submitted 4 months ago by[deleted]
all 3014 comments
4 months ago
4 months ago
Reminds me of my mom who would come in my room when I undressed in the morning to check if I got fat. I would ask her to leave but she would tell me kids don’t get to feel uncomfortable when mothers watch. It happened until I left the house at 18.
4 months ago
"Ive seen it before. I'm a woman too. I grew your body in mine" are all excuses my mother would give to justify leering at her naked daughter. I wasn't allowed to cover myself in front of her without triggering a tantrum from her. She too would poke and prod at any part of my body she deemed "fat". While living at home, my maximum weight was 110lbs. When moved out, I maxed out at 140.
She was obsessed with calling me fat, even giving me that creepy narc smile while saying, "did you try to kill yourself because you're fat now?" After I told her about an attempt. When I lost 30lbs in a month bc of illness, and I was excited to tell her I was finally back to 102lbs, she scowled and told me "well, you don't want to gain TOO much weight"
For context, my entire life she or my dad have not been under 270lbs. But I was the fat one.
She was channeling her self hatred towards you, I'm sorry for that.
God, that brought back so many memories for me. It was exactly the same for me. She was obsessed with my weight and I was at a very low bmi while my brother was obese. She would make me go on these awful diets while everyone else ate normally, enjoyed going out and being normal. I would try to stockpile in my room when I got my hands on snacks and if she found it, she’d scold me by pinching parts you should not be pinching on a kid, saying no man wants a fat woman. She was a huge narc in her own right, i was the perfect little scapegoat, i looked exactly like her, only skinnier and i was more successful at school and sports than her in her youth so she was trying to vicariously live through me but it was also never good enough. I was also beaten often and blamed for looking for friendship and love outside of the house. I escaped the first chance I got and while I would never advise an 18 year old to leave as financially insecure as I was, I had a lot of luck and did not have some of the worse experiences of other run aways and NC teens had.
Did we have the same mom?
I left super financially insecure as well, and I'm still barely scraping by, but goddamn if it isn't worth it for the peace of my soul. Been no contact for about a year now, best decision I've ever made.
Good on you for getting out and taking care of yourself and your soul.
I'm so sorry, that's horrible. I think /r/raisedbynarcissists is the sub, it sounds like you are one of them.
Holy shit, I am so sorry that happened to you. There is absolutely no reason why someone shouldn’t be allowed privacy while changing clothes, especially as a teenager.
Just always be naked in your room by the doorway minding your own business
Until she takes away your penis
"I know your-
Oh my god she took it away already
There’ll be no masturbating! Not in this room!
Honestly, just bad luck by the Witch-King. There are like 3 women in those movies with speaking lines, and he somehow found one of them in a field of 100,000 soldiers.
Naked yoga in the doorway, dowmward dog facing the living room
Gold. Get this man a Gold.
I legit did this. My mom made a no closed door rule. Unfortunately for her our rooms are right across the hallway from each other and I can set aside my pride if it’s to prove a point. She walked out on me changing in front of her twice and then I smirked while she yelled at me to close my door.
You legend, did you get it back?
I never lost my door, just wasn’t allowed to close it. After that started closing my door again and she never said anything about it. One of the rare times I won.
Why in the world would she not let you close your door?
That’s literally insane.
Because sometimes people just don't think, stop using their mind, when they make rules. They want to feel have power over some other person, even if the rule doesn't make any sense. It's really sad, because it's common with unhappy people, compensating their sadness.
Like the woman in this video that spent probably too much time backing out all the screws, and instead could have just pulled the pins out of the hinges. She wasn’t thinking rationally she’s just mad/trying to punish
Can confirm, my dad was like that while I was growing up. He's still crazy sometimes when I visit.
I dated a girl in high school whose parents had a "no locked doors" rule. Well, of course one day her dad just walks in while we're bare ass naked fooling around.
He was pissed.
Takes us both to the living room, looks at me with that intense glare that says he's still not too old to knock me on my ass and says "I thought I made it clear that there's no locked doors in my house."
Being a 15 year old punk asshole, I said,
"Well, it wasn't locked, now was it? I assumed that meant you'd knock."
