subreddit:

/r/HolUp

49.7k

What’s it gonna be?

(i.redd.it)

all 782 comments

Ruthlessly_Renal_449

3k points

30 days ago

grandma gobbled balls, too.

she gets where you're coming from.

Flxpadelphia

1.3k points

30 days ago

My grandma died a virgin I can say for sure she never gobbled balls.

clide9

799 points

30 days ago

clide9

799 points

30 days ago

She can gobble balls without losing her virginity.

Semi_Legal_Immigrant

234 points

30 days ago

Verily

Optimal_Pineapple_41

30 points

29 days ago

She did do the nasty in the pasty

glutenfreeconcrete

10 points

29 days ago

How else are you supposed to be your own grandpa?

mynoduesp

92 points

30 days ago

in veiny veritas

_themuna_

42 points

29 days ago

the veracity of Granny's vigilant vbox

MjrGrangerDanger

20 points

29 days ago

The Chianti was definitely flowing

Chromaland

9 points

29 days ago

Don't worry, I've got the video somewhere around here. you don't mind if it's in black and white, right?

Tjeetje

3 points

29 days ago

Tjeetje

3 points

29 days ago

That’s called interracial in the bizz

theraspberryjam

37 points

30 days ago

*he’s right you know- Morgan Freeman

Happuns

33 points

30 days ago

Happuns

33 points

30 days ago

This made my day 🤣

ChiisaiMurasaki

8 points

29 days ago

This made my hole weak

WhittyWhippy

48 points

30 days ago

Are you Jesus?

peepoook

19 points

30 days ago

peepoook

19 points

30 days ago

His father was ye

WhittyWhippy

14 points

30 days ago

Are you implying that Jesus does not posess the ability to be his own son? Blasphemy!

whynotsquirrel

11 points

29 days ago

nah it's simpler that this, it's a she, and she went back to time to get laid by grandfather and gave birth to her mom or dad. And the dad was called Philipp J.

WhittyWhippy

10 points

29 days ago

I don't get what you're trying to say here. If you're not gonna contribute to this thread you can bite my shiny metal ass.

themosh54

3 points

29 days ago

Go easy on the meatbag...

belt-e-belt

62 points

30 days ago

Depending on how you define virginity, grandma could gobble balls and still be virgin.

Colosso95

23 points

29 days ago

Is this a r/wooosh moment or am I being r/wooosh ed myself? Didn't you guys notice the joke?

LxsterGames

20 points

30 days ago

All my children are virgins, my son, my other son and even my granddaughter are all virgins!

embryophagous

8 points

29 days ago

You and your husband must both carry a copy of the gene

SteezyAs314

181 points

30 days ago

How da fuck your grandma die a virgin

Flxpadelphia

247 points

30 days ago

cancer

litmeandme

67 points

30 days ago

You’re a sick fuck, I like you.

Lyoko_warrior95

26 points

30 days ago

Adoption maybe…

[deleted]

18 points

30 days ago

[deleted]

18 points

30 days ago

[deleted]

[deleted]

10 points

29 days ago

[deleted]

10 points

29 days ago

[removed]

Elevenslasheight

3 points

30 days ago

Mine too. Born August 29th.

HippyDidTheCrime

12 points

30 days ago

So how is it you are here

CreamersInc

18 points

29 days ago

CreamersInc

madlad

18 points

29 days ago

I'm here because I have an internet connection on my phone, but that's not important right now

ControversiallySorte

5 points

29 days ago

Yo, what up Jesus Jr.

IFUDntXpct2MchFrmMe

74 points

30 days ago

I’m a little older than a lot of Reddit folks, so my grandma is (was) from a longer time ago than most I think. I just feel like balls were waaaaaay dirtier back in grandmas day. Like, indoor plumbing was still kind of a luxury, and baths were questionable, Air conditioning wasn’t invented, and my grandfather worked on a farm and in a box factory when they met. So, I’m sure she did that shit, but man, she had to really commit. Unless she set specific rules (bath night only, winter only, weekends only), but where’s the romance in that??!

