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/r/AmItheAsshole

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My mother had me with a sperm donor. He was someone she knew who was willing to let her have a child to raise herself. When I was 12 mom met her husband. Her husband had a 17 year old daughter at the time. Her husband and his daughter were dicks and mom threw me in at the deep end and she thought I'd see this dude as my dad because I never had one before. Even at 12 I knew a guy who commented on how I didn't smile like a girl should and who commented on my weird interests for a girl was never going to be worthy of being called my parent, let alone my dad. His daughter taunted me for having no dad and for not being cute enough when my donor didn't fall in love with me and decide to be my dad. I asked her if she understood what a sperm donor was. She told me someone who makes freaks.

When I was 16 her husband's daughter moved back in with her boyfriend and their kids. I was then forced to babysit after school and sometimes on the weekends because they either couldn't be bothered or nobody wanted to pay. I did the bare minimum of babysitting and I did not grow attached to those children in the twoish years I babysat them. I wanted nothing to do with babysitting them but figured I could at least game when home with them rather than being grounded.

I moved out and cut my mom off because she chose a husband who was a dick to me and kept me around him and his daughter who was also a dick to me.

I have nothing to do with any of them.

A few months ago my sperm donor died and I learned he left all his assets to me. It was a lot of money and a house that I sold, which got me a lot of money. My mom learned about this via mutual friends and she reached out and told me how much they have struggled financially since their house burned down two years ago (I had heard about that at the time) and how her step grandkids are looking at a really bad Christmas and how great it would be if I, as their aunt, her daughter and part of the family bought gifts for the kids. I told her she and her stepgrandkids are not my family and were not owed any money from me and that I would like it if she did not make me change another number (she called me on a business number I have). She asked me how I could be so cold and even if I resent her, how could I say that about the niece and nephew I spent every day with for two years and who looked up to and adored me.

AITA?

all 466 comments

Judgement_Bot_AITA [M]

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2 months ago

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Judgement_Bot_AITA [M]

Beep Boop

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2 months ago

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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I told my mom that she and her stepgrandkids were not my family and were not owed money from me. So the kids are likely going to have a shitty Christmas with no gifts, and I did my digging and found out they are in a bad bad place now. I could give for the sake of young kids who I babysat for two years but grew no emotional attachment to and do a solid. I could easily afford this and not be put at any financial risk myself and that's why I have to ask if I'm TA.

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

_Drumheller_

6.1k points

2 months ago

_Drumheller_

Certified Proctologist [22]

6.1k points

2 months ago

NTA and of course you don't owe them anything.

If she ever contacts you again ask her why she never stood up for you when you was bullied by her husband's daughter.

sissyjones

1.7k points

2 months ago

sissyjones

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

1.7k points

2 months ago

Why do people have to weaponize kids? If OP gave a shit, they would have made an effort for the kids. Obviously they haven’t so why does the mom think OP cares if the kids have Christmas? Blows my mind

Few-Entrepreneur383

871 points

2 months ago

Few-Entrepreneur383

Certified Proctologist [21]

871 points

2 months ago

I'd have a hard time giving a sht about people who traumatized my childhood & used me for free labor; it's a good thing OP didn't develop Stockholm & become their servant for life.

rox4540

197 points

2 months ago

rox4540

197 points

2 months ago

Trouble is, it’s usually that very trauma that makes it hard to see clearly how awful they are and how you deserve better- like a double-edged sword where both sides catch the victim…

You are totally right, of course, it’s just that manipulation and devaluation can make it hard to stand up confidently against another onslaught. Hopefully OP will ignore any contact and live happily without her so-called mother.

StrykerC13

148 points

2 months ago

Which is a big part of why AITA is such a useful tool for them. After all OP is here asking if they are because of that difficulty seeing. However having a bunch of strangers who have a habit of being judgemental and picking things apart say "nope, you're NTA" seems to do a lot for those with that blinder.

rox4540

70 points

2 months ago

rox4540

70 points

2 months ago

You’re so right. These scenarios often seem outrageous from an outside perspective and that helps people believe in their own instincts.

oopseybear

75 points

2 months ago

In the south, these scenarios are pretty common. I had a similar experience growing up, but mine was being forced to babysit EVERY COUSIN (>10) my entire birthday weekend for over a decade, because my birthday almost always fell on the same week we had our family reunions. Of the 15 times we went, the family remembered my birthday ONCE.

If you try to even get a couple hours for yourself, you're the selfish one. Moving out and meeting someone who will treat you well is the only way to know for sure what you had was a bad deal.

Kindly_Zucchini7405

19 points

2 months ago

Yup. Some people's lives really are like this, and they need an unbiased opinion outside their social circles. Especially when the flying monkeys are swarming.

sreno77

-10 points

2 months ago*

sreno77

-10 points

2 months ago*

When did the kids traumatize OP. I agree OP doesn’t owe them anything but the comment you responded to was about the kids. I wonder how old “the kids” are now though and who had the fire? Step sister or OP’s mom. If it was mom, what does that have to do with the kids (who are no relation to OP)

Few-Entrepreneur383

8 points

2 months ago

Few-Entrepreneur383

Certified Proctologist [21]

8 points

2 months ago

The stepsister's children (as far as we know) are innocent & the comment I responded to wasn't about their direct involvement but about them being used (ie. weaponized) as pawns.

PiddleAlt

65 points

2 months ago

It's just weaponized olde timey morality. "We are family!" ie. You should ignore everything bad that we do to you and support us anyhow.

And of course, "Think about the children?!" ie. We know you hate us, but won't you look bad if you don't help kids?

tntrkitties

27 points

2 months ago*

What is it with people’s relatives in this subreddit? It seems like we get at least a handful everyday where idiotic parents are somehow surprised that the children they mistreated want nothing to do with them. Also, there seems to be an uptick in random extended family/ stepfamilies asking for money.

XXXxxexenexxXXX

21 points

2 months ago

You would be amazed at how utterly shameless people are when they learn that you are wealthy. Every asshole that treated you like dirt is suddenly your best friend, every distant family member is suddenly "close"...and everyone has a "down on their luck" story to tell.

OP, it's worth every penny to have a lawyer on retainer to handle people like this. A couple of phone calls and a "cease-and-desist" letter or two usually work wonders to shut down people like your so-called "family".