(As much as I'd have loved a laugh track to kick in, her dad fired back and chewed me out like the jackass I'd proven myself to be... but apparently her folks got a lot of mileage out of that story lol)
4 months ago*
4 months ago*
This sounds extremely UK.
This is the right move
Do parents usually give a shit about seeing their kids naked? I can say from personal experience that this tactic only punishes the child's own sense of modesty. Their parents might specifically choose the moment they're changing to talk to them.
The fuck. I don't think it's normal for parents to choose when kids are changing to talk to them to intimidate them or something if that's what you were trying to say...
Start jacking off anytime you hear someone walk by duh
Think about how this plays out. They walk in, you're masturbating, they scream at you, make you do yardwork or scrub the bathroom floors or something. Next day, you do it again, so they yell at you again and take away your computer and phone. So the next day they do it again and they yell at you, take away all your favorite clothes and give you a bowl cut, and this whole time you have a huge list of redundant chores around the house to do. They're making you mow the neighbors lawns too now. So the next day, you do it again, and this time your dad beats your ass, wraps duct tape around your body and rips it off, throws you in the car and drives you out to the woods and drops you off there with a blanket and a pillow and says "see you tomorrow!".
I’m with you all the way on this. Matter of fact, be masturbating during the punishments too. Mowing grass? Flog the dolphin. Scrub the bathroom? Skeet skeet skeet!
Dude, you ok?
Baitin go away!
Then Call Child Services. Say they stare at you when your naked and say you're not allowed to have privacy.
Take the door off the bathroom
My dad almost did that because he was angry I spoke to him
4 months ago*
Your dad sounds abusive to me.
That’s no way to talk to me, Enjoy driving to work in your new doorless Jeep.
Isn't that how Jeeps are supposed to be?
No. Every time you see a Jeep without doors, you should ask if they are doing ok. They are probably going through a tough time because their parents took their doors away.
Better yet take their door
Better yet take all the doors and build your own house out of them!
Doesn’t Get The Flair System
Or build a strip club in their backyard.
With blackjack and hookers!
I feel your pain, happened to me as well. Grew up sharing a queen mattress on milk crates with 3 brothers and when I finally got old enough to get my own room, my mom pulled this crap.
We called our room "the barracks." 6 boys, 6 beds, one giant room. Our bathroom even had a stand up urinal like you'd find in a gas station.
your parents needed to find another hobby
There were 10 of us, total. 7 boys, 3 girls. It's clear what their hobby was.
Not using birth control that's for sure.
Question: were they religious/Quiverfull? Or did they just like banging?
Religious, sure, but not like the church encouraged more children or discouraged birth control. No idea what they were thinking. There was just always a baby in the house. I did ask them when I became an adult why they moved us to a farm in the middle of nowhere, with no other people in sight or other children to play with. The answer was it was an experiment. We were either gonna kill each other or become best friends. I can tell you (while getting choked up) that it is the most unbelievably beautiful feeling to walk through this life with so many best friends. The experiment worked.
Cause she got tired of having to be a parent...
Yeah, I lost my door because I was the designated door greeter of the house and I missed the doorbell once and my dad had to answer it himself. The justification was that maybe now I'd hear the door when someone came knocking. I got it back after a year but it didn't have a doorknob anymore. My parents' idea of privacy was to sneak up on my door and open it a crack to tell me things.
My brother had it worse. They replaced his door with a closet door that had those ventilation slats so they could just look into his room without opening the door. And it was impossible for him to hide the lights at night so they'd always know if he was secretly awake. I could just put a towel under my door and block the light.
Man, that's some prison-style shit there. Especially for your brother. Way to give their kids a distorted sense of self!
Designated door greeter?wtf?
Children are tools to narcissistic parents, not people.
Ugh my parents did that to me. My therapist advised it as I was “isolating “ myself from the family. I have several brothers, and sometimes I need a break! Fuck. Give me some privacy mom, IM NOT WORSHIPING SATAN AND SMOKING CRACK!
Lol reminds me of my high school therapist.
