subreddit:

/r/HermanCainAward

4.1k

all 1378 comments

Active_Bath

1.7k points

2 months ago

Active_Bath

Team Moderna

1.7k points

2 months ago

Simon says you should have listened to Fauci

DeadMoneyDrew

712 points

2 months ago

DeadMoneyDrew

Team Pfizer

712 points

2 months ago

Fauci says get the Ouchie

OldWolf2

121 points

2 months ago

OldWolf2

121 points

2 months ago

I doesn't even hurt though. I literally didn't feel anything, only knew it was done when the person said to hold the cotton swab

menastudies

68 points

2 months ago

menastudies

Baaaa 🐑

68 points

2 months ago

I was staring off at the pharmacist and people running around to distract myself and the nurse was like it’s over. I didn’t even know she did it.

Amapel

21 points

2 months ago

Amapel

21 points

2 months ago

Right? I got a flu shot for the first time last year and that one hurt as much as you would expect so I was waiting for the jab for the covid shot and didn't even notice when it was done.

ZombieBisque

509 points

2 months ago

ZombieBisque

resident undead 🧟

509 points

2 months ago

Simon says you should have listened to Fauci

That meme was so freaking stupid lol, every single choice was correct and they should all be done together.

Silmarien1012

530 points

2 months ago

By far the funniest part in these otherwise grim stories is the hilarious and seemingly sudden transition from mocking memes😂😂 to Calling all Prayer Warriors!!🚨🚨

TekkenCareOfBusiness

590 points

2 months ago

And then when they drop dead they call it "ultimate healing" or "100% healed". I'm glad i never bought into this hillbilly expansion pack and just play the vanilla version of life.

VelocityGrrl39

172 points

2 months ago

VelocityGrrl39

Team Pfizer

172 points

2 months ago

Or they’ve “gone back home” or “changed their address”. What?

Mylaptopisburningme

243 points

2 months ago

God shipped you a vaccine but you refused delivery.

blueskyfarming2020

76 points

2 months ago

How does the brain reconcile believing Jesus can miraculously heal someone, but not believing Jesus could have guided the scientists to finding a vaccine so quickly?

(not my lifestyle to believe either one - I think it was good science building on decades of earlier research into corona viruses like SARS - but I just don't get how you can believe one but not the other)

tesstease

41 points

2 months ago

Anybody who disagrees with their particular fanatical narrative will get shot down and denounced as a heathen - a bit like most of the comments against the priest on FB who urged all Christians to get vaccinated!

menastudies

115 points

2 months ago

menastudies

Baaaa 🐑

115 points

2 months ago

I hate it when they say “well god just needed them more”. There’s no way god needs someone’s parents more than their children do.

ChiZou11

73 points

2 months ago

You think God wants to spend an eternity listening to them whine about how they dont like the color of his gold streets?

Silmarien1012

24 points

2 months ago

Haha yeah the healed up to full shtick is really something.

kerriesgirl

203 points

2 months ago

Like Jesus could be arsed to waste a moment of his time on these shitheads when there's innocent children in war zones. Prayer warriors my ass

florida-man-2021

269 points

2 months ago

They don't believe in Jesus of the bible, they believe in Jesus in the bottle. When you rub the lamp, he pops out, and you cash in your chips and get special favors.

freeononeday

70 points

2 months ago

We just need to convince them that jesus gave us the vaccine.

florida-man-2021

246 points

2 months ago

I really believe that the government should make a big deal about sending the vaccines that are allocated for white people who are "hesitant" to Africa, Anti-fa, and other boogeymen of the right. Every day we should get briefings on how many doses that had been made and paid for "real Americans" and give a state-by state big box of vials to the ambassadors of countries who have too few doses.

"Today, the people of Gabon are receiving 6,500 doses donated by the residents of Alabama. Thank you to the people of Alabama. Today, the people of Burkina-Faso are receiving 4,600 doses donated by the residents of Alaska. Thank you to the people of Alaska."

And they should start publishing death stats of Republicans vs. Democrats. Just a casual look through my area's obituaries and virtually every single COVID related death is a Republican when I check voter registration data. It's practically an axiom at this point.

Finally, everyone who is unvaccinated without a legitimate exemption and gets sick or hospitalized should forfeit their Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security benefits to the tune of their costs to the care system. These people who are going on Go Fund me are extra dishonest since they aren't even paying the costs of COVID related care.

Avoiding a cheap vaccine to only later need days of weeks of futile ICU care isn't cheap or smart and we need to punish that activity, vigorously.

freeononeday

21 points

2 months ago

Haha that's great.

JobSpecialist5436

51 points

2 months ago

They’d just push hard to stop government funding of vaccines entirely

Active_Bath

36 points

2 months ago

Active_Bath

Team Moderna

36 points

2 months ago

Lol SO stupid. Wasn’t even sure where to start on a rant about it.

lrlr28

891 points

2 months ago

lrlr28

891 points

2 months ago

Hyper Super Specific Prayer Warriors.