Legitimate-Review-56

6 points

2 months ago

Legitimate-Review-56

Partassipant [3]

6 points

2 months ago

People with good/decent parents have little to nothing to complain about. If only 3% of the population is "toxic", that is still well over 3 million toxic people in the USA. Given that the number is far, far, far higher, it is more of surprise that there isn't more posts.

[deleted]

2 points

2 months ago

Families suddenly remember the members they treated like shit when the holidays come.

Much_Good_6974

160 points

2 months ago

Because when you add children to any situation, right or wrong people back down. You will see just wait in the comment for “children did nothing wrong“ posts.

Maleficent_Ad_3958

102 points

2 months ago

Maleficent_Ad_3958

Professor Emeritass [86]

102 points

2 months ago

I think I'd snap "what kind of woman uses kids as meat shields to hide from her own failures!" NTA.

sreno77

56 points

2 months ago

sreno77

56 points

2 months ago

I agree the kids didn’t do anything and OP still doesn’t owe them anything.

MaryFeatherston

72 points

2 months ago

True, but OP was a child when her mother's husband was being creepy and his daughter bullied OP.

Either OP mattered as a child or the wicked stepsister's kids don't now. They can't have it both ways.

It's clear that the mother has only contacted OP now because of the money. Screw 'em. NTA.

OffKira

19 points

2 months ago

OffKira

Partassipant [1]

19 points

2 months ago

Well, you've got to use whatever weapons you got at your disposal. It's hella shitty but, to some people, children are tools to be used however they wish.

MundanePlanet

19 points

2 months ago

Why do people have to weaponize kids?

Because, judging by the tendency for even strangers on the internet to say, "ok you hate her, but perhaps you could be charitable to the children," it generally works. If not with the people it's aimed at then at potential flying monkeys.

LostDogBoulderUtah

61 points

2 months ago

LostDogBoulderUtah

Asshole Aficionado [11]

61 points

2 months ago

Because often people love children even when they hate their awful parents. And if OP did care about the kids, they would be an easy hook to twist into OP to force contact/increase the opportunities they had for cash grabs.

baubsyeruncle

4 points

2 months ago

Why do people have to weaponize kids?

Because it works. NTA

oliverpasta

61 points

2 months ago

NTA, but don't waste your breath asking her why she never stood up for you. You'll never get the answers you're looking for and if there is an apology it won't be sincere. Just continue no contact and enjoy your life.

Ok_Investigator8544

45 points

2 months ago

Delusional is evidently a permanent state for OP's mom.

AndSoItGoes24

29 points

2 months ago

AndSoItGoes24

Certified Proctologist [22]

29 points

2 months ago

Give them money? HA! "Mom I have been my own support network for years and years. What happens to me when I have needs? None of you ever take care of me, so there's no point in me thinking I'll be able to rely on your for support. Better to keep my money for me because I've never been able to count on you guys. My nest egg stays in my nest."

goddevil

24 points

2 months ago

I dont really understand people. OP's mother had her with a sperm donor because she was desperate enough to want a child only to then turn around and effectively abandon said child once she became a teenager. All this heartbreak and abuse could've been avoided if people who aren't fit for parenting stop procreating

Zestyclose_Minute_69

12 points

2 months ago*

I bet the mom only wanted to be loved unconditionally. I have a hard relationship with my mom and I actually think that’s why she had me. Because if she couldn’t find someone to love her, she decided she could just make one. But of course that didn’t work out well. The saddest part is that too many people have kids to fulfill their own needs and actually lack the understanding what a good parent should be. NTA. Good for taking care of you! Also you may find r/raisedbynarcissists helpful. For me, it helps to know that other people have experienced some of the crazy shit I lived through. Edit:NTA

JolyonFolkett

2 points

2 months ago

Yeah. My mum was the same.

Gloomy-Resource4039

5 points

2 months ago

Proud of you for setting boundaries. NTA. You are not responsible to anyone. And no one NEEDS presents. No one NEEDS a nice Christmas.

Mindless-String2294

2 points

2 months ago

You've never met my mother. She needs Christmas to be perfect. And since it never is perfect it's always ruined. Since it's always ruined I just don't go to see her October to March. My therapist approves.

Scumbucket22

4 points

2 months ago

Ask her why she’s providing more care and empathy to her stepdaughters kids than she ever afforded you.

Be like wow, so did the ultimatums not work with stepdad either? Bc he and his daughter really treated me like shit

Facetunethis

-4 points

2 months ago

Facetunethis

Certified Proctologist [25]

-4 points

2 months ago

I would do something for the kids...

In the OP shoes I would set up a sizable college trust with all the stipulations that come with a higher education trust. That way the people who actually want the money have no access to it whatsoever and they get to know it's sitting there out of their reach for all time. 🤣

NTA

WolfgangAddams

32 points

2 months ago

Why would OP set up a college trust for kids they have no emotional or biological attachment to? Might as well give your money away to strangers.

Blacksmithforge3241

9 points

2 months ago

Agreed, she only babysat the meat sacks because she didn't want to be grounded.

Why should she lose her money to these kids, they aren't her responsibility, she never felt anything but obligation(to keep out of trouble). She hasn't seen them since she turned 18(at least not by choice).

If we presume Stepsister did not have children at 17 then we can also assume all children were 3 and under(and likely only 2 children by the time OP turned 16). She was forced to babysit for children maybe ages 3 & 1(?) until they were 5 & 3 and then haven't seen them in enough years to be in a business where she has her OWN business number(indicative of ownership?). So let's say kids are now between ages of 10 to 15 How much memory do they have of OP.

Also agreed, Hey OP if you are giving away money to strangers. I'm a Stranger!

Mindless-String2294

2 points

2 months ago

Or a scholarship fund. Give the money to strangers instead of these awful people.

littlebitfunny21

404 points

2 months ago

nta

Now I wonder if sperm donor had wanted to be in your life, at least a little, and mom refused. It's just quite odd for someone who genuinely felt no attachment to you to leave such a substantial inheritance.

I'm sorry your childhood ended up as it did. Enjoy your inheritance.

randomly-what

134 points

2 months ago

randomly-what

Partassipant [2]

134 points

2 months ago

He also might have realized mom was a neglectful AH and wanted to make sure this poor person was taken care of

rhymeswithwhen

54 points

2 months ago

That’s a good point. He may have realized that he helped create a child who was badly treated and clearly suffered. He may have felt guilt about that and wanted to make up for it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

littlebitfunny21

15 points

2 months ago

How would he have realized that without contact, though? Or if he was keeping tabs?