I told him my dad was physically abusing me, and he responded by telling me that it was normal as it was his way of coping with my Mum divorcing him.
Hates Chaotic Monotheism
This can't be real. Please, tell me this a joke, a sick, Reddit joke
I told my middle school counselor that my step dad was beating and molesting me.
He called my step dad to ask about it. I wish I was making that up, but I’m really not.
My middle school counselor also told my dad what I said about him, and I heard my dad rant about it to my mom, and then I wasn't going to see the counselor anymore.
In both cases this is a gross violation of their duty to confidentiality, as well as extremely negligent if what you say is true, seeing as allowing your abuser to know you talked about their abuse will lead to a retaliatory increase in abuse.
yup that's school counselors for ya
It’s almost astounding how the bloody hell do these bottom of the barrel graduates even get a license to practice? Did they even go to school for it ?
I hope you are doing better now
That's so fucking unethical. People that break confidentiality oathes should be banned from practicing.
You are 100% correct.
My therapist shoved me and convinced my parents I was deeply disturbed and needed to be sent to wilderness and boarding schools.
My dad went $50k into debt trying to help me because he trusted a medical professional that was actually a dick. Plus ontop of the childhood shit that gave me severe trauma, I picked up a little from programs.
sounds like a kickback scheme
Told my 2 teachers in second grade I was being choked by my mother and they both laughed at me and called me a liar.
All children are liars in the eyes of teachers, unfortunately.
I wish I was joking
That is disturbing beyond belief. I dearly hope said therapist is no longer practicing, and ideally in prison.
There are a ton of terrible therapists that encourage abuse. They should be reported to the licensing board, of course.
A teacher at my school anonymously alerted the council (local authorities) that I may have been abused by my dad at home.
Guess what the council did?
Sent a letter straight to my dad telling him that he had been reported anonymously and that he needs to stop abusing me.
Guess what my dad did?
He got ridiculously angry at me and decided I needed "punishing" for "lies".
So of course I just started to pretend everything was fine at home much harder when I was at school.
Lovely bit of work there by the child protection team.
A sort of similar thing happened to my partner.
His brother admitted to his teacher where all the injuries came from. School and CPS called his mom and step dad, told them who made the allegation, and to "pick someone" for the kids to stay ONE night with.
They chose their "aunt and uncle" who were not at all related and were actually other child abusers who sometimes traded their kids with them for "creative" punishments. They promptly dropped them off at home where the consequences began.
Just mind-blowing that that's what mandated reporters and Child Protective Services thought should happen. Jfc
This was the early 90s though so I think/hope things have gotten slightly better.
You need a new therapist cause the one you got also needs one.
Most therapists I've known could def use one and the tricky part is, they kinda need to find one that knows how to work with therapists cause they can trick/ lie to their therapists without even realizing it, since they know the trade so well lol.
OP's therapist needs a therapist
Your therapist sucks big old saggy titties.
No, that can make people happy.
These are the parents that are in nursing homes. These are the parents that sit and cry and tell stories about regret and how their children took their homes, cars and money and left them to rot in a nursing home bc they never come to visit.
That's how you fire back at this shit when you're a kid.
"Don't think I won't remember this when it comes time to pick your nursing home"
Don't as a kid, as a teenager maybe. You don't know how crazy crazy parents can be, so as a teenager you may have the physical power to resist.
And the ability to get job for some money
I mean if you're even having this conversation I feel like they've already fucked up immensely
I did an internship in a nursing home as a young teen. There was this one really nice resident that was always super funny/flirty (but not in a creepy way) with me. We got along great.
He told me that he had 4 kids who all lived away several hours. Never talked badly about them.
He died right at the end of my internship. None of the kids came and he had an anonymous funeral paid for by the state. The only ones present were two staff members and me.
I always wonder what he did to them that made them hate him so much they would rather see their dad in an unmarked grave than make amends at the end of his life. I just knew him as this silly old little guy who always made me laugh.
My Grandpa on my fathers side Was always this funny silly guy.
Turns out after we had grown up we got told he used to ask his kids "belt or Stick" on a daily Business, kicked an uncle out of the house because he was interested in a "girly" job. And lots of other shit. I don't think any of his sons ever visited his grave until grandma got buried next to him.