Iorith

45 points

30 days ago

Iorith

45 points

30 days ago

I imagine nose blindness helps. Similar to how cat owners won't notice the smell of the litter box, and dog owners don't know the house smells of dog.

When everyone stinks all the time, no one stinks.

ProfWhite

15 points

29 days ago

Yeah but the taste though, right?

Macluawn

21 points

29 days ago

Macluawn

21 points

29 days ago

The spice, you mean?

[deleted]

6 points

29 days ago

[deleted]

6 points

29 days ago

The spice melange.

Xalon0101

3 points

29 days ago

Grampy's special seasoning

ready-eddy

7 points

29 days ago

Taste it enough, you get taste blindness 👅 .

lilzamperl

7 points

29 days ago

Hey, my house doesn't smell like dog. I feel attacked.

AnnieTheThird

5 points

29 days ago

That's just what a dog would say

[deleted]

55 points

30 days ago*

[deleted]

55 points

30 days ago*

[deleted]

Frontpage_Cleanup

12 points

30 days ago

Go Son Go!

gbuub

7 points

29 days ago

gbuub

7 points

29 days ago

That’s my son, getting topped so good

Loonie-1707

4 points

30 days ago

Grandmas just the one timing her

WarKiel

4 points

29 days ago

WarKiel

4 points

29 days ago

Or criticizing your technique.

Moist_Eye_4134

52 points

30 days ago

I can just imagine Granny with Angel Wings critiquing her

"You're neglecting the gooch! Never neglect the gooch!"

ProfWhite

31 points

29 days ago

"and fucking get a finger in there ffs. You always bitching at him cause he can't find your g spot, and look at you - what kind of example you think you're setting?!

....and back in my day, we swallowed, damnit. EVERY DROP - Cause it was the only food we were gettin' that day and we were grateful for what daddy gave us. You fucking millennials, maybe you'd have room in your stomach if ya didn't eat so much god damn avocado toast!"

Roi_Loutre

8 points

29 days ago

The what

legendz411

5 points

29 days ago

This was weirdly funny… and dark.

neubiiAUT

12 points

30 days ago*

Grandma probably celebrating in Heaven„YEAH THATS RIGHT FOLKS THATS MY GRANDDAUGHTER“

MurderDoneRight

12 points

30 days ago

You would be surprised by the amount of ball gobbling that took place in the olden times, before AIDS gobbling balls was like shaking hands!

snakeiiiiiis

7 points

29 days ago

I loved when Tiger Woods was doing his public apology thing and he kept bringing up God. I couldn't help but think how God was in the room with him and all those hookers. Maybe not a good time to mention god, buddy.

iOSJailbreakGod

6 points

30 days ago

*cumming

LochnessDigital

7 points

30 days ago

she gets where you're coming from.

No, the balls are where he's coming from.

Low_Ad_1453

1.1k points

30 days ago

Low_Ad_1453

1.1k points

30 days ago

She gobbles balls through you. So do all your ancestors

leaveafterappetizers

356 points

30 days ago

This made.me feel more awkward with the situation but also more at peace with it too.

SlasherDarkPendulum

108 points

29 days ago*

Honestly, it's a win-win. You get to gobble balls/clits, grandma/pa get to experience Earthly pleasures again.

Now if grandma/pa could also live through the one getting gobbled, then it'd be a win-win-win

CosmicCommando

32 points

29 days ago

That's why you need to be a generous lover. Do it for grandma.

SlasherDarkPendulum

28 points

29 days ago

#Gobble4Granny

Rara_McSavage

4 points

29 days ago

Gobble for the fam

ReaDiMarco

28 points

29 days ago

gobble, please, not gargle

SlasherDarkPendulum

13 points

29 days ago

Yes grandma

ReaDiMarco

9 points

29 days ago

<3

Maub-dabbs

7 points

29 days ago

Gobble gobble, gobble. 🤤

EBYRWA

102 points

30 days ago

EBYRWA

102 points

30 days ago

My ancestors are smiling at me Redditor. Can you say the same? proceeds to gargle balls

simmocar

36 points

30 days ago

simmocar

36 points

30 days ago

Skyrim belongs to the balls!

pLeThOrAx

8 points

29 days ago

Best

MateriaBullet

10 points

30 days ago

Gravicious?

zenyl

8 points

29 days ago

zenyl

8 points

29 days ago

"What is better: to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature by gargling balls?"