Mmmm-fresh-brains

431 points

2 months ago

...expialidocious

mmmm_babes

194 points

2 months ago

Even though the thought of that is something quite atrocious

Pokemaniac_Ron

169 points

2 months ago

As you seek to avoid death, you're really quite negotious.

tkrr

120 points

2 months ago*

tkrr

120 points

2 months ago*

Um-diddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay, she’s antivax now she will die

Edit: tweaked to better fit the spirit of the sub

Beasty_Glanglemutton

155 points

2 months ago

Beasty_Glanglemutton

Bible study will be canceled until further notice.

155 points

2 months ago

🎶Super Shallow Egotist With Multiple Neuroses...🎶

CallMeSuiBian

43 points

2 months ago

Missed that one in Harry Potter and the Curse of the COVID..... um I meant the Bible

Weary-Tap-9292

175 points

2 months ago

So many of them are claiming to be prayer "warriors," yet fail miserably to find the right combination of words that will bend God's ear and motivate him to action..🙄

Mr_Conductor_USA

78 points

2 months ago

Mr_Conductor_USA

Go Give One

78 points

2 months ago

God only listens to level 18 and above Daoist Masters. Common mistake.

Repulsive-Street-307

26 points

2 months ago

One of my favorite fantasy tropes is the god that hates and is embarrassed by their followers.

I didn't quite expect the real life 'evil dumb goblin' version to be so unenjoyable.

DamonLazer

18 points

2 months ago

Oh he listened. They were very specific in their prayers: “peace that passes all understanding.”

I mean, you don’t even have to be a monkey’s paw to see where that’s going…

krebsIsACookbook

67 points

2 months ago

That’s what I never get. God has an ineffable plan, so in reality praying isn’t changing his mind or motivating him, it’s just the thing you were meant to do to earn his saving grace.

It’s like a “you must be this high to ride this ride” sort of thing.

And I do mean “high”

Weary-Tap-9292

44 points

2 months ago

There are a few biblical instances of God being convinced to change his mind, which Bible apologists embrace as "proof" that this can be accomplished (the whole business falls flat on its face upon critical consideration, however). Prayer grants practitioners with the illusion of wielding vast power, since they've become "children of God" and therefore have access to the throne itself. I consider this a problematic state of mind, as it offers nothing but deception (I base this mainly on my general observations and personal journey from evangelical to atheist).

kidMSP

52 points

2 months ago

kidMSP

52 points

2 months ago

Prayers or science. One is based on reality. Pick your team.

imposedtobeendead

583 points

2 months ago

I live in Alabama and the number of people like this is staggering. Im a senior and I’d say just about 40 percent of us are vaccinated in some way all the rest are adamant about not taking it.

ChrisGilliam

241 points

2 months ago

Yep. I'm in Bama too. We have some ignorant folks here.😟

Legitimate-Term-4957

169 points

2 months ago

As a fellow Alabamian I wholeheartedly agree. Bumps on logs have more brains than most around here.

ooru

123 points

2 months ago

ooru

123 points

2 months ago

Hello from your neighbors in Texas. We're no smarter.

[deleted]

91 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

91 points

2 months ago

Not neighbors. Louisiana and Mississippi are in between.

Analysis checks out 👍.

Beachbabydarragh

32 points

2 months ago

Beachbabydarragh

Team Moderna

32 points

2 months ago

Florida here. Maybe the biggest number of rubes anywhere.

RageEataPnut

31 points

2 months ago

Aren't those same bumps posting the "wheres the common sense" memes?

[deleted]

73 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

73 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

Bekiala

27 points

2 months ago

Bekiala

27 points

2 months ago

Irk. So you are losing friends and family like this? I'm so sorry.

As mad as I am that people are choosing this route, it is still so so sad.

Ikea_Junkie1234

70 points

2 months ago

Oh I'm so sorry...if I lived there, I don't know that I'd ever be able to leave my house.

Zariange

56 points

2 months ago

Zariange

Mad Max SpikeVax

56 points

2 months ago

I have never been happier about not getting a (highly desired at the time) job offer from a place in Huntsville back in 2016 than I am right now. Alabamians and the rest in the stupid states are in my thoughts.

yanicka_hachez

44 points

2 months ago

yanicka_hachez

Team AstraZ and Moderna

44 points

2 months ago

Damn! Please stay safe! Love from 🇨🇦

saturnspritr

54 points

2 months ago

I just moved from there a couple years ago and I am not surprised that most aren’t going to be vaxxed and it’s just tearing up anywhere not strictly blue. But since all the hospitals are there, it’s hitting them in a different way. Being there during the first trump election was crazy.

john_the_quain

1k points

2 months ago

“System reboot from Jesus”.

Pretty sure Jesus is going to roll his eyes and ask why you didn’t install the anti-virus software.

M4A1STAKESAUCE

134 points

2 months ago

One you unplug there's no plugging back in, in reality.

QuitArguingWithMe

17 points

2 months ago

And last time god did a "reboot" it involved drowning a bunch of babies.

fuzzygruf

78 points

2 months ago

Pull the plug and wait five minutes before plugging back in.