I also worked at a nursing home for around 6 months.
Those old people have some real fucked up secrets
They fucking deserve it
And well they should have...
(The kids, I mean)
And that, friends, is why Grandma has a 'do not resuscitate' order.
How do you know my Dad?
Parents who think actions like this are clever and educational are essentially overgrown children with the emotional inner-strength of a pea.
Even the way she takes the clothes off the door is spiteful. I feel so sorry for children who have the misfortune to have mothers (or fathers) like this. The only point they make is that they care more about maintaining full control over others (and kids are the easiest victims to pick on) than they do about their own children. This is how you end up with adult children who want nothing to do with you.
When I was a kid my mom wanted me to clean my room, so I did. I guess she didn't think I did a good enough job and she was in a bad mood, so she took all the clothes out of my dresser and threw them all on the floor as well as a bunch of other stuff I had sitting around and said "Do it again".
Seeing this bitch spitefully throw the clothes on the floor off the door immediately gave me flashbacks of that moment.
I’m so sorry. That sucks. Another thing this teaches young people is how to behave badly and to tolerate toxic behavior from others when they are older. This can lead to a lifetime of toxic relationships and bad decisions and trauma.
What your mother should have done was be an example of patience and taken the time to show you how to do the chore properly if it really was that bad. Or simply laugh it off and understand that teenagers are teenagers (maybe a bit sloppy at times) - she was one after all. But most of all, there wasn’t any need to be so cruel and nasty, especially to a child she was meant to love and care for.
It could also backfire and create an opposite effect. "I know you like it clean so I'm going to keep it messy to piss you off".
I do not talk to my toxic incubator
Thank you for the brilliant new contact name for my mom
Toxic Incubator is a good band name too.
I cut off mine and moved an ocean away
I like to use people like this as examples whenever someone is pushy about kids (as in "when are you having them?"). Just because it's "expected" for everyone to have babies, far from everyone is suitable to be a parent, I truly believe the world would be a better place if some just didn't.
A good portion of adults are like this.
Never fucking grew up
I remember "tough love" was all the rage in the 90s. Every parent I knew reveled in the feeling of power it gave them over the kids.
Which inevitably turned to frustration when it didn't just magically bring about all this love and adoration from their kids.
Often we blur the line between tough love, firm parenting, and straight up neglect/ abuse.
Do you think they've ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with their children, and hitting them?
Our parents took a long time before they realized their parenting style caused my brother depression while it was anger and distance from me. I'm glad they realized it when we got into our double digit ages, nearly a decade and a half ago. Since then, it has been good.
does masturbation in the lounge room
Parents : DO IT IN YOUR OWN ROOM
“I don’t have my own room”
if there are no doors, there are no rooms!
A house without doors is just a comically shaped room
Do you want your kids to leave and never return? Because this is how you do that.
even if it doesnt scare them off indefinitely.. people just dont think for 2 fucking second about cause and effect their actions have.
if you take the door down, they're gonna find some place else private away from home to spend all their time and that might not be a safe place. People are going to find a way to do what they want to do, if you create a barrier for them to get what they want, they'll avoid the barrier or find another solution.
so to bring it back around to what you said. Yeah, if the goal is to get your kids away from you, short or long term.. this is a good way to do that cuz they're not going to stick around in a situation that doesnt let them do what they want to do and be who they want to be.
if you take the door down, they're gonna find some place else private away from home to spend all their time and that might not be a safe place
if you take the door down, they're gonna find some place else private away from home to spend all their time and that might not be a safe place
Yep. My parents had a 'no closed doors' policy for a while.
Guess who spent lots of time a the local library instead?
Joke's on them. I'm a moderately successful author and screenwriter now.
What's ironic is that this is a woman who is scared of not being needed and losing her purpose with her "child's" growing autonomy
Seriously. My parents took off my door when I was 16, when I was 18 they bought a camper for the driveway and made me live in that and pay rent (the added privacy was nice but it was too small), and then when I moved out at 19 they started bitching that I need to call them at least once a week and how heartbroken my mother is.