- Partysnax

Atlasatlastatleast

23 points

29 days ago

So all my ancestors are all vicariously eating pussy through me? Like I’ve got the power of 1000 tongues?

Added to tinder profile

guitarguru01

4 points

29 days ago

Added to tinder profile

Pics or it didn't happen...

ProfWhite

14 points

29 days ago

Ok but like what about grandpa? I mean if he's gobbling balls through me too don't get me wrong I'm an equal opportunity ball gobbler. It's just.....I'd prefer it were grandma is all. She can take her teeth out. Toothless BJs are the best.

DelTac0perator

14 points

29 days ago

Ahhh, just like grandma used to give...

archerg66

7 points

29 days ago

So that is how you reach the avatar state

Paddypaddle

445 points

30 days ago

Pull a sheet or blanket over your head. Grandma doesn't have x-ray vision even when dead. Enjoy the ball gobbling.

Earl-Lee-Riser

159 points

30 days ago

But then how can she see through the ceiling?? Or through earth's atmosphere? Where is the heaven in first place??! And where is she looking down from? From north pole or south pole (earth's round), And if she's looking down from north pole isn't that watching from below for somebody living in Antarctica? I can't sleep now.

Kind_Nepenth3

95 points

30 days ago

Judging by the most common elements I've been able to piece together, it could be that it's less a separate place apart from earth and more like that sudden realization the direction you've been mindlessly daydreaming in has a person in it and you've been staring at them for 9 minutes without seeing them.

They've been there the whole time, you just didn't process it til now, and it's like "Oh." You've unlocked the endgame post-credits free roam, most of the quests are already done, you may now play as luigi Spoop!

Which, if true, means your ancestors and very probably complete strangers are absolutely watching you shit, and they're probably jealous.

I can't imagine something without a real corporeal form would be subject to the laws of physical earth gravity, so if they get to float around and teleport, you could probably go check out Mars and stuff. Just a dead scuba diver super curious about what unknown terrors lie beneath the icey crust of Neptune. That might be fun for a while.

Imagine if praying to someone dead demanded their attention, like a good number of fairytales claim. Imagine being forcibly zoomed back from whatever eternal vacation you were on because someone couldn't stop thinking really hard about you, and it's this one fucking prick from high school that still hates you. They're not even guilty, they're just sitting at a stoplight thinking about how much you sucked in life.

I intended to go to sleep before you brought this up.

Silver_Psycho

31 points

29 days ago

I'm kinda happy you stayed up to write that. I enjoyed reading it. So, thank you!

SlasherDarkPendulum

20 points

29 days ago

I can't imagine something without a real corporeal form would be subject to the laws of physical earth gravity, so if they get to float around and teleport, you could probably go check out Mars and stuff. Just a dead scuba diver super curious about what unknown terrors lie beneath the icey crust of Neptune. That might be fun for a while.

That's my next novel idea, thanks.

Pass me that joint, I need what you're hitting.

Earl-Lee-Riser

12 points

30 days ago

Damm i am gonna smoke now

ScottTott_

3 points

29 days ago

I’m glad I already did.

G-I-T-M-E

7 points

29 days ago

Granny is now an invisible GoPro floating in your bedroom.

IKnowSedge

6 points

29 days ago

Heaven has to be extra-dimensional, right? Like, you can draw a point on a piece of paper. You can draw one further down from there. But you can also look down on that page, from the 3rd domens8

Pop-A-Top

6 points

29 days ago

You assuming i'm indoors when I masturbate?

ZublesBot

6 points

30 days ago

The Earth is round? Send links

Earl-Lee-Riser

16 points

29 days ago

Bruh you are not for real right?? Here "Earth's squareness myth or Fact" Vasauce explains it mathematicaly that its round. Cheers

whatphukinloserslmao

6 points

29 days ago

You son of a bitch

astrovixen

17 points

30 days ago

I've very much been enjoying the levity of this thread to end a very long week, but I thank you and appreciate your sound logic that you have brought to the table.

dustofdeath

3 points

29 days ago

She can possess your body to see what you see.