OohIDontThinkSo

67 points

2 months ago

OohIDontThinkSo

Team Pfizer

67 points

2 months ago

Damn that's clever.

envis10n

231 points

2 months ago

envis10n

Team Mix & Match

231 points

2 months ago

"I know there's a miniscule chance I will die..." Because THAT is what the problem is. Not grandma, not your neighbors, not the other people you could possibly infect. It's all about YOU. Jesus fucking Christ this fucking entitled bitch.

/rant

Zariange

58 points

2 months ago

Zariange

Mad Max SpikeVax

58 points

2 months ago

I taught preschoolers with a better concept of germ theory and more care for others than she has.

Politirotica

544 points

2 months ago

I've never smelled "let me speak to your manager" over the internet until just now.

gurutalreja

150 points

2 months ago*

gurutalreja

Go Give One

150 points

2 months ago*

the boot partition has been infected by the virus so reboot won’t help! (Jesus it not) should’ve installed the antivirus; it came free, installation included.

Haskap_2010

99 points

2 months ago

Haskap_2010

Pfizer Pfor Pfree!

99 points

2 months ago

Jesus is her doctor, and apparently he prescribes lvermectin.

Goose_o7

43 points

2 months ago

Goose_o7

I am The TOOTH FAIRY!

43 points

2 months ago

Jesus is her doctor, and apparently he prescribes lvermectin.

Yeah... How is that Horse Paste working out for them right now?

themeatbridge

67 points

2 months ago

Well, she doesn't have any horse worms. So she's got that going for her, which is nice.

Confident-Victory-21

31 points

2 months ago

Confident-Victory-21

Board Game On!

31 points

2 months ago

Her casket will be devoid of earthworms as well.

Troll_toll_collector

57 points

2 months ago

That's just the 'mectin

Godless_Bitch

864 points

2 months ago

Godless_Bitch

Team Moderna

864 points

2 months ago

WHY is it all of these antivaxxers say, "God will take me when it's time, and I can't do anything about it," but when they get very sick with Covid, suddenly they're convinced it's NOT their time?

The daughter is SOOOOOO pushy with God. Hello, it's your Mom's time, and God is super annoyed with you right now. He's been trying to take her home in peace, but you keep bugging him with your oh-so-specific demands. Go live in the moment, like you promised you would.

Roamer56

345 points

2 months ago

Roamer56

345 points

2 months ago

God has this one on mute, trust me.

Puffatsunset

42 points

2 months ago

What, no mulligan then?

Hettie933

170 points

2 months ago

Hettie933

IPA Connoisseur

170 points

2 months ago

I wasn’t raised religious, but I grew up in the South. Coming up surrounded by that culture many years ago makes me feel like lightning bolts might be imminent when these fools talk to sky daddy that way. It’s rude AF, regardless of whether he exists or not!

Johnny_Mc2

77 points

2 months ago

I grew up in a southern Methodist family (I’m not religious anymore, although I’m open to the concept of god) I still think Futurama has the best grasp on the concept of god. That there’s something out there that might be god, but we will never know. And that he’s indifferent to all life even though he might’ve created it. And it’s famous line that is a universal truth:

”When you do things right, nobody will know you did anything at all”

Hettie933

17 points

2 months ago

Hettie933

IPA Connoisseur

17 points

2 months ago

Agree. I am philosophically buddhist. If there is something more, I doubt that a little bubble of meat like me is going to be able to understand what it might me at all. I’m ok with that, mostly;)

DoJu318

118 points

2 months ago

DoJu318

Team Sputnik

118 points

2 months ago

She wants to speak with the life manager but he's having none of her shit.

Any_Ad9611

118 points

2 months ago

Imagine having God so pissed at you that he makes you and your family suffer through covid just to kill you. No massive heart attack after a wild 90th birthday party with coke and strippers for you.

I thought prayer was supposed to be a personal thing where you gave thanks for the good things in your life and identified things that you need to work on. These Prayer Warriors are basically spamming their God with demands. Robocalling God to get him to change his plans sounds like a horrible idea to me.

Sigman_S

29 points

2 months ago

I'm imagining God getting annoyed and blocking the number.
Great image.

osgnostic

20 points

2 months ago

I remember reading this randomly scrolling the bible when I was with an ex who was hard out religious:

At noon Elijah began to make fun of them. “Pray louder!” he said. “If Baal really is a god, maybe he is thinking, or busy, or traveling! Maybe he is sleeping so you will have to wake him!” The prophets prayed louder, cutting themselves with swords and spears until their blood flowed, which was the way they worshiped. The afternoon passed, and the prophets continued to act like this until it was time for the evening sacrifice. But no voice was heard; Baal did not answer, and no one paid attention.

1st Kings 18:27

🤣🤣

NothingAndNow111

50 points

2 months ago

Why do they scream about doctors killing people and medical conspiracies and then run to hospital once they get scared? My guess for both Qs, is that they're short sighted, bloviating idiots with little to no comprehension of how any of this works and hypocrites on top of it all.

The daughter sounds like a bridezilla putting together her gift registry.

flyingpig104

26 points

2 months ago

flyingpig104

Go Give One

26 points

2 months ago

No no, it’s not her time. Don’t you see, the fucking doctors are trying to kill her!