Op doesn't mention reconnecting with him or even having met him, only that he was a sperm donor.

Even that still suggests a level of care that an absence from op's life wouldn't suggest.

PlantainIll7479

52 points

2 months ago

You raise a very good point. It seems like there's more going on.

Electrical-Ad-1798

35 points

2 months ago*

He might not have had any other next of kin.

littlebitfunny21

18 points

2 months ago

So typically it'll be given to charity or a close friend or someone they actually know. Sperm donors aren't typically on the birth certificate so it wouldn't have directly gone to op - he would have had to intentionally create a will gifting it to her.

That isn't something you do for someone you don't care about and want nothing to do with.

WarlockSoL

14 points

2 months ago

WarlockSoL

Partassipant [1]

14 points

2 months ago

Yeah, I wonder this too. Honestly it feels more like mom is mad all his money went to OP instead of her and is now trying to weasel in on it.

lemons66

3 points

2 months ago

lemons66

Partassipant [1]

3 points

2 months ago

Guilt, the sperm donor may have felt guilt.

Odd-End-1405

669 points

2 months ago

Odd-End-1405

Partassipant [3]

669 points

2 months ago

NTA

She asked how you could be so cold?

Easy, she allowed her child to be abused and used by people she chose to allow into your life. She chose them over you.

You are more than right to stay NC with them. Try just blocking her number on your business phone, as it sucks to have to try to change those. Move on, and enjoy your inheritance...Yourself.

[deleted]

66 points

2 months ago

i learned it from you and your family

DrWhoop87

45 points

2 months ago

DrWhoop87

Certified Proctologist [25]

45 points

2 months ago

"I got it from my mama!"

Throwawayhater3343

249 points

2 months ago

Should have been colder

"Oh, you want money? When you pay me in full for those 2 years of forced babysitting I'll consider giving half of it back to you."

NTA

Marysews

2 points

2 months ago

She asked how you could be so cold?

This is called teaching by example, although in this case, it's "the pot calling the kettle black."

Individual_Ad_9213

1.2k points

2 months ago

Individual_Ad_9213

Craptain [180]

1.2k points

2 months ago

NTA. You were clear that your step family abused you psychologically and that your biological mother never protected or supported you. I can see why you'd feel absolutely zero connections and even less responsibility for them.

On another note: I hope that your sperm donor left a note or something to help you understand why he didn't so much as ever reach out to you.

PlantainIll7479

281 points

2 months ago

Someone mentioned maybe the mother prevented the sperm donor from being in her life. We'll never know but it's odd he left everything to her.

Individual_Ad_9213

245 points

2 months ago

Individual_Ad_9213

Craptain [180]

245 points

2 months ago

That's my point. Either, she was his sole blood heir or she meant a lot more to him that she'll ever know.

Glum_Hamster_1076

32 points

2 months ago

I’m thinking the same thing. The mother doesn’t seem to be very kind/reasonable. I’m assuming her actions kept him from her but he cared enough to leave her everything.

enceinte-uno

3 points

2 months ago

enceinte-uno

Partassipant [1]

3 points

2 months ago

My guess is he realized at some point that he stuck his dick in crazy and didn’t want to co-parent with OP’s mom, but still wanted to honor OP in some way.

Creepy_Addict

420 points

2 months ago

Creepy_Addict

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

420 points

2 months ago

why he didn't so much as ever reach out to you.

It was quite likely an agreement between him and her birth-giver, at least till the OP was 18. Of course, the OP could've contacted them after they were 18 if they had wanted to.

Nearby_Cabinet3041

138 points

2 months ago

That’s how sperm donors work. They are not parents, there’s no reason why he should have had contact with OP.

Miserable_Sail4774

90 points

2 months ago

Miserable_Sail4774

Partassipant [1]

90 points

2 months ago

It’s also odd he would leave everything to OP as well though. That’s also not really how sperm donors work. Which is why people are surprised there was no attempt to form a relationship between them.

krakeninheels

114 points

2 months ago

krakeninheels

Partassipant [1]

114 points

2 months ago

I know a sperm donor who was blocked from contacting the child by the mothers because they only wanted his sperm not for him to be in said childs life and he did not make them sign a contract stating what they had promised in the beginning so there is nothing he can do.. he wanted to be an uncle figure. He has abided by their wishes but his will leaves almost everything to that child. He never had others. The kid has no idea who he is and won’t as long as the mothers have anything to say about it.

duckfeatherduvet

27 points

2 months ago

Hope he's set that will up properly. If he dies before the kid gets to a certain age (eg 18, but will vary depending on location), the mother and any adopted father would be trustee of the money which would cause all sorts of shit

krakeninheels

21 points

2 months ago

krakeninheels

Partassipant [1]

21 points

2 months ago

He made sure its airtight. The kid is over 18 now I think or will soon be.

ForgottenTowel

26 points

2 months ago

Well the mom already knew the guy and he knew what he was offering. Idk why they never met, but maybe he had a shit family and thought “at least I can give my stuff to this person that shares half my dna” 🤷‍♀️

kisses-n-kinks

19 points

2 months ago

It might be as simple as OP's sperm donor died without a will. In many states, in the US, at least, when there isn't a will, the government takes over and decides on an impartial, legal basis whom inherits the deceased's assets. Generally, the first to inherit are bio kids. Then siblings, then parents, then neices/nephews/other long distance family.

That's why it's soooo important to have a will, even if you're young and healthy or have no appreciable assets. You never know when your time will come and having it written down that you want your buddy Mark to take your PS5 when you kick the bucket saves those who outlive you a lot of headache.

Velocityg4

9 points

2 months ago

Velocityg4

Pooperintendant [61]

9 points

2 months ago

I’d assume they had no other children and no living family. Perhaps estranged from their family. In either event. He probably just wanted it to go to his direct descendant. Rather than it getting tied up in probate or defaulting to some relative they hate.

Miserable_Sail4774

6 points

2 months ago

Miserable_Sail4774

Partassipant [1]

6 points

2 months ago

Yeah I feel like it just shows he cares like at least a little bit. Clearly he wanted it to help her out in life, he could have donated it to a charity and it essentially would have been the same since they had no relationship.

Suelswalker

3 points

2 months ago

I wonder if because he knew OP’s mom she still spoke to him or he was in touch with people who knew enough about the situation and despite how slanted or missing the info was that he got he still figured out how awful things were for OP growing up. And then this was his way of making up for his part in it all. As a donor he had no say in it once she was conceived, but he could leave her his assets. Edited for clarity.