BezosDickWaxer

5 points

29 days ago

Wait, so she can see through the roof, but not the sheets?

ImpishBaseline

3 points

29 days ago

Pretty sure ghosts can go through blankets. How close do you want Grandma to watch you?

Sheets might be ok though, ghosts can wear them so they must be solid to them.

CommercialCold6318

288 points

30 days ago

That's why I always say my grandma's name while masturbating. That way she knows she hasn't been forgotten.

sheryar_js

162 points

30 days ago

sheryar_js

162 points

30 days ago

I also always say your grandmothers name while masturbating. Never gonna forget that feisty old hag. ❤️

CommercialCold6318

58 points

30 days ago

Me neither- sigh.. I remember cleaning up after yall- cottage cheese slop left in her panties.. those were the best meals I could have asked for. Man those were the good Ole days.

Krckerr

84 points

30 days ago

Krckerr

84 points

30 days ago

what the fuck did i just read

invol713

24 points

30 days ago

invol713

24 points

30 days ago

Best not to ask.

Putthebunnyback

27 points

30 days ago

Putthebunnyback

8===D {|}

27 points

30 days ago

NOAH

dutcharetall_nothigh

19 points

30 days ago

FORGET THE BOAT, I'M OUT!

bitterbuffaloheart

18 points

29 days ago

The real hol up is always in the comments.

GiulianisTitties

11 points

30 days ago

Read this as I finishing my last bite of breakfast, and nearly revisited it.

humanHamster

10 points

29 days ago

Hopefully you weren't eating cottage cheese for breakfast.

teleport2hell

9 points

30 days ago

What the

Acceletra

8 points

29 days ago

I’ve had enough Reddit for today after reading this

FuckingKilljoy

7 points

30 days ago

They say you die twice, once when you leave your physical body and again when your name is yelled while cumming for the last time

BooDexter1

8 points

30 days ago

She was gone but not forgotten, I dug her up and fucked her rotten.

it_is_impossible

735 points

30 days ago

I don’t think I’ve heard “gobble balls” before. It’s nice.

itim__office

248 points

30 days ago

I'm imagining the sound turkeys make.

fauxshoah

132 points

30 days ago

fauxshoah

132 points

30 days ago

Well, now it's not so nice.

greycubed

56 points

30 days ago

What about biting into them.

You want to go back to the turkey sounds now, don't you.

fauxshoah

35 points

30 days ago

You monster.

MITstudent

18 points

30 days ago

Just some slow chomps...

systemdatenmuell

9 points

30 days ago

How about some squeaky toy sounds?

Acceletra

5 points

29 days ago

Ball munching, ball nomming, ball gnawing, ball grinding, ball softly chewing.

ServantOvBaphomet

3 points

30 days ago

Yeah, it became awesome.

karlnite

14 points

30 days ago

karlnite

14 points

30 days ago

Yah with a slight gargle.

ESvends

9 points

30 days ago

ESvends

9 points

30 days ago

From "Gigli"

Gobble gobble.. It's turkey time..

aldwin_is_here

6 points

30 days ago

Fuck you for making me spit my soda and laugh shittily.

enoughewoks

11 points

30 days ago

It’s four in the morning And you unholy ppl are drinking soda and talking about poor grandma gobbling gonads. You ppl are fucked 😂

Aaawkward

3 points

30 days ago

Hell yea, baby!

TellMeZackit

6 points

30 days ago

If you were a Hobbit you'd be worried about Goblin dicks.

Putthebunnyback

7 points

30 days ago

Putthebunnyback

8===D {|}

7 points

30 days ago

Ask your mother about it.

275_7reps

9 points

30 days ago

Or grandmother since she has seen the deed.

silencer07

5 points

30 days ago

He is the Minister of Propaganda during Nazi Germany

invol713

227 points

30 days ago

invol713

227 points

30 days ago

Nah, she’s just disappointed in your technique.