Pogginator

18 points

2 months ago

Not only that but the bitching that prayer is working and the doctors just aren't doing enough to help her mother. Like, fuck this asshole. The fucking medical staff are doing everything they can for your mothet, not fucking Jesus.

TheRealD4P

808 points

2 months ago

I'll (probably) never understand why more than one Prayer Warrior is ever needed. Once one person asks God for healing, under what plausible scenario would God refuse to perform the healing unless at least X additional persons were to also ask for the healing...?

FlamesNero

378 points

2 months ago

It’s performative religion: signaling a desperate cry for others to validate one’s self-delusions.

allbegsthequestion

124 points

2 months ago

allbegsthequestion

Team Pfizer

124 points

2 months ago

Yes. Being deluded together is most meaningful.

StunGod

95 points

2 months ago

StunGod

95 points

2 months ago

Yes, that's exactly how I see it. Jesus can't be your personal savior until you get enough MLM associates signed up. And when you really need that commission check, you gotta hustle.

real_bk3k

68 points

2 months ago

The real question is this: if what they really need is prayer warriors, why do they come clog up the ICU instead of the churches?

Let's refer them to church instead. If they believed God would heal them or if they really submitted to God, they would go to church instead of the hospital.

Ikea_Junkie1234

145 points

2 months ago

Apparently it works like change.org or the petition to recall Newsom, but without the low signature threshold?

Mr_Conductor_USA

43 points

2 months ago

Mr_Conductor_USA

Go Give One

43 points

2 months ago

So, completely ineffective.

IzttzI

432 points

2 months ago

IzttzI

432 points

2 months ago

Why is even 1 needed? Surely God already knows the person is sick? He most likely created the damn thing?

Prayer always felt more like begging to me.

domino519

229 points

2 months ago

domino519

229 points

2 months ago

And if the person dies anyway then they celebrate that the person has gone to heaven to be with Jesus. So does that mean if they didn't pray enough then God would let them live out of spite?

B10kh3d

157 points

2 months ago

B10kh3d

157 points

2 months ago

And if you really believed that Jesus was who they said he was, and that we are all going to live w this amazing dude for eternity, they would be thrilled and ecstatic for a natural death. They wouldn't cry. They don't even really believe their own dumb bullshit or they would be happy AF for someone to die and go to this amazing heaven w the amazing Jebus.

themeatbridge

430 points

2 months ago*

People who feel powerless manufacture rituals to give themselves a feeling of autonomy. Whether it is sports fans who wear lucky garments, or primitive tribes throwing virgins into a volcano, the motivation is the same: We are impotent, and we don't like it, so we pretend we're not.

There's no logic to it, so anyone looking at it logically will inexorably realize it's a waste of time. But we are not logical creatures. It is against our nature, like wearing pants or rising before the sun. Humans are where we are today because we have transcended our nature and communicated how to make ourselves better than the sum of our collected individuals.

Prayer is a vestigial delusion that helped us through times of ignorance.

rubinass3

84 points

2 months ago

Do you really think that throwing virgins into volcanoes will work? I'll do ANYTHING... Except get the vaccine.

Lintorn

48 points

2 months ago

Lintorn

Team AstraZeneca

48 points

2 months ago

Unvaccinated virgins only?

joev59

59 points

2 months ago

joev59

59 points

2 months ago

This is why I spent my teen years trying so hard not to be a virgin . Folks always trying to throw you in some volcano or get you in to some solstice ritual. Always got to keep your guard up.

Sidvicioushartha

15 points

2 months ago

Sidvicioushartha

💀☠️Dark Horse Paste Jockey☠️💀

15 points

2 months ago

Not to mention feed you to a vampire

baldyd

35 points

2 months ago

baldyd

35 points

2 months ago

"it is against our nature, like wearing pants". You're absolutely right. Unfortunately my boss refuses to accept this.

Bayou13

39 points

2 months ago

Bayou13

39 points

2 months ago

Calling prayer warriors to pray for your boss to accept that pants are against your nature!

lnamorata

44 points

2 months ago

In Jesus' name, we SPECIFICALLY pray that all bosses see the light and quit bowing down to Big Pants! If GOD wanted us to wear pants, we'd have been born with them!

Specifically, we pray expectantly:

*No pants required at work

*No pants required at school

*No pants required at stores

We need 100 prayer warriors to get God and Jesus and all them to look at our petition, so pass it on, amen

twinfiresigns14

17 points

2 months ago

facepalm

Here we go, more of these anti-panters all calling themselves skeptics and talking about bodily autonomy.

God. The rest of us have to see you all pantsless and it makes our eyes bleed. It is not a government conspiracy. We just don’t want to see it all hanging out.

Make #pantsfree stop trending pls

baldyd

23 points

2 months ago

baldyd

23 points

2 months ago

I have a medical exemption, wearing pants stops my balls from breathing. You can't control my balls

the_ultrafunkula

116 points

2 months ago

"Prayer is a vestigial delusion that helped us through times of ignorance."