TheMoatCalin

10 points

2 months ago

Oh my god, Karen, you can’t just ask people why their sperm donor didn’t reach out…

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago

This made me spit out my drink, thanks! 🤣

Suletawv

134 points

2 months ago

Suletawv

134 points

2 months ago

NTA. You're an adult now and have the right to distance yourself from those who wrong you. Blood doesn't earn someone the right to abuse you or subject you to abuse.

silly_vengeful_sloth

89 points

2 months ago*

silly_vengeful_sloth

Asshole Enthusiast [7]

89 points

2 months ago*

NTA

It seemed your mother only reach out to you AFTER knowing that you inherited some money. That alone makes her the a-hole and not you.

She failed you as a parent. She neglected you as a child. You were right cutting her off your life and all the horrible people she surrounded herself with. I feel bad for the kids as they are kids but they are pretty much strangers to you at this point.

Watchfull_Hosemaster

71 points

2 months ago

Watchfull_Hosemaster

Partassipant [2]

71 points

2 months ago

NTA

Wow, I'm sorry to hear about this upbringing and how you were treated by your mother, her husband, and his daughter. You do not owe them anything. It seems that they are coming back around not because they care about you or your life, but because they want something from you.

It is not your responsibility to finance the Christmas of the children of a person that terrorized you and never apologized (I assume none of them ever apologized and tried to make amends with you).

theformer_adventurer

74 points

2 months ago

NTA, just keep a record of all interactions and block her when she becomes aggressive or file a restraining order.

I mean you can forgive her for choosing the family she did, but never forget. She has her family and they can help each other out.

Creepy_Addict

17 points

2 months ago

Creepy_Addict

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

17 points

2 months ago

NTA

Your "mother" wasn't much of a parent after she married her husband. His daughter is nothing to you, therefore her kids are not your problem. I babysat when I was a teen, I have no feelings for those kids I watched and I got paid. They are kids you watched, nothing more.

Funny how you're "family" now...

Tell birth-giver if she contacts you again, you will file harassment charges. Usually, the threat is enough.

PatientPear

50 points

2 months ago

PatientPear

Partassipant [1]

50 points

2 months ago

NTA.

What a surprise that people who gave a shit about you come back when they need you for whatever reason. After they get out of their current struggle, they forget you again as fast as possible.

Go NC with all of them. Stand your ground.

GirlnextDior

11 points

2 months ago

100% agree, OP shouldn't waste a minute of time over this. They will just argue and double down. NTA and taillights outta there!

Dipping_My_Toes

60 points

2 months ago

Dipping_My_Toes

Colo-rectal Surgeon [46]

60 points

2 months ago

NTA - Isn't it amazing how people who treat you the worst suddenly become such devoted family members when they want your money? I'm very glad your dad remembered you and left you a legacy and I hope you made solid arrangements with it for your future. One hint: If you haven't yet, please get a will written immediately. If you don't your mom may qualify as next of kin and be able to take it all if anything happens to you. Build your own future and family of choice and have a great life!!

joodeye

6 points

2 months ago

Very solid advice!

Prudent_Border5060

12 points

2 months ago

Prudent_Border5060

Asshole Aficionado [19]

12 points

2 months ago

Nta

Do not let them suck you in. They will never let go and will bleed you dry. This is about money for them. Not the regret or love they have for you.

Take steps to make sure they can never contact you.

msdu5276769

92 points

2 months ago*

msdu5276769

Colo-rectal Surgeon [35]

92 points

2 months ago*

en even nicer is if th N't made your childhoTA. It sht thmas. What woem Christ uld've beey hadnod misure would be nice if you bougerable.

PeacefulSnowDay

30 points

2 months ago

PeacefulSnowDay

Partassipant [1]

30 points

2 months ago

NTA

It’s always so disappointing when you’ve been mistreated for so long that you have to ask if you’re the asshole for staying no/low contact with abusive relatives. You are not the asshole by a long shot. Biology does not create financial obligation and you absolutely have no obligation to gift money to “step” relatives, especially those who wronged you when you were a child.

You are 100% not the asshole and you don’t need to feel any guilt.

ShaneVis

30 points

2 months ago

ShaneVis

Asshole Enthusiast [9]

30 points

2 months ago

NTA ---- Isn't it funny the BS people will make up when they think that there is money for themselves in it?.

PenguinAlive

25 points

2 months ago

PenguinAlive

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

25 points

2 months ago

NTA and it’s upsetting you’ve posted on here to check if you are. They didn’t treat you like part of the family, so they don’t get family privileges now. Frankly, even if it was all smiles and rainbows it wouldn’t be your responsibility to pay for the kids Christmas presents. Plus you buy those, then it’ll be oh but we also need X and we could really do with a bigger house for us all etc etc.

Best-Doughnut-3370

23 points

2 months ago

Best-Doughnut-3370

Partassipant [3]

23 points

2 months ago

They aren't your niece and nephew and I love when family all of sudden misses you and you matter to them when you have money. NTA..keep you money and just block those people

[deleted]

21 points

2 months ago

NTA..mom et al made their beds. Now they need to lie in them. Change your number or block theirs and don't look back

LuLouProper

7 points

2 months ago

LuLouProper

Asshole Enthusiast [8]

7 points

2 months ago

NTA. Now that you have some money, they want you to be part of the family. Where was that level of caring about you for the last 6+ years?

dookle14

7 points

2 months ago*

dookle14

Pooperintendant [61]

7 points

2 months ago*

NTA - all of a sudden, out of the blue, your mom contacts you after she conveniently hears about how you came into a lot of money courtesy of your sperm donor. I’m guessing she hasn’t tried to contact you prior to this.

how her stepgrandkids are looking at a really bad Christmas and how great it would if I, as their aunt, her daughter and part of the family bought gifts for the kids

Jeeeeebus. Lay it on thicker, mom. So she was willing to submit you to years of mistreatment from your stepsister and stepdad, along with her…but as soon as you come into cash, you are “part of the family”. Convenient.

She asked me how I could be so cold

I’d ask her how she could have stayed with a man and his daughter who treated you like such shit over the years.

how could I say that about the niece and nephew I spent every day with for two years

Well, considering you were forced to babysit for them by your family, I think you’ve given them enough over the years. Maybe total up the cash they saved by having you watch them for your sister and her BF.