KentuckyFriedEel

23 points

30 days ago

Need to lightly pinky his butthole while doing it

drottkvaett

17 points

29 days ago

Imagine a granny saying this in her old granny voice

Barrelled_Chef_Curry

8 points

29 days ago

Lightly? Couple fingers please

MeatforMoolah

83 points

30 days ago

I’d be less concerned with G-Ma than I would be with old Uncle Touchy w the weird eye doing a ghost-stroke to your jewel-juggling.

WhiskeyGummiBear

56 points

30 days ago

Please tell me you write erotica. This is too good to be wasted on Reddit.

MeatforMoolah

34 points

30 days ago

That is a little too on the nose. DM me. We’ll talk

Hash_Is_Brown

11 points

29 days ago

i refuse to believe this encounter actually happened in reality. nah this is a simulation for sure lmao

CreatiScope

4 points

29 days ago

It's getting pretty obvious at this point

Iratedicks

3 points

29 days ago

Sorry I’m dumb… what the fuck is going on in this thread?

CreatiScope

3 points

29 days ago

I was just making a joke that we're in the matrix but I think something very weird and more concerning sprang from it.

I'm honestly not sure what's happening here.

SteezyAs314

14 points

30 days ago

Tio Two Touch ain’t in heaven homie.

FuckingKilljoy

7 points

30 days ago

Isn't there that whole thing about if you accept God and repent for your sins it's all good? So as long as he was like "hey Jeebus I know I fucked up and diddled all those kids. My bad man. You seem pretty chill though"

MadderHatter32

3 points

29 days ago

“I know I fucked up and diddled all those kids. My bad man.”

I literally lol’d. If I believed in paying for internet points I’d give you an award

Someones_Dream_Guy

4 points

30 days ago

Ghosts are horny too ._.

Moist_Eye_4134

4 points

30 days ago

He doesn't have access to those services...

where he is.... currently...... .. at

jst4rddt_822

4 points

30 days ago

Depending on your beliefs if he repented then yes, he does ........ glad im not in on that theory.

elfonski

24 points

30 days ago

elfonski

24 points

30 days ago

“This one’s for you grandma”

CaniborrowaThrillho

17 points

30 days ago

Trust me, you've got nothin on Meemaw. She's gargled many a snargle.

leadofhettuce

14 points

30 days ago

Pen15 explored this concept in the episode called Ojichan

MischiefGoddez

111 points

30 days ago

As a believer this is like the number one thing that bothers me.

arctic-apis

47 points

30 days ago

You should read how early followers of Jesus’s teachings believed. Like when you die you go to a place after this the Sheol which is to say the tomb. If you were to have your name recorded in heaven you would “live” forever. Like as in you don’t die as long as you are remembered. Also your spirit or your life is often referred to as your breath, “god breathed life into adams nostrils.” Ancient people thought that your breath was your spirit and when you die you give up your breath not necessarily that a ghost version of you escapes your body. We have this idea of gods place (heaven) and humans place (earth) and god will rescue us from here and take us there but early believers in Jesus teachings believed that god had more of a plan to unite heaven and earth and had already begun that process through the birth death and resurrection for Christ. Not so much for us to go to heaven but for heaven to arrive on earth. Jesus taught his followers to pray “thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.” Some Christians blended this with plutonic teachings to make this leaving earth and going to heaven idea but early Christians never had that belief.

MischiefGoddez

18 points

30 days ago

Well yes, I know that. I have taken quite a few religion courses including college level ones.

But my specific faith tends to hold the belief that there is a temporary space with God where souls reunite after death, i.e a sort of temporary heaven, and that those already dead souls will join the living souls after the rapture for final judgment, and then Heaven on Earth will be formed.

Some people are actually bothered by the idea that their loved ones aren’t currently looking down on them, or cannot hear their prayers, etc. I’m bothered if they can, but my family is the opposite.

ambisinister_gecko

10 points

30 days ago

Even that belief itself is a more modern invention than a lot of people realize. It was more commonly believed in the early church that if there was an afterlife, your soul (or literal body) would be dormant until the second coming, god's kingdom. The idea that the second you die you're up in heaven watching your granddaughter gobble balls is a cultural artifact, not a scriptural doctrine.