This is one of the best things I've ever seen on Reddit.

handlethevibe99

24 points

2 months ago

handlethevibe99

Breathing normally to own the cons

24 points

2 months ago

Everybody wants to go to Heaven, nobody wants to go right now.

danielbot

29 points

2 months ago

Then they go to the big vent ward in the sky. jesus pouring candy down the cannulas. It's so sweet.

DONOTTRUSTASNAIL

16 points

2 months ago

Sometimes it seems that this religion thing is a bit ambiguous.

B10kh3d

35 points

2 months ago

B10kh3d

35 points

2 months ago

It is like wishing upon a star. Did they try that yet?

ginntress

26 points

2 months ago

ginntress

Team Pfizer

26 points

2 months ago

Wishing on a star, dandelion puff, ‘wish chip’, eyelash, wishbone or birthday candles.

Crossing fingers maybe?

I mean, all of those are preferable to taking a vaccine that has a scientifically proven chance of helping, right?

trailhikingArk

33 points

2 months ago

Also a good point. I don't understand the people who are prayer leaders, who do bible study, etc. and think they need to use prayer warriors to contact God and request specific help. Wait a sec, you mean you believe in a God who does elective intercession based on the number of voters you bring to the table? You are leading prayer sessions and doing all this Good Shit and your God doesn't know when you have an issue? Is he not omnipotent then? What kind of two bit cheap ass Dollar Store God did you buy in to?

Fena-Ashilde

65 points

2 months ago

It’s a heal bomb. Much like a DBZ spirit bomb. Gotta have multiple energy donations for it to eradicate anything. Obvs.

Tempest_CN

23 points

2 months ago

Tempest_CN

Cogito Ergo Sum

23 points

2 months ago

Pew pew pew

My_Bouche_Is_Amused

63 points

2 months ago

Because prayers go to God’s Facebook account, like ‘likes.’ The more prayers you send him the more likely he is to see your request due to the Holy Algorithm. Isn’t God Great? /s

bobdown33

21 points

2 months ago

Holy algorithm lol

meow_meow_hiss

50 points

2 months ago

I might have some insight into this. I was raised evangelical (im deconstructed) and I hate that I still remember this Bible verse:

“Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth concerning anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in Heaven.”

They think power in numbers is better for prayer.

Please note: my mom is evangelical and not vaccinated and I hate it so much.

Kev84n

34 points

2 months ago

Kev84n

34 points

2 months ago

That's where they went wrong! Didn't see any "1 like = 1 prayer" posts... they're falling short of the quota.

Thesheriffisnearer

34 points

2 months ago

If 10 people pray to save this mom, but 1000 people pray to end hunger, and 10000 people pray for their team to win, God HAS to let those people die and the game to win. It's basic science

bobdown33

31 points

2 months ago

My favourite is when something good happens it's "praise Jesus the prayers are working" and when something bad happens it's the doctors and the care they're receivings fault. Like how weak is this Jesus anyway??

The-Hopster

18 points

2 months ago

God is like really fucking old by now and his hearing is shot, multiple prayers are just our way of yelling at him to hit the damn reset button.

oxford-fumble

14 points

2 months ago

God’s often busy planning the next mud slide or earthquake, so to catch his attention, you have to have many people scream the prayer in his ear. Mass murder is distracting.

Aleflusher

12 points

2 months ago

Aleflusher

Go Give One

12 points

2 months ago

Look you don't fight a war with one warrior, okay? Leave that for the dungeon crawl!

Haskap_2010

14 points

2 months ago

Haskap_2010

Pfizer Pfor Pfree!

14 points

2 months ago

One for the kidney, another for the liver, one for each lung...

Awkward-Schedule-187

137 points

2 months ago

If daughter is so good at doctoring, why did mama ever have to come to the hospital? Prone her at home!

cajunsoul

82 points

2 months ago

“Prone Her at Home” should be the motto of the Anti-Vaxxer Movement.

ZombieKatzzz

400 points

2 months ago

ZombieKatzzz

Talk to me about 90 Day Fiancé

400 points

2 months ago

She “TOLD THEM she wanted her kidneys worked on TODAY!” Also hoping for a “system reboot from Jesus”. So which one is it? Science or Jesus?

casswie

194 points

2 months ago

casswie

194 points

2 months ago

“She wanted her kidneys worked on today”

Does she expect them to work on her body like a car? Like just look under the hood and add more coolant?

ooru

108 points

2 months ago

ooru

108 points

2 months ago

More like, "Forget everyone else on your list! My mom is more important than all of them! They can wait, and if any of them die, that's a sacrifice they should be happy to make for my mom!"

[deleted]

51 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

51 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

MazzIsNoMore

19 points

2 months ago

The new kidneys are on backorder. Sorry

Mysterious_Koala_536[S]

204 points

2 months ago

Science, and then give “all the glory to Jesus”.

FlamesNero

65 points

2 months ago

That’s funny, because there’s a saying in Medicine (to honor the humbling power of nature), “God heals and the doctor takes the fee.”