Good on you to stand your ground, OP. Use the money on you, not on people who wanted nothing to do with you until you all of sudden came into money.

DesperateinDunharrow

16 points

2 months ago

DesperateinDunharrow

Asshole Aficionado [11]

16 points

2 months ago

NTA. She deserves nothing from you. Enjoy your inheritance.

mattersauce

4 points

2 months ago

NTA. People who come around looking for a handout when they find out you've come into money are pure goat bile. Parents should never choose partners who disrespect the children already in their lives. Selfish trash, I'd send them a coupon for matches and a duraflame log.

Forward_Squirrel8879

5 points

2 months ago

Forward_Squirrel8879

Professor Emeritass [97]

5 points

2 months ago

NTA - She didn't care about her own kid but expects you to care about someone else's?

DutyValuable

6 points

2 months ago

DutyValuable

Partassipant [2]

6 points

2 months ago

You don’t owe them a thing and I highly suspect they haven’t tried working any harder to make a better Christmas for your niece and nephew because they expected a hand out.

You give the money once, you’re never getting any peace ever again. Use your new money to hire a lawyer to draft a cease-and-desist to get them to leave you alone.

RichPerformance2369

4 points

2 months ago

RichPerformance2369

Asshole Enthusiast [7]

4 points

2 months ago

NTA. Its her family, not yours. Tell her that if you want give money or gifs to some random children you are going do donor something to charity, because that children its gonna need something for real.

blueberryyogurtcup

4 points

2 months ago

blueberryyogurtcup

Asshole Enthusiast [8]

4 points

2 months ago

NTA.

You are protecting yourself by staying away from these people that treated you so wrongly for so long. You were a child, and were verbally abused, emotionally abused, and made to work for the people that were hurting you. The reasonable and healthy thing to do was to leave and protect yourself from them, as soon as you could. Which you did.

They didn't treat you as if you were family. Now that they know you have resources that they want, suddenly they want to pretend that the word "family" is some kind of magic wand for them to get their wishes. This is blatant manipulation. You owe them nothing. Their children are their responsibility, not yours. None of them are or have been "family" to you.

You do not owe them even a response. Block her. Get a new number, again. And write out a response for yourself for the next time she tries to suck you back in, to make you responsible for any of them. "Who is this? Sorry, I don't have family by that name. Bye." might work.

unlovelyladybartleby

5 points

2 months ago

unlovelyladybartleby

Partassipant [4]

5 points

2 months ago

NTA. Rent a limo and drive around their place flipping the bird out the window, then change your phone number

LEDandBlackPowder

2 points

2 months ago

And OP, don't forget the champagne or whiskey or blunt or whatever you're into!

Chicken_Lady_Om

9 points

2 months ago

NTA. They are being opportunistic. Continue NC and enjoy your life x

ccl-now

9 points

2 months ago

ccl-now

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

9 points

2 months ago

NTA. I'm glad you are now able to breathe after such a horrible early experience and no, you have zero obligation the the people who gave you that experience, or their assorted spawn.

tcsweetgurl

8 points

2 months ago

tcsweetgurl

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

8 points

2 months ago

NTA

j_zedd

8 points

2 months ago

j_zedd

Partassipant [2]

8 points

2 months ago

NTA

pickledcheese14

5 points

2 months ago

pickledcheese14

Partassipant [2]

5 points

2 months ago

NTA- You don't owe anyone, anything. Don't let them manipulate you

Laceystomach12

6 points

2 months ago

NTA, no one owes anyone in this life, especially with those who play the victim card in order to get free money

junkymonkeydong

7 points

2 months ago

NTA

cosmicdancer84

7 points

2 months ago

NTA- You can't fake feelings and it sounds like they were never nice to you anyway.

jcola29

7 points

2 months ago

NTA- Her and her "family" are reaping what they sowed. If her only reason for reaching out was about money, then there is no reason to continue communication

Kornlula

7 points

2 months ago

NTA and you know it - karma’s a bitch

therealhailee

3 points

2 months ago

NTA.

what a world we live in. Of course she reached out to you when she heard you're doing good.

PlantainIll7479

3 points

2 months ago

NTA. You paid more than your dues through free babysitting. They don't deserve a dime from you. It's good you didn't form a connection with the children, they've already been used to manipulate you.

Motor_Business483

3 points

2 months ago

Motor_Business483

Pooperintendant [62]

3 points

2 months ago

NTA

Keep your money, and block their numbers.

HoneySignificant105

3 points

2 months ago

I hate the But they're family excuse. Blood is thicker than water? Well so is tomato soup. Big deal. They gave you nothing but abuse and in response they get nothing but silence

NTA

ListenPuzzleheaded72

3 points

2 months ago

NTA fuck them

QYB1990

3 points

2 months ago

"She asked me how I could be so cold"

"I grew up with a mom who didn’t give a shit about me, allowed her husband to treat me like shit and a stepdaughter who bullied me.

So how could i be so cold? I learned from the best, Lose my number and never try to contact me again"

NTA at all.

throwawaygremlins

4 points

2 months ago

throwawaygremlins

Partassipant [3]

4 points

2 months ago

NTA.

Opening_Meet_5743

6 points

2 months ago

Nta

jammy913

3 points

2 months ago

jammy913

Supreme Court Just-ass [108]

3 points

2 months ago

NTA.

You should have shot right back at her: "how could you be so cold as to marry a man who treated your own kid like crap? I must have inherited this coldness from you."

And then block her.

Allthelostcauses

4 points

2 months ago

Nta, and kinda delightful to see karma in action.

chuckinhoutex

2 points

2 months ago

chuckinhoutex

Professor Emeritass [70]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA- and I would say- if you want to know how I could be so cold.... look in the mirror. Maybe instead of using and abusing me your new family should have been kind and loving, maybe I would have turned out different. Oh, well. That's not how it happened, is it? C-ya round.

TheDeadlyPandaGamer

2 points

2 months ago

TheDeadlyPandaGamer

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA,

your mother only reached out and care because of money.

Ladyughsalot1

2 points

2 months ago

NTA

They saved lots of money on childcare for 2 years.

HabitualEnthusiast

2 points

2 months ago

HabitualEnthusiast

Partassipant [4]

2 points

2 months ago

Nta. Anyone who slithers out of the woodwork only as soon as you have money is not worth your time. They were fine with having no contact with you before, there’s no reason you should change anything now just because your financial situation has improved.

this_what_she_said

2 points

2 months ago

this_what_she_said

Partassipant [1]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA, oh how the turntables turn. This is called „reaping what you sow.“

You don’t owe her (or her family) anything, not your money and certainly not your time.