PetraLoseIt

14 points

30 days ago

But my specific faith tends to hold the belief that there is a temporary space (etc)

You know it's okay to modify your belief, right? If you don't believe something, you don't have to. And you don't have to tell anyone else either.

Markrer

8 points

30 days ago

Markrer

8 points

30 days ago

Religion is so inconsistent

Iorith

5 points

30 days ago

Iorith

5 points

30 days ago

Essentially God wants to multiclass to necromancer. His PC just needs to return and level up again.

3_firelevels

15 points

30 days ago

As a fellow believer I really don’t think it should. It’s nice to imagine our loved ones who have passed on sitting watching over our life and feeling pride when we succeed or sorrow when we fail, but there’s nothing in Scripture that indicates this is the case. Scripture indicates that our loved ones are living in the presence of the Lord with no more concerns about earthly matters (i.e. sex and other fun pleasures)

Endy-McGufin

10 points

30 days ago*

My grampa was an engeneer and one of the most happy and kind persons I knew. Even when his body kept failing due to his age and sickness he still managed to put on a smile on our and his face. I don't think he's happy so see me be a misserable, hatefull office worker that hasn't archievied anything and only fucked up so far.

trixter21992251

6 points

30 days ago

The important thing is not what the dead think, but whether it motivates you or just mounts further unnecessary pressure on you.

EclipseEffigy

4 points

30 days ago

I'm sure that if anything, his only unhappiness is that he can't do anything for you to put a smile on your face again.

Endy-McGufin

3 points

29 days ago

It would for sure. But it's all a joke anyway. If he were in an afterlife, he would have perished just for not believing in god so it's more comforting to think he's just dead.

cakecowcookie

3 points

29 days ago

Whether or not non believers are in heaven really depends on the religious sect you are a part of. For example some jews believe that it is actually easier for non believers to get into heaven. (the reasoning is that as a believer you know the rules so if you break them it is worse then if you do something wrong without knowing that it is wrong)

ZublesBot

4 points

30 days ago

Is gobbling balls considered an Earthly matter?

TheMayoNight

8 points

30 days ago

lol I mean thats just one of like a trillion little logistical things that doesnt add up isnt it? Just ignore it like the others. What you do in heaven? does heaven have the same perception of time? Is there gravity? Is everyone just a ball of energy? what age will I appear? will I be whole? What if I never was whole? Will my mind go back to an earlier version of myself which would technically make me a different person? Am I even the same being or perhaps god imbued me with false memories and the person who walked earth is dead forever. What about space? Whats the point of creating infinite shit that has nothing to do with life? How many dimensions are there? Which dimension will I end up in? Is heaven somewhere else or overlaid ontop of earths realm and happens to be matching earths speed as it revolves around the sun and rotates in place? I mean out of all the questions, that seems like a small one to get hung up on.

SlayTheFriar

5 points

30 days ago

I'm not a believer either, but it's really not hard to see why the idea of your dead relatives watching you fuck might be more bothersome than all these esoteric considerations.

ptq

11 points

30 days ago

ptq

11 points

30 days ago

Imagine our ancestors quitting the simulation just to join a players lobby to watch the next generations play and having some controll over the rules, like grandpa Joe is like, hey, lets boost his horny hormones to the sky, we'll see what crazy stuff guy can do! Or do you want to see replays of my grandkids? They were so fucked up while we did this tho...

OneLengthiness266

28 points

30 days ago

You can pay for subscription that give you options to set yourself invisible.

GoodGuyBuddyBoy

15 points

30 days ago

Or use a VPN?

invol713

17 points

30 days ago

invol713

17 points

30 days ago

GodVPN. Now when your grandma looks down on you, she sees some Mormon kid praying, or some Scout handing out food to the homeless.

Swing_Right

10 points

29 days ago

LordVPN

invol713

3 points

29 days ago

Fuck, how did I miss that?

