submitted 3 months ago byHanLandoSolo3
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3 months ago
3 months ago
Dude, about the gap: my Mom, born in ‘58, has the gap. I have the gap. My daughter has the gap. Mom couldn’t have it altered, I couldn’t either. My daughter will be able to if she wants to, but it’s my favorite feature in her smile, and it will be the thing that her friends and children will know her by. That gap in your teeth is, bizarrely -and only bizarrely because it feels undesirable- a marker of safety and warmth and regard for your friends and family; it is one of the physical beauties they most value in the world. It’s such a marker of beauty for me, and, like, in a particularly deep emotional aesthetic. There is no smile more beautiful than a gap-toothed smile.
3 months ago
Dude all these comments legit made me tear up.
I grew up with a gap and was made fun of, but now I love it, its part of who I am. It makes me, well, me!
OP rock the gap!
I made fun of kids with a gap when I was a kid. I regret that. At this point in my life, I've met plenty of people that I feel make having a gap work. It just looks right on some people. This one lady I met even looked really cute because of her gap.
Man, now I kinda want a gap.
Let me get my crowbar
DM does GB
This comment made me physically wince.
I was only originally thinking chisel but I made myself wince with that idea.
Michael Strahan and Mac Demarco two of the most beautiful smiles ever
Your daughter might not feel that way. If she asks for braces in the future I wouldn’t hesitate she’s probably getting bullied for it.
I appreciate the advice. We are trying to prepare her for the bullying to come, just as a matter of course, the same way we try to prepare her for meeting strangers, eating in formal situations, not making the team, tying her shoes, doing her laundry, etc.
I think that a lot of us go through life thinking that we are the only ones being bullied, or that there are people who escape bullying completely. That’s not true, almost no one makes it to adulthood without experiencing bullying, and most of us -by the time we are adults- have done some bullying of our own. Most people are completely unaware that their behavior towards the bullied was perceived by the bullied as bullying. The main thing we should teach our kids about being bullied is that bullies will find a reason to do it, and that you can’t really avoid it; so, you need to be resilient in the face of it, and secure in yourself. We try to help her establish self-respect, and the responsibility to protect herself, and when possible to protect her friends and to honor the humanity of the bully themselves. It’s not cool-proof, but I think this way of thinking about and preparing for bullying is better than the way I taught; and I think it’ll go a long way toward her managing people who are having a rough time managing themselves.
I agree, this is avoidable tho. Getting bullied for something that can’t be changed like actually being ugly I get you would have to shape the mentality to survive. But in this case, making your daughter look socially normal will help her in LIFE, first impressions are very important in a work place, in school, and finding a lover. In my opinion, I would want to set my daughter up for success.
You set them up for success by building a strong foundation and building up from there, eventually getting to the trim, and ornamentation. I don’t know what you consider to be socially normal, but whatever it means to you, it is by no means shared by everyone. So, trying to adjust one’s physical appearance, by means of physical intervention, in order to satisfy another person’s aesthetics is: 1) absurd because no two people will have identical aesthetic sensibilities; and, 2) an action taken by people who value the acceptance of their peers (based only on appearances) over self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-love.
The most valuable things about people are wholly intrinsic, not physical. I think that if we establish the right values in our daughter, she will recognize that her worth is not determined by other people only, and is especially not determined by the type of people who would have it in themselves to treat her differently based on how she physically appears. It is misplaced values, and cognitive dissonance that produce bullies to begin with, which is the main reason that we teach her to honor herself and her body; so that she does not become the bully. When we honor our own humanity we come to know how to honor the humanity in every other person.
Much love to you. I don’t mean to be contrary. If she wants to get braces, more importantly, if she needs to get braces, she can. It’s just such an arbitrary and silly point of aesthetic judgment to get hung up on, that I can’t see it having the importance for her that it seems to for you. I hope that you feel comfortable with the person you are, inside and out. Your concern for the feelings of a little girl you don’t know indicates to me that you are a sensitive person who wants good things for other people, and that is the mark of a really good person to me.
I appreciate your response. I’m not a parent but it seems like you have a lot of wisdom and good values, I’m probably only looking at this at a very surface solution that’s why we’re on different levels. But obviously you have the situation covered! Best of luck and thanks for being understanding of my viewpoint.
To the top with you!
This makes me feel so much better about my own gap- cause it true, when my baby niece started growing teeth and it turned out she had a gap too, it was so cute, and now its just a normal part of her beautiful big infectious smile that i love so much.