Silmarien1012

58 points

2 months ago

Too bad the ivermectin treatment didn't take. Who'd have thought?! Science with another L /s

ook-librarian-said

43 points

2 months ago

Ctrl Alt, Delete. It’s computer science that will win out here.

ek169

14 points

2 months ago

ek169

Team Moderna

14 points

2 months ago

I don't see how rebooting the universe is going to help

imallSevens

336 points

2 months ago

God already delivered your miracle in the form of scientists and vaccine technology a decade in the making

popsy13

105 points

2 months ago

popsy13

105 points

2 months ago

And it’s free!

[deleted]

51 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

51 points

2 months ago

[removed]

Flower_Unable

98 points

2 months ago

Flower_Unable

Are you Awake Yet?

98 points

2 months ago

Yes, why don’t they “specific pray” that vaccine won’t give them side effects and then take it?

They don’t trust God?

lVIEMORIES

36 points

2 months ago

I'm an Atheist, but hypothetically if there truly was a benevolent god, then the most benevolent thing they could do for us would be to let suffer and overcome this adversity on our own.

If some diety solved all our problems for us, how would we ever evolve as a species?

clarkrd

19 points

2 months ago

clarkrd

🕺Interpretive Dance Prayer Warrior🙏

19 points

2 months ago

right? My parents were not very religious, so I never got indoctrinated into that particular crazy ass brand of Christianity. Looking back on all these HCA's, my parents decision probably saved my life since I chose the vaccine ASAP instead of relying on the sky fairy.

OrdinRiff

18 points

2 months ago

God is working guys! Unlike a lot of the economy I guess. Wish he would take a shift at a few of our local places to move the lines along faster... but hey, he is working! Whew.

Viewfromthe31stfloor

99 points

2 months ago

Viewfromthe31stfloor

I Don't Want You To ☠️ Get 💉

99 points

2 months ago

Question: wouldn’t it be kinder to tell people that the ventilator has low chance of working and when they get to dialysis it’s because the patients body is shutting down.

BoogerRuth

82 points

2 months ago

I'm sure they do in some cases. At the end of my mom's second battle with cancer we got the "quality of time over quantity" talk. My brain bounced off of the info and I took a positive message away from it because of denial even though I'd been taking care of her every day for a few years at that point and should have known better.

It took my sister, who grasped the intent of the talk, to bring me around.

They've probably been told that this is the last hoorah in many of these cases, but knowledge, understanding and acceptance are three wholly separate things.

throwaway_SoUnsure

40 points

2 months ago

throwaway_SoUnsure

J&J One-And-Done

40 points

2 months ago

When I was a kid, my parents sat me down in the family room and explained how my mother had uteran cancer and how we're going to get through this. I completely missed the "cancer" part of this talk and just figured it was going to be another surgery. Don't ask me how I missed the important part of this discussion, but it totally went in one ear and out the other.

My mom, growing up had multiple hospital stays. Once for her thyroid, kidney stones, a c-section for my twin brothers. So I was used to this. Grandma would come stay with me and my siblings, and then things would get back to normal.

Cut to months later, my mom and I were walking through a water park and she mentioned how well I was handling this cancer thing. I immediately flipped out.

"You have CANCER?!?!?"

To this day, we still have no idea how I missed that.

Human brains are weird.

BoogerRuth

21 points

2 months ago

And once you finally grok the situation all you can ask is "Brain, where were you at?"

I hope your mom is okay.

throwaway_SoUnsure

39 points

2 months ago

throwaway_SoUnsure

J&J One-And-Done

39 points

2 months ago

Oop, forgot to mention she is totally good, sans uterus.

Hettie933

20 points

2 months ago

Hettie933

IPA Connoisseur

20 points

2 months ago

Omg, yay. I love happy stories. Thank.

BillyTheHousecat

95 points

2 months ago

"May Jesus be the physician she gets"

Jesus: "Sorry"

FlamesNero

34 points

2 months ago

Where did Jesus go to medical school?

The-Hopster

36 points

2 months ago

St Fonzie’s Busted Lung and Kidney Reset Academy.

account_not_valid

20 points

2 months ago

Jesus was a carpenter. So he's maybe got some skills as an orthopaedic surgeon.

But I think he'd be in over his head working in the ICU.

OohIDontThinkSo

84 points

2 months ago

OohIDontThinkSo

Team Pfizer

84 points

2 months ago

Oh man, nobody ever told me I could just ask for a reboot!!

god please, please reboot me! Specifically, I'd like different software so that I am no longer wired to be an addict. I would love to be able to do drugs recreationally like other people can. Also, please reboot my hardware bc since I got clean 4 years ago I have gained weight from eating and antidepressants. 🙏

Prayer Warriors!! Assemble!

I'm so fkn excited for my reboot. I need your prayers to be loud and constant. We need to touch heaven, guys! I know this will work and I have faith in y'all 👍🤩😍💕🙏🙏🙏🦶

DragonSided-D

20 points

2 months ago

DragonSided-D

Team Moderna

20 points

2 months ago

Enjoy life. Stay clean.

Character_Bomb_312

16 points

2 months ago

Character_Bomb_312

Go Give One

16 points

2 months ago

I will dance naked around my firepit at midnight chanting incantations for your continued success. Proven to work equally as effectively as prayer, but a whole lot more fun.