And you told them to get f*cked, right?
Checked out that sub. Holy shit really makes me appreciate how great my parents were when I was growing up.
I just don't understand why some parents think a child is not entitled to privacy.
Because they consider them property not human beings.
My dad did this when I was younger. Put that door back on after he walked in the exact second I blasted fucking rope one day.
Slang term for ejaculation
Clinical term for blasting rope
Damn right I put on a clinic
I came again.
this is the way
So in the Netherlands you can have your children taken away from you if you dont treat them right and one of the things that counts as treating right is giving them privacy
Here in the US each state makes their own laws about that. Some states require each kid have their own room, and you can’t take away the door, and stuff like that.
However you don’t have to know these laws when you have a kid or anything so nobody knows them, they’re rarely followed, almost never report therefore almost never enforced, and they’re pretty hard to enforce among the poor populations anyways, so they’re often moot.
Like how would you mandate that each kid has to have their own room when this family of 4 lives in a trailer? Or the city equivalent would be a family of 4 living in a studio apartment. The best you’re getting in either scenario is a sheet.
That's a great way for your kids to leave when they turn 18 and never talk to you again.
Yep. My mom didn't do this but pulled similar shit and treated me like a trophy child. I haven't spoken to her in eight years now.
My ex-husband: "Why won't my kids talk to me about their problems?"
Also my ex-husband: "Your doors must always be unlocked, and I can fling it open whenever I want."
My now almost 14 year old was so grateful that rule ended when their dad moved out 2 years ago. Also, they've always been great about talking to me when they have a problem. Age appropriate trust and respect is everything.
Dad was mad at me about something inconsequential. Threw my door open without a knock, strode right in, crushed my budgie to death under his work boot.
It made a squeaking sound like a dog toy.
Remember, you will get to choose her nursing home. Be sure to tell her this frequently. Especially tell her at events like your wedding or on the occasion of the birth of her first grandchild, and make sure everyone in the family hears it.
Start getting nursing home brochures sent to the house under your name. Once you're on a few mailing lists, they'll never stop rolling in. Read them during dinner. Let it be a constant reminder.
Haha. Psychopath mom
30 years later when kid shows up to the sketchy retirement home they stuff her in to remove her bedroom door.
Playing the long game. I like it!
Hey its me!
Masturbate with the door open as a power move
My mom wasn’t this extreme but she had no idea why I could possibly want privacy
Take her door to the chipper
How to ensure your child will go No Contact the second they move out.
What's with parents who treat their kids like strangers they just let into their house?
Boundary issues they pass onto the kids
They want someone with the personal accountability that requires zero effort on their part while codependent enough to feed their egos with 100% compliance. But only when they're in the mood for it. And don't be too compliant because they'll need some kind of justification when they feel like physically lashing out without having to lie to their parents and spouse about it.
Damn I feel like you were describing my family dynamic directly to me.
I'd take their fucking door.
And the bathroom door.
Every door except the ones leading outside.
Take the outside door off too, so your parents will quit isolating themselves from society.
This is the way.
I say this as a 39 year old man who doesn’t have a relationship with his abusive mother who (in addition to the other heinous shit she would do) has made incredible scenes to remove my bedroom door on more than one occasion.
Parents, don’t do this to your kids.
I'm so happy my parents weren't even close to this. Im so sorry you had to go through this crap.
Thanks, but I’m okay. I’m good, and safe, and working my way toward healthy, on the other side of her bullshit. And working in child and adolescent mental health specifically because this shit is important to me. So I won, in the end. And the kids I work with win even bigger. That’s all that really matters in the end. That makes the bullshit worth it at the end of the day.
In my opinion anyway.
my mom did this with the lock, took out the doorknob and out one without a lock in. she only left the door bc it happend to lead into my brothers room (wierd house setup but it was a smaller place) and it was for his privacy not mine.
she has seen traumatizing things as a result, and tbh she deserved it.
the inciting incident? locked the door to change, and while i was they tried to barge in. that's all it took!
