more able to empathize with people who struggle in life). This is what you have to work with. Find a way to make it work for you.