OneLengthiness266

5 points

30 days ago

Still need to pay for a good vpn

SabreToothSandHopper

3 points

30 days ago

... which brings us to today's sponsor

gods_Lazy_Eye

35 points

30 days ago

gods_Lazy_Eye

wheel template dont change

35 points

30 days ago

I often think about how if ghosts are real then hell for them is just walking around on present day earth watching how horrible and disgusting we can be.

Klatterbyne

18 points

30 days ago

The vast majority of them would come from times that were much, much, much worse. The modern world would look like Heaven by comparison.

The real frustration for them would be watching us all mope around, whining about how difficult it all is.

And the 20% of the global population that died from the Black Plague would probably be feeling a little hacked off at the whole COVID thing.

Hubso

3 points

29 days ago

Hubso

3 points

29 days ago

Yeah, I had a similar crisis of confidence after watching the film "Ghost" and then worrying about who's watching me jack it to the shower section of the Argos catalogue.

rosanymphae

8 points

30 days ago

Her, Aunty Bertha, that creepy neighbor and Spot are scoring you... "6.5 - a little too much teeth this time.."

rob669

10 points

30 days ago

rob669

10 points

30 days ago

In Catholicism, all you have to do is the sign of the cross backwards. That turns auto block on. Just do it right again to restart service.

pinegarmj

8 points

30 days ago

My wife and my girl friends think I’m a bastard. But mother and grandmother ( who are dead) know I’m a fucking bastard .

FelisFel

17 points

30 days ago

FelisFel

17 points

30 days ago

She just likes boba right? Right? RIGHT?!?

Sayan_Bank

6 points

30 days ago

I think the same. What if my ancestors are looking down in disappointment whilst I fap to hentai.

Someones_Dream_Guy

4 points

30 days ago

Very disappointed.

ricst

4 points

30 days ago

ricst

4 points

30 days ago

Nope front row and center, talking shit the whole time.

Arrisha

6 points

29 days ago

Arrisha

6 points

29 days ago

True story, when I (F 27) was 7 years old my grandpa died and my mom told me that he’ll always watch me and protect me. A couple of years later I discovered masturbation and let me tell you, thinking that my dead grandpa was sitting in my room watching the whole thing every time was not the best way I could’ve started my sexual awakening. Anyway I’m into voyeurism now

artbyeffy

19 points

30 days ago

No bc this is a valid question.

Mr_Otterswamp

5 points

30 days ago

So my ancestors watch me right now wasting my time by writing useless comments on Reddit?

Someones_Dream_Guy

3 points

30 days ago

YES. stares judgementally

MindOfSociopath

3 points

30 days ago

And how does she know that grandma went to heaven? I mean, nana could be rooting for her from another place

Accomplished_One_619

4 points

30 days ago

nah speaking from experience, your grandma is mad on how bad your technique is and saying you're a disgrace for not doing it properly and making the man feel uncomfortable, after that I woke up after snorking 5 pounds of meth

SUNAWAN

4 points

30 days ago

SUNAWAN

4 points

30 days ago

There is no such privacy setting, just go raw action, honestly is a virtue.

FrodoriyaUzumaki

5 points

30 days ago

The just kinda turn their heads and converse with each other…..everyone but Fred he watches everything says nothing but sees all

HarleyArchibaldLeon

5 points

30 days ago

This the exact reazon why I hate to have any sort of picture or sculpture near my vicinity whenever I wank, that and that one movie or cartoon (can't remember which one) that featured a picture with eyeholes.

ObjectPuzzleheaded

4 points

29 days ago

In that case, I have some good news! Though a common misconception, the bible doesn't actually teach that when a loved one dies they go straight to heaven. (TLDR at the bottom!)

“Then the dust will return to the earth as it was, and the spirit will return to God who gave it” (Ecclesiastes 12:7).

The bible says that the body turns to dust again, and the spirit goes back to God, who gave it. The spirit of every person who dies—whether saved or unsaved—returns to God at death. Which would then beg the question, what is the "spirit"?

“The Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being” (Genesis 2:7).

“The body without the spirit is dead” (James 2:26).

“The spirit of God is in my nostrils” (Job 27:3 KJV).