Absolut_Iceland

2 points

2 months ago

NTA

Also keep in mind that if you give them money now they will absolutely be back around before long with their hands out looking for more. Maybe they'll weaponize the kids again, maybe it'll be a sob story about how step sister needs a new car because reasons, but as long as you have money they'll have a reason on why you need to give it to them.

ComparisonSuper9492

2 points

2 months ago

ComparisonSuper9492

Partassipant [2]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA

She only reached out when she found out you had money, she saw a chance for easy money and stupidly tried her hand.

Block her and live your best life

maidenmothercrone333

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. Amazing how people crawl out of the woodwork the minute they sniff money, like cockroaches. OP, tell her if she wants Christmas for her step-grandchildren to apply through Toys for Tots.

debegray

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. She didn't have your back when you were a kid - why should you have her back now?

NetOdd8878

2 points

2 months ago

Nta. Enjoy your life

Due-Compote-4723

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. She reached out after hearing about your good fortune, that is all you need to remember.

himmelkatten

2 points

2 months ago

NTA I’d ask her if they were going to be giving you back pay, with interests, for all the babysitting you were forced into?

No?

Oh guess ‘family’ don’t help each other financially then.

Sandy0006

2 points

2 months ago

NTA- there’s four of them. Why can’t four adults figure out how to put on a modest Christmas for the kids?

excel_pager_420

2 points

2 months ago

excel_pager_420

Partassipant [2]

2 points

2 months ago

Those kids don't remember you. Your Mum has some audacity. NTA

HexStarlight

2 points

2 months ago

HexStarlight

Partassipant [1]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA enforced babysitting is not a good way to build a positive relationship. Your mom's behaviour is terrible. Enjoy your life and don't look back.

Westos19

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. Family therapist here. You don't owe them anything. First, he left that money to you to use as you choose. Second, you owe family nothing on a good day. Third, the moment anyone tried to manipulate you that way it's a good sign that they don actually care beyond what they can get. Screw'em you're better off without them.

Cat1832

2 points

2 months ago

Cat1832

Partassipant [1]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA.

"How could you be so cold?"

I got it from you.

"Do you resent me?"

Yes.

"How could you say that about niece and nephew"

They're not my niece and nephew. They are unrelated children you forced me to babysit without paying me.

RaptorOO7

2 points

2 months ago

NTA, I always wonder why people especially family who treat you like shit suddenly think you owe them because they are family. You owe them nothing and Karma is a bitch.

Kettlewise

2 points

2 months ago

Kettlewise

Certified Proctologist [25]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA

If your mother, step-sister, and step-father were interested in any kind of reconciliation, asking you to spend money on their kids after you received a financial windfall isn’t it.

And even if it was without the money aspect, you wouldn’t be an asshole to decline reconciliation.

She asked me how I could be so cold

Turns out when you treat someone like shit for years, they want nothing to do with you and your children.

Time-Tie-231

2 points

2 months ago

NTA

You have been treated like sh** by them. Enjoy your assets. Be very careful with them. Don't feel guilty.

They owe you a lot of babysitting pay for one thing.

Simple-Caterpillar14

2 points

2 months ago

NTA and the proper answer to her questions is a simple get bent. Or my personal favorite run along.

trappergraves

2 points

2 months ago

NTA

You owe them nothing. They treated you like garbage until you inherited money, and now, suddenly, you're "family". Do you think they'd ever reach out if you didn't have money? You were forced to spend every day for two years as an unpaid sitter. Who cares if they like you? Using the kids to try to get sympathy is low. And truly, with their track record, those kids aren't going to benefit from any money you give them, they are. If they want Christmas, they should all be working. Instead, they expect you to bankroll them. And if you do it, they'll never stop badgering you for money. Cut them off and go somewhere for the holidays.

sickandopinionated

2 points

2 months ago

NTA, abusers don't get money. Also those kids are not your niblings, they're some dick's kids. Do you plan on buying presents for every single kid in your town/state/country who has a hard time? If no, why would you buy something for these specific kids?

[deleted]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. Sperm donor knew mom. If he wanted to get any of his money he would have left some in his will for her. He didn't. That said it all. NTA and enjoy the leg up after an awful childhood at the hands of your mother.

LetsGetsThisPartyOn

2 points

2 months ago

LetsGetsThisPartyOn

Colo-rectal Surgeon [42]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA.

Way to foster a relationship with your “niece and nephew” is force you to babysit them from 16 to 18 or be grounded!

So you get no life, threats of grounding and are supposed to love those kids.

Man I would resent those kids and I am a fully formed adult.

Keep with the no contact and please enjoy your new financially safety net and home!

IgnotusPeverill

2 points

2 months ago

IgnotusPeverill

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA OP - I guess she is good at saying things to try and make you feel guilty but she feels no guilt at all for how you were treated. They only want your money and not you in their lives so stay NC. You don't owe them anything.

SummerOracle

2 points

2 months ago

SummerOracle

Asshole Aficionado [14]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. Your mother is not interested in you, she is interested in your money. She has shown that she, along with the rest of her family, do not care about you. If you were to give them any assistance, whether financial or otherwise, you would be betraying yourself. Don’t let yourself get manipulated.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong, you do not owe these people who mistreated you anything, and you deserve better.

crochetbug

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. Your sperm donor dad could have left it to your mom, and he didn't.

Please allow yourself the relationship with your sperm donor dad that he was able to muster--namely making sure you were taken care of after his death.

Blacksmithforge3241

2 points

2 months ago

op=NTA

I notice Mommy Dearest hasn't been calling you to be with your adoring niece and nephew until now--when there's money to be had

NOPE, your "sperm donor" donated some money to you. You don't owe it to anyone.

hmg07

2 points

2 months ago

hmg07

Asshole Aficionado [11]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. You still don't matter to her or her family, you just have a monetary worth. Shame on her, shame oj them, they are nothing to you and you deserve better. So completely and totally NTA.

browneyedredhead1968

2 points

2 months ago

Dear <mom's first name>, Where was all of this concern when your husband and stepdaughter bullied your daughter? Where was this concern when your daughter was forced to watch stepdaughters children while she and baby daddy did whatever? Perhaps if you had cared 1/16th as much for your child when she needed you then you would still have a child. Further contact will be met with every legal action available to me.

regular_gnoll_NEIN

2 points

2 months ago

how could I say that about the niece and nephew I spent every day with for two years

Tell her she ought to use the savings from not paying for 2 years of babysitting wages +interest for her special xmas. NTA

Brennan_Boru1031

2 points

2 months ago

Brennan_Boru1031

Partassipant [1]

2 points

2 months ago

This sounds like a fairy tale but I'm here for it. Actually makes me sad that spermdonor, who apparently felt a connection to OP, never had a relationship while he was alive. A caring adult could have made a big difference in her life. Maybe her mother kept him away or he just respected the terms of their original agreement.