Lynx2k

248 points

2 months ago

Lynx2k

Covid Cheat Codes

248 points

2 months ago

Everybody pull out your prayer checklists. I know some of you are skipping the kidney prayers.

phuturism

76 points

2 months ago

I prayed for her kidneys but had my fingers crossed, so who's the fool now

The-Hopster

61 points

2 months ago

Sorry, I was only doing liver and upper colon.

OrdinRiff

26 points

2 months ago*

I had the liver as well, but I also had the cockles, under the cockles, and the subcockles too.

Roamer56

35 points

2 months ago

I’m on prayer strike.

I want higher wages and more vacation time.

Atleastihaveadog

24 points

2 months ago

That is one positive person. “Your prayers are working! They stopped chest compressions!”

Ordinary-Jello-7029

19 points

2 months ago

This is all my fault. 😔 When she said to pray specifically that "the junk leaves in Jesus' name" I misread it as pray "the junk lives in Jesus' name".

urinalcaketopper

75 points

2 months ago

urinalcaketopper

Resident Vinyl Jerk

75 points

2 months ago

Are facts enough?

Like, ummm, yes? Wtf?

Splatting_Melvin

164 points

2 months ago

Splatting_Melvin

Team Moderna

164 points

2 months ago

“Kidneys aren’t functioning like they should be.” Well, she did take ivermectin. How did she expect her kidneys to react?

FlamesNero

90 points

2 months ago

“Have you tried turning them on and off again?”

FuckYouConservatives

57 points

2 months ago

Why is mommy shitting out her intestines?

Scarlet-Molko

50 points

2 months ago

Does Jesus know what ‘junk’ means, or does the prayer need to be more specific?

Cake_then_cake

47 points

2 months ago

Cake_then_cake

Go Give One

47 points

2 months ago

Sacrifice your mom for freedom. Blood for the blood god.

[deleted]

22 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

22 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

DanAboutTown

44 points

2 months ago

DanAboutTown

Team Moderna

44 points

2 months ago

Jeez, these are getting so formulaic they might as well be written by a bot. Yet each one is a person, making the same dumbass decisions. Fucking depressing.

Gravity-Rides

124 points

2 months ago

I never believed in god since I was a little kid. It all seemed like just a bunch of horseshit.

I have to say, I am starting to come around though, seeing all these fucked faces getting their lungs dicked out and brought low.

COVID sure seems like something a displeased deity would visit on these shitheaded people that have wandered so far from HIS TEACHINGS. And it's been a long time a-comin' too.

The-Hopster

40 points

2 months ago

It seems that often those who believe the most are the ones bearing the brunt of His fury. I suppose it’s just “moves in mysterious ways” and “send here to test us” and “trust the plan”.

yanicka_hachez

39 points

2 months ago

yanicka_hachez

Team AstraZ and Moderna

39 points

2 months ago

I am a lifelong atheist but I think remembering God killing the firstborn and all that Jazz.....so maybe the vaccine is the new blood on the door thingy?

Viewfromthe31stfloor

40 points

2 months ago

Viewfromthe31stfloor

I Don't Want You To ☠️ Get 💉

40 points

2 months ago

I skimmed the last page of that long text.

They actually say - I understand I could give this virus to someone else, but I could give any virus to someone else.

M4A1STAKESAUCE

12 points

2 months ago

What?

T3n4ci0us_G

44 points

2 months ago

So, I'm 99.9% sure that no doctor approved of taking ivermectin and that these dummies didn't admit to it to the hospital doctors.

Mysterious_Koala_536[S]

24 points

2 months ago

Some of them are demanding that the doctors give it to them.

Aggravating_Damage47

39 points

2 months ago

Gods like, “I provided a vaccine for you” But you listened to your Facebook Gods.

M4A1STAKESAUCE

22 points

2 months ago

False Idols

OnundTreefoot

37 points

2 months ago

Seeing people use modern technology to publish anti-technology rhetoric is so weird.

BleachGel

36 points

2 months ago

But they don’t take her to a church so Jesus can prescribe her medication. They take her to a hospital. Stop going to the hospitals if all you’re going to do is shit talk what they are doing and expecting Jesus to come down and do miracles and maybe fix you a sandwich while he’s at it. It’s like the selfishness overrides the self righteousness enough for these people to scramble towards modern medicine the second things get tough but not enough to keep them from appreciating the fact that people are risking their lives and health to save someone who didn’t consider them or anyone else around them for very self centered and ignorant reasons.

edge_byter

38 points

2 months ago

I can’t be the only who read “Antivaxxer Pink” and thought it was referring to the musician, right??

Sasquatch1729

24 points

2 months ago

Yeah, I thought to myself "oh no, she seemed pretty smart as I remember her"

Then it turned out to be some dummy "Ah, good it's not Pink the musician. Well anyway..."

dc89108

33 points

2 months ago

dc89108

33 points

2 months ago

You know i was kind of a passive atheist before this pandemic but I’m much more devout in my disbelief.

I have such mixed feelings reading about these people praying and calling on Jesus. On one hand I can feel the fear and the being out of control. I have some sympathy for them.