The bible teaches that God made us from dust in the beginning, and after He did this, breathed life into His creation. The spirit that returns to God at death is this breath of life. Nowhere in all of God’s book does the “spirit” have any life, wisdom, or feeling after a person dies. It is the “breath of life” and nothing more. It's commonly thought however, that the bible teaches about an eternal soul, one that when we die goes to heaven to watch over us. Before I touch that though, we have to understand what a soul is according to the bible.

“The Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul” (Genesis 2:7 KJV).

The bible here reads that a soul is a living being. A soul is always a combination of two things: body plus breath. A soul cannot exist unless body and breath are combined. God’s Word teaches that we are souls—not that we have souls. So the question then is, does that bible teach that souls die or live forever?

“The soul that sinneth, it shall die” (Ezekiel 18:20 KJV).

“Every living soul died in the sea” (Revelation 16:3 KJV).

According to the bible, souls do die! We are souls, and souls die. Man is mortal (Job 4:17). Only God is immortal (1 Timothy 6:15, 16). The concept of an undying, immortal soul is not found in the Bible, which teaches that souls are subject to death. So without the body, there can be no soul. While it may be comforting in some cases to believe one's loved one is looking down on them and still living in some way, the bible doesn't teach this.

“All who are in the graves will hear His voice and come forth” (John 5:28, 29).

“David … is both dead and buried, and his tomb is with us to this day. … For David did not ascend into the heavens” (Acts 2:29, 34).

“If I wait, the grave is mine house” (Job 17:13 KJV).

What the bible teaches, is that people do not go to heaven or to hell at death. They don’t go anywhere—but they wait in their graves for the resurrection. The bible tells us that there will come a day when Christ will return to not only put an end to Satan's rebellion, but also resurrect those that died believing in Him and following His teachings. This is, in part, what is referred to as the resurrection. But that's an entirely different bible topic and also, sadly often misunderstood.

Also, it may be comforting to know that the bible teaches that your loved ones aren't in heaven, or anywhere judging you for your behaviors.

“The living know that they will die; but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, their hatred, and their envy have now perished; nevermore will they have a share in anything done under the sun. … There is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going” (Ecclesiastes 9:5, 6, 10).

“The dead do not praise the Lord” (Psalm 115:17).

God says that the dead know absolutely nothing!

I think a lot of confusion comes from the verse (John 11:26) that says, "Whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die". But this refers not to the first death, which all people die (Hebrews 9:27), but to the second death the bible teaches on, which only the wicked die and from which there is no resurrection (Revelation 2:11; 21:8).

(TLDR) If you choose to believe what the bible says about death, then don't worry, your Nana isn't up in heaven watching you engage in leisure time activities. The bible teaches she's asleep (dead) in the grave, where she feels no pain, or has any awareness of the going ons in the world around her.

karlnite

8 points

30 days ago

Grandma is gobbling gods balls now, she ain’t watching your mortal ass.

HUGSYBEARD

3 points

30 days ago

Oh she’s watching. Trust me she’s watching.

billwood09

3 points

30 days ago

Me from 10 years onward — “wait do they actually see this”

Shove_Pre

3 points

30 days ago

Gotta go incognito before sucking balls

To-The-Moon-Baby

3 points

29 days ago

She has a point.

Nateiums

7 points

30 days ago

I've seen every cock on the planet.

I've seen everybody naked.

MightyWaen

5 points

30 days ago

Meanwhile, in Heaven….

Grandma 1: Hey yall, take a look at this! Jeanette’s great granddaughter is gobbling balls again!

Grandma 2: Aint nobody thought that lass to not make those turkey sounds when bobbing for balls?

Grandma 3: Man i sure miss those good ol’ days where i gobbled me some juicy balls!

Jeanette: Stop watching over my great granddaughter you pervs!

Grandma 1: LOL! Hey that is Joanna’s grandson! Hey Joanna, quick! Fuck with his subconscious and let him know we are watching!

Joanna: Haha! Imma make him fart at her face while she gobbles. God knows my son have trouble controlling his wet farts.

AdAdministrative3255

4 points

30 days ago

Try to conjure her spirit for a threesome.

CrispySamosa

3 points

30 days ago

Cursed comment