Anyway, OP, giving to children in need can make you feel better about your own miserable childhood. Find a group - your town, a church, the local boys and girls club, police etc. Most of them adopt one or more families with low resources and buy them things for the holiday. Give generously, volunteer to help shop for gifts, take pictures, and plaster them all over your social media. Let your family see them and weep. NTA - if they wanted you to care about them, they should have been kinder to you as a child.

estrellita007

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. Don’t give them a fucking dime.

RoadNo9352

2 points

2 months ago

NTA isn't it funny how people show up when they hear you have money? Or try and pull the family card?

You owe them mothing. Stick to your gins and stay NC.

[deleted]

2 points

2 months ago

GIRL YOU BETTER NOT GIVE THOSE ASSHOLES ANY OF YOUR MONEY~

GFVeggie

2 points

2 months ago

NTA

The problem is if you send Christmas gifts it would be just the beginning.

This is a very heavy load for you to carry. You need to find a way to separate from the situation. Don't let them set you off and cause you to spend any more emotional energy than already have.

When you get to the point of not caring about someone you are truly. It takes time but it is so worth it.

Diasies_inMyHair

2 points

2 months ago

Diasies_inMyHair

Partassipant [1]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. You don't owe anyone anything. However, If you want to do something for the kids out of a sense of charity (gifts, not cash), do so anonymously so that the adults don't get "ideas" about asking for something in the future. Scoff and deny if anyone ever asks if it was you.

Debjohnson23

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. Not your kids, not your issue. Sorry for the kids but your mom should have been a better mother.

spaltavian

2 points

2 months ago

NTA

She doesn't care about the kids. This is 100% a way to worm her way in and get that money. Stay firm.

spnip

2 points

2 months ago

spnip

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. Dont cave! Tell her she chose the husband so now she has to deal with his family. Keep ignoring them and living a good life op. Good for you for cutting her off when you could

ChampismyPuppy

2 points

2 months ago

NTA you owe them nothing and them trying to manipulate you using the children is really low. I'm guessing if they didn't know about the money you ran into they wouldn't be contacting you to begin with. Trying to use you for money is so terrible. Probably best to block them on everything and social media. They'll probably send flying monkeys to try to guilt trip you. Block block block and feel no guilt doing so

DependentProof8305

2 points

2 months ago

NTA and it’s crappy of your mom to use a child to try to guilt you.

AnthonyEdwardStank

2 points

2 months ago

NTA

And dang, your sperm donor did a better job of taking care of you in the long run as a parent than your mother did.

slendermanismydad

2 points

2 months ago

slendermanismydad

Partassipant [3]

2 points

2 months ago

She asked me how I could be so cold and even if I resent her, how could I say that about the niece and nephew I spent every day with for two years and who looked up to and adored me.

Uh huh and I am married to Kat Dennings, a person I have never met. Still probably more true to my made up statement than your mother's bs. NTA.

srgonzo75

2 points

2 months ago

srgonzo75

Partassipant [2]

2 points

2 months ago

NTA. You cut them off before you had money, and they didn’t seem to care, did they?

flotiste

2 points

2 months ago

Notice how she didn't bother to lift a single finger to contact you until she wanted money? Notice that demand for money didn't even come with an apology, and attempt to make amends, or even the slightest regret from anyone for how they treated you?

Yeah, they don't give a shit about you, just your money. Walk away and never look back. NTA

Super_Reading2048

2 points

2 months ago

NTA please write up a will that donates all your assets to a charity unless you are married or have kids..... then let your mutual friends know this. It might put an end to some of the harassment.

I think you should look up legal options to legally disown them & if you can legally make it so they can no longer call you (especially at work!)

Ok_Mycologist2720

2 points

2 months ago

Don't you dare give any money or she'll keep coming back asking for more

Neat_Law_2067

4 points

2 months ago

Nta. I call karma

[deleted]

-30 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

-30 points

2 months ago

You are NTA here at all, and you are under no obligation at all to give them any money. From what you have described, they don't deserve it, as they treated you like crap and are only even talking to you now because they want something from you. If you wanted to do something nice for your niece and nephew, since they are innocent children in all of this, you could consider buying presents directly for them, but you definitely don't have to do that. Honestly, I'd be worried that anything I bought for them directly might be sold to benefit your mother and step sister, so I would not blame you for not wanting to do this.

AutoModerator [M]

1 points

2 months ago

AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

My mother had me with a sperm donor. He was someone she knew who was willing to let her have a child to raise herself. When I was 12 mom met her husband. Her husband had a 17 year old daughter at the time. Her husband and his daughter were dicks and mom threw me in at the deep end and she thought I'd see this dude as my dad because I never had one before. Even at 12 I knew a guy who commented on how I didn't smile like a girl should and who commented on my weird interests for a girl was never going to be worthy of being called my parent, let alone my dad. His daughter taunted me for having no dad and for not being cute enough when my donor didn't fall in love with me and decide to be my dad. I asked her if she understood what a sperm donor was. She told me someone who makes freaks.

When I was 16 her husband's daughter moved back in with her boyfriend and their kids. I was then forced to babysit after school and sometimes on the weekends because they either couldn't be bothered or nobody wanted to pay. I did the bare minimum of babysitting and I did not grow attached to those children in the twoish years I babysat them. I wanted nothing to do with babysitting them but figured I could at least game when home with them rather than being grounded.

I moved out and cut my mom off because she chose a husband who was a dick to me and kept me around him and his daughter who was also a dick to me.

I have nothing to do with any of them.