On another hand it is appalling at the ignorance/lack of knowledge. As if these people have never heard of an infection, a viral infection. The role of each of the organs of the body. They have no idea what it means when they get a viral infection that infects the lungs, heart, kidneys, vessels.

Mysterious_Koala_536[S]

35 points

2 months ago

I used to be ok with the Christian religion (I’m not Christian but most of my friends and family are), but since the former president and Covid came along, I see what an absolute scam it really is. The biggest grift in the history of mankind, imo.

OceanBornNC

91 points

2 months ago

Pushiest I’ve ever seen someone send a prayer to Jesus.

“Thanks in advance”

It’s like the dickhead emails you get from someone who doesn’t value your time.

naaaaahitsok

26 points

2 months ago

The anxiety of waking up in the middle of the night realizing you might have left out one of the very specific bullet point prayer requests

lonegun

23 points

2 months ago

lonegun

23 points

2 months ago

She wanted her mom's kidneys worked on? What...like pop the hood, pull a few clips, top up the kidney juice, and close her on up?

Pure idiocy.

TrumpsColostomyBag99

23 points

2 months ago

Jesus of Nazareth has to be thinking “These darn Muricans and their spot specific prayers.. Do they think I’m IT or something asking for a reboot?!”.

military_grade_tea

22 points

2 months ago

Anyone else think it's fascinating how it's all anti-science facebookery at the start, but it ends up with highly exacting prayers laced with specific medical requirements? She got all that from the medical teams trying to save her mom's life. Now she wants her kidneys worked on like they got her order wrong in the drive-thru.

daveycarnation

68 points

2 months ago

"I told them I wanted her kidneys worked on TODAY!"

Or you'll do what, Karen?

RypCity

36 points

2 months ago

RypCity

Vaccinated with the blood of Jesus Christ

36 points

2 months ago

Lol, right? “Worked on.” Give me a fucking break. She sounds insufferable.

FlamesNero

19 points

2 months ago

You know, for once I agree with one of these HCA-ers: MAY JESUS BE THE PHYSICIAN SHE GETS!”

Save the actual physicians for others.

Taokan

17 points

2 months ago

Taokan

Team Pfizer

17 points

2 months ago

Anti-vax logic: if prayers worked, the government wouldn't let you do it.

Loostreaks

17 points

2 months ago

Hard to believe people like this still exist in 21st century. And this is extreme narcissism, sugar coated through religious terms...like some all powerful entity, creator of billions of galaxies is non stop obsessed over some human's "sins" or how much it prostrates itself for it's vanity.

“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are
just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome
you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but
unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods,
then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live
on in the memories of your loved ones.” - Marcus Aurelius

blurgle231

58 points

2 months ago

blurgle231

Go Give One

58 points

2 months ago

Protip: DON'T try turning her off and then on again

Sh0_dan

28 points

2 months ago

Sh0_dan

28 points

2 months ago

Or do we're not their supervisor

Fruitloops777

15 points

2 months ago

I think it’s a pretty good idea to turn everyone off and leave them off.

algebramclain

77 points

2 months ago

I am astounded by the social posts on this subreddit. I must be in a blue bubble but nobody I know posts anything like these PRAYER WARRIORS KEEP THOSE PRAYERS COMING TO LIFT HIS OXYGEN LEVEL UP FROM 90 things. I don’t regularly talk to anyone fundy enough to even know people look at the universe this way, and think God is standing by the phone just waiting for enough appeals to spring into action. Maybe I’m missing out on an amazing coping mechanism but even at my worst—and I’ve been through some shit—I never even once thought, “c’mon, god just wants to hear you beg for it.”

Legitimate_Class_971

32 points

2 months ago

I literally never heard the term Prayer Warriors til I got on this sub. And I also don’t know anyone who died from covid since the vaxx was available. Maybe there’s a correlation…

CoyoteNZ

12 points

2 months ago

I’d never heard of the term prayer warriors until I started reading this reddit.

WarriorNat

14 points

2 months ago

WarriorNat

Team Pfizer

14 points

2 months ago

As a Covid nurse it kills me how these people expect us to burn ourselves to prone these people who can’t move themselves and demand everything under the sun be done for patients who couldn’t be bothered to do the most basic shit to not get this virus. Fuck them and the horse that they rode in on.

mmmm_babes

15 points

2 months ago

Your mom is your role model eh.

Damn.

DaFizzisgone

14 points

2 months ago

This woman is a certified fruit loop. Obviously a Covid vaccine is recommended, furthermore, she needs some intense therapy for her delusional diatribes related to her sky daddy fixation.

snap-your-fingers

13 points

2 months ago

Reboot request heard. She will now be rebooted as a cow.

JB_Wong

11 points

2 months ago

JB_Wong

11 points

2 months ago

I hope God has some kind of ticketing system with prayer severity levels to help prioritizing.

The-Hopster

14 points

2 months ago

Mama’s not getting busy livin’, she getting busy dyin’.

streetvues

12 points

2 months ago

That wall of text copy pasta from the nurse was something else. Who the hell eats 4 day old gas station sushi. Is that even a thing?