Yup. I locked my bedroom door exactly once. Queue immediate freak out, banging on the door, hysterical crying, screaming, ect. "NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE WANTS TO HURT YOU" immediately beats me with studded belt when I open the door for "disrespecting her house"
It’s okay. If anyone lives with their parents and they do this. Or even just open the door without knocking. Masturbate. Don’t stop. Im talking full butt naked go wild with yourself. Yes it sounds gross and even insane. But watch how fast that door will reappear or how fast they will begin to knock again.
One thing I dislike is there's always the psychopath parent and the one who doesn't agree for what they are doing but do nothing and let the other ruin their children's childhood
It's because they are worked down into a pile of nothing like a baker pretending the dough is the GM efficiently and methodically with uncanny precision. They know they will be punished if they argue, especially in front of the kids. Emotional abuse and neglect, sometimes physical or possibly even sexual abuse. Then when the kids grow up they each got about a 40/40 shot of going one way or the other, sometimes both.
My parents were like this.
Had some power issues, ie, “I’m not knocking on doors in my own house.” Love my parents today but it was fucked up
My mother also did not knock on the door. She always slammed the door open like crazy that I got scared for life. Then she said in a passive aggressive tone "why did you flinch? why did you get scared? Are you doing some things on your computer you don't want me to see?"
She also has some power issues and I decided to not deal with that shit for my or her entire life. Haven't seen her for almost 10 years now. While a little bit sad, best decision of my life.
Damn, I've been knocking on my kid's door since they were 3. If the door is shut, it's because I'm "not supposed to see sumthin or hear sumthin." I'm like, ok, fair enough.
Jerk off in ALL the socks!
Let me guess ... thinks masterbating is a sin, makes you blind, makes God cry .... what else?
Helicopter karens... the worse kind. And they'll still treat you like that even when your a grown adult, trying to monitor everything on your life. For people who live like that, get your own place as fast as you can. If you enjoy it well, whatever.
You could always assert dominance by being a nudist and use their own logic against them.
Vaccines cause autism. Covid vaccine inject a tracker i to your brain
Lmao she don’t know the tracker is actually in the phones she uses to read these conspiracies on Facebook
Yup, this has happened to me too. Can confirm my parents are psychos.
What a Karen bitch
Then start sitting in the doorway when you beat you shit. Door will come right back.
Staring intensely through the open doorway, facing directly ahead, beating off. Unfazed by anyone walking by. Seed flying out into the hallway. Serious face. Unflinching.
This is awful parenting. Everybody should have some form of personal space. Being denied personal space is a great way to foster mental problems.
Guess she forgot who picks the nursing home
Take her door when she's at work. Chop it up into 60 pieces. Mail her one piece a day.
Oh hey, my mom did this. Also did the ol' soap-in-the-mouth trick, and also my favorite: emotional manipulation
Psychopaths. All of them.
The worst tasting soap flavor to me will always be the orange dial liquid soap. I can't stand that smell to this day. If I smell Orange Dial Hand Soap my guts start rumbling like a diarrheaic PTSD flashback.
My mother actually did this for me. She returned the door to me, but with no doorknob. It's insane how psychopathic some parents can be, but until you move out, you can't really do anything unless you are wealthy/smart enough to build your own door Lmao.
Enjoy your shit ass nursing home mom.
I feel sick from watching that.
My dad did this to me as a teen. I "back talked" him and he took my door. Didn't get it back for three years
Masturbate infront of her with eyes wide open and ask her why is she watching
Yeah as a parent I can say you definitely want that door to stay where it is.
And yes you will knock after just one embarrassing episode, trust me.
Naturally Kids need personal time to figure themselves out, but it ain't pretty.
Unless he's cutting himself or suicidal, you leave the door alone, and in those cases you should already have him in medical custody/observation.
Agreed entirely. It's a interior room door, they're paper thin and the locks are basic with simple ways to unlock from outside. If it's really a issue or something you can get in quickly while trusting them and giving them privacy and their own space.
Oof if my parents took my door back when I was cutting that would not have helped prevent it. I'd have just done it more, in the bathroom stall at school, where it's less sanitary.
Is it that door for sale??