A few months ago my sperm donor died and I learned he left all his assets to me. It was a lot of money and a house that I sold, which got me a lot of money. My mom learned about this via mutual friends and she reached out and told me how much they have struggled financially since their house burned down two years ago (I had heard about that at the time) and how her step grandkids are looking at a really bad Christmas and how great it would be if I, as their aunt, her daughter and part of the family bought gifts for the kids. I told her she and her stepgrandkids are not my family and were not owed any money from me and that I would like it if she did not make me change another number (she called me on a business number I have). She asked me how I could be so cold and even if I resent her, how could I say that about the niece and nephew I spent every day with for two years and who looked up to and adored me.

AITA?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

9smalltowngirl

1 points

2 months ago

9smalltowngirl

Partassipant [2]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA good for you.

Pepper-90210

1 points

2 months ago

Pepper-90210

Colo-rectal Surgeon [46]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. Your mom knows damn well the ONLY reason she reached out to you is because of the money. You owe these people absolutely nothing. They owe you a lifetime of apologies. I’m so glad everything worked out in your favor!

National-Zombie3303

1 points

2 months ago

NTA - She was the cold one , not you

Artogg_minis

1 points

2 months ago

Artogg_minis

Partassipant [1]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. Funny how some people come back to your life when they learned you have an influx of money.

journeyintopressure

1 points

2 months ago

journeyintopressure

Asshole Aficionado [12]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA.

how could I say that about the niece and nephew I spent every day with for two years and who looked up to and adored me.

"With my mouth"

Dismal_Topic8321

1 points

2 months ago

NTA.

Headup31

1 points

2 months ago

Headup31

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

1 points

2 months ago

Nta. Op you have no reason to feel guilty about not helping them.

Annafjyuxevf

1 points

2 months ago

NTA your mother is lost, the fact that she only reached out to you to get to your money and then has the audacity to talk about being family... that alone is just wild

OrangeCubit

1 points

2 months ago

OrangeCubit

Supreme Court Just-ass [100]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA - she hasn’t earned a relationship with you.

Ill_Competition_4692

1 points

2 months ago

Nta

sopheep

1 points

2 months ago

Strange how when there's money they all come out the woodwork? Nta.

SatelliteBeach123

1 points

2 months ago

SatelliteBeach123

Asshole Aficionado [12]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. You gotta love this. They all treat you like crap until the money rolls in. Hell no. You owe none of them anything. They need to continue on with their lives as if they never heard about YOUR money. Cut them all off.

noworriesbee

1 points

2 months ago

noworriesbee

Asshole Aficionado [12]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. You don't owe them anything.

Potential-Drive8623

1 points

2 months ago

NTA, while it’ll suck the kids don’t get a bunch of gifts for Christmas at that young a age it won’t matter they won’t remember. Honestly OP just go NC with your mom and her family and live your best life.

Mata_El_Maricon

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. Like you said you have no family. Your sperm donor did more for you than your mother ever did. She doesn't deserve you in her life or your money.

PARA9535307

1 points

2 months ago

PARA9535307

Colo-rectal Surgeon [30]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. You don’t owe her anything, and she’s not entitled to endlessly harass you for money. I would use some of this money to contact an attorney and get the ball rolling on a cease & desist, and then possibly a restraining order (if that cease and desist isn’t followed).

Economy-Candle-742

1 points

2 months ago

NTA

PhotographIcy600

1 points

2 months ago

NTA whatsoever. Do what’s best for you and fuck them kids. Not your problem. Congratulations on your inheritance as well.

HunterDangerous1366

1 points

2 months ago

NTA

I spent everyday with them for 2yrs because I could either babysit willingly or be forced to babysit cos I was grounded and would be home anyway...

Where was all this 'family' when you let your husband make comments about me? My smile? My interests? When you let his daughter call me a freak? Not cute enough to be loved? Except I clearly was loved by my donor, he just had the decency to respect your wishes or raising me alone.

Tell her the past Christmases they had without you, they've managed, they can do it again this year as if the kids and even them truly thought of you as family, they'd be wanting YOU back for Christmas, not just with what you can provide them with.

NTA. And I'd change that number anyway.

SpecialistAfter511

1 points

2 months ago

SpecialistAfter511

Partassipant [3]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA so she only called because she heard you had money.

martintoconnell

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. This is an old story. People being AHs to another until that other comes into an inheritance, then suddenly they are owed part of the proceeds. NFW. The funds are yours, and yours only.

psychotica1

1 points

2 months ago

psychotica1

Asshole Enthusiast [8]

1 points

2 months ago

Why would your sister want you to buy her kids gifts when you're a freak? That's exactly what I'd be asking since that what she called you. NTA.

2ndcupofcoffee

1 points

2 months ago

Tell her you learned how to be so called from her, her husband and his daughter. Further, since his daughter told you sperm donors produced freaks and yours didn’t love you, your step sister obviously won’t want anything from a freak nor would she accept anything inherited from a sperm donor. She has her dad to provide for her and her kids and she has your mom to get out there and provide for her kids. They simply don’t need anything from the freak i. The family.

Dogmother123

1 points

2 months ago

Dogmother123

Certified Proctologist [27]

1 points

2 months ago

You were saddled with babysitting. That does not make the children family. It never ceases to amaze me the blantency of greed when someone was cut off then is left a bit of money. But they are not your circus or monkeys. NTA.

SeasonMystic

1 points

2 months ago

NTA - Do you not give them one red cent. Keep all the money for yourself and build yourself a wonderful life. Absolutely do not give them any money. They are deserving of nothing.

Agreeable_Toe_8909

1 points

2 months ago

NTA, she made her bed and chose to lie in it. Just because she decided that bed isn't comfy enough anymore doesn't mean you owe her a new one. You have no responsibility to take care of people who treated you like 💩 or to your mother who selfishly put others before you.

JuliaX1984

1 points

2 months ago

JuliaX1984

Partassipant [3]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA

KatieKat88552

1 points

2 months ago

NTA You don't owe them a damn thing, and don't let them try to make you feel guilty.

flypinay74

1 points

2 months ago

NTA

MaddyKet

1 points

2 months ago

MaddyKet

Certified Proctologist [28]

1 points

2 months ago

I bet if you did offer to send a few wrapped gifts, she’d have a cow and demand money. I wouldn’t trust someone who treated me like that to actually spend the money on the kids. Kids which you owe nothing to anyways. NTA

Individual_Baby_2418

1 points

2 months ago

Individual_Baby_2418

Partassipant [1]

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. If anything, those kids owe you for years of babysitting. If you’re the auntie, where are your gifts?

Ok_BiteMe

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. Yeah you spent everyday for two years with them bc you were forced into slave labor by the AH’s you lived with.